When life hands you lemons add alcohol and stir!

[verycrazy]

I meant he still does. Can't spell today.

vc

[mishka422]

Well, it didn't go the way I had hoped. He still just handed me the money and wouldn't sit down and look at it because "he doesn't understand all that financial wrangling". Yeah sure. He doesn't want to be bothered.

[verycrazy]

You know, mish, there's always one in the family who is good at paying bills, and one who only cares they get paid. Just write the check and show it to him, and say this is for this or that. I write all the checks, or pay bills online. It doesn't take any time at all, and my H says as long as they are getting paid, and I am not spending too much money on shoes,(amazon.com- best place for me to find deals)he's happy. I tell him what the bills are for, like when the power bill was 350 dollars , so he'll know we can't get lots of extras this month.
Have you had your trip to Aldi, yet? They've got mushrooms, bell peppers, and other stuff for only 99 cents this week. I am going after our new refrigerator comes this afternoon. It will be nice to have one that can keep ice cream frozen.

Have a good one, mish!

vc

[kml]

Some people are so finance-phobic, it makes them too anxious to sit down and figure that stuff out. My best friend is like that, so was the last boyfriend. I don't get it, because I'm someone who likes to know where my finances are and like to budget etc. But I suppose, if I was in a relationship with someone who was the SAME as me, it might bug me not to have all the control!

[mishka422]

Ok, I've been reading but haven't had much to say lately. Everything that comes to mind just seems inane and useless to others in my own head so I stay quiet. I'm silently supporting everyone though.

Today was an experience I'm still reeling a little over.

I went 'drugstore stalking' with a friend who was running around looking for a certain nail polish color. It was a beautiful day and I just couldn't see spending it cleaning my house so I went with her.

Ok, so that was the start of the day. Fun times but let me rewind to yesterday. There was a reason that I had never gone to Aldi before to save money. In my sick, twisted little mind, I did anything and everything to avoid going to the next town over where Aldi is because I had internal terrors that I would run into the broom. I have avoided it like the plague. The few times I have had to go there I drive directly where I need to go, get in, and get out ASAP. Just yesterday I finally admitted that to my best friend when I was telling her what I got at Aldi. I had never told another person that - EVER.

Back to today, my friend was shopping stores in that town. I went with her and on the way there I told her what I had told my best friend yesterday. She is one of my closest friends too and I did preface it with "I know this is completely crazy - don't judge me!" She just laughed it off and we went on.

The last store we went to was a tiny little Sally Beauty Supply. We were looking at some polish and I had walked about halfway up the aisle from her when I heard this woman say to my friend that she was looking for this specific Orly polish. I caught sight of her out the corner of my eye and my heart jumped into my throat and I nearly threw up right there. It was the broom! My friend is standing there chatting with her about nail polish and I ran cowering around the end of the aisle. I couldn't breathe, I was shaking from head to toe. It was the WORST! My friend kept talking to her and I'm standing on the other aisle texting her telling her that my worst fear came true. She didn't have her glasses on so she couldn't read it. Mind you, this store is only 4 aisles wide. SO HORRIBLE. She started calling out to me and I just kept escaping around another end. I couldn't escape the store. It was awful. She finally came around the side and found me. Thankfully the broom didn't follow her. I told her who she was chatting with and she was horrified. I told her it wasn't like she would have any way of knowing that. I just really needed to get out of there.

So, I kept shaking when I got home. Couldn't calm down. I wasn't going to say anything to Gabe about it because I'm ashamed that I would react like that. He could tell something was wrong with me though and I can't stand having any kind of secret. I told him what happened and explained I wasn't proud of my reaction but it is what it is. He told me he was sorry I still felt like that.

That was the end of that. I'm not sure I should have told him, but then again we NEVER talk about anything having to do with the past, how we feel about anything or about each other, and we certainly never discuss what this thing is we have with each other. As far as I know, he still feels he's a free agent and when some woman comes along that he finds better than me, he'll be gone.

So, so, so tired.

Alcohol time, my nerves are totally shot.

[kat727]

Maybe there is a different Aldi's in another town nearby. Not everyone shops there you know. Dillons ( a Kroger store) is the most popular store here, not that many people go to Aldi's that I know of. I can get in and out of there in 20 minutes tops and that is shopping for the 5 of us.

Don't let her have control of your life Mish, she isn't worth it. If I ever met my exes new wife I wouldn't hesitate to hit her, but it certainly doesn't keep me away from Lawrence because she lives there. I have nothing to be ashamed of. I worked to save my marriage and if that was a crime, put me in jail. Quit acting like you had the affair and hold your head high.

Hugs, kat

[desert_rat]

(((((Mishka)))))
It's ok. It still hurts, and that's ok.

It's isn't good that you still give the broom that power over you, but that doesn't mean it is permanent. I think that one day, eventually, you will be ready to realize that she doesn't matter. It doesn't have to be this month, or this year, but one day you will think of her, and she won't mean any more than the dirt underneath your fingernails.

You know the whole "gang" is with you still Mish, you will get through this!

[mishka422]

Yeah, I know I'm giving her too much power over me and that's why it feels so stupid.

She shops at Aldi and that is why I avoided it for so long. Of course, it ended up being another store I ran into her in so.......ugh.

Still feeling raw. Hope it passes soon.

[JCJ]

Well, I think it is understandable Mishka. If I saw exh's ow/ wife to be now I'm not sure how I would react. Probably a mixture of hiding and feeling sick and extreme anger. This is someone who like it or not has had a big impact on your life and caused you alot of hurt and messed with your family. Obviously Gabe has to take his share of responsibility but you don't ever have to be ok with this woman in my opinion and if you want to avoid her then do. Why put yourself through it?

(((Mishka)))

[mishka422]

Well, talk about a wake up call to stop being afraid of what expressing myself could bring. Time to just put it out there and see what happens.

The catalyst to this?

One of my oldest cousins lost his wife of 30+ years to ovarian cancer 8 years ago. He then married a woman who had been a close friend of the family for years and they have been married over 6 years. She is a sweetheart and the whole family loves her dearly.

They were visiting her grown children who live in Kentucky (they live in California). This morning, my cousin got up and found his wife face down on the bathroom floor. She had apparently had a massive heart attack in the middle of the night and died.

I'm heartbroken for him. The thought of losing a spouse to death, twice, is overwhelming.

It really causes me to examine my reasons for not being completely transparent with my feelings. What is the worst that could happen? He could choose to walk away. Gee, already done that once (well really 3 times if you could all the false starts of returning home) and it ended up not killing me like I thought it would.

Life is just too short and love is far too precious to waste.