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Sorry for hijacking. I am in Newcomers, so didn't want to start a new thread in Piecing. My H has expressed interest in working on our R. I would appreciate any of you experinced Piecers to take a look at my thread and provide some insight. The thread is: Newbie: Is this MLC and how do I GAL Many thanks!


M:12yr
06/11:IDLYA
07/11:Moves out
08/11:PA disc(began in May)
09/11:Moves w OW
10/11:Breaks up w OW;gets apt
11&12/11: Touchngo w me
1/12: Comes home-PA resumes
2/12: PA disc; PA ends
Today: Piecing
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I feel like I am ready to forgive my husband for everything. Unfortunately, he doesn't want to work on our relationship and wants a divorce. I have overcome my resentment and just want to live peacefully with him. What does one do when the other person won't let go?

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Originally Posted By: JeanBean
Are you sure she is o.k. as living as roommates? I don't know her personality but she may not be o.k. with it but you don't realize it or she needs the space right now.

I just know that my husband had complained over and over about how he has to bring everything up and how we are roommates and it puts me on edge and makes me feel attacked and guilty.

I kind of feel like a turtle that puts their head back in the shell to protect against it. If she is a "turtle" like me when she feels "safe" she will open up.

If you prode, poke, or make her feel bad you are much less likely to get a good response. It just will make her feel bad, further away from you, and misunderstood. Just my 2 cents. :o)

I see this post is old, however it may help someone else! :o)


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Quick backstory: Hubby and I divorced 13ish years ago and remarried 10 years ago. No children. We spent the first 6 yrs. of our new marriage in a sexless, semi-together, mostly arguing state. Then he lost his job. During the two years he was unemployed, he came to see me differently and our marriage thrived. We both lost a bunch of weight, and our sex life returned and was finally what I would call a normal sex life. We were both extremely in love with each other. Then he found a new job which gave him a promotion. He works directly under the owner, manages two buildings and 40ish employees. He works all the time. As the work piled on, the sex died out. I have had a huge chip on my shoulder about that and let myself gain 50 pounds. We haven't had sex in almost three years now.

Soooooo, he comes home two days ago and says he loves me but misses the intimacy and is not "in" love with me. He says he doesn't think he can ever get back to where we were but wants to be friends. After the first divorce, we were NOT friends, and I was NEVER going to be his friend. He now worries that I will refuse to be a friend and will cut him off from my family (literally the only persons he has left in his family are his elderly father and aunt).

I am trying to reach back to my old days of Dbing and trying to stay calm and collected and unemotional. I have told him that it didn't matter if he had been trying to fall back "in" love with me because I had not been doing the same. I asked him to give us 6 months to actively try to come together before we planned on divorcing. He has agreed but is afraid I am setting myself up for failure.

Any advice on how to proceed without it looking like I am just making due?

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Originally Posted By: trekfan
I have told him that it didn't matter if he had been trying to fall back "in" love with me because I had not been doing the same.
I asked him to give us 6 months to actively try to come together before we planned on divorcing.
He has agreed but is afraid I am setting myself up for failure.


So you are not in love?
I am confused at what you are trying to do.
I assume it is to save your marriage.

I might suggest posting in newcomers with your story so
you can read the links and get some support.

Sorry you are back to DB'ing and in a sex starved marriage.


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I meant that I had not been putting any effort into the relationship. I had just been waiting for everything to be "ok" again.

Thanks for the advice. I will begin on a different forum.

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