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A Message from Michele
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Joined: Nov 2011
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Hey ss, I know it's hard but you don't need to keep restating your boundary. That just drags you back into his drama.

When he starts telling you about her, just say something like, I need to go now, bye!

You do sound in a better place.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
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Yeah, Maybe SS,.. I don't know. I don't answer text ect right away. If I'm busy, ill check it when I get the chance. As for him coming over, I'm not going to stop that. My kids miss their Dad and that's always the reason he says he is coming.... Except for last night when he asked to talk. He has never been one to cry,.. Lately he is constantly crying. I feel that, I would be going against my authentic self, to not be an ear for anyone I care about.

It's about me now, not him,.. Well yeah, him too but me first. I can't and won't talk about OW but all I'm really doing is listening. Pointing out pros and cons but not really giving advice. The only real advice I have given him is to see a IC.

It's just hard finding that middle ground. What do you suggest?

Thanks Bug, I do feel so much better lately and the best part is, even if I "drop" again, this high has lasted quite a while. I can take so much comfort in that.
I won't keep reinstating it but I don't think I'll need to. H looked pretty cut when I said it and i think he knew I ment it. Taking that in to account, plus the fact that OW is talking to him again, I really won't be surprised if I stop hearing from him now. I'm just hoping that it doesn't lead me in to a spin again.


M: 29, H: 31
D: 9
S: 8
T: 13 Y
M: 9 Y
ILYBIDKIILWY 12/09/2012
~~~~
Worrying does not empty tomorrow
of its troubles. ~~~ it Emptys today of its strengths
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He doesn't get a chance to miss you. You are plan B.


M:63
H:53
S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23
M:15
T:16

Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways."
H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12
12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing

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You could say most of us have been/ will be plan B at some stage.
I'm not exactly plan B,.. Not in the bigger picture relationship wise.
I may be plan B friendship wise but I found me!
If H and I do ever get back together, he will have to jump through hoops, sort himself out and prove himself before I'd even consider it.

Miss me or miss me not. If that tiny bit he is getting of me is enough for him, then he is not enough for me anyway. I deserve way better than that and I won't consider anything less anymore.


M: 29, H: 31
D: 9
S: 8
T: 13 Y
M: 9 Y
ILYBIDKIILWY 12/09/2012
~~~~
Worrying does not empty tomorrow
of its troubles. ~~~ it Emptys today of its strengths
Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 582
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When is enough, enough? How do you just turn your back on someone who needs your help? I can see how one sided our friendship is. He only calls when he wants something or is lonely. I've felt for many years that I have been his "When there's nothing better to do" why does he still come to me with his troubles? He left me, he got what he wanted,..

I don't even know that man anymore. He has re-written our history to an extent I find scary. He really believes what he says. He has forgotten so much.
He is quiet and reserved,.. At least around me. He will smile here and there but it's half hearted. He has lost his "bounce"
Even down to feeling cold. He has never felt it before, he now seems to feel it excessively. His gone, he doesn't love me, so why can't I let that last little bit go?

It seems he has kept most of his bad parts but done 180 on his good and now it's mostly all bad.

I honestly don't even know of I could take him back. He has done many things that I don't know if I could ever get past. I don't think I could ever really trust him.
He went and got tattoos,.. Which would have been fine, except if we were to start over, they would be constant reminders of this time.


M: 29, H: 31
D: 9
S: 8
T: 13 Y
M: 9 Y
ILYBIDKIILWY 12/09/2012
~~~~
Worrying does not empty tomorrow
of its troubles. ~~~ it Emptys today of its strengths
Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 582
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The Beatles Let it be,....
When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be
And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be
Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree
There will be an answer, let it be
For though they may be parted, there is still a chance that they will see
There will be an answer, let it be
Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
There will be an answer, let it be
Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be
Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

And when the night is cloudy there is still a light that shines on me
Shine until tomorrow, let it be
I wake up to the sound of music, Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be
Let it be, let it be, let it be, yeah, let it be
There will be an answer, let it be
Let it be, let it be, let it be, yeah, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be


M: 29, H: 31
D: 9
S: 8
T: 13 Y
M: 9 Y
ILYBIDKIILWY 12/09/2012
~~~~
Worrying does not empty tomorrow
of its troubles. ~~~ it Emptys today of its strengths
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Posts: 674
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Originally Posted By: Soul.Searching
When is enough, enough? How do you just turn your back on someone who needs your help? I can see how one sided our friendship is. He only calls when he wants something or is lonely. I've felt for many years that I have been his "When there's nothing better to do" why does he still come to me with his troubles? He left me, he got what he wanted...



When is enough, enough?? What is in this for you?

I hope you figure it out and start living for you SS, you are worth a relationship that is reciprocal.


You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
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Originally Posted By: Soul.Searching
You could say most of us have been/ will be plan B at some stage.
I'm not exactly plan B,.. Not in the bigger picture relationship wise.
I may be plan B friendship wise but I found me!
If H and I do ever get back together, he will have to jump through hoops, sort himself out and prove himself before I'd even consider it.

Miss me or miss me not. If that tiny bit he is getting of me is enough for him, then he is not enough for me anyway. I deserve way better than that and I won't consider anything less anymore.



This is how I feel as well smile

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And sometimes we do what is good for us and sometimes we don't. Hopefully when we don't we realize it. smile

Being human can really s*ck sometimes lmao

I am plan A friendship wise and Plan B relationship wise (or C or D or...). Also found who I was and that girl is okay with the friendship for now smile

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Okay,.. The question is answered now I think. Enough is enough now.
So H has obviously worked things out with OW and now he is back to not talking to me again. I've tried to talk to him about the children but he is not interested most of the time. He failed to pay his tiny amount if child support last week and didn't even bother to mention it. If he does not make a double payment this week, I will be calling and having them collect it. That will most likely start world war three but oh well. I'll deal with that when it comes.

S8 had his first game of the year on Saturday, H failed to turn up, claiming he had to work but I'm pretty sure he went to OW's S's game instead!!!
I hope so much for S8 that I am wrong because no doubt he will find out if its true.
That's just disgusting in my book.

The arse face had his phones turned off when S8 tried to call him after the game but he called S8 back later. S8 said he got a little bit angry because S8 didn't score enough tries. That's just pathetic!!!

I've decided that I no longer want a one sided friendship. I'm not going to be there when he needs me and ignored when he doesn't.
I won't sacrifice my self for him. It leaves me feeling like crap, so I'm done with it. I won't be there for him anymore.

It's all over, red rover. Done and dusted.

I'm not doing anything anymore that makes me feel like crap.


M: 29, H: 31
D: 9
S: 8
T: 13 Y
M: 9 Y
ILYBIDKIILWY 12/09/2012
~~~~
Worrying does not empty tomorrow
of its troubles. ~~~ it Emptys today of its strengths
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