Well I avoided the Witch all w/e. I replied to her asking me to clarify how 1 wanted to be billed (how about never) - told her that Josh and I had a very busy w/e and had not had a chance to review it. I would get back to her when we had a chance.
Ryan went into hospital today. He has not recovered from his admission of a month ago. Every day has been a challenge and I have done everything humanly possible to get to the bottom of it. He was in so much discomfort today - his dr and I agreed he needed to go back in. He looked so sad and so uncomfortable.
I had a meltdown this morning. Unusual for me. I cried my heart out. I even missed my Mom. As silly as it sounds - I told Josh I just wanted my Mom to bake me some chocolate chip cookies and serve them to me warm. I wanted the rest of my problems to magically disappear. I wish...
I made it clear to Ryan's worker today that I didn't want to talk to anyone (agency) so she spoke to them. They were helpful.
Josh was a Godsend as always - he stayed much longer (he goes home on Sundays) - drove me to hospital, dried my tears and researched Ry's illnesses on his phone. He also stayed and made me dinner.
My daughter decided to come tonight to visit. SHe will be here for 2 nights. I am happy about this - her boyfriend is coming too but they offered to help me with my beach.
Ryan's immune system is SHOT. He has been on 7 strong antibiotics in the past 5 months. He breaks our on different areas of his body every day. It is heartbreaking.
And that's my update. If they don't keep him in hospital till he is reasonably better this time - I might opt for hospice care for a short time when he is released - long enough to get hime to an easier care lever and long enough to give me time to sort out his care.
And that's my update. Daddy dearest is off in Russia on some kind of cloud without a thought about any of this. He knows "Barb will take care of it".
1) GOOD probiotics 2) Zinc 40 mg/d, essential for good skin healing 3) Cranberry tablets daily to prevent bacteria from sticking to the skin - works for wounds, not just bladder infections 4) Ask them to test cortisol/ACTH to make sure his adrenals are still working
You always have great suggestions. My daughter (holistic nutrition grad) got me to start him on Probiotics last week. Josh had suggested same. Is there a way to know if one Probiotic is better than another. The dr suggested one and I checked with the Pharmacist before I bought it. Sorry the name escapes me at the moment.
Ryan's dr does not have hospital privileges. (this seems to be more common these days unfortunately). I have not even met his new dr. Was told he would be in at 8 so I'm up early to go in and consult as I never once got to talk to his dr last time except at admission.
Ashley arrived last night with her BF. She has 2 days off and it was a last minute thing. So that will be a bit of a diversion for me. They have offered to haul some of my 5 tons of sand to the new beach. I have moved about 2 tons so far by myself. The beach looks great so far - had to take the past 4 days off, though, as the weather changed abruptly to COLD and RAINY. Today does not look too bad. Much cooler than those record breaking hot, humid days that I chose to be out there digging and hauling. Lost some weight, though - so that's not such a bad thing.
Upside to Ryan being in hospital - no one from the agency is in my house! Sometimes you just need to step aside. However - having him not here is worrying as well and certainly confusing to him which makes me feel sad. I will try to reassure him when I'm at hospital.
Good morning Barb....Sorry to hear about Ryans admission to the hospital.......but maybe just maybe it was a godsend to give U a little break and time to carry on with your "plan ".
Its never comfortable to have him away and in the hospital when he's ill, and not able to understand why.
Sand....your hauling sand in that heat.....lol......your crazy girl! I have a little john deere with a bucket but it would take me 7 days to get it there. Thats one of our other business's Excavating and a gravel pit, along with our campgrounds....yes were busy little beavers.....Hey if u ever get to sw MI.let me know.if U dont camp we have cabins.I call it our little slice of heaven. ( pioneerpoint.net) I hope i dont get in trouble posting that. sorry moderators Just giving Barb an idea for a great place to catch some peace and quiet.
Glad U didnt have to deal with the witch this weekend and Josh sounds like such a dream guy. U did good there. and as far as lalal land for the X. what can any of us say except psssllllllft. on him.
OH and meltdowns are good for the soul...........to release up all the pent up anger and sorrow....So glad you have such and understanding man by your side and Kudos for your daughter being able to help. HUGS Cindy
I honestly think Ry had to go into hospital for 2 reasons -
1. it is obvious that his skin condition is out of control. Every day was a new dilemma. I could not take it anymore.
2. I think God saw me struggling with decisions and drama and needed to give me some peace to be able to think clearly.
But as most people know - the hospital is NO BREAK! New dilemmas and decisions began the minute I arrived. Hospital dr says that an acute care hospital bed is not the place for Ryan - first - he can be treated at home (yeah - I've been doing THAT for 28 years!) and second - the longer he will be in hospital - the more chance he will catch something else (yeah I know - he caught MRSA in the hospital).
I met the Charge nurse and she was helpful. She could see my struggling and decision problems (I did not discuss the agency). When I mentioned lack of continuity with drs (my clinic rarely answers the phone - so without being able to make an appt - we sit there for several hours every week and often see a different dr). I had been forced (by the damn agency) to get a dr within 24 hrs one day last year. Again - it was that pressure - either you get a dr within 24 hrs or we won't be your agency. The other problem is that Ryan's dr (I DO like her but she is always rushed) does not have hospital privileges - so we have to take whoever. So - she mentioned some drs who might take us on as patients who have privileges. And without saying it exactly (it is unethical) - kind of insinuated that maybe we don't have a really good dr. OK - well - that is what I need to know - I had been feeling that might be necessary but with no "ins" in our new town - was not sure what my options are. And a decent dr is better than no dr. She agreed to help me.
Ryan was in good spirits yesterday but I could not spend the whole day there as my daughter was visiting. I got him a new cd player and a couple of cds and left early afternoon. Came home and agency called me immediately. She had just stopped in hospital (dodged a bullet there) right after I left. Of course she wanted to get involved with discharge planning and needed my permission. Which is, of course good when she is my agency, not so good when I'm in turmoil over it.
I then spoke to the government supervisor who is always very helpful. She and the other agency who subcontracts my agency have been chatting at my request. They are not so sure there is anyone better out there who would be reliable. They also have a bit of a problem with us meeting to talk about mine. I know they want to help but there can be problems. Still -we are still on for Friday. She believes that Josh and I together need to sit down and talk with the agency head and lay things on the line. Mostly about how much stress she is putting on me and about how much we can and cannot afford.
Then there were a series of calls from the hospital. So much for a peaceful afternoon with my daughter. More on that in a bit...
Thanks Cindy. I appreciate your supportive posts. We have a small lawn tractor with a trailer but our battery is dead and I think we're going to get rid of it. I hired a lawn company to cut the grass this year - they're doing it for a good price and it gives Josh more time for other things.
I have been to Michigan several times. Have some good friends in Grand Rapids.
Hospital told me yesterday that they don't plan to keep Ryan there long at all. And that maybe we should consider a short hospice stay in a nursing home for him. If he is released there (could be any day now) - they have to take him (my call to the nursing home didn't say that) - one floor is devoted to recovering hospital patients.
This is something new to me. He has always come home. Apparently they could keep him up to 6 or 8 weeks although it is not likely he would stay that long. The home is brand new and lovely - about half an hour from here (everything is half an hour away as we live rural now). I could visit daily (which I would) and they could take care of everything OR I could have my agency send in the girls for as many hours as I chose. (I would have to see how much care and interaction he was getting).
So - this is a big decision for me. It seems like an obvious decision aside from the fact that it is guilt ridden for me. It would also be fairly time consuming for me - going there daily but that's not the biggie. I worry about his happiness, his demeanour. I think I should visit there today as this may happen tomm or the next day. Although my daughter is visiting me until suppertime so between going to the hospital and going there - I get no time with her at all. And I have missed her!
I called the place yesterday to ask questions. The manager is calling me this morning. So we will see. I think that if his discharge is not imminent (as in today or tomorrow) - I might postpone my visit until tomm or I could go there after Ashley leaves around 5 today.
But what this decision WOULD do for me is buy me some time to figure my agency thing out. Time away gives me time to clear my head. Then I can make the decision about the agency and also about a new dr.
And I thought this summer was going to be easier...
