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ANTI DEPRESSANTS SSRIs AND 'I DONT LOVE ANYMORE' #2307116
12/14/12 04:18 AM
12/14/12 04:18 AM
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 851
S
SM34 Offline OP
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SM34  Offline OP
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Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 851
MODS PLEASE STICKY THIS !!

Hi everyone. I was given the I love you but I am not in love with you crap just 2 weeks ago, and the bomb that there is another man. We went from a loving couple to the brink of divorce with infidelity in the span of 3 weeks.

My wife was having a little anxiety and went to see a therapist for the FIRST TIME in her life on September 28th. She was put on Zoloft. On November 23rd she had a second appointment and the therapist doubled her dosage to 100mg. On November 29th, she says she has not loved me in four or five years and wants a divorce so she can run away with a guy she has been chatting to for just 10 days! We have been in a loving relationship for 14 years and have a 3 year old daughter!!

BE WARNED. If your spouse is on an anti depressant and they are walking out on you, you don't need to be DBing, you need to have an intervention and show them these sites:

straight from the annual meeting of the American Psychiatric Association as reported in the New York Times.

"Now, after years of families being guinea pigs for these drugs, comes the scientific research to show how the drugs actually produce the destruction of relationships that have survived years of many other traumas. The article discusses how they have found a sudden loss in feelings for a mate when using these drugs in marriages over 40 years old - marriages that have survived years of many other traumas."

"The researchers also point to more extreme cases like people who say losing their sex drives caused romantic feelings toward longtime spouses to evaporate suddenly."


[*edit]

Here are hundreds of accounts of people who's relationships and marriages have been ruined by these nasty drugs!

[*edit]

Also

"“ 'People were making irreversible lifetime decisions, like divorcing their partners or leaving their longtime boyfriend or girlfriend,' Ilardi said. 'They never once considered it could be the medications that was doing it. That’s just not how we reason about it.' ”

"The other side effect can do much more than alter someone’s relationship status. Ilardi explained that SSRIs affect a person’s anterior cingulate, which is a part of the brain that controls a patient’s “give-a-damn” level. Individuals with severe anxiety disorders can benefit from a little reduced error detection, but for some, like Hardy, it can take an ugly turn."


[*edit]

PLEASE CHECK YOUR SPOUSE PRESCRIPTIONS FOR ZOLOFT, PAXIL, PROZAC ETC. FOR THE LEFT BEHIND SPOUSE THESE DRUGS ARE SAVING YOU FROM INSANITY BUT FOR THE WALK AWAY SPOUSE THIS IS THE POISON

Tomorrow my mother in law and I are going to have an intervention armed with this information. My wife better snap our of this or I'm going to sue the makers of ZOLOFT for ruining my marriage!

Last edited by dbmod; 03/02/13 03:07 AM.

Me, H-34 now 38
W-32 now 35
T-13 now 18 years
M-6 now 9
Daughter 3 years now 7
Bomb 11/27/12 - OM
1 year in house separation
Reconciliation 12/2013. Healed now 2017
Re: ANTI DEPRESSANTS SSRIs AND 'I DONT LOVE ANYMORE' [Re: SM34] #2307152
12/14/12 12:01 PM
12/14/12 12:01 PM
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 1,216
Sweden, mostly
L
LuckyLuke Offline
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LuckyLuke  Offline
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Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 1,216
Sweden, mostly
Hi NiceGuy,

Speaking as someone on Zoloft:

o 100 mg is a way high dosage. I take 20 mg.
o yes, SSRIs can make you happier by disconnecting you from your depression, but
o in my experience, the 'happiness' seem to fade after an initial euphoria and you are aware of the relationship problem again.

I think that Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or CBT may be better. Have a look at the Complete Idiot's guide to CBT.

Good luck,

Luke


M58, xW54
S22, D18
M 1984, D 2016
Living a new life.
Re: ANTI DEPRESSANTS SSRIs AND 'I DONT LOVE ANYMORE' [Re: LuckyLuke] #2307184
12/14/12 02:10 PM
12/14/12 02:10 PM
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 2,077
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ForeverYoung Offline
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ForeverYoung  Offline
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Posts: 2,077
I'm glad my wife and I never took any AD's or SSRI's. I see it recommended often, but I always wondered about the side effects of ANY drugs. Especially the ones that mess with your BRAIN.

Caffiene, now there's a good drug. <takes another sip of black coffee>.


M: A really long time.
Crisis: 5 years.
She's still worth it.

Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Re: ANTI DEPRESSANTS SSRIs AND 'I DONT LOVE ANYMORE' [Re: LuckyLuke] #2307188
12/14/12 02:34 PM
12/14/12 02:34 PM
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 7,581
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AnotherStander Offline
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AnotherStander  Offline
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Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 7,581
My W is on Zoloft, I think 100 mg. A while back (after BD of course) I started looking into this and there seems to be quite a bit of data suggesting that some of these A/D's can not only cause people to fall out of love with their spouse, but just lose the ability to be "in love" completely. My W started on it about 10 years ago (to address deep post-partum depression) and her personality changed significantly after she started it. Before that we would have intense arguments and crazy monkey-love make-up sessions afterwards. Afterwards she just never, ever argued about anything. If an argument would escalate, she would shut down. I talked to her a few times over the years about going off Zoloft, but she wasn't willing. She just remembers that black hole she was in when she went on it and she's scared of going back to that again.

There seems to be some mystery regarding SSRI's- about how exactly they work and what the long term effects may be. I think in general doctors realize there are negative long-term impacts, but it's a case of the lesser of two evils- deep depression with possible suicidal tendencies or little/ no depression with possible long-term relationship damage.


Me: 58 w/ S16, D22, D25
Current R: 4 years
Previous M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:56
Re: ANTI DEPRESSANTS SSRIs AND 'I DONT LOVE ANYMORE' [Re: AnotherStander] #2307214
12/14/12 04:20 PM
12/14/12 04:20 PM
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 47
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KLB Offline
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KLB  Offline
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Posts: 47
While I know I contributed to the breakup of my marriage, I do believe that my W's taking Zoloft and for a very brief time, Prozac contributed to it as well.

The Prozac sparked a bipolar episode that nearly had her committed. Ever since, she has been a completely different person. That was 9 months before she left me.


Me:48
W:40
D:5 & 2
T: 15
M:12
Sep:9/10/12
Re: ANTI DEPRESSANTS SSRIs AND 'I DONT LOVE ANYMORE' [Re: KLB] #2307222
12/14/12 04:49 PM
12/14/12 04:49 PM
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 171
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Sweetbriar Offline
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Sweetbriar  Offline
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I also know that I have contributed to the breakup of my marriage, but agree that maybe my H changing meds didnt help. He was switched from Celexa 40 mgs and klonopin (anti anxiety) .5 mgs to wellbutrin (400 mgs) and Celexa 20 mgs. This was a big change, as the anti anxiety was really helping him. In fact, the only reason he switched was because of Sexual side effects.

I do not believe that changing meds can be blamed for his complete 180, but I dont think it helped. These were changed just a couple months before his bar stints and him meeting OW. He definitely needs meds, as has been clinically depressed since he was 15..but switching was probably the wrong thing to do frown


M:36 H:36
D14, D11, Baby due in March
M:15
T:18
Met OW: 3/12
H Moved out: 8/12
Legal Sep: 11/5/12
Re: ANTI DEPRESSANTS SSRIs AND 'I DONT LOVE ANYMORE' [Re: Sweetbriar] #2307228
12/14/12 05:37 PM
12/14/12 05:37 PM
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 2,877
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adinva Offline
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adinva  Offline
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Posts: 2,877
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I think anyone with emotional problems that would benefit from medication should be under the close supervision and follow up of a GOOD medical/mental health professional. Not just a prescription writer. These things do mess with your brain chemistry and they are not an exact science. You shouldn't throw the baby out with the bathwater, but you should have a relationship where you can tell your spouse your concerns about their personality changes and have them be open to your input. Mental and emotional health is so complicated.

Just to add one more story to the mix, I have been on paxil for about a year and a half after being VERY concerned about taking anything. Not taking anything contributed greatly to the breakdown in my marriage. Various things that I did that helped me cope in life were annoying to my husband and destructive to myself and my goals. It is no point of pride, anymore, that I held tough and didn't seek treatment.

I started at a very low dose, which my NP said anything lower would be like taking a sugar pill. I feel creepy for almost a month. Weird and disjointed. I got some help from people who have been-there done-that to understand what to expect and asked lots of questions. Once about a month had gone by, I was fortunate to have just the right effect.

I had emotions both good and bad. Sometimes my sitch made me angry and I'd have a crying spell. I just wasn't completely unhinged by shock and grief like I had been at first. I wasn't as short-tempered with my frustrating S12. My emotions weren't running my brain anymore, but they were still there. I had less of a sex drive but that was expected, and it's not completely gone.

I did unfortunately gain about 30 lb over the past year, which was alarming because I've been a lifetime weight watcher member all that time and felt like I wasn't doing much different. Learning that weight gain can be a side effect of LONG-term paxil use, I decided to try tapering off and see how I do, and I feel pretty good without anything right now.

I'll go back to my doctor if I feel like I need it or something else - I would personally have tried effexor as my second line because it worked well for my sister (paxil worked well for my other sister) and families can sometimes have similar chemistry.

For my paxil sister, she told me that her attempt to use Wellbutrin created irrational fits of rage in her, so she went off it and recommended against it for me. Plenty of people find it to be the best one for them. They are all different.

When I read the first post here, I thought first much sympathy for the poster but second, was there NOTHING wrong with their marriage? Absolutely nothing? Is there nothing for him to learn or work on?

Consider that if you try to sue, they will put their entire legal team to work showing you how wrong you were about your marriage in the first place, and what role you played in what happened, that had nothing to do with your w's medication.

DB and all the vets here usually tell you to look at yourself first. It's the most useful, most healthy, most productive line you can take. What happened with your W's medication is very sad but not in your control.


Adinva 51, S20, S18
M24 total
6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out
9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50
5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend
__
Happiness is a warm puppy.
Re: ANTI DEPRESSANTS SSRIs AND 'I DONT LOVE ANYMORE' [Re: adinva] #2308263
12/19/12 05:40 PM
12/19/12 05:40 PM
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 851
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SM34 Offline OP
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SM34  Offline OP
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Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 851
So can anyone report that they too may have fallen out of love with their long term spouse after being on SSRI's for some time?


Me, H-34 now 38
W-32 now 35
T-13 now 18 years
M-6 now 9
Daughter 3 years now 7
Bomb 11/27/12 - OM
1 year in house separation
Reconciliation 12/2013. Healed now 2017
Re: ANTI DEPRESSANTS SSRIs AND 'I DONT LOVE ANYMORE' [Re: SM34] #2319168
02/01/13 12:49 AM
02/01/13 12:49 AM
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 97
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Dewayne Offline
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Dewayne  Offline
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SM34, I tried to PM you but it says it's disabled? My firt thought was they disabled it on just me, but either way.

I have been finding quite a bit of negative responses to this subject, UNLESS you're on a site that's about the drugs.

So hence, my battle has begun to get my friend (stbxw) off the drugs. She started 1/4 pills yesterday. (5mg, she was on 20mg)

As I stated before, my wife and I were having a great time, things were going good, she was planning our house out etc, what we were gonna do when the business took off, what vacations we were gonna go do etc. Then just 3 months after being on Celexa, she completely flipped.

Again, we're not talking about just "walking away from a marriage" we're talking about complete personality change. Drugs, drinking, partying with teens, neglecting a child, being erratic in behavior. NOW? I'm getting reports from a few of her new friends and some family that they've noticed a change in her, because of some drastic behavior she's done.

For now, I'm staying off these boards so much. Ohh btw, for the record, I have found 4 PEOPLE! 3 are women, that have taken an SSRI and inside of a year they walked from their marriages, and? They're not regretting everything they've done, and said they have no idea why they did the sh.t they've done. Only one says she didn't have an affair, but she admitted to getting very close to one man and being VERY flirty.

Neither here nor there.
I just noticed this is dated from Dec. So it appears you were already onto it when you read my posts. Good. SM34, your battle begins with the meds, as long as a person turned manic on the meds, there's no reasoning. They HAVE to be off the meds before you can proceed with any other actions/concern.

On the side note, yes. I myself am still reflecting and "working on me". I have pretty much killed out the anger issue which was my major problem. After that was showing affection/speaking wife's love language, then listening. Which I've gotten much better at listening. So yes, although my wife is on a med that I believe is contributing heavily to her behavior, I am STILL recognizing where I've gone wrong in marriage, but right now it's about getting her healthy. And she was NOT diagnosed with depression or anything, this was given to her for slight chest pains. (minor, like heavy skipping beats, but they didn't even check her out, just gave her medicine)


M: 36/W: 28
T 11yrs / M 7yrs /1x 3yo D
Sept: W Cheated w/ teen, BDrop. W Beast. Hated me.
Oct: 18 (M license)W Asked for D
Oct: 31 (Anniverary)W Paid Lawyer
Nov1st: Both moved.
Re: ANTI DEPRESSANTS SSRIs AND 'I DONT LOVE ANYMORE' [Re: Dewayne] #2326577
03/02/13 02:55 AM
03/02/13 02:55 AM
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 97
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Dewayne Offline
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Dewayne  Offline
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"They're NOW regretting everything they've done..."

Sorry, I wanted to fix a sentence I wrote. Where I said the ladies that were on the medicine and walked from marriages.. I said "NOT" instead of "NOW" , they are NOW regretting everything they did. When I stumbled across this board again I reread my post and it was as if I wrote it yesterday and remembered now, I mixed up two sentences lol. I do that a lot.

My now ex wife (final on Feb 5) is saying she is "Definitely off the medicine and will STAY off the medicine regardless whether I believe it or not.." (She is kinda irritable right now and was kind of an angry filled msg lol) SHe says she "Does" want to get better and has also ADMITTED that her behavior during our Haunt Season was completely irrational and out of wack, but not sure why she did it (this was DURING a talk about the medicine, but she still is clueless to put 2+2 together)

She is less and less COLD to me, but not 'there' yet of course. It will take a while. SHe's been off the medicine completely for just over 3 weeks. Which is a short time (was on them 7.5 months) She's no longer out running around NEAR as much, stopped drinking and doing drugs. Now she just hangs with her new teenage friends, works and goes home. Which is an improvement and did NOT start until she started tapering.

So in our sitch, yes, tapering and getting off the medicine is showing much improvement. Not a ton, and she's not regretting things yet, but knows she's "Should be" regretting. No remorse yet, but feel it may arrive soon.

Anyways, thought I'd give n update since I wanted to correct my sentence. Edite didn't seem to work.


M: 36/W: 28
T 11yrs / M 7yrs /1x 3yo D
Sept: W Cheated w/ teen, BDrop. W Beast. Hated me.
Oct: 18 (M license)W Asked for D
Oct: 31 (Anniverary)W Paid Lawyer
Nov1st: Both moved.
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