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TMAK2

I am going to try to restore this list

Some of these stories are still here, some are purged.
The ones that are still here I will fix the links on.

Please do not post on this thread until I am done.
This may take a while as it is a huge job and I can not edit any posts


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Hearts Blessing

Note I have left out the threads that are in the MLC resources that I am sure everyone has read.

HEARTSBLESSING

Snodderly !! Update and a question. smile

Post any questions you might have to me here....

Why I came back after 8 years...

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brandnewday

I am not going to list every topic of BND - sorry but there are too many smile smile smile

A total of 93 topics and 9678 posts.

Here are a few.

A new begining......

Going home

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Rollercoasterider

Unfortunately a majority of her threads are no longer here.

She does still have over 1300 posts that are still on this site.

Well worth the read.


Last edited by job; 06/23/16 02:04 PM. Reason: removed corrupted links

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Jack_Three_Beans

Again with over 61 threads and 11,000 posts I will just list a few.

Once upon a Thursday night.

Growing Beanstalks.

The House that Jack is Rebuilding

...and they lived happily ever after.

Last edited by job; 06/23/16 02:06 PM. Reason: removed corrupted links

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Sport

amyb

DebM

JeanS

The above is a list of successes that have no threads but some of their posts are still on the board.

OK I think that completes the restoration of this thread.
Some of the other names listed wonderwoman and Annette Miller have no posts left here.

Everyone enjoy, and if there are any I forgot please let me know.


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ImLin

I haven't looked up all my past posts that started in 2005...I just got curious the other day and wondered if I would recognize any names...and I do recognize a few...

H and I have been back together for over 6 years now...for the most part things are really good...but marriage is what it is...work...

I have maintained my GAL...I make sure I balance my friends with family, H, and work...I get a little of everything in during a week (more work than anything)...

Am I glad I DB'd...YES! Do I feel that we are a MLC Success...YES!

H did have many EA and one PA...one thing I can tell you is that trust can be rebuilt...I don't ever snoop anymore...I don't feel threatened when he doesn't answer his phone or text that he might be cheating on me...I can't tell you how you know but if it is like for me, you just know.

About 3 or 4 yrs ago the OW emailed H...he never replied but I did (he showed me the email, I didn't snoop)...I was respectfull but asked her to leave us alone...and it appears she has...H has changed emails several times (he always uses the same password because he says he has nothing to hide...and again, I don't feel the need to snoop but I have it if I need I guess).

We have celebrated several nice anniversaries in places we used to dream of going...Hawaii, Caribbean, Mexico, Florida...we have a few more on our bucket list and I am sure we will make them eventually.

I guess why I am here today is just to reconfirm for any who are interested that the success of some of us is still going...

I learned a lot here...and I am thankful for that...I did move on from here because at times it felt like I was picking the scab off a wound and not letting it fully heal...like I needed to make the leap out of the nest and fly on my own...make sure I was able to do what I thought I was doing...and I think I have done that...I feel healed...I don't think about OW hardly ever...the first few years it was a daily flash in my thoughts...sometimes I go long periods of time without even remembering "that time" in our marriage...I think that is healing.

So if anyone is interested I have a lot of old postings here that might be of encouragment...I mean I did DB but I made mistaks along the way and still succeeded...I think everyone needs hope in the beginning and then at some point they will just KNOW...if you save your marriage that is good but in helping a dear friend through a nasty divorce I think it is even more important that you save yourself...if you the marriage that is good but I think you count yourself a success if you save yourself too...somethings are just not fixable with some people and you can't continue to carry that around with you...

I wish everyone success in whatever form it comes in!!!

Sincerly,

ImLin


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Thanks for the update imLin.

I have read some of your old posts and it really helped me. You got the results we all pray for. Lately I try not to pray for results just to allow God his will.

A year and 1/2 into this I do feel like a reinvigorated woman 80% of the time.

The other 20% I struggle with anger and blaming him for what he is doing to our kids.

Your update is much appreciated and the reminder that even if we do save our marriage it is still a lot of work.

Some days I am just happy I have less laundry to do and more closet space


----
M 39
H 35
D5,D4
M 4
T 9
ILYBNILWY 5/18/11
Left 7/11/11
Divorced 12/1/13

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BklynMom,
Okay that last line made me laugh because one thing I noticed was much less money I spent, less laundry, and less cleaning...look for the positives...

Like I said, success isn't measured by saving your marriage it is saving yourself and coming out the otherside a better person...with or without your spouse...

There were many times I was done...I knew I was ready to really work when he did come home because I no longer needed him...I was making it on my own, had a good job (my first real job that was a supporting wage), and had GAL...I had friends around, went on vacations, treated myself when I wanted, got to choose where I wanted to eat...so at that point I wanted him, wanted it work...but didn't need him and didn't need it to work...I was going to be okay either way!


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There are definite advantages. I spend a lot less time cooking because I was always making him elaborate meals and now I just cook fast for the kids. Every other weekend I get to do fun grown up stuff.

Less cleaning is a big plus

No more football. Hurray!


----
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H 35
D5,D4
M 4
T 9
ILYBNILWY 5/18/11
Left 7/11/11
Divorced 12/1/13

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Last edited by job; 06/23/16 02:10 PM. Reason: removed corrupted links

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This is very encouraging and I write to both thank those who post success stories and to unburden myself in the company of those who are also going through a spouse's MLC.

Every day I tell myself that in a year or two my marriage can be happy again, provided I stick to my plan (don't take things personally, detach, don't hover, and don't try to "fix" my wife, act with confidence in the future, GAL and support myself, stay calm, don't argue with her, bite my tongue when she speaks to me with contempt or criticism, set some boundaries but be generous and give her space to explore).

If there are encouraging voices on this board I'd love to read your replies, your success stories, share in your experiences.

It's only been 4 months since BD but there was at least a year of MLC and unhappiness prior to that. My wife has suffered childhood emotional abuse and also trauma in college. She is such a great person and we were extremely happy together for over 10 years before mid-life symptoms appeared. I know this is mostly about her and what she's going through. I firmly agree with Michele that we can get through this to the other side, and that ours is a marriage worth saving.

I was by no means a perfect husband and a bit slow to wake up to ways I was not meeting her emotional needs. And I am waking up to ways my own insecurity and fear made me less of the man she needed. But I try not to dwell on these things - if the problems were just about the marriage then changing those things would have made some difference. I am calming myself, working out, working on my self-esteen, learning lots.

I have hope because some marriages on this board have come back from separation, infidelity and worse situations than mine. My wife and I are still together, we each wear our rings. She is mostly confused and shows lots of signs of depression. She spends lots of energy on things to help her feel better (unfortunately this does include a mild EA and a few other occasions of seeking male attention outside the marriage; this has been the toughest thing to deal with). We operate as a family though we are not intimate. I am still "Daddy" and we have family dinner together every night of the week. Once in a while she will approach me for a quick kiss goodbye in the morning. There are lots of ups and downs. Anyone on this board knows the MLC routine. But I press on, with hope.

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No Ego, I think you have the right tools. Keep it up and keep doing what you're doing!

AJ


"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK
Put the glass down...
"Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
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butterflymom

Is this really my life??? - First post!

Is there room for me under the limbo stick?

Working on building trust

Detachment, What is it? What does it look like?

One day at a time seems to be working just fine

Final Post
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...490#Post1806490
_____________________________________
This was on my to do list and I totally forgot about it.

Sigh - Oh well better late than never

If anyone has any other to add please let me know.

Last edited by job; 06/23/16 02:14 PM. Reason: removed corrupted links

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Define MLC successes/restored marriages?

Married, walked thru the fog of H's MLC, and we are still married.

Is it the fairy tale? no.

Did it used to be a fairy tale? I thought so then, but know better now.

I always thought when I was 'saving' my M that it would have been easier to cut ties with H and run. Now, I KNOW that would have been easier.

But that isn't what I wanted for my life, and I continue to look to the future with H rather than wallow in the past with someone I didn't know.


Live your life while you are still living.
Riding the trail less traveled.
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It is nice to see that it does happen. Any updates on how people are doing now.
I see some of the dates are not recent.
I know i am new to this but i still have hope, and god will give me the straight to stand by and wait..


W-37
H-36
No kids
H-moved out Nov 08,13
H-no contact Dec 18,13
Married for 10 years
Together for 12 years

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This is a very encouraging topic. I wonder if some of these success stories include going through the divorce and then M restored?


M 56 H 52
M 13.5 T 15
S 28 twinStep Ds 24
ILYBNILWY BD 1/5/14 OW 4/11/14
Divorce petition efiled 5/5/14
Divorce final 7/8/14


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Hi,
I came here to look for inspiration.
Is there any possibility to have the broken links fixed?
Some work and some just retrieve the following message:
"There was a problem looking up this post in our database."
Thanks.

Last edited by Ripe; 12/10/15 09:52 PM.

Me43 W39
M 12y,T 15y
S09,S07
Bomb Jun14
Sleeping separately Jan/Mar15
Share bed Mar/May15
Reconcile Jun15
Aug15 W sais D will happen
D told to kids Sept15
W moved out with kids 01 October15
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Originally Posted By: Ripe
Hi,
I came here to look for inspiration.
Is there any possibility to have the broken links fixed?
Some work and some just retrieve the following message:
"There was a problem looking up this post in our database."
Thanks.

Unfortunately the ones with broken links means that those threads were purged with the last great purge.
Many MLC threads were deleted in the purge.

You can try the success stories on Mozza's thread
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2581617#Post2581617
toward the bottom of the linked post.


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Thanks Cadet.
I know those stories collected by Monza and since I read them all I was looking for some "vintage" ones. As they say, the older the wine the better it tastes.
I have come to realize the following: this site is like a second home to me. It didn't save my marriage but it is doing a pretty damn job helping me save myself.
Being it so precious to me, I ask: Are there contingency plans in place if something happens to the forums?
Does anyone do regular backups of the database?

I think now is the time for some gratitude:
Thank you DB forum.
Thank you DB moderators.
Thank you veterans.
Thank you posters that enrich the forum with your sharing.

Last edited by Ripe; 12/11/15 09:58 PM.

Me43 W39
M 12y,T 15y
S09,S07
Bomb Jun14
Sleeping separately Jan/Mar15
Share bed Mar/May15
Reconcile Jun15
Aug15 W sais D will happen
D told to kids Sept15
W moved out with kids 01 October15
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Originally Posted By: Ripe
I was looking for some "vintage" ones. As they say, the older the wine the better it tastes.
I have come to realize the following: this site is like a second home to me. It didn't save my marriage but it is doing a pretty damn job helping me save myself.
Being it so precious to me, I ask: Are there contingency plans in place if something happens to the forums?
Does anyone do regular backups of the database?

I think now is the time for some gratitude:
Thank you DB forum.
Thank you DB moderators.
Thank you veterans.
Thank you posters that enrich the forum with your sharing.


Here is one of the posters from the list all her posts that are still on the board
Rollercoasterider

I think that if you are trying to read some of these older stories many of them still have posts here that have not been purged, it will take some looking as the purge went through to a date somewhere in 2006, there are some older posts on the forum but due to its size many were not kept based on sheer volume.

As far as backup - I suggest you back up your own stuff as the person that pays the bills may not be able to afford to keep stuff around forever.

Maybe I will try to redo this thread again in the future although it was a lot of work the last time.

I am NOT a moderator on the MLC board and am not able to edit
these threads, so we shall see.

Hope that helps you Ripe.


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I wonder the same thing. Anybody know of this happening? I actually met a guy at a party the other night who had a nasty divorce and re-married the same woman, but anybody hear of any more like that?


M 43 W 45
M 10.5 T 15
S 26 D 17 (previous relationships)
ILYB 12/25/15 + asks for D
Confirm affair 1/10/16
W has D ready to sign, but agrees to wait for refinancing to go through (I get a house!)
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Originally Posted By: cczamo
This is a very encouraging topic. I wonder if some of these success stories include going through the divorce and then M restored?

Originally Posted By: shreeve
I wonder the same thing. Anybody know of this happening? I actually met a guy at a party the other night who had a nasty divorce and re-married the same woman, but anybody hear of any more like that?

Yes I have heard stories of this too.

Just like Job always says do no put any time lines on this.
Cause when they are in crisis they move at a totally different pace than anything that we know.
Most of the stories that I hear is that the by the time the
MLC'er wakes up the LBS does not want them back.

Focus on yourself.


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I've heard of a few that divorce and get married, but they weren't on the DB Forum. Their divorces were not MLC.

Now, that's not to say that some from the forum may divorce and remarry, but they generally do not return here to post an update. Why? Because they are so focused on creating a new marriage and living their lives to the fullest and they may not want to return and be reminded of what they went through.

The best thing you can do is to keep the focus on you and your family. There is absolutely nothing that will speed up MLC in a spouse. They have to complete the entire crisis and if they don't, they'll re-enter the crisis later, i.e., could be months or even years later, and it will be far worse than the first time around.

You've truly been given the gift of time...use it wisely to work on yourself. It's a time to do those things that you've put off doing for years. It's a time to rediscover yourself and if there are changes that you want to make for yourself, then do them...but they must become permanent or the MLCer will know that you only did them to try to get them to return.

Use your time wisely. Rediscover yourself and the world around.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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If you receive an error message when clicking on some of the postings within some of the older threads, that means they are no longer available for viewing. When the Board does its routine purging of files, some of those older postings were purged, i.e., never to be seen again. Sorry!


Last edited by job; 06/23/16 02:19 PM.

Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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New success stories to be added to our list:

The Final Chapter

I won't give up III

Last edited by job; 01/27/17 08:08 AM. Reason: Added link to new thread

Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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I haven't been here in forever but just thought of this place and looked to see if it was still here. I just posted an update in my last thread (from 2012!) and you can add me to the success stories of reconciling after divorce. Here is the link to my last thread at Piecing. I can't seem to find my original threads. The furthest posts of mine that show up are from 2006 so I also added a bit (of a novel) of background to my update too for context. Hope this gives someone some hope.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2735806#Post2735806

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Freckle,

We've had a number of purges over the years and many of the old threads are gone. This forum now only goes back 2006. The archives, where your old threads may have been has been completely removed.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Thanks job. Just browsed the last two links you added.

Proof that it is possible even after D to reconcile. Wow 10 years later.

Good to read those stories. Others who have not yet should too.


R 25 years
M 14 years
S11 & S13
Working on it alone since Oct 2014
M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years)
Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr.
Next R chat Aug'17
Still together
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happy_again
01/18/06 12:13 PM

We were young when we got married and had kids early. I knew it was a mistake, yes I loved her but wasn't
ready for marriage.
Nothing I ever did was good enough for her so I decided to stop doing it.
I feel I was sold a bill of goods, she changed after the kids came and put them first.
The sex was boring, and she gained like 30 pounds which made her ugly. She blamed the weight on the
antidepressants, I think she was just too lazy to excercise. She was always interfering in everything I did.
Wanting to read all of the cell phone bills and ask about the calls to my friend, so what, she didn't care about
me.
So now I have my own life, my own space, I see my kids and I give her money that is all I need to do for
her. For all of our married life she didn't need me or love me or want me and all of a sudden she can't live without

She just wants to control me again and take over.
Well I am finally out of her grasp, we are friendly to each other and polite.
There is no hope for this marriage because if I let my guard down she will start again, as it took me years to
get the courage to leave I can't go back now.
Now she can go and get a job and help to support the family as I can't support her forever.
My kids will be OK, I have told them that we love them and I am willing to do anything for them.
I am sure they will eventually see the truth that their mother pushed me out of the marriage with her control
and anger issues.
If only she would have listened years ago it would have worked out for us, now she has made everyones life
bad because she refused to change.

_________________________
happy_again
01/18/06 01:27 PM

The last few years have been miserable so I moved out a year ago. She cried and begged and wrote letters
saying she was sorry. She even called my friend and interfered with that relationship. She even tried to
seduce me, wanted to ML to me, and I turned her down flat.
I just don't want to be controlled anymore I am sick of cowering to her. She took care of everything and I let
her which was my mistake, but she wouldn't ever let go of the steering wheel when it was time to hand it
over.
Sometimes I get so frustrated and even when I know she hasn't done anything wrong I want to prove that
she is still the same manipulative B****h she has always been so I push her buttons on purpose. I think she
is catching on so she doesn't always react anymore, more manipulation to get me upset even more.
She will not let go of me, and I have told her it is over, but she lives in this false hope that maybe I will
change my mind.She thinks God will change my heart.
Why should I stay if I can't stand her?I am gone now and have my freedom and at least I get to make my
own choices now without her approval.
I do love her but I will not let my guard down ever again to her. I told her that she will find someone else
and will get over me. I will never again tell her I love her or she will think she has some hope.
Wouldn't you know it, now she has lost the weight, and looks great, but she wouldn't do it for me when I
asked her to.
Besides if she cared why doesn't she ever call me why do I have to be the one to make all of the calls? She
used to call non stop, now I never hear from her unless it is about the kids. It is probably better that way
because I don't want her to get any ideas in her head that I want to talk to her. She tries to be so nice, but I
can see through that ploy too, eventually she will crack and I am not falling for it.
I am just waiting for her to do something underhanded like getting my pay attached or something or
harassing me at my job.
People just don't change like that, she is only trying to suck me back into her world again.
I am a much better person now, I have respect and people like me for myself, and I can come and go as I
want to. She would only take that away from me again.
Besides if I went back to her if I took a chance she would think she was right and that would make me weak
again, and I will not be that man again.

happy_again
01/18/06 01:42 PM

Maybe some of you left behind spouses don't get it.
There is a reason we left you, do you ever look at yourselves and your own actions or just have continual pity
parties about how badly you were treated.
Stop acting like you didn't see this coming.
I never committed adultery, I didn't steal or lie or use drugs or become an alcoholic or beat my wife.
I went to work every day, I spent time with my children, I handed over my paycheck.
All I wanted was to be heard and loved and noticed and to stop being treated like a stranger in my own
house.
I guess my expectations are this, why should I not feel like the victim?
Why does everyone feel sorry for her and the kids?

happy_again
01/18/06 04:46 PM

It was my wifes job to take care of everything in the house. She had the luxury of staying
home with the children, that was not the issue.
She expected me to buy flowers and romance her but none of my attempts were ever good
enough. I finally told her to buy them for herself, she had the checkbook.
She should have bettered herself, got an education or a job instead of living her life through
mine.
When she offered to get a job it was always something stupid like in a store as a clerk or at
Target. My wife is not stupid, but never amounted to anything other then a housewife.
She spent the money on the kids and the house, never bought nice things to make herself
look good, hardly wore make up, just a real frump.
I work with beautiful women and my wife was an embarassment to me.
My words were not abusive, but she didn't get it. I would end up yelling at her because she
refused to listen to me.
I begged her to change and she refused to.
Now she wears the tight jeans and the fancy clothes that are bought with my money but
she didn't do it for me and I begged for years. I would have liked to show her off but I was
ashamed of how she looked. She used to be beautiful and sexy and she let herself go.
I always apologized when she would start crying and I did feel bad for her, but she should
have taken a hint.
I thought by telling her that I found her unattractive she would want to go to the gym and
make an effort, and yes she did go, but not consistently like I did. We could have worked
out together, but she said she was embarassed to do that in front of me, I did try.
She started covering herself up, and never let me see her body anymore because she said I
made her feel ugly.
That was not my intent.
I will admit I probably handled that the wrong way she was never really that fat, but I
wanted her to look like she did before. I will apologize for that I will admit when I am
wrong.
I will also admit that I am jealous that she doesn't act like she wants me anymore and is
moving on, but she still acts like she cares about me and that makes me madder then hell.
Is she a martyr? It would be easier to divorce her if she hated me. As for the children, I do
love them and I am in their lives as much as I can be.
They know I love them and they will understand more when they are older. I am not trying
to make you people mad, and in answer to your question I do not know if my wife posts
here or not. She has the books, I have seen them at the house.
I am not sure at this point why I am still so angry as it is a year since I left her. I do have a
life but I don't think she will ever just go away. And yes I do feel guilty. But I can not undo
what I have done I have come too far now and made a life for myself without her in it.
I also know she will throw this in my face for the rest of my life and that is not how I want
to live anymore.


you come here and post?

_________________________
happy_again
01/18/06 07:25 PM

I wasn't always like that with my wife but she would push and push until I would finally
explode.
She was the strong one and the only way for me to be stronger was to rip her apart it was
the only way to get her to shut her mouth. I have said some bad things to her and she
knows I only said them in anger. Now she doesn't respond anymore but I am sure she is
seething underneath.
I do admit she wanted us to go to councelling together but I knew it would be another way
for her to bash me. She went by herself.
My friend never treated me that way my wife did and therefore there was much respect for
her. My friend was also unhappy in her marriage and we were able to be a comfort to each
other.My friend encouraged me to be happy and that I deserved to be my own person but
my wife would never do this. My wife could not understand this concept and kept accusing
me of having an affair until I finally left. It was too much stress.
I would return to the marriage if I knew that her changes were real but I have known this
woman for a very long time and I doubt she can keep up the act for too much longer.
I haven't filed for a divorce because I can not afford a lawyer right now but I am saving for
one. She said she would not fight me on this but she refuses to file.
I am angry with her because the whole marriage has been about her and the kids.
I know the concept of this board and I too hate the idea of divorce but I wanted someone to
understand that sometimes there are just too many problems to overcome. I am not a bad
person I am a realist.

01/19/06 08:11 AM

About the books you ask of I know that she is working very hard on trying to win me back
but again I do not really understand her reasons for trying when I have told her over and
over again the relationship is now dead and the marriage is over.
Look I know she has made great strides to change the way she does things and I do enjoy
her more but I have seen her when pushed go back to the old ways. I admit I do push her
just to see what she will do. That is wrong but I have to know just how sincere she really is.
This woman really destroyed me and IF I were to ever consider changing my mind I would
need a guarantee and that my friend is impossible because nobody can do that.
My wife was better then me at the finances and she did ask me to help her but it really
wasn't my thing. BUT why should I need to ask her for money when I was the one working?
I walked around without any money and needed her permission to use the ATM. She decided
who got what and how the money was spent. Yes she always gave me what I needed and
paid all of the bills there was always food in the house and those things were good but I was
not a child.
In retrospect I should have been more patient with her. I should have made her feel better
about herself but she didn't give me compliments either. I know when I looked good she
said nothing. When I asked her about this she said that she didn't want to inflate my ego
anymore.
I know she was tired and I should have asked about her day but I really didn't want to hear
about it. I am being honest I really didn't care to know about this one or that one. I wanted
to talk about me and my day.
Now she listens to me and acts like she is interested in what I have to say. The woman
actually listens to my suggestions and follows my advice and that makes me even madder.
So many years were wasted because she couldn't grasp this simple thing.

01/20/06 11:35 AM

So how would I take steps forward without giving her false hope? I do not want to hurt her
but I am still so unsure. I did call my kids last night and asked to speak to my wife.
She seemed really happy to hear from me, maybe too happy and it scared me. I don't want
to get sucked back in again.
But it was nice to have someone ask me about my day and my job and even ask me what I
ate for dinner. I miss that part of her. I will admit that she didn't make any of her usual
suggestions about my life and she seemed interested in what I had to say.
I had to end the call I suddenly got to feeling really anxious and made an excuse to get off
of the phone. I lay awake all night thinking of my family and my wife and how much we
have hurt each other in different ways.
I pictured her face when I once ripped her to shreds as she was trying to apologize to me,
that look still haunts me. I pictured her face when she tried to convince me to have sex with
her and how I turned her down flat telling her that I would never touch her again, and how
she repulsed me. She sobbed like a baby and I just laughed at her and left.
I just don't see how we can get past this point.


02/08/06 10:59 AM

The situation you were both left in is really bad and both of you are too accomodating to your husbands. Let
him be a man and do his job. Stop doing it for him and bailing him out where is your self respect? Stop being
such an f-ing doormat. I did the same thing because I knew how desperate she was that she would never say
NO to me. But she did and she stood firm and I hated her for it but I respected her. She made me stand up
and take notice. She in some ways made me feel like a man again and she was also the one who took away
my manhood, does any of this make sense to you?

02/09/06 08:46 PM

WOW!!
You really have done your homework and you are not going to get me to respond in a negative way to your
diatribe. Something tells me the woman doth protest too much. I admit that when I began posting here it was
because I had many issues that needed to be dealt with, and I am still working on them. I am making steps
forward to my family. I am not going to pretend that my wife was perfect and I was the [censored]. She had
many issues throughout our marriage that she refused to acknowledge. And yes she has changed alot but I
am still cautious as I do not want to go back the darkness. And just for your information I am seriously
considering asking my wife if she would like to go to marriage councelling with me to see if there is anything
that we can salvage from the wreckage. I am not going around spreading my negativity anymore and I am
sorry if you feel that way. You admit yourself on your posts that you are unhappy but why are you unhappy
really? You also have alot of anger and hostility about the situation you are in. A situation you have no control
over a situation you have chosen to accept. We could work together if you like I think we are both on opposite sides of the coin


2/23/06 01:17 PM

I knew that someone was going to ask about the stages and they are pretty accurate to a point. The
depression is the worst part of it all to realize that life isn't all it is supposed to be and to look at everything
you have done wrong and all of the people that have been hurt and to know that you did all that. About being
happy that is a crock of [censored]. I thought I would be happy but I never was truly happy. Knowing that
the reasons I left my family were simply stupid and childish. How can anyone be happy knowing that their
family is suffering and going without and that their children are crying and your wife is crying and that
everyone around knows what an [censored] you are. How can anyone truly be happy when they have
completely [censored] up everything for the sake of making a statement or getting a piece of ass on the side.
It isn't worth it none of it has been worth it. The guilt consumes me daily and no matter what I do it will
always be there knowing that I was a SOB who walked away and deserted my family for what.Nothing. I got
my space and my freedom and I eat alone and sleep alone. I do not give a [censored] if you think your
husband is happy he is not and is only lieing to you and himself and to anyone who will listen. I have money
and there is nothing I can buy to make up for what I have done to my family.

02/28/06 02:42 PM

Grace as I am not your husband I can not tell you what is in his head. No I am not divorced neither of us have filed. My wife still wears
her rings I don't wear mine, my wife has it in a safe place for me. Her weight loss had nothing to do with my changing my mind, but it
is nice to see her looking so good. I have never stopped thinking about my wife, the good the bad and the ugly. Yes I now think of ML
to her often but have not done anything about it. I left home about 13 months or so ago. I did tell my wife before I left what I needed
but I was ignored over and over again. The OW wanted more then I was willing to give lets leave it at that.

there is so much i want to say but have no idea where to begin.so things might be a little out of order but i will try to keep things into perspective. so much of what happened to me and the things that went on in my
head i have yet to understand. it just seemed that i started feeling very dissatisfied with my life.so much
responsibility to care for the wife and kids and mortgages and my company.i wanted some time just for
myself without feeling pressured.
when my dad died it was almost like something clicked in my head that i needed to act NOW. life was too
short and this was going to have to be my time or else I was going to die young just like my dad without
ever having done anything with my life.Allie is so sensible and she began to annoy me. the things she said
would grate on my nerves.for some stupid reason she did make sense but this was not the time for making
sense or for logic.
i bought a condo without her knowing so I could have aplace to go and be alone.i needed my space without
her frills and flowers everywhere.i began to go there to do my work but also began to sleep over at times.i
never had a PA.
i went to classmates.com and found some old high school friends. i also found my ex girlfriend from high
school.we began emailing and then im-ing.it was all so superficial and so so so stupid.at first it was like we
were back in high school catching up and talking about our mutual friends. then she began getting more
personal and i trusted her.
she was going through the same dissatisfaction in her life with her husband.we fed off of each others misery.
and each time i would be at home i began to feel the need to get out as fast as i could.only my friend
understood what i was going through. Allie was too preoccupied with the kids and the house to notice how
miserable I was.or so i thought.
looking back at everything i never gave Allie a chance to understand.i just assumed she wouldn;'t.like i said
my wife is so sensible and predictable.she is a good woman and i don;t think i wanted her to tell me that i
was being foolish or what i was doing was wrong. i made a huge mess of things by turning everything around
in my head and i began blaming Allie for everything wrong in my life.


i began to get nasty with her.find excuses to yell at the poor woman.every time my friend would piss me off I
took it out on my wife. i couldnt let my friend know the [censored] in my head after all she thought i was a
really nice guy and couldnt understand why Allie didn;t appreciate me or take the time to understand me. i
lied and i can see how much worse i made things by making up excuses to call my friend just to have
someone to talk to.my biggest regret is that I refused to let Allie into my life i didn;t want her to rearrange it
but i did want her to understand it.


http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2825140#Post2825140


Me-68, D35,S34
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