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Link to last thread Soul.Searching my way back

Well I had my first Valentines day in 14 years as a single woman today. Actually really my first ever. I'd just turned 16 when I started dating H.

It was actually okay. Feeling a little down tonight but not too bad really.
H called today to ask if he could drop in and see the kids after work. We were talking about the kids Birthdays as D9 was already worried about seeing both of us. He was saying how we can at least be civil about it. Hmm yeah, that's the plan.

He sounded kinda down. Wonder if he felt a tiny bit of guilt. Who knows.
He came just as I got home from work and rushed the kids out the door.
S8 was crying because he said our cat sounded sick. Strange because I can't find her and she is always here. I hope she is okay!!!
Anyway S was crying telling me and H just rushed him in the car. That was just mean.
He brought them back and pretty much left.
I don't think he likes coming to the house these days.

Nothing was mentioned about Valentines day by either of us. I nearly said it but thought it would be inappropriate.

I didn't feel anything when I seen him but to be honest, I don't think I really looked at him either. I mean I did look at him but I didn't "see" him.
Strange.

I had to do some quick course's the last few days. It was interesting to see the way different people respond to different things.

I've found D9 has a lot of anger these days. I tried to talk to H about it a few times before but he thinks I'm full of it. Nothing he does has affected the kids in his view and if they don't do it when they are with him, then it must be my fault.
So basically I'm on my own, trying to help the kids through this. It okay though. I can do this, not much different really. I've always felt like a single Mum in many ways.
H was always too busy to deal with anything.

All in all, a way better Valentines Day than I would have thought a few months ago. It's been a little sad tonight but no tears. Pretty much an average day.


M: 29, H: 31
D: 9
S: 8
T: 13 Y
M: 9 Y
ILYBIDKIILWY 12/09/2012
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Worrying does not empty tomorrow
of its troubles. ~~~ it Emptys today of its strengths
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Good for you SS! I hope the cat is okay smile

H may have rushed them ou the door simply because V day is a bit awkward all around, don't you think?

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I don't really know Ruby. I hadn't heard from him in days and he has never picked the kids up alone for an afternoon before. It's nearly 11pm and he just called again to ask me if I had a phone number. That makes two calls today and seen him twice, only for a few mins each time but still.
Could quite easily be a coincidence. Just seems strange.

It really doesn't matter anyway but it does get me thinking.

I hope my cat is okay too, she has to be! Surely we can loose a forth family pet in such a short time. She is only about four years old. S said she was meowing weird but then we couldn't find her. She is still not back yet but I think she will come back. At least I really hope.


M: 29, H: 31
D: 9
S: 8
T: 13 Y
M: 9 Y
ILYBIDKIILWY 12/09/2012
~~~~
Worrying does not empty tomorrow
of its troubles. ~~~ it Emptys today of its strengths
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Oh, we'll. no mind reading. I don't know about you but every time I attempt I am either torturing myself or wrong lol!

Is your cat female? Is she in heat maybe?

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Ya just keep it between the ditched SS probably means he has his head somewhere warm lol. Remember this is about you now, making you a better person. His actions and thoughts are in another world right now. Trying to reason them out is impossible, he has to figure out why he's gone to the dark side. (Luke I'm your father hahahaha). Be good stay strong, hugs from Tennessee.


You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
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Thanks Ruby. I'm not really mind reading, I know one things for sure. I have NO idea what H is thinking lol I just find it interesting.
Yes my cat is a female but she desexed. I'm hoping she just found somewhere comfy. If she is not back by tomorrow night then I will know something is wrong.

Thanks Subguy. I do wonder sometime if H is just simply happier without me. I don't know, we have minimal contact, so it's hard to tell what he is actually like these days. I find the minimal contact really helps me to detach though.


M: 29, H: 31
D: 9
S: 8
T: 13 Y
M: 9 Y
ILYBIDKIILWY 12/09/2012
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Worrying does not empty tomorrow
of its troubles. ~~~ it Emptys today of its strengths
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Posts: 674
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Originally Posted By: Soul.Searching

Thanks Subguy. I do wonder sometime if H is just simply happier without me. I don't know, we have minimal contact, so it's hard to tell what he is actually like these days. I find the minimal contact really helps me to detach though.


I'd say he is not happier now. From what I've seen the WAS does not know how to effectively communicate their unhappiness and they get themselves so worked up about their unhappiness that they run. They run from everything thinking they will be happy to just get away. Unfortunately for a lot of WAS's they do not work on themselves and figure out later that the spouse they left was not the key master to their happiness in life. Obviously this is a generalization and does not fit every situation. From what else I've seen most LBS's at least on this site are the one's working to improve themselves. I'll take the pain of working on me for a brighter future. I am learning to empathize with my wife's pain. That does not mean I necessarily agree with her view of the situation however, I am trying hard to understand her side. I also am trying to look at her complaints and see if I think they are valid and change me for the better. I am done taking on her pain as my own, this is something she will have to figure out. I am taking charge of my life.

Thats my take on the WAS and possibly your husband. Basically SS you know the drill: work on you, let them figure them out. No!!! they are not happy, they are just better at faking it.


You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
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Thanks Subguy. I do feel sorry for H. He actually called me the other day, asking me for advice. I don't know why he called me but I kinda gave him pros and cons for both options but told him I couldn't advise him either way.
He has himself in a terrible financial situation. He always thought I was a bitch for not "Letting" him do certain things, I guess his learning the hard way now.

My cat came back!!! She was gone for three nights and D9 heard her outside crying in the morning! She looks/ seems fine, so I'm have no idea what happened there but she is back and fine! smile

Both kids were up throwing up lastnight and have layed around all day today with headaches. I'm hoping its just a 24 hour bug. It's terrible when they are sick and you can't do anything.

H called yesterday morning to ask me to look for something for him, he called early and woke me up and it didn't affect me!!! Since H left, when I get woken up by a call from him, I was feeling like crap all day. It really didn't affect me yesterday so that was awesome!!

I posted months ago about H not wanting me to repair S8's bike tyre, he wanted to buy a new one, well he still hasent. So yesterday I repaired it, S8 was impressed lol. I repaired mine many times when I was a kid and I never had a problem with it.

Been trying to get things sorted around here, I seem to do good for a while, then something happens and I stop. I want to get it done though. I want everything of H's given back to him, right down to every piece of paper.

I'm noticing more and more good things about being single. I'm thankful for a lot more these days and am learning to treasure a lot more moments. Actually living in the moment, without 10 000 other thoughts running around in my head. Feels so freeing.


M: 29, H: 31
D: 9
S: 8
T: 13 Y
M: 9 Y
ILYBIDKIILWY 12/09/2012
~~~~
Worrying does not empty tomorrow
of its troubles. ~~~ it Emptys today of its strengths
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It's good to feel strong.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
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That sounds sooo awesome, SS! I sure hope you can stay on this track. Because even the absolute best scenarios possible, that your H would get his head out of his behind and become a new person and come back to reconcile (and that's only a *maybe* on the best thing possible,) I think the work you're doing and the progress you're making is essential for a healthy you. I think maybe you weren't so healthy before and just didn't realize it. You sound GREAT right now! Keep it up!


Me:49 WAW H:59
T:19.5 M:19
S:13
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