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A Message from Michele
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Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: brobafet] #2361914
06/26/13 10:17 PM
06/26/13 10:17 PM
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 2,877
VA
A
adinva Offline
Member
adinva  Offline
Member
A
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 2,877
VA
That happened to nearly all of us. You DB. You become someone only a fool would leave. You work on yourself, detach, follow the 37 rules. That is exactly why we're all here, pretty much. You are in good company here.


Adinva 51, S20, S18
M24 total
6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out
9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50
5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend
__
Happiness is a warm puppy.
Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: adinva] #2361970
06/27/13 01:20 AM
06/27/13 01:20 AM
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 2,157
D
dbmod Offline OP
Member
dbmod  Offline OP
Member
D
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 2,157
Good advice!


dbmod
Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: Soul.Searching] #2367121
07/13/13 11:51 PM
07/13/13 11:51 PM
Joined: Jul 2013
Posts: 14
L
LimboLove Offline
New Member
LimboLove  Offline
New Member
L
Joined: Jul 2013
Posts: 14
I can't seem to find the beginning of a thread/story. I'm stuck right now only reading comments/replies to a story. What am I doing wrong ?


Me 35/H 34
M 11/T 18
D 22 lives alone
D 17 at home
S 12 at home
Bomb #1 01/13 He moved out
Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: LimboLove] #2367654
07/15/13 10:31 PM
07/15/13 10:31 PM
Joined: Jul 2013
Posts: 17
F
Fighting4mylife Offline
New Member
Fighting4mylife  Offline
New Member
F
Joined: Jul 2013
Posts: 17
Hi. I am new to this site and I am miserable. I am currently writing this while I am lying next to a man I do not know anymore. We have been married for 18 years. We have always been a really tight couple but 3 years ago my husband lost his job and took a job that sees him traveling every week out of the country to fun foreign places. At first it was ok but I hate it. Gradually we lost contact with friends and family. And then he stopped saying he loved me that frequently. Then in April he told me he could see us separating after the kids graduated in the next 6 years. Then in May he told me that he would never forgive me for the career mistakes HE made in our marriage. Then a week later he told me he just doesn't love me anymore but he is going to try for the next two years until our oldest daughter graduates. But then if it doesn't work by then he is leaving me because he has always wanted to live alone and it would give me time to remarry while I am young. However he wants to have sex all the time. More than ever. He is seriously depressed about his job but then the next day argues how great it is. I just say nothing. He spends all his time learning french. I took the girls on vacation because he was working and he mad a huge deal about how great it was to be alone but all he did was drink . Since I got back he told me that I have 20 months to get my self together or he is leaving. But I have no idea what I am supposed to be doing. He can't tell me one thing. He has been cruel to me and is lavishing attention on our youngest child. Now I am stuck at his parents house with him for two weeks. In private he is complaining how miserable he is and how he didnt want to come. And being overall cruel and cold to me but In Front of his parents he is being nice and like his old self. I am just so sad as I see this person I love so much being cruel and cold and really mean to me. I really need help here.


Fighting for my life
W=45 H=38
M=18yrs
D=16
D=13
Bomb Dropped = 5/10/13
Still in house for I guess another two years according to him.
Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: Fighting4mylife] #2367930
07/16/13 07:06 PM
07/16/13 07:06 PM
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,024
NY
Cadet Offline

Member
Cadet  Offline

Member
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,024
NY
Originally Posted By: Fighting4mylife
Hi it's me again. I haven't had any responses to the above and wondered if I put this in the wrong place

I am guessing since you have one more post that is not yet on the board that it is stuck in moderation.

If you havent already I would suggest you copy and paste your info post onto your own thread.

Sorry about the moderation but those are the way the rules work here.

There is lots that you can do in the meantime, plenty to read and learn about.

Keep posting and you will be off moderation in no time. smile smile smile


Me-65, D33,S32
Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: dbmod] #2370602
07/24/13 11:40 PM
07/24/13 11:40 PM
Joined: Jul 2013
Posts: 17
S
sunshine63 Offline
New Member
sunshine63  Offline
New Member
S
Joined: Jul 2013
Posts: 17
Hello everyone , I'm excited to become a member of the online community . Looking forward to posting and getting other perspectives on my situation . Would really appreciate hearing from you all. This is really a test post to see how it all works ! Thanks smile

Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: Fighting4mylife] #2373837
08/06/13 01:11 AM
08/06/13 01:11 AM
Joined: Aug 2013
Posts: 26
These United States
W
workinprogress Offline
Member
workinprogress  Offline
Member
W
Joined: Aug 2013
Posts: 26
These United States
You must be feeling miserable right now. On the bright side he has opened up and actually shared with you that something is wrong! I know you probably think I'm crazy right now, but he is sharing with you that things need to change! Most men do this in their heads and then one day...kablooey! He is still under the same roof, and he is still having relations with you! These are two positives. There are a lot of marriage books . I'm waiting on Divorce Remedy, but am in the middle of many books. His Needs Her Needs is a good one, that may give you some insight. Also, you may benefit from the Gottman Institue web site. He sounds angry and as if he is holding some resentment...even though he says two years, the fact that he is verbalizing now may be him getting closer to taking action. Time is of the essence, start reading ! I didn't get such an in your face message, my spouse just gave me a sentence here and there, and I didn't understand that there was much more going on in his head. Keep posting and venting!


MLC=[censored] to be him

empathy: putting myself in his shoes and fighting like Hell for our marriage

" I will see you again...this is not where it ends..."
Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: alby44] #2380865
08/30/13 07:41 AM
08/30/13 07:41 AM
Joined: Aug 2013
Posts: 49
UK
T
trueblue1 Offline
Member
trueblue1  Offline
Member
T
Joined: Aug 2013
Posts: 49
UK
Hi,

I have tried to start a thread without success twice,

could you please advise

thanks


Me 50
W 46
Stepson 16
Together 6yr, Married 3yr
Known each other 20yr
ILYBNILWY Jul 13
Found out about affair Jul 13
Left Marital home Jul 13
Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: trueblue1] #2383024
09/06/13 11:57 PM
09/06/13 11:57 PM
Joined: Sep 2013
Posts: 5
I
ILoveMyWife! Offline
New Member
ILoveMyWife!  Offline
New Member
I
Joined: Sep 2013
Posts: 5
I am experiencing the same thing. I dont like waiting and it doesnt seem like these boards are that active. I think if the approval process wasnt so stringent I think people would be here more often and the retention rate would be much higher.

Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: Cadet] #2388286
09/25/13 05:48 PM
09/25/13 05:48 PM
Joined: Sep 2013
Posts: 2
H
Harold Offline
New Member
Harold  Offline
New Member
H
Joined: Sep 2013
Posts: 2
Originally Posted By: Cadet
Just answered this question and thought I would also post the answer here so I could find the answer again if someone needs it.
Originally Posted By: NASCARDaddy
I do have one question that is related to board operations and not to my situation.

Is there any way that I can set it up to receive e-mail notification when there are new posts in threads that I am following?

OK I have been researching this question as I do not use this function but it DOES work.

I have just tested it and got my first e-mail from DB.

Let me see if I can explain it.

There are quite a few steps to set it all up.

1) At the top of your topic it says - New Reply - and then another box that says topic options.

There is a drop down menu and one of the choices is to "Add topic to your Watched Topics" - select that.

Then go to "MY STUFF" and click on "WATCH LISTS"
Then another page comes up and you must click on "Watched Topics"
and then "Edit Watched Topics"

Then you will get a choice of
E-Mail Notification
None
Immediately

Select Immediately
Then at the bottom hit
UPDATE WATCHED TOPICS.

That should set it up correctly,
it is working for me. Good Luck!


Cadet (or others)
Realize it's been a long time since you posted this, but I'm stuck.....

First, the "add topic to your Watched Topics" doesn't work, as it does not show up in my watch list. Is that because I'm new?

Second, when I want to check email notification, the only option I see is to get notification for a whole forum like "For Newcomers" and not the individual thread like "Newbies introduce yourself /moderation notes" which I'd like to follow. Is there an option for this?

Thanks
Harold


Harold
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Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

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