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Oh sweetie, I want you to listen to me. It doesnt really matter who you were then. It is who you are now that matters most.

And you know what you are. A loving mother, great friend, wonderful daughter, And you were a loyal. devoted wife.

You were with him a long time, IB. You surely can see that he is in crisis. It is sad. But really, I dont care about him. He could blow in the wind. He has to figure this out for himself.

Please dont let this knock you off your journey. You have come so far.

Clearly he is desperate because you see, he is still not happy. For him to have to go on like that to your son, it is plain to see.

IB, what you are doing is becoming the person you were meant to be. Sometimes the road is rocky. We stumble a bit. But eventually, we find out footing again. And you will, too.

IB, your xh was involved in some pretty heavy stuff. If you really think about it, you will see that he has some very deep problems. He is trying everyway to fill a hole. But until he looks inside, he never will.

I think you handled it well with your son. I wouldnt bring it up again.

If there is no way around seeing the ow, please make sure you get yourself to a place of strength.

And then, look great and walk tall and act like the strong woman you have become.

You can do this. I know it.

dl443322 #2154057 05/13/11 11:19 AM
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Irish,

You said it yourself. He knew S would show you the letter. So it was a jab at you more than a sincere letter to his son. He spent 20 minutes describing an impossible and improbable woman, and to make sure S knew it was "about a month after the split".

Probably wanted to put you off balance before Saturday. DO NOT LET HIM. Look Fabulous. Walk tall. You and I both know June Cleaver, she's not.

See it for what it is. A psyche out, and let it go.

Can't wait to hear about Saturday. You will outshine her in all ways. Promise.

punkin #2154058 05/13/11 11:20 AM
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Forgot to add. This is the first time XH sees you and she side by side. He's stacking the cards so he doesn't look like a fool.

punkin #2154229 05/14/11 01:46 AM
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Still struggling after the letter from hell. I allow myself to become the person he believes I am. I see him "happy" and me miserable. He must be right. I need to dig myself out from this hole. The longer it goes on = the less strength I have to pull myself up.

Something has to change...


M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years
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IB--

You need and attitude adjustment. He wasn't good enough for you!!! You are WAY better than all of this and you really know that deep down. All those words are just that, words, you don't know if it is the truth or not, and who gives a flying flip what he thinks or is doing now. You really need to detach and ask God to give you strength to get through this with His grace.

Blessings!


Lorie
W47 H48 D16
M20
H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW

When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
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IB the mind is a very powerful tool. You can use it to your advantage or have it work against you. You decide!


Me 50
H 42
S 22
S 9
D 7
M 12
T 17
H moved out 8/2006
H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks
H moved home 5/2011 for good

"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
glamgirl #2154282 05/14/11 10:00 AM
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IB,

In a telephone conversation I had with my H not long after he left to go live with the ow he told me that she was perfect and that would never change. I almost laughed out loud because it sounded so ridiculous, but at the same time it hurt to hear it. I managed to keep silent.

Time has marched on and there is proof that H has found out that the ow is indeed not perfect.

Me, being imperfect myself, does allow a little smirk at times.

Your XH is trying very hard to convince himself that he did the right thing. He too, will find out that the fantasy he has created in his mind does not match reality.

I know how hard it is, but don't take any of it personally. It's not about you. It just goes to show how really messed up these MLCers are.

Keep steppin (nickel Brook)IB, you're on your way to being better than OK.

(((Hugs)))

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Up and not quite ready to face the day I have been dreading for such a long time - seeing H and OW together publicly. I've never seen her - so I have no idea what to expect. It is also my S's prom day / so sentimentally it should be a banner day. But I will focus on my son and nothing else. My BFF and her baby will be with me and I will have that beautiful baby to keep me smiling. I will make it!


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(Hugs) to you Irish, and remember. Smile, be pleasant. Visit and talk with acquaintances. The more at home you look, the less she will be. I also avoided pics of my H & OW, but when I saw her, when friends and relatives saw her, she doesn't hold a candle to old grandma here. It will be the same for you. That is, unless your husband is George Clooney or Brad Pitt?

punkin #2154423 05/15/11 06:06 AM
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Well - I was speechless. As luck would have it I was getting out of my car and there he was walking down the other aisle - hand in hand, with a bounce in his step. She looked a good 10 years older than me - nothing like what I expected. The real tragedy today was the look on my son's face when he saw the two of them holding hands and sitting in the stands. I kept a brave face on and kept occupied with my friend's baby. But truly, I was blown away.

Ended up having a wonderful night - my girls were in and it was son's prom. I have amazing people in my life.

But I have to let it go - I no longer know who he is. I need to learn to not care.


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