LIO, I am new to your sitch but it is really inspiring. I'm especially inspired by your change of heart. I am a few months behind you - just very recently made the switch from "I will do whatever it takes to save the M" to finally accepting how unhappy I've been over the years, and starting to look at it from a different angle. Finally accepting that I might be happier without H, and accepting that I need to really focus on me now. Realizing that I have work to do to be kinder, gentler and happier.
You sound very positive and truly at peace. Keep posting... we all need the inspiration!
Me43, H43 M 11, T 14 S10, S8 OA (me) 4-6/12 S 6/12 - 9/12 Piecing 1/13
Love means not giving up on someone even if they've given up on you.
"Being right is the booby prize of life." - Susan Page
Well hello almost a year later! Christmas 2012 was fine - my ex and son went to Phoenix, I stayed here. We had 2.
He didn't want to do the divorce paperwork at all, but did have a lot of opinions about me. To be honest, I'm trying to remember everything - but know that I ended up developing a thick skin in dealing with him since then.
I moved to my own apartment in Jan, shared a bed with my son, got a roommate to save money, and in August, ended up moving up 2 hours away from where I lived for 20 years. I needed the space, my job, I found out was ending anyhow, and it just seemed like a nice new start - even though I knew no one.
Back February I found out about the latest girlfriend that he started seeing on our anniversary the previous September. Apparently they are having issues now. They made it a year, but she discovered that she doesn't like the passive aggressiveness, the emotional withdrawing, and all of that.
Which brings me to this: he came by here for parent-teacher conferences, stayed in our son's room for the night, and tried to play house. It was nice in some ways - but I had this overwhelming anxiety with him being in my apartment. As he sat on his 'old side' of the bed and held my hand and hugged me, like we used to years ago, he said 'isn't it nice I came?' I said "honestly, you put me through hell for 2 years. And while this is familiar and is nice, I am anxious because I don't know what you will do next." Finally said to me 1) he was sorry and 2) he didn't know what he wanted anymore but he was having problems with his girlfriend, and his life had gone downhill since leaving, and he's probably like 'his mom' I suggested he might want to go to counseling himself because if he is - I believed she was bipolar, and if he could get that under control, he'd probably find his life turning around better. He seemed open to it.
So he is without a job and he is looking up here, my job is ending soon and I need to find one in my/my son's new town. I bit my tongue a lot with the antics of his girlfriend and facebook, and when he'd try to make me feel guilty for the decisions I had to make, I held my ground.
He hasn't done much to even say he wants to try again, will work on anything. I treat this as a regular November down period. Without effort, I'm having to tell myself this is all on him. I've built a nice life here, have tons of friends, go to the gym, have a social life. I'm not dating anyone (I discovered quickly that a person I was interested in was similar to my ex and need to re-evaluate that attraction!) And while I have men who are wanting to date, I feel very secure/confident on my own and building my own security not dependent on them. Also, my son and my face have changed so much in one year. We had dark circles, dark lifeless eyes. Now we smile, we have hope.
Just need to get a job soon!
Me& h + S M: 13 t: 14
H moved 2/12. Own apt 05/12, EAs, PAs, gfriends, oh my! I'm done. 12/12
"I get knocked down, but I get up again.. you're never gonna keep me down" Chumbawumba