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Ive read the rules over and over yet do they really work? I can see maybe or maybe push them further away were is a gurentee something please

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I think it does smile Since applying DB rules and Sandi's rules my H has become more curious as to what I'm up to. He is the one now who is pursuing me. Slowly but surely though. I talk about a future without him in it, because that is what he wants to hear at the moment. For instance, he was looking to get rid of some stuff out of his "office". I asked him to move it to the spare room so it can be a games room for our son. He thought this was a great idea and came round one day last week and moved it all. Our son loves his new room and can't wait to have his friends over to play video games in it smile
I used to find excuses to ring him, now the only time I get in touch with him is when it's to do with our son. Today he rang me twice! He's picking up our son tomorrow, so there was no need to ring me.
I didn't think it was going to work either. I thought it would drive him further away but it doesn't smile He left to have more space away from me and that's what I'm giving him, loads of it!
Don't knock it until you've tried it, give it 2 weeks and see what happens! Let me know how things develop smile Good luck smile


H47 me48
T22 M21
S20 - Got high functioning autism
3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her
11/2000 H moves back home
2/4/13 H moves out
H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
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Life doesn't give you guarantees. All I can tell you is I've tried it both ways. The begging, pleading, reasoning just made him more angry with me. Think back to when your parents told you not to do something or that something wasn't good for you. It made you more eager to try it.

I opened up the doors of the "cage" and let him out. He's been gone about a week and he's been here almost everyday on his own. Text me today on his way and asked if I'd had lunch and came here and ate it.


M12
Kids 2
ILYBINILWY 08/05
Reconciled 05/06
S07/12
Moved back 03/13
Separated Again 06/24/13
Back Again (his choice) 02/14
Leaving again 03/23/14
DIVORCED 02/15
DFE #2364405 07/05/13 09:40 PM
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See this is where it gets confusing for me. at the end of May, I thought that things were turning a corner. My H was coming round every day and I made him a couple of meals. We'd speak on the phone nearly every day. I thought things were on the turn, but then a week later he told me he was going to the solicitor to file for D. A couple of days later, I asked him to delay it so I could finish my course and he said no. When he went to see the solicitor though he delayed it for a month because I had started doing a 180 on him and he wondered why I wasn't speaking to him.
I've carried on doing a 180 on him and he's started being in my life more. This time I'm taking nothing for granted as I know any day now he's going to be back at the solicitors. My head was spinning last Monday, I was so confused! My heart was jumping with joy, but my head was saying "remember what happened last time!" I hardly got any sleep that night!
I'm just taking every day as it comes smile
DFE, you must love your H very much to forgive him each time he goes away. This is only the second time my H has done this, the first time was 12 years ago when he had an affair.
We both must be crazy! lol smile


H47 me48
T22 M21
S20 - Got high functioning autism
3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her
11/2000 H moves back home
2/4/13 H moves out
H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 302
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TryingToDo180 it's not so much loving him but keeping my family together. Although I do love him this is the third time he has done this to me. Granted we never resolved the issues from the first time and life just took over but I am still angry and it still hurts. However I have two kids and a family with him. P,us we own a very successful business together. So to answer your question I do love him but I am angry and haven't forgiven him. I just want to put my family back together. One of my boys is very attached to his daddy. He comes downstairs alone in the morning looking for his dad and sits on the couch alone waiting for him. It breaks my heart. I don't want to see them hurt.

My H suffers from anxiety and depression or maybe I am the cause of his depression. I also never got over our first separation and was always expecting him to leave. We have lost the friendship and I now see where I didn't treat him right. He's a good guy just confused as heck. I don't believe in divorce and will fight for my family.


M12
Kids 2
ILYBINILWY 08/05
Reconciled 05/06
S07/12
Moved back 03/13
Separated Again 06/24/13
Back Again (his choice) 02/14
Leaving again 03/23/14
DIVORCED 02/15
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Posts: 21
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New question with the rules it says no gifts but my anniversary is comeing up soon should I get her something or just causally say happy anniversery

DFE #2364489 07/06/13 08:50 AM
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I agree with everything you say DFE smile I don't believe in D either, I take my marriage vows seriously. I also want my family back together again and I think that my son does as well. My son has high functioning autism, so he finds change hard. He is trying to plan our summer holidays together, but I also need to sort out my finances. The local council is being awkward about my benefits and I've got to produce a load of stuff they want. When I said that I've a lot to sort out since H had left, my son said I hate this! I said so do I but it has to be done! He's got his friend coming round next Friday so that's cheered him up smile
My H also suffers from anxiety and depression. You mustn't blame yourself for his depression, it's a chemical imbalance in his brain. My H tried to blame me for his depression, but I don't buy it! I know he's going through a MLC as well, he's even said that he's a 25 year old trapped in a 48 year olds body.


H47 me48
T22 M21
S20 - Got high functioning autism
3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her
11/2000 H moves back home
2/4/13 H moves out
H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 302
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TryingToDo180 I don't blame myself for his depression he does. And now that he is gone I see how happy he looks. Like a big weight has been lifted off of his back. That big weight being me. It hurts to see him so happy being away from his family.


M12
Kids 2
ILYBINILWY 08/05
Reconciled 05/06
S07/12
Moved back 03/13
Separated Again 06/24/13
Back Again (his choice) 02/14
Leaving again 03/23/14
DIVORCED 02/15
DFE #2364559 07/06/13 03:15 PM
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Originally Posted By: DFE
TryingToDo180 I don't blame myself for his depression he does. And now that he is gone I see how happy he looks. Like a big weight has been lifted off of his back. That big weight being me. It hurts to see him so happy being away from his family.


I think we've got the same H's, lol. That's how my H has been since he left. He even told my friend that it was like a big weight being lifted off his shoulders. Well when I say friend, I don't think it's nice that she had to repeat that to me! That comment still really hurts and I've distanced myself from her now!


H47 me48
T22 M21
S20 - Got high functioning autism
3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her
11/2000 H moves back home
2/4/13 H moves out
H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 302
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The WAS seem to have a lot of characteristics in common. Nobody understands what the LBS goes through unless they have been there themselves. That's why people can sometimes sound insensitive. I am sure your friend wasn't trying to hurt you. It's just we are super sensitive right now.

I agree it shouldn't have been repeated to you. It doesn't do any good. What purpose does it serve? Again people don't understand what we are going through. I feel like they think we are dumb and can't see what is going on. On the contrary. We see what's happening and struggle with it daily. We also see the bigger picture. We see that breaking up a home and family isn't always the best choice. And that if one spouse is in turmoil and not making the best decisions it doesn't mean we shouldn't stand up for our families and do what we know is right.


M12
Kids 2
ILYBINILWY 08/05
Reconciled 05/06
S07/12
Moved back 03/13
Separated Again 06/24/13
Back Again (his choice) 02/14
Leaving again 03/23/14
DIVORCED 02/15
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