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A Message from Michele
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Re: MLC Successes/Cinders list of Restored Marriages [Re: imLIN] #2291901
10/22/12 04:57 PM
10/22/12 04:57 PM
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 2
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No Ego No Hurry Offline
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No Ego No Hurry  Offline
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Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 2
This is very encouraging and I write to both thank those who post success stories and to unburden myself in the company of those who are also going through a spouse's MLC.

Every day I tell myself that in a year or two my marriage can be happy again, provided I stick to my plan (don't take things personally, detach, don't hover, and don't try to "fix" my wife, act with confidence in the future, GAL and support myself, stay calm, don't argue with her, bite my tongue when she speaks to me with contempt or criticism, set some boundaries but be generous and give her space to explore).

If there are encouraging voices on this board I'd love to read your replies, your success stories, share in your experiences.

It's only been 4 months since BD but there was at least a year of MLC and unhappiness prior to that. My wife has suffered childhood emotional abuse and also trauma in college. She is such a great person and we were extremely happy together for over 10 years before mid-life symptoms appeared. I know this is mostly about her and what she's going through. I firmly agree with Michele that we can get through this to the other side, and that ours is a marriage worth saving.

I was by no means a perfect husband and a bit slow to wake up to ways I was not meeting her emotional needs. And I am waking up to ways my own insecurity and fear made me less of the man she needed. But I try not to dwell on these things - if the problems were just about the marriage then changing those things would have made some difference. I am calming myself, working out, working on my self-esteen, learning lots.

I have hope because some marriages on this board have come back from separation, infidelity and worse situations than mine. My wife and I are still together, we each wear our rings. She is mostly confused and shows lots of signs of depression. She spends lots of energy on things to help her feel better (unfortunately this does include a mild EA and a few other occasions of seeking male attention outside the marriage; this has been the toughest thing to deal with). We operate as a family though we are not intimate. I am still "Daddy" and we have family dinner together every night of the week. Once in a while she will approach me for a quick kiss goodbye in the morning. There are lots of ups and downs. Anyone on this board knows the MLC routine. But I press on, with hope.

Re: MLC Successes/Cinders list of Restored Marriages [Re: No Ego No Hurry] #2292358
10/23/12 10:36 PM
10/23/12 10:36 PM
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 3,622
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AJM Offline
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AJM  Offline
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Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 3,622
No Ego, I think you have the right tools. Keep it up and keep doing what you're doing!

AJ


"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK
Put the glass down...
"Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Re: MLC Successes/Cinders list of Restored Marriages [Re: AJM] #2342790
04/25/13 02:03 PM
04/25/13 02:03 PM
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,218
NY
Cadet Offline OP

Member
Cadet  Offline OP

Member
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,218
NY
butterflymom

Is this really my life??? - First post!

Is there room for me under the limbo stick?

Working on building trust

Detachment, What is it? What does it look like?

One day at a time seems to be working just fine

Final Post
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...490#Post1806490
_____________________________________
This was on my to do list and I totally forgot about it.

Sigh - Oh well better late than never

If anyone has any other to add please let me know.

Last edited by job; 06/23/16 02:14 PM. Reason: removed corrupted links

Me-66, D33,S32
Re: MLC Successes/Cinders list of Restored Marriages [Re: Cadet] #2357447
06/12/13 12:49 AM
06/12/13 12:49 AM
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,986
W
WCW Offline
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WCW  Offline
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W
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,986
Define MLC successes/restored marriages?

Married, walked thru the fog of H's MLC, and we are still married.

Is it the fairy tale? no.

Did it used to be a fairy tale? I thought so then, but know better now.

I always thought when I was 'saving' my M that it would have been easier to cut ties with H and run. Now, I KNOW that would have been easier.

But that isn't what I wanted for my life, and I continue to look to the future with H rather than wallow in the past with someone I didn't know.


Live your life while you are still living.
Riding the trail less traveled.
Re: MLC Successes/Cinders list of Restored Marriages [Re: WCW] #2437174
03/11/14 02:52 AM
03/11/14 02:52 AM
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 10
Oregon
M
Maya2 Offline
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Maya2  Offline
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M
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 10
Oregon
It is nice to see that it does happen. Any updates on how people are doing now.
I see some of the dates are not recent.
I know i am new to this but i still have hope, and god will give me the straight to stand by and wait..


W-37
H-36
No kids
H-moved out Nov 08,13
H-no contact Dec 18,13
Married for 10 years
Together for 12 years

Re: MLC Successes/Cinders list of Restored Marriages [Re: Maya2] #2449713
05/01/14 10:09 PM
05/01/14 10:09 PM
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 110
C
cczamo Offline
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cczamo  Offline
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C
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 110
This is a very encouraging topic. I wonder if some of these success stories include going through the divorce and then M restored?


M 56 H 52
M 13.5 T 15
S 28 twinStep Ds 24
ILYBNILWY BD 1/5/14 OW 4/11/14
Divorce petition efiled 5/5/14
Divorce final 7/8/14


Re: MLC Successes/Cinders list of Restored Marriages [Re: cczamo] #2630424
12/10/15 09:51 PM
12/10/15 09:51 PM
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 255
R
Ripe Offline
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Ripe  Offline
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R
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 255
Hi,
I came here to look for inspiration.
Is there any possibility to have the broken links fixed?
Some work and some just retrieve the following message:
"There was a problem looking up this post in our database."
Thanks.

Last edited by Ripe; 12/10/15 09:52 PM.

Me43 W39
M 12y,T 15y
S09,S07
Bomb Jun14
Sleeping separately Jan/Mar15
Share bed Mar/May15
Reconcile Jun15
Aug15 W sais D will happen
D told to kids Sept15
W moved out with kids 01 October15
Re: MLC Successes/Cinders list of Restored Marriages [Re: Ripe] #2630700
12/11/15 09:26 PM
12/11/15 09:26 PM
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,218
NY
Cadet Offline OP

Member
Cadet  Offline OP

Member
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,218
NY
Originally Posted By: Ripe
Hi,
I came here to look for inspiration.
Is there any possibility to have the broken links fixed?
Some work and some just retrieve the following message:
"There was a problem looking up this post in our database."
Thanks.

Unfortunately the ones with broken links means that those threads were purged with the last great purge.
Many MLC threads were deleted in the purge.

You can try the success stories on Mozza's thread
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2581617#Post2581617
toward the bottom of the linked post.


Me-66, D33,S32
Re: MLC Successes/Cinders list of Restored Marriages [Re: Cadet] #2630712
12/11/15 09:57 PM
12/11/15 09:57 PM
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 255
R
Ripe Offline
Member
Ripe  Offline
Member
R
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 255
Thanks Cadet.
I know those stories collected by Monza and since I read them all I was looking for some "vintage" ones. As they say, the older the wine the better it tastes.
I have come to realize the following: this site is like a second home to me. It didn't save my marriage but it is doing a pretty damn job helping me save myself.
Being it so precious to me, I ask: Are there contingency plans in place if something happens to the forums?
Does anyone do regular backups of the database?

I think now is the time for some gratitude:
Thank you DB forum.
Thank you DB moderators.
Thank you veterans.
Thank you posters that enrich the forum with your sharing.

Last edited by Ripe; 12/11/15 09:58 PM.

Me43 W39
M 12y,T 15y
S09,S07
Bomb Jun14
Sleeping separately Jan/Mar15
Share bed Mar/May15
Reconcile Jun15
Aug15 W sais D will happen
D told to kids Sept15
W moved out with kids 01 October15
Re: MLC Successes/Cinders list of Restored Marriages [Re: Ripe] #2630826
12/12/15 11:10 AM
12/12/15 11:10 AM
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,218
NY
Cadet Offline OP

Member
Cadet  Offline OP

Member
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,218
NY
Originally Posted By: Ripe
I was looking for some "vintage" ones. As they say, the older the wine the better it tastes.
I have come to realize the following: this site is like a second home to me. It didn't save my marriage but it is doing a pretty damn job helping me save myself.
Being it so precious to me, I ask: Are there contingency plans in place if something happens to the forums?
Does anyone do regular backups of the database?

I think now is the time for some gratitude:
Thank you DB forum.
Thank you DB moderators.
Thank you veterans.
Thank you posters that enrich the forum with your sharing.


Here is one of the posters from the list all her posts that are still on the board
Rollercoasterider

I think that if you are trying to read some of these older stories many of them still have posts here that have not been purged, it will take some looking as the purge went through to a date somewhere in 2006, there are some older posts on the forum but due to its size many were not kept based on sheer volume.

As far as backup - I suggest you back up your own stuff as the person that pays the bills may not be able to afford to keep stuff around forever.

Maybe I will try to redo this thread again in the future although it was a lot of work the last time.

I am NOT a moderator on the MLC board and am not able to edit
these threads, so we shall see.

Hope that helps you Ripe.


Me-66, D33,S32
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Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

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