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Re: Sandi2's 37 Rules [Re: dbmod] #2456367
05/31/14 04:36 AM
05/31/14 04:36 AM
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 241
Canada
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rayzzz Offline
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Hey should "don't give your spouse too many compliments" be the same as #11 "dont tell your spouse I love you"?

I am just judging by my nasty cold reactions that I should shut the heck up when she looks so incredibly beautiful to me.

Rookie mistake on my part so now I am saying nothing and learning to wipe that stupid grin off my face when I see her. Women!


Me 42 W:35
M: 14yrs T:15yrs
D: 8yrs D:6yrs S:3yrs
BD: "I want a D"09/03/14
Sep: 30/06/14

Don't give up when you still have something to give. Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying.
Re: Sandi2's 37 Rules [Re: rayzzz] #2457124
06/03/14 04:08 PM
06/03/14 04:08 PM
Joined: May 2014
Posts: 133
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Grey Offline
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Originally Posted By: rayzzz
Hey should "don't give your spouse too many compliments" be the same as #11 "dont tell your spouse I love you"?

I am just judging by my nasty cold reactions that I should shut the heck up when she looks so incredibly beautiful to me.

Rookie mistake on my part so now I am saying nothing and learning to wipe that stupid grin off my face when I see her. Women!


Yeah, this is the sort of stuff I don't get.


My wife needs me to touch her, to kiss her goodnight, hold her hand, hug her. But I can't tell what the balance is now.

It used to be romantic (and is still what ALL her friends see when I do anything like that in public, they get vocally jealous), but now it's perceived as clingy?

I can be patient with my wife. I can stop being honest about how I feel, telling her she's pretty, buying her jewelry and flowers. I can't stop cooking for her or she won't eat, so how do I approach that? I can't sleep in another room because she hates that, so what do I do there?

And how long do I wait? My wife is not having an affair. She's just gone distant when I brought up how hurt I was and tried to communicate that we're in a sexless marriage after being married for 7 months and the sex was great and once or even twice a week before marriage.


How do I find the balance between looking like I'm ignoring her (which essentially I am, I just can't have her think that?) and otherwise just living my life without needing her in it?

Re: Sandi2's 37 Rules [Re: Grey] #2458000
06/06/14 01:19 PM
06/06/14 01:19 PM
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 5
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Spiff Offline
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My story so far:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Main=55669&Number=2457428

I'm trying to 180/GAL/Sandi's 37 rules, but seem very counter intuitive. WW is thinking about leaving for OM. I feel like my GAL will make her more comfortable with leaving and convince her that I didn't want to stay with her anyway. However, I had pretty much sucked up to her since DDay in April.

I am doing the 180, but have questions:

1> I text my wife during the day informing her where I might stop on the way home from work and if she needs anything. I do a significant amount of the shopping and abruptly stopping that seem more like "d**k move". Is this OK?

2> If my wife is watching TV, I will go in be in the same room, but not necessarily watch too. One attraction for her to OM is how easy conversation comes to them. If I withdraw too much, I'm just underscoring the difference between OM and me. Thoughts?

Re: Sandi2's 37 Rules [Re: dbmod] #2459276
06/10/14 04:39 PM
06/10/14 04:39 PM
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 5
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Timmy76 Offline
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Ok, so not to sound stupid, but what are these rules supposed to accomplish? This is all new to me. Since I'm reading these 37 rules and have failed on a large number of them to this point (especially #18), now what do I do? Help please?

Re: Sandi2's 37 Rules [Re: AlwaysTrying] #2459352
06/10/14 09:38 PM
06/10/14 09:38 PM
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Posts: 131
SE England, United Kingdom
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Mat Offline
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This list is SO helpful. My W walked away very recently; when she asks me how I am, what help am I getting (I have no reason to believe her concern is anything other than genuine), how do I deliver point 19, and to a lesser extent 17 and 30? I cannot lie and say I'm not bothered if she ever comes back or not, it's not going to come across as genuine. And saying "I feel fantastic!!" 2 days after she walked out and saw my tears makes absolutely no sense! I suppose I'm wondering if there's a grace period or a time frame element to these?

At the same time I am scared she will want to move swiftly to D before I've had time to shine...

No prizes for guessing I'm a newbie here smile


M:37
W:38
No kids
Together since 2006, Married since 2010
EA discovered 06/07/2014
W moved out 06/08/2014
Re: Sandi2's 37 Rules [Re: Mat] #2459568
06/11/14 06:24 PM
06/11/14 06:24 PM
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Roberta Offline
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I am sorry that you find yourself on this site. But, the best news is that we are here with answers for you. The concerns you have are real and the next moves you make are crucial to saving your marriage. I strongly urge you to make an appointment with a Divorce Busting Coach. Our coaches are trained to not only answer your questions, but to give you personal and professional advice on what to do to next. Learn how to get your marriage back on track. Call me today to discuss our program- 303-444-7004.


Roberta, Resource Coordinator
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Re: Sandi2's 37 Rules [Re: Mat] #2459569
06/11/14 06:30 PM
06/11/14 06:30 PM
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 6,810
Florida
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Starsky309 Offline
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Florida
Originally Posted By: Mat
how do I deliver point 19, and to a lesser extent 17 and 30? I cannot lie and say I'm not bothered if she ever comes back or not, it's not going to come across as genuine. And saying "I feel fantastic!!" 2 days after she walked out and saw my tears makes absolutely no sense!


Mat, try saying something along the lines of "Well, I've been doing a lot of thinking, and while this is NOT what I would have wished upon anyone, I have come to the realization that I WILL BE OKAY no matter what happens. I still don't want a divorce, but for now there are some things I want to work on, just for myself."

Be a little mysterious, and no, not over-the-top HAPPY or anything, but . . . just "I'll be okay."

Make sense?


Starsky


M57 W 57; D30 D28 S24 S20 GD7 GD2 GD1 GD5m GD1m
BD 5/07; W's affair 5/07-8/07

At the end of every hard-earned day, people gotta find some reason to believe. (Bruce Springsteen)
Re: Sandi2's 37 Rules [Re: Starsky309] #2459701
06/11/14 10:42 PM
06/11/14 10:42 PM
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 131
SE England, United Kingdom
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Mat Offline
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Posts: 131
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Originally Posted By: Starsky309


Mat, try saying something along the lines of "Well, I've been doing a lot of thinking, and while this is NOT what I would have wished upon anyone, I have come to the realization that I WILL BE OKAY no matter what happens. I still don't want a divorce, but for now there are some things I want to work on, just for myself."

Be a little mysterious, and no, not over-the-top HAPPY or anything, but . . . just "I'll be okay."

Make sense?


Starsky


Thanks starsky it does make sense. I just finished DR, and read the last resort pages so it's all coming together albeit slowly.


M:37
W:38
No kids
Together since 2006, Married since 2010
EA discovered 06/07/2014
W moved out 06/08/2014
Re: Sandi2's 37 Rules [Re: Mat] #2459848
06/12/14 05:54 PM
06/12/14 05:54 PM
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,010
NY
Cadet Offline

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Cadet  Offline

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Posts: 13,010
NY
Validation: Cheat Sheet

Above is a link for a great thread by Wonka to check out

Last edited by Cadet; 06/12/14 05:55 PM.

Me-65, D32,S31
Re: Sandi2's 37 Rules [Re: Cadet] #2459894
06/12/14 07:50 PM
06/12/14 07:50 PM
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 131
SE England, United Kingdom
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Mat Offline
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Mat  Offline
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Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 131
SE England, United Kingdom
Thanks - I am going back through the LRT pages in DR, and it's not obvious to me where validation stands wrt LRT? It sounds like good advice at all times, am I correct?

Another question I have for you and Starsky (and anyone else). My WAF plays the concerned card a lot, and asks questions about who I'm talking to and the sort of advice I'm getting. Now that was only from one convo; it could be that it's because I mentioned I was talking to people. But in these cases, is it going beyond LRT to say that it's none of her business, or is it perfectly within the rules?


M:37
W:38
No kids
Together since 2006, Married since 2010
EA discovered 06/07/2014
W moved out 06/08/2014
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Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

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