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Joined: Sep 2011
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Hi! The engagement ring story is a doozy! Here are some of my thoughts fwiw.

1. A guy who marries a girl because she won a free engagement ring has some serious problems with intimate relationships.

2. Praying for a sign and winning an engagement ring is weird, but be careful of reading it as what you want instead of what is. This might be a sign. Given a free engagement ring he isn't jumping off the fence is a very loud sign but not what you were thinking.

3. Do you really want your engagement ring from your future husband to be one you got for free somewhere? He wasn't thinking of buying you one, he didn't spend a cent, and he didn't go with you to learn what you like and why and try to get that for you.

4. Lots of women wear pretty diamond rings on their right hand ring finger. If you can't stop thinking of it as an engagement ring I would agree with the advice to sell it. Put the money in the bank and if he someday asks you to be his wife you can consider giving him that money to help pay for the ring of your choice, which will be BEAUTIFUL.

5. A grown man who doesn't tell his mother a funny story about his girlfriend winning an engagement ring of all things, because he can't handle her expected reaction...is flying some big red flags.

If you're not really looking to get married anyway, no reason not to enjoy his company, but it sounds like you really would like to be married some day, or the ring might not have stirred up hopes and thoughts of signs.


Adinva 51, S20, S18
M24 total
6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out
9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50
5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend
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Happiness is a warm puppy.
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No one said anything about getting married BECAUSE I won a ring. We have talked about marriage a lot. No intimate relationship issues. He just doesn't see the difference of being committed and living together vs married.

And no I don't care if my engagement ring was something I won or he purchased. It is a free $2k ring I chose.

And with his mother - its her issue not his. She has serious attachment issues. She has been in a nursing home for a little over a year, bed bound 5 years prior. She and my bf always lived together because she got sick right at the end of his college career. She had issues just with me moving in with him.

He is trying to work through his hangups. When I get the ring I will give it him to put away with the understanding that if we break up its mine.


Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
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Do NOT give him the ring. It is yours. It has no meaning to it - just value.it has nothing whatsoever to do with your relationship with him.

I think it is important to marry if you want children together but that's me. I was married for 25 years & he left in a heartbeat - vows or no vows - it gives you no guarantee.

This guy is making you happy - why leave a good thing.

I don't believe in ultimatums but I also don't plan my life on superstitions and signs.

Only you know whether you want to stay or go but ou cannot force him to marry ou & if you push - he will resent it.

Barb

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Sorry if I hit a nerve. Although no one said it it did seem strongly implied that there was some kind of connection to be sought between the fact of the ring and the possibility of a marriage. If I misinterpreted that and was offensive with my opinions, I apologize!

I think in that case then giving the ring to him with the assumption that if and when he decides marriage is for him, and he wants to marry you, then he'll use it to propose, and if you break up he'll give it back....is not a really good idea.

Just wear and enjoy the ring! And enjoy the BF! and mentally separate the two far far apart!

So, there I impose my opinion again, take it or leave it. I do think it's really cool that you won a $2K diamond ring though, wow.
All the best,
Adinva


Adinva 51, S20, S18
M24 total
6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out
9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50
5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend
__
Happiness is a warm puppy.
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