Just remember that they are looking for ways to push our buttons. Attention, whether it is positive or negative is what they crave. They are miserable individuals and what better way to get to us and make us just as miserable as they are...by flaunting the op in our faces or out in public for others to bring the stories back to us.
I agree w/the other posters...the more you remain stable, confident and happy, the more confused they get. They don't want us to be kind and compassionate towards them and they can't understand why we aren't raving lunatics just like them.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Well it's a new year and I am working hard to be positive. It helps that XH and OW look like complete crap! (sorry - that's nasty!!)
Anyway - so far, I have signed up for the next level of tennis. I joined a gym and have been taking Zumba classes (and NO I am not good at this!)
But I am doing things and it is helping take my mind off of X and my "old" life. March 21st will be the one year anniversary of my divorce. On one hand it feels like it has been a lifetime and on the other hand it seems like yesterday. I am not healed from the experience - but I am better and I am grateful for that.
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
So what if you aren't good at things. You'll become a pro once you've taken the lessons and have had ample time to master them. At least you are trying to get a handle on your life and keeping busy. Besides, you are meeting new people and I'm sure as time goes on, some of the new people will become friends.
I understand completely what you are saying about the date of your divorce anniversary, on one hand it seems like yesterday and on the other one, a lifetime.
What's on the agenda for today?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
You need to nurture yourself. This is all relatively new, only divorced one year. I promise you each year gets better, you get stonger, and more confident in yourself. You also see the situation clearer and clearer as time passes.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
I can see that this is still, even 9 months post divorce and 18 months post X leaving, a very strange unfamiliar world. When I think about having spent 30 years with him - it truly has been over half of my life.
I was thinking about this the other morning on the drive to work...during those 30 years I was truly at my best. No - not perfect. I maybe didn't LOOK my best - but I developed into the KIND of person I wanted to be. Growing up I was always so scared and never had a true sense of self. Mine came through my marriage and family. X was a high school and college athletic star and in his mind his "best" years were outside of the marriage and family realm.
Between the two of us, I think I'm the lucky one.
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
Won't it be a blast when we no longer are aware of the "anniversery" of our divorce, or the Bomb Date? I don't remember the anniversery of my first marriage, just that is was sometimes in March. I remember the First Husband's B/D, but I did for so many years so that the kids would send a card.
I think it is sad that someone believes that his Best days are behind him following High School or College. And don't count yourself out. Perhaps your Best is Yet to Be.
Can I just say how much worse - logistically (financially, workload, etc) my life is today than it was when I was still married? I am EXHAUSTED - OVERWHELMED - BURNED OUT ---you name it. Saw XH yesterday at D's event. Thankfully no OW there - but MY situation makes me SO angry. MY life is so much harder and I seriously HATE HIM for this pain and suffering. And let me tell you - he looks awful!!!! His pathetic, selfish, immoral choices have not been a success to anyone or anything EXCEPT his male appendage!!!!!
Happy Monday!!!! Argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
IB, Right now you are exhausted, burned out and overwhelmed, but in time that will change. It can take a couple of years to get your feet back on the ground and stablize your well being, etc. Please give yourself some time.
As for how your xh looks, it's par for the course, i.e., it's difficult trying to be 18 again. The body can't take that kind of punishment for a long period of time as Mother Nature will step in and remind us that we aren't that age any longer.
Hang in there!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
IB what Snodderly wrote to you is very true. I wanted to post to you earlier but my internet went down [cutting my post to Everhopeful neatly in half!
It just takes a long time to get to feeling OK about things, and get your energy back. You can't just will it back, nice as that would be. You have been going through trauma.
And the bit about them looking terrible is so true, my xh nearly died during his crisis. At about the 3 year mark he got a near fatal illness that he is still needing treatment for. One that many people think is largely stress related. He was never really ill the whole time we were married. MLC takes its toll on them and on us.
IB, It took me just about 3 years to get back on my feet from the upheaval. Some can do it sooner, others longer. It all depends upon the circumstances that each person is experiencing. But, you will get there in your own time. Don't push/rush it. Take it one step at a time and don't try to do everything at once. You are not a super mom.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
