Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 2 of 4 1 2 3 4
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
job Offline
Member
Offline
Member
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
Barb,
I'm glad you arrived safe and sound. Enjoy your time in the sun. If you happen to see Nursemom and the other "oldie" posters, please tell them I said hello and think of them often.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,710
S
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,710
Hi Snodderly,

I often get together with one or several of them - Hopeful, Nursemom, Mary C. I think I will wait till after the election, though, as they don't see eye to eye on politics. LOL

Anyway - I'll be sure to say hi to them. I yelled HI as I was sort of near your area on Thursday!

Barb

Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
job Offline
Member
Offline
Member
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
I think you are very wise to wait until after the election.

Definitely tell them I said hello. Enjoy your time in FLA!


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 9,762
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 9,762
Enjoy Barb! Just because I'm curious...who stays with Ryan when you're gone? I've always wondered how you manage that and just never asked. smile

Yeah, best not to put people together who don't see eye to eye on politics until after the election.

I went to a women's dinner at my church last night and the guest speaker commented that 50% of the country is going to be unhappy next week. It doesn't matter who wins, half will be unhappy no matter what! LOL It gave us all a good giggle. The whole thing is exhausting to watch.


T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43
bomb12/4/07
PA5/07
S12/26/07
D final 11/17/08
Back together with no defined R 05/2010
confused....to say the least!!!

Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,710
S
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,710
Hey Mish,

That's funny! And so true! I watch all the commercials and hear everyone's opinion - I"m a homeowner in the U.S. yet I can't vote. Oh well - numerous American homeowners around me in Canada and they can't vote Canadian either.

Ryan has his regular nurses during the day but nightcare is ALWAYS an issue when I'm away. Before I moved - my daughter did it and my sister did it at times (when Ashley was away with me or if she wanted to go out) or my friend. SInce I have moved I sometimes have the agency do the overights - very expensive and I've recently had my friend's daughter who came to Disney with us. But this trip I'm trying Respite. There is a lovely place on the lake not far from us. They have nurses. I have him there this week and the last week that I'm away, home in between - that way he can adjust with 2 shorter visits. Complicated? Yep - welcome to my life. LOL

Barb

Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 9,762
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 9,762
WOW! I imagined it had to be very hard to come up with solutions to his care in order to be able to care for yourself.

I'm glad you have options though!


T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43
bomb12/4/07
PA5/07
S12/26/07
D final 11/17/08
Back together with no defined R 05/2010
confused....to say the least!!!

Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,710
S
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,710
I got a text from my ex yesterday asking to see Ryan this w/e. Not a good time with Ry in respite care (he goes back in today) and his regular workers are only booked for 4 hours - not enough time for them to drive him to see him (it's about 3 hours round trip plus time there - a long day.

So I replied that this was not a good week but I could arrange it for the following week. He replied that he would let me know. So - good communication. It took us 10 years to get to the texting stage - I'm ok with that.

But then Ashley messaged me last night that he is back to his old ways. Her words - "Dad was in a 'craptastic' mood". So I asked her what was wrong. She said his anger was flaring. He picked her up and started to drive to a bar and grill. She asked where they were going and when he told her she reminded him that she was vegetarian but said - I guess I will just get fries. To which he angrily whipped the car around and drove to another place, basically cursing the entire time. He told her he was having a bad day. She said to me "Great - I don't see him for months then he acts like this!".

It brought back all the memories. This was what he was like OFTEN. If something in his life was not perfect - he flipped out. On me. The kids. The cat. The car. He squealed his tires. He drove erratically. He yelled. He threw things. My stomach got a little sick as those times came back to me. And I wanted to protect my daughter from that. But I know I can't. I just told her that I was sorry he acted that way and that she did not have to put up with it. But I know that's not enough.

My 2 lifelong best friends are in hospital. I am in Florida so can't be with them. One seems to have appendicitis. She had gone to visit the other on Thurs night, then ended up in the same hospital. But the first friend - "C" is in a bad way.

I have written here about C before. How her H left her for OW 3 years ago. It was such a difficult time. She had not worked for the previous 10 years (he did not want her to while they were raising their daughters) but when he left her he did not pay support. It was unbelievable - he had a great job but would not support his wife, pay bills etc. Then after about 9 months - he and OW broke up and he wanted to come back. Just as C was getting her life together. She had sold the family home, was ready to move into a new condo. Then he commited suicide. Jumped off a Skyway (like a tall causeway) bridge. It was so tragic.

C had been drinking for years but it got more intense after his death a little over 2 years ago. She has lost her licence a few times. We try to talk to her, support her daughters but up till now she would not even admit she had a problem. We helped her get through her daughter's wedding in June (she did go home between the ceremony and the reception to drink) and somehow got through it ok. She sat with us following the speeches and did not drink at all.

But last week, during one of her long binges (it's been a few weeks now) she fell and cracked her head open. He daughter found a trail of blood and she had locked herself in the bathrooms. She called 911 and they had to break the door down to get her to hospital. Her belly was so distended the ambulance attendants thought she was pregnant and ready to deliver!

Looks like she is in the final stages of alcoholism. They believe she has cirrhosis of the liver. We are all trying to figure out how to stage an intervention (her daughters talk to me about it along with a couple of friends and her brother) but it's complicated. A rehab specialist is meeting with the family today to work out a plan. But she wants to go home and feels she can recover as an oupatient (she has been in residential rehab a couple of times before). Of course we don't believe this will work. And these 2 young girls - 24 & 22 will likely lose their mother on the heels of losing their father.

So - prayers would help. I've thought about flying home but honestly don't think you can help someone who doesn't help themselves.

My ex is also an alcoholic. He admitted to it at the time we split. But then OW convinced him he is NOT an alcoholic and lets him do his thing - he prefers that of course so he stays the way he is. Broken. Angry. Abusive.

Hearing Ashley talk last night reminded me how much better my life is without him. I'm not sure how I ever lived like that for 30 years. I hope my children make better choices in a life partner.

Barb

Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
job Offline
Member
Offline
Member
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
Barb,
I'm sorry to read that C is not doing well. I will keep her in my thoughts and prayers. I do hope that an intervention can be staged for her, but like most...unless she is ready to listen and do the work, she won't. For the sake of her two daughters, I hope she will take care of herself.

I'm sorry that your xh dumped on your daughter. He's still stuck in the land of la la and it appears that he will never leave the rabbit hole.

I hope that Ryan is doing better. I'm glad to see that communiation between you and your xh is better when it comes to Ryan.

I hope you are getting some much needed rest...enjoy the weather down there!


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,710
S
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,710
Thanks Snodderly,

I really think this is the end for C. As you say - unless she makes up her mind to get better - it won't happen. She is just focussed on her gardening. housework, dog. What? It is November - no gardening now. She is really lost. I wish she could see the importance of "getting it together" for her girls.

I wish my children had never had to endure their father's outbursts. I thought with all the time apart - he could get his act together for their short visits. But no - I think he is likely still just an angry person who blames his problems on everyone else. Causes me to think that maggot must get the brunt of it at times. Not like she didn't see that one coming.

Ryan is doing great. I have found a place where he can go for respite care on occasion. He is there this week. His workers go in to visit him and take him out every day. I had reached a point where overnight care in the home was becoming nearly impossible. I needed some help this year at Christmas and the agency wanted almost $600 a night for a worker to SLEEP at my house. It has gone beyond acceptable.

But the good news is this: The agency head who gave me nothing but grief for the past year and half is going on extended leave. She sold a partnership in her company (she was the sole owner) to a nurse practitioner who I like. Someone calm and knowledgable to deal with. She also made one of the workers who has worked in my home with Ryan her office manager. She is a sweet girl and tries to make everything work. She also knows and understands Ryan's needs.

Our homecare coordinator (who I really like) told me she feels the difficult agency head (who she did not care for either) was likely ill (mentally) during all those caustic meetings I endured. She is going on stress leave. That's the only thing I can think of for her behaviour that caused us such a considerable amount of grief over Ryan's care. Unfortunately - some of the things she arranged will stick. Like the $5 per hour increase in rate (that's $60 per day!). And her not wanting to work on him walking. But I think I may have an answer to that one.

Anyway - her last day is Fri. I intend to talk to her one more time. Sort a few things out and wish her the best. (Tongue in cheek).

Ryan is happy, healthy and going to his daily activities. And I am getting a much needed break for one more week. Sigh...

Barb

Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,710
S
Member
OP Offline
Member
S
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,710
So - today is Nurse Agency owner's last day for 4 months. Can you wipe the smile off my face. I did take the high road yesterday and wished her well.

And yesterday I woke to a letter from a former student who stole many of my students and pretty much forced my retirement. Although she goes on about all she learned from me etc - she maintains her very narcissistic ego and bashes me at the same time. This is the first time I have heard from her in 3.5 years since I closed my dance school. She does "dance" in my face about how her business is "flourishing" and she wants me to be proud of her. Amazing - reminds me of all the exes here who never say they're sorry for the pain they have caused but rewrite history to make themselves look better.

But that gave me a better perspective on her. And makes it easier to get some closure on that. It bothered me for SO long!

Now - things usually happen if 3s. I guess I need to lose one more caustic person from my life. Hmmmm - who's it gonna be?

Barb

Page 2 of 4 1 2 3 4

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard