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A Message from Michele
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Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: alby44] #2239089
04/19/12 11:28 AM
04/19/12 11:28 AM
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 90
T
totallydevoted Offline
Member
totallydevoted  Offline
Member
T
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 90
How do you set your "signature"?


Me:44, W: 39
D:16, D:14, D:11(special needs)
M:17, T:21+
Bomb:3/18/12
W contacted mediator for D:3/27/12
Separate since bomb
Mediation, signed agreement 5/17/12
No talk of D since mediation
Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: dbmod] #2239412
04/20/12 05:36 AM
04/20/12 05:36 AM
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 2
California USA
C
CrayzieGirl Offline
New Member
CrayzieGirl  Offline
New Member
C
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 2
California USA
Well I wrote my scatter brained story the other night. I was so happy to find a site that encourages keeping the marriage but I really would have liked to hear some responses or advice from someone just cuz I just need so badly to communicate in order to sort things out in my head. But maybe I seem too complicated. I mean look at my username. I am a very isolated and alone person so I don't get to discuss my issues with anyone and I guess I was hoping a miracle suggestion or something would fall down outta the sky. One that I can see or read cuz my relationship with the MAN Upstairs isn't do hot neither at the moment a lllllonnnng moment. Anyway, I just thought I might express that to u. I'm not allowed to express myself to my husband or my family(whom I no longer speak to 5 siblings) THEY say I'm too BRASHi guess cuz I call it like I see it "AND I MIGHT HURT SOMEBODY'S FEELINGS" and 4 of them older taught me this. But anyway, sorry for my scatter brained self. I'll go from one thing to another and I have to focus on saving my marriage which isn't seeming very promising at this time. Cuz I'm at fault. For doing what I did! The ultimate no no! In a marriage! I betrayed my vows in the worst way possible!

Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: alby44] #2242832
05/04/12 12:43 PM
05/04/12 12:43 PM
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 9
M
Merlot Offline
New Member
Merlot  Offline
New Member
M
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 9
I have posted and it doesn't show. What am I doing wrong? Please let me know soon. As it is my relationship is sinking. Newcomer
Merlot

Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: Merlot] #2243383
05/07/12 03:19 PM
05/07/12 03:19 PM
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,026
NY
Cadet Online

Member
Cadet  Online

Member
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,026
NY
Originally Posted By: Merlot
I have posted and it doesn't show. What am I doing wrong? Please let me know soon. As it is my relationship is sinking. Newcomer
Merlot
You are not doing anything wrong.
You are on moderation right now and your posts need to be approved by the moderator.
First lesson in DB'ing - Patience.

DB Mod it might help if you could make a post about moderation explaining it to posters so that they get the official position about it.
Anything I write is just guessing and what I seem to observe.

Thanks in advance.


Me-65, D33,S32
Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: Cadet] #2243805
05/09/12 12:36 AM
05/09/12 12:36 AM
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 2,157
D
dbmod Offline OP
Member
dbmod  Offline OP
Member
D
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 2,157
Hi Cadet--

You are right, I think newbies need some explanation. And a fair amount is posted on this thread, so, I'm not really sure what else is needed. Let me know if what I post here doesn't cover it:

Newbies are moderated until the moderator on the forum has observed good posting behavior. The moderator approves each post, and then recommends to the administrator that the post can be unmoderated.

The goal to approve individual posts is 24 hours. There are very few moderators, and they have other full-time jobs. So, there are times that this approval does not happen within 24 hours. We apologize, we are committed to you, sometimes the timeframe is unavoidable.


dbmod
Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: dbmod] #2243870
05/09/12 06:29 AM
05/09/12 06:29 AM
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,026
NY
Cadet Online

Member
Cadet  Online

Member
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,026
NY
Originally Posted By: dbmod
Newbies are moderated until the moderator on the forum has observed good posting behavior. The moderator approves each post, and then recommends to the administrator that the post can be unmoderated.

So "good posting behavior" is following the TOS or DB advice?

When does moderation for a new poster end?

Is moderation different for a new poster on their own thread vs someone elses thread?

I might also suggest that you post this info, stick it and lock it to the top of the forum so no one else posts on the thread.

Thanks for explaining this.


Me-65, D33,S32
Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: Cadet] #2244084
05/10/12 12:11 AM
05/10/12 12:11 AM
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 2,157
D
dbmod Offline OP
Member
dbmod  Offline OP
Member
D
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 2,157
Those are the perfect questions, Cadet, and there is no onesizefitsall answer.

I am not speaking for other moderators, just giving my best answer based on my experience.

There can be 12-60 posts on a given day to approve, and especially if I have missed a day approving posts. So my goal is to read and approve the posts as quickly as possible, and then see who I have determined can come off full moderation. That's the short version.

"Good posting behavior" -- Following terms of service. Do you have to follow DB advice, no. Do you have to only give DB advice -- no. Can you give advice contrary to DB -- it depends on what it is.

When does moderation end: When the moderator has confidence in the posting behavior. It is not a certain number of posts.

When threads like this are closed so no one else can post, to you and me it might seem 'cleaner', but more folks get upset that they cannot respond with a question. (Notice that you personally were able to ask these questions in a forum that everyone can see.)

Is moderation different for a new poster on their own thread vs someone else's thread -- to me that is the most excellent question. I will just say -- for me -- when a newbie is posting all over the place it's harder to follow, to get a sense of continuity.

Last edited by dbmod; 05/10/12 12:20 AM.

dbmod
Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: alby44] #2245030
05/14/12 02:12 PM
05/14/12 02:12 PM
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 9
Ghana
E
episkopos Offline
New Member
episkopos  Offline
New Member
E
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 9
Ghana
I am new here. I am happily married however I get to counsel a lot of people in my fellowship on marital issues. I thought this will be a good place to share and learn from others about saving marriages.
Any suggestions about where to begin from? I welcome any help you can give me.

Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: episkopos] #2250387
06/01/12 01:16 PM
06/01/12 01:16 PM
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,219
S
scaredsilly Offline
Member
scaredsilly  Offline
Member
S
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,219
how do i send a private message? i tried but it said it was disabled. i went into "edit preferences" and could see nothing about sending private messages, only receiving them and i have "yes" selected. thanks


M:63
H:53
S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23
M:15
T:16

Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways."
H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12
12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing

Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: scaredsilly] #2250411
06/01/12 02:59 PM
06/01/12 02:59 PM
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 6,810
Florida
S
Starsky309 Offline
Member
Starsky309  Offline
Member
S
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 6,810
Florida
You can't, unfortunately. They are not allowed here, as a matter of forum policy.


Starsky


M57 W 57; D30 D28 S24 S20 GD7 GD2 GD1 GD5m GD1m
BD 5/07; W's affair 5/07-8/07

At the end of every hard-earned day, people gotta find some reason to believe. (Bruce Springsteen)
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Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

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