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A Message from Michele
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General Info for Newcomers #2215930
01/26/12 03:11 AM
01/26/12 03:11 AM
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Posts: 2,157
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dbmod Offline OP
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dbmod  Offline OP
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Joined: Aug 2008
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Welcome to divorcebusting.com!

The purpose of this site is to help you navigate through the solution-oriented techniques created by Michele Weiner-Davis that have been proven for over 30 years to save marriages. Her techniques are spelled out in the materials linked to this site, but most commonly on this board we are talking about Divorce Busting(DB), Divorce Remedy(DR) and Keeping Love Alive (KLA). Most of the folks here are familiar with one or more of these works, and while it's most helpful if you familiar with the techniques we will help you navigate them. This is not a peer-counseling site, it's a brainstorming solutions site. And yet, some folks will give you 'advice'.

Some of our members are more experienced with the materials than others. Some are not. And sometimes you will find advice that contradicts the principles here. You will find that those who know the principles and are committed to marriage will challenge bad advice. Good advice is about brining MORE LOVE into your relationship and therefore helps you brainstorm solutions. Bad 'advice' is very self centered and does the opposite.

We don't catch everything, though, so your BEST bet is to compare the advice you receive to the materials (DB/DR/KLA). And if it's confusing, click NOTIFY. We will help you as soon as we am able. Better yet--call for an appointment with a DB Coach.


dbmod
Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: dbmod] #2215931
01/26/12 03:12 AM
01/26/12 03:12 AM
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 2,157
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dbmod Offline OP
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dbmod  Offline OP
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Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 2,157
Which forum is MOST appropriate for me?

If you are new to this site, and especially if your spouse has a foot out the door--start with Newcomers, at least initially, to learn the basic techniques/skills. You will also want to check out the Divorce Remedy forum. Then:

If you are dealing with the specific issue of Infidelity, you might like to check out that forum.

If you are having trouble with a SEX-STARVED MARRIAGE, you may also like to find some support and creative solutions on that forum.


When your spouse is really willing to work with you, and has stopped talking about leaving, you are PIECING. I'll explain later, but it's important to catch that step and act accordingly. This is the space in which to really build your skillset and strengthen your relationship. You may find you backslide here, that's ok. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off--you're still 'Piecing' unless you really want to join a different forum. There is no need to go back to newcomers. You just begin again with a 'Beginner's Mind' if you need to.


Later, when you feel yo uare on more solid ground or that you have advanced, we have a forum for you if you'd still like to work on your DB skillset and get support: After Reconciling--Keeping the Changes Going.


We have other forums that you may want to check out, but this is the 'nuts and bolts'.


dbmod
Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: dbmod] #2215932
01/26/12 03:13 AM
01/26/12 03:13 AM
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Posts: 2,157
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dbmod Offline OP
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What is piecing?

What are your measurements of success? Do you feel you are good at catching the small successes and building on them? Do you feel you need a full melding of the minds / perfect harmony befor you feel you've made it.

Piecing is where you having a willing partner, working with you. You are no longer in the LRT. Your spouse is talking about being with you and not talking about leaving.

This is where you really build your skillset, and the better you do that, the more likely you won't be back at the heartbreak point.




Michele's facebook quote here is a real teaching point:

Quote:


When things are going right in your marriage, pay special attention to how you and your spouse act, think & feel. Reproduce these traits when things start going downhill.

Experiment, monitor results, modify accordingly.


dbmod
Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: dbmod] #2215933
01/26/12 03:14 AM
01/26/12 03:14 AM
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 2,157
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dbmod Offline OP
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dbmod  Offline OP
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Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 2,157
Just a reminder to post carefully and to know that once something is out there on the internet, it's forever.


dbmod
Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: dbmod] #2227547
03/05/12 04:16 AM
03/05/12 04:16 AM
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 1
california
L
Lioness4 Offline
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Lioness4  Offline
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L
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 1
california
I have been separated 6 weeks. No real communciation. 27 years married, 3 kids. He said he has never gotten to live his life.

Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: Lioness4] #2228203
03/06/12 09:30 PM
03/06/12 09:30 PM
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 9,676
Sonoran Desert
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labug Offline
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Lioness4, if you want responses you should create your own thread so others will see it and respond. You will be on moderation for awhile.


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: labug] #2229478
03/10/12 11:57 PM
03/10/12 11:57 PM
Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 335
Y
YankeeCandle Offline
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YankeeCandle  Offline
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Joined: Feb 2012
Posts: 335
What does moderation mean? I have submitted two topics, neither of which have popped up. Please advise. Thanks!

Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: YankeeCandle] #2234626
03/31/12 10:10 PM
03/31/12 10:10 PM
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 6
H
Hope-Love Offline
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Hope-Love  Offline
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Posts: 6
How do you get off of moderation? I need help now! Thanks.

Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: Hope-Love] #2237372
04/12/12 07:02 AM
04/12/12 07:02 AM
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 227
NW USA
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LIO Offline
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NW USA
Originally Posted By: Hope-Love
How do you get off of moderation? I need help now! Thanks.

Yes I would like to know how to get off moderation as well. I've posted 2 comments, 1 topic and would like to know when I can start to participate!

Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: LIO] #2238400
04/17/12 12:25 AM
04/17/12 12:25 AM
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 27
Pittsburgh, PA
A
alby44 Offline
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alby44  Offline
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A
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 27
Pittsburgh, PA
Yes I would like to know how to get off moderation as well. I've posted 3 comments, 1 topic and would like to know when I can start to participate!


Me (34), W(30)
3 kids (7, 5, 1.5)
Married 9 years
Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: alby44] #2239089
04/19/12 11:28 AM
04/19/12 11:28 AM
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 90
T
totallydevoted Offline
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totallydevoted  Offline
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Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 90
How do you set your "signature"?


Me:44, W: 39
D:16, D:14, D:11(special needs)
M:17, T:21+
Bomb:3/18/12
W contacted mediator for D:3/27/12
Separate since bomb
Mediation, signed agreement 5/17/12
No talk of D since mediation
Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: dbmod] #2239412
04/20/12 05:36 AM
04/20/12 05:36 AM
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 2
California USA
C
CrayzieGirl Offline
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Posts: 2
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Well I wrote my scatter brained story the other night. I was so happy to find a site that encourages keeping the marriage but I really would have liked to hear some responses or advice from someone just cuz I just need so badly to communicate in order to sort things out in my head. But maybe I seem too complicated. I mean look at my username. I am a very isolated and alone person so I don't get to discuss my issues with anyone and I guess I was hoping a miracle suggestion or something would fall down outta the sky. One that I can see or read cuz my relationship with the MAN Upstairs isn't do hot neither at the moment a lllllonnnng moment. Anyway, I just thought I might express that to u. I'm not allowed to express myself to my husband or my family(whom I no longer speak to 5 siblings) THEY say I'm too BRASHi guess cuz I call it like I see it "AND I MIGHT HURT SOMEBODY'S FEELINGS" and 4 of them older taught me this. But anyway, sorry for my scatter brained self. I'll go from one thing to another and I have to focus on saving my marriage which isn't seeming very promising at this time. Cuz I'm at fault. For doing what I did! The ultimate no no! In a marriage! I betrayed my vows in the worst way possible!

Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: alby44] #2242832
05/04/12 12:43 PM
05/04/12 12:43 PM
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 9
M
Merlot Offline
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Merlot  Offline
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Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 9
I have posted and it doesn't show. What am I doing wrong? Please let me know soon. As it is my relationship is sinking. Newcomer
Merlot

Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: Merlot] #2243383
05/07/12 03:19 PM
05/07/12 03:19 PM
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,011
NY
Cadet Offline

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Cadet  Offline

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Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,011
NY
Originally Posted By: Merlot
I have posted and it doesn't show. What am I doing wrong? Please let me know soon. As it is my relationship is sinking. Newcomer
Merlot
You are not doing anything wrong.
You are on moderation right now and your posts need to be approved by the moderator.
First lesson in DB'ing - Patience.

DB Mod it might help if you could make a post about moderation explaining it to posters so that they get the official position about it.
Anything I write is just guessing and what I seem to observe.

Thanks in advance.


Me-65, D32,S31
Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: Cadet] #2243805
05/09/12 12:36 AM
05/09/12 12:36 AM
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 2,157
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dbmod Offline OP
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dbmod  Offline OP
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Joined: Aug 2008
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Hi Cadet--

You are right, I think newbies need some explanation. And a fair amount is posted on this thread, so, I'm not really sure what else is needed. Let me know if what I post here doesn't cover it:

Newbies are moderated until the moderator on the forum has observed good posting behavior. The moderator approves each post, and then recommends to the administrator that the post can be unmoderated.

The goal to approve individual posts is 24 hours. There are very few moderators, and they have other full-time jobs. So, there are times that this approval does not happen within 24 hours. We apologize, we are committed to you, sometimes the timeframe is unavoidable.


dbmod
Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: dbmod] #2243870
05/09/12 06:29 AM
05/09/12 06:29 AM
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,011
NY
Cadet Offline

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Cadet  Offline

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Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,011
NY
Originally Posted By: dbmod
Newbies are moderated until the moderator on the forum has observed good posting behavior. The moderator approves each post, and then recommends to the administrator that the post can be unmoderated.

So "good posting behavior" is following the TOS or DB advice?

When does moderation for a new poster end?

Is moderation different for a new poster on their own thread vs someone elses thread?

I might also suggest that you post this info, stick it and lock it to the top of the forum so no one else posts on the thread.

Thanks for explaining this.


Me-65, D32,S31
Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: Cadet] #2244084
05/10/12 12:11 AM
05/10/12 12:11 AM
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 2,157
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dbmod Offline OP
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Those are the perfect questions, Cadet, and there is no onesizefitsall answer.

I am not speaking for other moderators, just giving my best answer based on my experience.

There can be 12-60 posts on a given day to approve, and especially if I have missed a day approving posts. So my goal is to read and approve the posts as quickly as possible, and then see who I have determined can come off full moderation. That's the short version.

"Good posting behavior" -- Following terms of service. Do you have to follow DB advice, no. Do you have to only give DB advice -- no. Can you give advice contrary to DB -- it depends on what it is.

When does moderation end: When the moderator has confidence in the posting behavior. It is not a certain number of posts.

When threads like this are closed so no one else can post, to you and me it might seem 'cleaner', but more folks get upset that they cannot respond with a question. (Notice that you personally were able to ask these questions in a forum that everyone can see.)

Is moderation different for a new poster on their own thread vs someone else's thread -- to me that is the most excellent question. I will just say -- for me -- when a newbie is posting all over the place it's harder to follow, to get a sense of continuity.

Last edited by dbmod; 05/10/12 12:20 AM.

dbmod
Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: alby44] #2245030
05/14/12 02:12 PM
05/14/12 02:12 PM
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 9
Ghana
E
episkopos Offline
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episkopos  Offline
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Joined: May 2012
Posts: 9
Ghana
I am new here. I am happily married however I get to counsel a lot of people in my fellowship on marital issues. I thought this will be a good place to share and learn from others about saving marriages.
Any suggestions about where to begin from? I welcome any help you can give me.

Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: episkopos] #2250387
06/01/12 01:16 PM
06/01/12 01:16 PM
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,219
S
scaredsilly Offline
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scaredsilly  Offline
Member
S
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,219
how do i send a private message? i tried but it said it was disabled. i went into "edit preferences" and could see nothing about sending private messages, only receiving them and i have "yes" selected. thanks


M:63
H:53
S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23
M:15
T:16

Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways."
H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12
12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing

Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: scaredsilly] #2250411
06/01/12 02:59 PM
06/01/12 02:59 PM
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 6,810
Florida
S
Starsky309 Offline
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Starsky309  Offline
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Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 6,810
Florida
You can't, unfortunately. They are not allowed here, as a matter of forum policy.


Starsky


M57 W 57; D30 D28 S24 S20 GD7 GD2 GD1 GD5m GD1m
BD 5/07; W's affair 5/07-8/07

At the end of every hard-earned day, people gotta find some reason to believe. (Bruce Springsteen)
Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: Starsky309] #2250420
06/01/12 03:39 PM
06/01/12 03:39 PM
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,219
S
scaredsilly Offline
Member
scaredsilly  Offline
Member
S
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,219
well, thanks for letting me know. i was going crazy trying to enable them! at least i know i'm not stupid (in that respect)! ;-)


M:63
H:53
S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23
M:15
T:16

Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways."
H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12
12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing

Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: alby44] #2250477
06/01/12 06:12 PM
06/01/12 06:12 PM
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 271
R
Rachael55 Offline
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Rachael55  Offline
Member
R
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 271
How do I start posting? I tryed 2 days ago. I am new to this.
thanks
rachael55

Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: Rachael55] #2250483
06/01/12 06:20 PM
06/01/12 06:20 PM
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 678
Jacksonville, FL
I
InAPickle Offline
Member
InAPickle  Offline
Member
I
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 678
Jacksonville, FL
Originally Posted By: Rachael55
How do I start posting? I tryed 2 days ago. I am new to this.
thanks
rachael55


Your thread is on page 5.
Sorry there hasn't been much traffic.
can you go there and tell a little more: children? ages? years together? first M? "issues"? What's he saying exactly?


Me 53 XW 50
M 18 Years +2
S14 D19
Bomb 10-24-10
Served 1-27-11
Mediate 4-21-11
Civil D Final 6-2-11
No church anullment
"A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: InAPickle] #2260520
07/07/12 06:34 PM
07/07/12 06:34 PM
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 1,378
USA
T
Takevowsserious Offline
Member
Takevowsserious  Offline
Member
T
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 1,378
USA
Hello,

I tried a post on the 3rd, but nothing has shown up. It says I have 1 post in my profile, but no where else.

Also, no matter how short I make it, it says my signature is too long.

Help please! Thanks.


Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me

~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: Takevowsserious] #2265849
07/26/12 08:41 PM
07/26/12 08:41 PM
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,011
NY
Cadet Offline

Member
Cadet  Offline

Member
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,011
NY
Just answered this question and thought I would also post the answer here so I could find the answer again if someone needs it.
Originally Posted By: NASCARDaddy
I do have one question that is related to board operations and not to my situation.

Is there any way that I can set it up to receive e-mail notification when there are new posts in threads that I am following?

OK I have been researching this question as I do not use this function but it DOES work.

I have just tested it and got my first e-mail from DB.

Let me see if I can explain it.

There are quite a few steps to set it all up.

1) At the top of your topic it says - New Reply - and then another box that says topic options.

There is a drop down menu and one of the choices is to "Add topic to your Watched Topics" - select that.

Then go to "MY STUFF" and click on "WATCH LISTS"
Then another page comes up and you must click on "Watched Topics"
and then "Edit Watched Topics"

Then you will get a choice of
E-Mail Notification
None
Immediately

Select Immediately
Then at the bottom hit
UPDATE WATCHED TOPICS.

That should set it up correctly,
it is working for me. Good Luck!


Me-65, D32,S31
Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: alby44] #2279017
09/08/12 03:59 PM
09/08/12 03:59 PM
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,219
S
scaredsilly Offline
Member
scaredsilly  Offline
Member
S
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,219
is there a way to change a posting icon?


M:63
H:53
S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23
M:15
T:16

Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways."
H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12
12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing

Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: scaredsilly] #2279024
09/08/12 04:42 PM
09/08/12 04:42 PM
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,011
NY
Cadet Offline

Member
Cadet  Offline

Member
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,011
NY
Originally Posted By: scaredsilly
is there a way to change a posting icon?

Before you post yes, but since editing is not allowed then afterwords no


Me-65, D32,S31
Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: Starsky309] #2289812
10/16/12 09:00 AM
10/16/12 09:00 AM
Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 582
S
Soul.Searching Offline
Member
Soul.Searching  Offline
Member
S
Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 582
Hi,
I tried to add a signature earlier but it kept saying I went over the allowed characters but didn't tell me how many I can use. Is there a different number of available characters for newbies on moderation? Or do I need to wait until I'm off moderation to add a signature?


M: 29, H: 31
D: 9
S: 8
T: 13 Y
M: 9 Y
ILYBIDKIILWY 12/09/2012
~~~~
Worrying does not empty tomorrow
of its troubles. ~~~ it Emptys today of its strengths
Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: dbmod] #2293212
10/26/12 03:30 AM
10/26/12 03:30 AM
Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 1
C
Calliopebrook Offline
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Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 1
Originally Posted By: dbmod
Which forum is MOST appropriate for me?

If you are new to this site, and especially if your spouse has a foot out the door--start with Newcomers, at least initially, to learn the basic techniques/skills. You will also want to check out the Divorce Remedy forum. Then:

If you are dealing with the specific issue of Infidelity, you might like to check out that forum.

If you are having trouble with a SEX-STARVED MARRIAGE, you may also like to find some support and creative solutions on that forum.


When your spouse is really willing to work with you, and has stopped talking about leaving, you are PIECING. I'll explain later, but it's important to catch that step and act accordingly. This is the space in which to really build your skillset and strengthen your relationship. You may find you backslide here, that's ok. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off--you're still 'Piecing' unless you really want to join a different forum. There is no need to go back to newcomers. You just begin again with a 'Beginner's Mind' if you need to.


Later, when you feel yo uare on more solid ground or that you have advanced, we have a forum for you if you'd still like to work on your DB skillset and get support: After Reconciling--Keeping the Changes Going.


We have other forums that you may want to check out, but this is the 'nuts and bolts'.

I remember

Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: Soul.Searching] #2294025
10/29/12 05:50 AM
10/29/12 05:50 AM
Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 582
S
Soul.Searching Offline
Member
Soul.Searching  Offline
Member
S
Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 582
Hi, I'm not sure how to contact a mod here. I don't think PMs are allowed?
I tried to change my display name about three or four days ago. It said it had to be approved by a mod. I'm just not sure if I done it right though. Can someone loil In to it for me please?


M: 29, H: 31
D: 9
S: 8
T: 13 Y
M: 9 Y
ILYBIDKIILWY 12/09/2012
~~~~
Worrying does not empty tomorrow
of its troubles. ~~~ it Emptys today of its strengths
Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: Soul.Searching] #2294786
10/31/12 11:07 AM
10/31/12 11:07 AM
Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 103
L
lostsoul13 Offline
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L
Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 103
Hi I made several posts in the last few days and none are showing up...

frown be nice to get feedback.


Me:36 W:34
T:15 M:10
3 kids
S8 S5 S1
D-Day 9/17/2012
OM Confirmed 9/18/2012

Month of November found my balls
Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: Cadet] #2318785
01/30/13 04:20 PM
01/30/13 04:20 PM
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,011
NY
Cadet Offline

Member
Cadet  Offline

Member
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,011
NY
Going to Post this here so I can find it again if I need it.

How to find a user on DB

Go up to
MY STUFF
Click on Watch List
Click on Watched Users
Click on Edit Watched Users
Click on Add a user to list
Type in user - "Never Give UP"
Select her as a watched user.
Click on her name
Click on show all posts.
Click on Topics

Hope that helps.


Me-65, D32,S31
Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: Cadet] #2318792
01/30/13 04:38 PM
01/30/13 04:38 PM
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,011
NY
Cadet Offline

Member
Cadet  Offline

Member
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,011
NY
One more to add.

How to quote

Simplest method to quote is to use the quote button at the bottom.

Next method is to copy what you want to quote and use the fifth button from the right in REPLY mode,
insert text between brackets.

Last and hardest method is to type
I have left out the trailing bracket so you can see what to type.

[quote=tonibertha]How to quote[/quote

Use the PREVIEW POST button before you hit submit so you can see what your post will look like.

Hope that helps someone


Me-65, D32,S31
Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: Cadet] #2338390
04/12/13 01:30 PM
04/12/13 01:30 PM
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,011
NY
Cadet Offline

Member
Cadet  Offline

Member
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,011
NY
Since I seem to be using this thread for helpful hints about using the DB forum, here is another tidbit.

If you are reading someones posts, using the SHOW POSTS function.
And they have a lot of posts, you may want to go to a certain page of the listing.
So in the bottom right corner it say pages 1-xxx
Then there is a black downward facing arrow.
If you click on that arrow then you can enter a page number.

Took me about 2 years to figure that out.

Also the forum defaults can be changed to put more or less posts on a page.

Or you can change what is displayed to look at older posts.

There is a lot of information here but it takes some work to find it all.


Me-65, D32,S31
Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: Cadet] #2346538
05/08/13 09:18 AM
05/08/13 09:18 AM
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 1,970
NY
R
RosaLinda Offline
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RosaLinda  Offline
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R
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 1,970
NY
Hi d mod, I started my initial thread (H is back in Replay after a brief period of sanity) this past Sunday. I know it takes you some time to plow thru all the posts of folks under moderation, but I'm starting to wonder if mine was lost somehow. Should I repost it or wait longer? Thanks
Linda M

Me - 60 
Husb - 59
Married - 38 years
2 Sons  - 27, 38
Bomb - 1/10 
EA - 9/09-9/11, 7/12-9/12, 1/13-present
PA - 2 weeks in 3/13
Still living in same house "as friends"


Linda

Me 65, Ex 64
M 38 y
2 adult S, 4 G-Kids
MLC 11/07
BD 12/09
D 3/14
Dating nice guy 7/14
Engaged to nice guy 12/17
Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: RosaLinda] #2347639
05/10/13 07:01 PM
05/10/13 07:01 PM
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 1,970
NY
R
RosaLinda Offline
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RosaLinda  Offline
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R
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 1,970
NY
My thread was posted this morning, thanks so much!


Linda

Me 65, Ex 64
M 38 y
2 adult S, 4 G-Kids
MLC 11/07
BD 12/09
D 3/14
Dating nice guy 7/14
Engaged to nice guy 12/17
Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: RosaLinda] #2353156
05/29/13 03:42 PM
05/29/13 03:42 PM
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 4,866
Canoe'k-land
~
~ kd ~ Offline
Member
~ kd ~  Offline
Member
~
Joined: Mar 2011
Posts: 4,866
Canoe'k-land
Perhaps more for those who have been at this a little while and thinking that DB is not working for them or wondering WHY it seems not to be working, but also for newbies to help them understand the pitfalls of not doing the work:

Why You Haven’t Seen Change in Your Marriage

Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: ~ kd ~] #2355560
06/06/13 01:29 AM
06/06/13 01:29 AM
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 87
G
GotoGirl Offline
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GotoGirl  Offline
Member
G
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 87
Is there a way to delete a post?I accidentally posted twice and just wanted to "declutter."


M-38;H38
M15
D13 & D7
BD 3/2012


Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: GotoGirl] #2355624
06/06/13 10:49 AM
06/06/13 10:49 AM
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,011
NY
Cadet Offline

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Cadet  Offline

Member
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,011
NY
Originally Posted By: GotoGirl
Is there a way to delete a post?I accidentally posted twice and just wanted to "declutter."

Press the NOTIFY button and ask a moderator on the one to delete.
I am not sure whether it is allowed or not.


Me-65, D32,S31
Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: Cadet] #2361889
06/26/13 09:26 PM
06/26/13 09:26 PM
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 118
west
B
brobafet Offline
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brobafet  Offline
Member
B
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 118
west
What do I do if I completely failed and W wants D. Specifically asked me to let her go?


Me 32
W 30
Married 11
D10, S6
BD#1 January of 09
OM#1 2005
OM#2 Dec 08
OM#3 March/April of 09
Back together August 09
OM#4 May 13
W moves out June 2013
BD#2 June 21 2013
Filed July 2013
D final in Oct
Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: brobafet] #2361914
06/26/13 10:17 PM
06/26/13 10:17 PM
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 2,877
VA
A
adinva Offline
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adinva  Offline
Member
A
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 2,877
VA
That happened to nearly all of us. You DB. You become someone only a fool would leave. You work on yourself, detach, follow the 37 rules. That is exactly why we're all here, pretty much. You are in good company here.


Adinva 51, S20, S18
M24 total
6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out
9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50
5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend
__
Happiness is a warm puppy.
Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: adinva] #2361970
06/27/13 01:20 AM
06/27/13 01:20 AM
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 2,157
D
dbmod Offline OP
Member
dbmod  Offline OP
Member
D
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 2,157
Good advice!


dbmod
Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: Soul.Searching] #2367121
07/13/13 11:51 PM
07/13/13 11:51 PM
Joined: Jul 2013
Posts: 14
L
LimboLove Offline
New Member
LimboLove  Offline
New Member
L
Joined: Jul 2013
Posts: 14
I can't seem to find the beginning of a thread/story. I'm stuck right now only reading comments/replies to a story. What am I doing wrong ?


Me 35/H 34
M 11/T 18
D 22 lives alone
D 17 at home
S 12 at home
Bomb #1 01/13 He moved out
Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: LimboLove] #2367654
07/15/13 10:31 PM
07/15/13 10:31 PM
Joined: Jul 2013
Posts: 17
F
Fighting4mylife Offline
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Fighting4mylife  Offline
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F
Joined: Jul 2013
Posts: 17
Hi. I am new to this site and I am miserable. I am currently writing this while I am lying next to a man I do not know anymore. We have been married for 18 years. We have always been a really tight couple but 3 years ago my husband lost his job and took a job that sees him traveling every week out of the country to fun foreign places. At first it was ok but I hate it. Gradually we lost contact with friends and family. And then he stopped saying he loved me that frequently. Then in April he told me he could see us separating after the kids graduated in the next 6 years. Then in May he told me that he would never forgive me for the career mistakes HE made in our marriage. Then a week later he told me he just doesn't love me anymore but he is going to try for the next two years until our oldest daughter graduates. But then if it doesn't work by then he is leaving me because he has always wanted to live alone and it would give me time to remarry while I am young. However he wants to have sex all the time. More than ever. He is seriously depressed about his job but then the next day argues how great it is. I just say nothing. He spends all his time learning french. I took the girls on vacation because he was working and he mad a huge deal about how great it was to be alone but all he did was drink . Since I got back he told me that I have 20 months to get my self together or he is leaving. But I have no idea what I am supposed to be doing. He can't tell me one thing. He has been cruel to me and is lavishing attention on our youngest child. Now I am stuck at his parents house with him for two weeks. In private he is complaining how miserable he is and how he didnt want to come. And being overall cruel and cold to me but In Front of his parents he is being nice and like his old self. I am just so sad as I see this person I love so much being cruel and cold and really mean to me. I really need help here.


Fighting for my life
W=45 H=38
M=18yrs
D=16
D=13
Bomb Dropped = 5/10/13
Still in house for I guess another two years according to him.
Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: Fighting4mylife] #2367930
07/16/13 07:06 PM
07/16/13 07:06 PM
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,011
NY
Cadet Offline

Member
Cadet  Offline

Member
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,011
NY
Originally Posted By: Fighting4mylife
Hi it's me again. I haven't had any responses to the above and wondered if I put this in the wrong place

I am guessing since you have one more post that is not yet on the board that it is stuck in moderation.

If you havent already I would suggest you copy and paste your info post onto your own thread.

Sorry about the moderation but those are the way the rules work here.

There is lots that you can do in the meantime, plenty to read and learn about.

Keep posting and you will be off moderation in no time. smile smile smile


Me-65, D32,S31
Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: dbmod] #2370602
07/24/13 11:40 PM
07/24/13 11:40 PM
Joined: Jul 2013
Posts: 17
S
sunshine63 Offline
New Member
sunshine63  Offline
New Member
S
Joined: Jul 2013
Posts: 17
Hello everyone , I'm excited to become a member of the online community . Looking forward to posting and getting other perspectives on my situation . Would really appreciate hearing from you all. This is really a test post to see how it all works ! Thanks smile

Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: Fighting4mylife] #2373837
08/06/13 01:11 AM
08/06/13 01:11 AM
Joined: Aug 2013
Posts: 26
These United States
W
workinprogress Offline
Member
workinprogress  Offline
Member
W
Joined: Aug 2013
Posts: 26
These United States
You must be feeling miserable right now. On the bright side he has opened up and actually shared with you that something is wrong! I know you probably think I'm crazy right now, but he is sharing with you that things need to change! Most men do this in their heads and then one day...kablooey! He is still under the same roof, and he is still having relations with you! These are two positives. There are a lot of marriage books . I'm waiting on Divorce Remedy, but am in the middle of many books. His Needs Her Needs is a good one, that may give you some insight. Also, you may benefit from the Gottman Institue web site. He sounds angry and as if he is holding some resentment...even though he says two years, the fact that he is verbalizing now may be him getting closer to taking action. Time is of the essence, start reading ! I didn't get such an in your face message, my spouse just gave me a sentence here and there, and I didn't understand that there was much more going on in his head. Keep posting and venting!


MLC=[censored] to be him

empathy: putting myself in his shoes and fighting like Hell for our marriage

" I will see you again...this is not where it ends..."
Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: alby44] #2380865
08/30/13 07:41 AM
08/30/13 07:41 AM
Joined: Aug 2013
Posts: 49
UK
T
trueblue1 Offline
Member
trueblue1  Offline
Member
T
Joined: Aug 2013
Posts: 49
UK
Hi,

I have tried to start a thread without success twice,

could you please advise

thanks


Me 50
W 46
Stepson 16
Together 6yr, Married 3yr
Known each other 20yr
ILYBNILWY Jul 13
Found out about affair Jul 13
Left Marital home Jul 13
Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: trueblue1] #2383024
09/06/13 11:57 PM
09/06/13 11:57 PM
Joined: Sep 2013
Posts: 5
I
ILoveMyWife! Offline
New Member
ILoveMyWife!  Offline
New Member
I
Joined: Sep 2013
Posts: 5
I am experiencing the same thing. I dont like waiting and it doesnt seem like these boards are that active. I think if the approval process wasnt so stringent I think people would be here more often and the retention rate would be much higher.

Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: Cadet] #2388286
09/25/13 05:48 PM
09/25/13 05:48 PM
Joined: Sep 2013
Posts: 2
H
Harold Offline
New Member
Harold  Offline
New Member
H
Joined: Sep 2013
Posts: 2
Originally Posted By: Cadet
Just answered this question and thought I would also post the answer here so I could find the answer again if someone needs it.
Originally Posted By: NASCARDaddy
I do have one question that is related to board operations and not to my situation.

Is there any way that I can set it up to receive e-mail notification when there are new posts in threads that I am following?

OK I have been researching this question as I do not use this function but it DOES work.

I have just tested it and got my first e-mail from DB.

Let me see if I can explain it.

There are quite a few steps to set it all up.

1) At the top of your topic it says - New Reply - and then another box that says topic options.

There is a drop down menu and one of the choices is to "Add topic to your Watched Topics" - select that.

Then go to "MY STUFF" and click on "WATCH LISTS"
Then another page comes up and you must click on "Watched Topics"
and then "Edit Watched Topics"

Then you will get a choice of
E-Mail Notification
None
Immediately

Select Immediately
Then at the bottom hit
UPDATE WATCHED TOPICS.

That should set it up correctly,
it is working for me. Good Luck!


Cadet (or others)
Realize it's been a long time since you posted this, but I'm stuck.....

First, the "add topic to your Watched Topics" doesn't work, as it does not show up in my watch list. Is that because I'm new?

Second, when I want to check email notification, the only option I see is to get notification for a whole forum like "For Newcomers" and not the individual thread like "Newbies introduce yourself /moderation notes" which I'd like to follow. Is there an option for this?

Thanks
Harold


Harold
Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: Harold] #2388315
09/25/13 07:07 PM
09/25/13 07:07 PM
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,011
NY
Cadet Offline

Member
Cadet  Offline

Member
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,011
NY
Originally Posted By: Harold
Originally Posted By: Cadet
Just answered this question and thought I would also post the answer here so I could find the answer again if someone needs it.
Originally Posted By: NASCARDaddy
I do have one question that is related to board operations and not to my situation.

Is there any way that I can set it up to receive e-mail notification when there are new posts in threads that I am following?

OK I have been researching this question as I do not use this function but it DOES work.

I have just tested it and got my first e-mail from DB.

Let me see if I can explain it.

There are quite a few steps to set it all up.

1) At the top of your topic it says - New Reply - and then another box that says topic options.

There is a drop down menu and one of the choices is to "Add topic to your Watched Topics" - select that.

Then go to "MY STUFF" and click on "WATCH LISTS"
Then another page comes up and you must click on "Watched Topics"
and then "Edit Watched Topics"

Then you will get a choice of
E-Mail Notification
None
Immediately

Select Immediately
Then at the bottom hit
UPDATE WATCHED TOPICS.

That should set it up correctly,
it is working for me. Good Luck!


Cadet (or others)
Realize it's been a long time since you posted this, but I'm stuck.....

First, the "add topic to your Watched Topics" doesn't work, as it does not show up in my watch list. Is that because I'm new?

Second, when I want to check email notification, the only option I see is to get notification for a whole forum like "For Newcomers" and not the individual thread like "Newbies introduce yourself /moderation notes" which I'd like to follow. Is there an option for this?

Thanks
Harold

Re-read my instructions above, you must use the "TOPIC OPTIONS" dropdown first.

I was just able to add that topic to my list.
You must first go in the topic and then use the dropdown menu, and it added right to my list.

It is also possible that you need a minimum of 10 posts for this to work, I am not sure about that part.


Me-65, D32,S31
Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: Cadet] #2391411
10/06/13 08:35 PM
10/06/13 08:35 PM
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 3
D
doug777 Offline
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doug777  Offline
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D
Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 3
Hello, also looking forward to posting and getting other perspectives on my situation . Would really appreciate hearing from you all. Thanks!

Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: doug777] #2449968
05/03/14 12:26 AM
05/03/14 12:26 AM
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 183
V
vossy Offline
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vossy  Offline
Member
V
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 183
Hi. New here, and just wondering if I am missing something. I have posted three times, in my own thread, as suggested, but only one post has shown up after several days. I am desperate for help, so if there is something I should be doing differently, I'd love to know about it.

Thanks


M: 31 H: 36
T: 10.5 (not married)
BD: 10/13
Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: Soul.Searching] #2458893
06/09/14 06:31 PM
06/09/14 06:31 PM
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,174
Mid-Atlantic, USA
G
GoatGal Offline
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GoatGal  Offline
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G
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,174
Mid-Atlantic, USA
How to I unsubscribe from emails?
I really don't want my H seeing all these "Divorce Busting" emails popping up.

He might get the wrong idea.
(*wink*)


Me 54 Him 63
M 23 T 29
0 Kids
Funny Farm of Rescues
12/12 OW--
5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied
9/13 Proof OW: ENDED
2/14 Got D papers on my BD
I kicked him out for my sanity
9/14 He wants to "talk"?



Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: GoatGal] #2459002
06/09/14 11:22 PM
06/09/14 11:22 PM
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,011
NY
Cadet Offline

Member
Cadet  Offline

Member
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,011
NY
Originally Posted By: GoatGal
How to I unsubscribe from emails?
I really don't want my H seeing all these "Divorce Busting" emails popping up.

He might get the wrong idea.
(*wink*)

Answered on her thread

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2458910#Post2458910


Me-65, D32,S31
Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: Cadet] #2465384
07/02/14 06:54 AM
07/02/14 06:54 AM
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,106
Merrie England
O
Old Dog Offline
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Old Dog  Offline
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O
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,106
Merrie England
As a newcomer to the board - one month’s experience now - I was thinking about the basics whilst lying awake this morning and I remembered how I had difficulty interpreting what is often the first welcoming reply to a new thread by Cadet.

I don’t mean to be impertinent: after all everyone does a fantastic job here and you have helped so many people: it is very much appreciated. Anyway I have jotted down a few thoughts: I’m sure everyone will take them in the spirit intended.

I’ve just done a day’s UX work and thought I could bring to bear some of the thinking involved. UX? what is UX? UX stands for User eXperience. You see, if you don’t know what an acronym stands for, it gets in the way.

Welcome to the board

Get out and GAL.
I think some, in a confused state of mind, may interpret ‘get out’ as ‘get out of the marriage’, so perhaps ‘go out’ would be preferable and convert to GAL simply to ‘get a life (GAL)’.

DETACH.
I hadn’t read DB yet, so this was confusing for me. I think it could do with a brief explanation. I first thought of ‘free yourself from your current emotional entanglement’ but I’m sure others could come up with something better.

Believe none of what she says and half of what she does.

Have NO EXPECTATIONS.

Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.

You are on moderation right now on the forum.
SO post in small frequent posts until you get off of it.


Your W is giving you a GIFT.
THE GIFT OF TIME.

Again I was confused, time to what? All I knew was I felt despair. Perhaps stress something like time to step back, see who you are, sort yourself out and rebuild your life.

USE it wisely.

Knowledge is Power - Sir Francis Bacon


M: 57 / EW: 52
T: 21, M: 8
S: 18, S: 15
Bomb: 1 Jun 14
EA Aug 2014 I think
PA Feb 2015 possibly sooner
Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: Old Dog] #2465391
07/02/14 11:35 AM
07/02/14 11:35 AM
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 942
Minnesota
W
Wet Offline
Member
Wet  Offline
Member
W
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 942
Minnesota
Hi odsnt,

I am also a newbie. But I am finding the "detach", GAL, and the "Gift of Time" ideas really helpful.

For me, before I found this website and read DR, I was obsessing about my separated W. I had my W's photos on my computer, and I'd like to look at them. I would call my W for the lamest of excuses. I would text her nice things, even though we were separated for over 11 months (now over a year).

By detaching, I am thinking about her less. I removed the photos from my computer. I never call or text her. And it's working. I feel like a normal person again.

"The gift of time" really is a gift. I am exercising, a great way to relieve stress, and I get the benefit of getting into shape AND losing weight. I get to think about what is important to me. To see friends. I see what I enjoy in life, and to weigh whether the good parts of my marriage outweigh the bad parts of the marriage. By being away from the situation, I can see more clearly what is taking place around me, and this really is a gift. I hope this is helpful. Good luck.


Me-54 yrs; W: 50 yrs
4 kids- D: 22,20,19; S:15
"Trial" Divorce: 04/14 - 6/14
Separated: 06/2013- divorced 08/2016

“The strongest of all warriors are these two — Time and Patience.” War and Peace
Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: Wet] #2465401
07/02/14 12:36 PM
07/02/14 12:36 PM
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,106
Merrie England
O
Old Dog Offline
Member
Old Dog  Offline
Member
O
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,106
Merrie England
Good to hear Wet, thanks for replying. It's always good to hear about people who are getting on and proving life goes on.

Moving out the day after your birthday! That's rough. At least I got 10 days.


M: 57 / EW: 52
T: 21, M: 8
S: 18, S: 15
Bomb: 1 Jun 14
EA Aug 2014 I think
PA Feb 2015 possibly sooner
Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: Old Dog] #2465406
07/02/14 01:09 PM
07/02/14 01:09 PM
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,011
NY
Cadet Offline

Member
Cadet  Offline

Member
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,011
NY
Originally Posted By: odsnt
As a newcomer to the board - one month’s experience now - I was thinking about the basics whilst lying awake this morning and I remembered how I had difficulty interpreting what is often the first welcoming reply to a new thread by Cadet.

I don’t mean to be impertinent: after all everyone does a fantastic job here and you have helped so many people: it is very much appreciated. Anyway I have jotted down a few thoughts: I’m sure everyone will take them in the spirit intended.

I’ve just done a day’s UX work and thought I could bring to bear some of the thinking involved. UX? what is UX? UX stands for User eXperience. You see, if you don’t know what an acronym stands for, it gets in the way.

Welcome to the board

Get out and GAL.
I think some, in a confused state of mind, may interpret ‘get out’ as ‘get out of the marriage’, so perhaps ‘go out’ would be preferable and convert to GAL simply to ‘get a life (GAL)’.

DETACH.
I hadn’t read DB yet, so this was confusing for me. I think it could do with a brief explanation. I first thought of ‘free yourself from your current emotional entanglement’ but I’m sure others could come up with something better.

Believe none of what she says and half of what she does.

Have NO EXPECTATIONS.

Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.

You are on moderation right now on the forum.
SO post in small frequent posts until you get off of it.


Your W is giving you a GIFT.
THE GIFT OF TIME.

Again I was confused, time to what? All I knew was I felt despair. Perhaps stress something like time to step back, see who you are, sort yourself out and rebuild your life.

USE it wisely.

Knowledge is Power - Sir Francis Bacon

Hi odsnt

Thanks for the critique.

This post came from a much longer post that I put up on the MLC boards.
And I agree with you that it does not give as much direction or help as possible.
It is made to get you to start to think about DB.
And of course to bump up newbies threads to the top of the board.

Due to the way moderation works here, a brand new poster may be 6 pages back when their post finally surfaces from the queue.
So that is part of the reason I started to post this welcome.

Anyways I think you have valid ideas.
And I would also welcome you to post to as many newbies as possible and get them started on their journey.

Also I highly recommend that you or anyone else read my welcome post on the MLC board and do all the homework.
Here is a link to one of them
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2463493#Post2463493


Me-65, D32,S31
Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: Cadet] #2465471
07/02/14 05:32 PM
07/02/14 05:32 PM
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,106
Merrie England
O
Old Dog Offline
Member
Old Dog  Offline
Member
O
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,106
Merrie England
Thanks Cadet, I'll check out that post and endeavour to post more frequently on other newbies threads. I know it helps when ou know someone out there is listening.


M: 57 / EW: 52
T: 21, M: 8
S: 18, S: 15
Bomb: 1 Jun 14
EA Aug 2014 I think
PA Feb 2015 possibly sooner
Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: alby44] #2495622
10/09/14 02:36 PM
10/09/14 02:36 PM
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 16
Ohio
N
not4me Offline
New Member
not4me  Offline
New Member
N
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 16
Ohio
How do I cancel/delete my account/membership?

Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: not4me] #2496076
10/10/14 07:46 PM
10/10/14 07:46 PM
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,121
C
Cristy Offline
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Cristy  Offline
Member
C
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,121
twb66,

My suggestion to you is to change your display name in your profile and stop posting.

Cristy
Resource Coordinator
303-444-7004
The Divorce Busting Center


A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.

Email virginia@divorcebusting.com or 303-444-7004 for more information or to get started right away.
Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: alby44] #2534844
02/06/15 12:32 AM
02/06/15 12:32 AM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 24
N.O., LA
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LovinUs Offline
New Member
LovinUs  Offline
New Member
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Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 24
N.O., LA
How long does moderation last?


Me: 53, Wife: 49
Separated November 24, 2014
I think we are piecing. She wants to stay married/committed & LAT (Living Apart, Together)
Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: LovinUs] #2540615
02/20/15 07:35 PM
02/20/15 07:35 PM
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,011
NY
Cadet Offline

Member
Cadet  Offline

Member
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,011
NY
Originally Posted By: LovinUs
How long does moderation last?

Until the administrator feels you are safe to post on your own.


Me-65, D32,S31
Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: Cadet] #2540616
02/20/15 07:36 PM
02/20/15 07:36 PM
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,011
NY
Cadet Offline

Member
Cadet  Offline

Member
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,011
NY
How to find your thread

Try clicking on YOUR NAME
SHOW POSTS
Then at the top right it says TOPICS CREATED - click there

or

My Stuff
Posts
Then at the top right it says TOPICS CREATED - click there


Me-65, D32,S31
Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: Cadet] #2540918
02/21/15 04:08 PM
02/21/15 04:08 PM
Joined: Dec 2014
Posts: 5
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EssiacM Offline
New Member
EssiacM  Offline
New Member
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Joined: Dec 2014
Posts: 5
How to act towards husband who just served me divorce papers? I wamy our marriage to work. I have 20 days to respond to court. I can either agree or request conciliation services which puts it on hold. I need a lawyer in order to respond in agreement. He filed divorce himself without lawyer. Presently, I avoid contact with him because I'm feeling so hurt and just want to avoid conflict. How do I leave the door open for him to change his mind without appearing weak? I betrayed his trust. I have mixed emotions about whether it's worth the effort. He has rejected me repeatedly throughout our marriage and refuses to learn about how to nurture a relationship. He's now very callous and cold. I know our relationship cannot remain the same. Please Help.

Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: alby44] #2548946
03/18/15 10:35 PM
03/18/15 10:35 PM
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 5
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Lnc4Buf Offline
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Lnc4Buf  Offline
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Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 5
Is there a list that explains all of the acronyms? Having trouble following.

Re: General Info for Newcomers [Re: Lnc4Buf] #2549154
03/19/15 04:31 PM
03/19/15 04:31 PM
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,011
NY
Cadet Offline

Member
Cadet  Offline

Member
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,011
NY
Originally Posted By: Lnc4Buf
Is there a list that explains all of the acronyms? Having trouble following.

Yes - this link

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2183063#Post2183063


Me-65, D32,S31
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