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That is interesting Grace. Are the kids' counselors allowed to share things with the parents? I don't know about confidentiality and children. I am not sure about what I would do--I struggle with facilitating their relationship (my boys and H). On the one hand, it would benefit the boys--on the other hand--I tend to enable H to get away with doing not a whole lot.

Today H came over presumably to pick up S5 and take to swimming. H didn't want to push it when S5 started to protest and so asked me what to do--I shrugged--and S5 got to miss swimming. So H hung out and played board games with the boys. I stayed out of it. The boys had fun, which made me happy. I fear their relationship will remain "superficial" too, without my input. But he's on his own now.

Tallula I guess it is a small blessing that your kids are so young. You don't necessarily have to accept dysfunction around the kids as I said, it's not fun, but the courts will protect the best interest of the children if its a serious case. I hope you get back together again. Things can turn around, you never know.

I still hope H comes to his senses. I doubt it...but I would like it.

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Quote:
Are the kids' counselors allowed to share things with the parents?


If they have the kids permission. My D in counceling is almost 18 and she's been going for a few years. I get invited in for updates every now and then. The deal breakers are if they threaten to hurt themselves of someone else.

Of course the kids can share if they choose to and my D's C encourages her to tell me things that are important. After we found a good match for D17 it's been a life saver. I should probably add though that my D was in crisis (cutting, suicidal).

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I am so glad your D is doing better, Grace. I see a child counselor tomorrow and another next Weds. I think it will get worse in the next few weeks and then possibly start getting better. I am so done with feeling so bad.

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It can vascillate back and forth for quite awhile.

You sound like you're a pretty stong woman and while it does take time...it does get better regardless of the outcome.

HUGS

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how long is quite a while. I hope a year from now I will be in a brand new life with a brand new state of mind, no drama, just peace and quiet and love from my boys and family and friends. Is that too much to hope for?

it can't get much worse, that is for sure...

Therapy was interesting today. H has a lot to think about.

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How long varies from person to person. If you decide it will be a year, then you have to power to make that happen.


How was therapy for you? Did you get nuggets to think about too?

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I didn't get anything new out of the therapy it was mostly directed towards H and reaffirmed that my instincts were correct all along. I learned that he is in denial that his abandonment as a child was traumatic, and that made me feel so sad...that he really never processed that.

I saw the child psychologist today and love her. Have appt. with the boys next week. So looking forward to that. The boys will be supported and she will give H tips on being a better parent. This is what he needs. Things are not how I want them, but certainly taking a step in the right direction. H also said he would be moving out from OW house tonight.

This is huge.

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Awesome!! I'm so glad he is moving out of her house.

It is sad that childhoods can so royally screw people up! That's the deal with my H. He never had a chance. As screwed up as what he has done is, it does make me sad that if he de idea he doesn't think he can be faithful, that he will live this lonely life, hurting himself and others forever. He even words it like that "that he is doomed to be miserable"

You seem so strong!!! You rock!


M: 9 yrs
T: 13 yrs
H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months
Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs
Dbing 12/12
S 1/13
7/13 H moved back in basement.
8/13 #3 born
10/13 still cheating
10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
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Tallula is your H in therapy? sometimes that can really help get some perspective on things.

I put some conditions on H moving out of OW house and he was not happy. I said I wouldn't go along with him pretending to move out but visiting there daily. The reason being that the therapists/child psych we talked to said it would be very harmful for them to know that he chose another family (in their eyes). And it would be preferable for them to find out from us not by accident. Also that it would be better for the affair not to be known right now, but to delay that as long as possible. We have a very unique situation as our houses face one another and we can see into their windows.

So he agreed but not happily for the sake of the children. It's a step in the right direction at the very least.

Thanks for thinking I'm strong. I certainly feel strong but I know all of us are strong when children are involved so I don't feel like I have a choice.

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Yes H is in therapy.

We DO have a choice, though. I have been thinking the way you do. I always answer "well, what can you do. Anyone would do this?" nope! This stuff can break you! I've seen it happen. Be proud of you! I am.


M: 9 yrs
T: 13 yrs
H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months
Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs
Dbing 12/12
S 1/13
7/13 H moved back in basement.
8/13 #3 born
10/13 still cheating
10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
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