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A Message from Michele
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Re: Need Encouragement 3 [Re: Breakdown] #2346028
05/06/13 07:19 PM
05/06/13 07:19 PM
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 678
Jacksonville, FL
I
InAPickle Offline OP
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InAPickle  Offline OP
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 678
Jacksonville, FL
You guys...!


Me 53 XW 50
M 18 Years +2
S14 D19
Bomb 10-24-10
Served 1-27-11
Mediate 4-21-11
Civil D Final 6-2-11
No church anullment
"A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
Re: Need Encouragement 3 [Re: InAPickle] #2346127
05/07/13 02:13 AM
05/07/13 02:13 AM
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 4,866
Canoe'k-land
~
~ kd ~ Offline
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~ kd ~  Offline
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Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 4,866
Canoe'k-land
Work on that 1% my friend, and keep being the honeybadger. cool

Re: Need Encouragement 3 [Re: ~ kd ~] #2352268
05/26/13 12:29 PM
05/26/13 12:29 PM
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 678
Jacksonville, FL
I
InAPickle Offline OP
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InAPickle  Offline OP
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 678
Jacksonville, FL
Anyone seen the latest Star Trek movie?
Awsome flick; took the kids yesterday.
One scene struck me though.
Spock and Uhura were discussing his lack of feelings.
He goes on to explain how and why in a given situation
he "chose" not to feel. That reminded me of my detachment.

June 2nd I will have been divorced two years. To survive the trauma (yes the whole ordeal was traumatic)I chose not to feel.
Some people say "bury" the feelings, but I think I "flushed" mine right down the toilet.

For those of you hoping to one day "patch" things up, be careful of this. Things were so painful for me that I've consciously and subconciously "chosen" not to fall in love - with anyone I know - not even the XW who appears to be maybe emerging from the tunnel. I really can't tell actually.

If it were ever to happen there'd have to be divine intervention. I joke that the only type that could ever break down my defenses would have to be, "young, hot & rich!"

But seriously folks, I never felt the need to "rebound" and I'd read so much negative stuff about rebounding, so I just stayed the hell away from it. And as time went on, I got comfortible and decided against what I call "relationship stress." I spoiled myself doing what I please. It's a trade off.

Holy $hit, this is turning into a journal entry. Sorry, caught myself rambling. Don't worry, I still have "some" feelings - mixed as they are, but I'm still on the side of the fence that says, "I'm never putting up certain $hit again."

Happy Memorial Day everyone. Gotta go.
Love, Pic.


Me 53 XW 50
M 18 Years +2
S14 D19
Bomb 10-24-10
Served 1-27-11
Mediate 4-21-11
Civil D Final 6-2-11
No church anullment
"A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
Re: Need Encouragement 3 [Re: InAPickle] #2353303
05/29/13 10:07 PM
05/29/13 10:07 PM
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 4,866
Canoe'k-land
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~ kd ~ Offline
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~ kd ~  Offline
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~
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 4,866
Canoe'k-land
I think there's always a risk that when we work on detaching, we may actually shut down our vulnerability. Without that, we can deprive ourselves from giving and receiving intimate love.

If that happens, it can be yet another journey to find our way "back".

Do you think your W is trying to reconnect?

Re: Need Encouragement 3 [Re: ~ kd ~] #2387345
09/21/13 04:05 AM
09/21/13 04:05 AM
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 678
Jacksonville, FL
I
InAPickle Offline OP
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InAPickle  Offline OP
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 678
Jacksonville, FL
Alright, so it's been, what, almost four months since last post. Well she's finally decided to move out, finally. I'm actually feeling good about that. And I think S14 realizes it's not the end of the world either. Kids are resilient.

It's funny how she broke it to me. She said "I love ya man, but I'm going to move out." I was like "Okay." And that was that. I kind of sensed she expected me to be surprised. It was certainly unexpected, but I reacted more like I was ready too, you know.

The GF from whom she is going to rent a house came by, and while XW was in the house, GF came out to the porch where I was for a little hello, and said to me, XW said she thinks I'm ready for her to move on. I only said, "Well It has been two years" and left it at that.

So my buddy and I helped her move most of the heavy stuff last weekend. She's been toting little stuff herself. S14 has indicated he wants to spend most of his nights with me in a familiar bedroom. In time I suppose he'll try her place out. I guess my feeling right now is, "it's about freaking time."

Besides, it's FAWBAWL SEASON ! YEH!

Love to all. Don't be afraid of what the future holds.

Pickle


Me 53 XW 50
M 18 Years +2
S14 D19
Bomb 10-24-10
Served 1-27-11
Mediate 4-21-11
Civil D Final 6-2-11
No church anullment
"A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
Re: Need Encouragement 3 [Re: InAPickle] #2418707
12/29/13 04:19 PM
12/29/13 04:19 PM
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 678
Jacksonville, FL
I
InAPickle Offline OP
Member
InAPickle  Offline OP
Member
I
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 678
Jacksonville, FL
I think I've come full circle almost.
I was thinking yesterday and praying.
XW is on a ski trip with OM.

I wondered about all the GAL things I didn't do because - well - money, you know. I wanted to get a motorcycle and look badass in black leathers and cruise the interstate, but money. I wanted to take time off work and do me stuff, but money. I wanted to spoil myself, but money.

But as I prayed, a voice inside me said, "that's not really you, just be yourself."

And so I am not doing those things, because I like staying home. I like cooking for my kids. Sometimes I like just doing nothing. It proves to me that although my midlife may have been a transition, it was never in crisis.

I will continue to be the rock for my babies until they are independent of me, then maybe I'll do more fishing.

I fully intended to move this thread to the "surviving the big D". I'm just so lazy right now.


Me 53 XW 50
M 18 Years +2
S14 D19
Bomb 10-24-10
Served 1-27-11
Mediate 4-21-11
Civil D Final 6-2-11
No church anullment
"A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
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