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Dr LOve Offline OP
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Hey everybody..... remember me???

Sorry I have not been around for awhile...Things are still going in the right direction...My main problem is me. I notice more little baby steps everyday...
School has been keeping me busy... I am in the final stretch. I actually had some open times and moved up some of my classes and it looks like I will graduate in January.
Still keeping up the A's and B's but this mod I have Linux and am having a little difficulty with it. Code writing you know...
W is sill sleeping in our room. But still "dresses" in her night clothes elsewhere but I am working on that.
My Aunt who is 80 had an accident and has been in the hospital. My Uncle who is 76 has been having a hard time being alone. He has been calling me every day and somehow finds something he needs me to do at his house. I know he is just looking for the company though. I have been trying to give him, my family and my school equal time.
Well I have next week off and I will try to post more of an update on how my R is going…
Over three years now…. Wow…….as they say…”It takes as long as it takes”

They call me Dr. Love


And if I claim to be a wise man, well
It surely means that I don't know
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Hi Doc,

Glad you checked in. Wow! Graduating in January...didn't you just start recently? How long is the program? Glad to hear things are good. Things are fine with me, too.

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Hi, Doc,

I don't post much anymore myself. But I do look in on our old friends here in DB from time to time.

Congratulations on everything, including graduating this upcoming year.

Best regards and well wishes.


Me: 49
WAW: 47
S11, S7
Years Married/Together: 17/18
Bomb: 6/15/07
Separation: 7/6/07
D: 4/3/09

Real love is a decision.
Marriage is a commitment.
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Thanks Nocode.....

Things are "good" a hel of alot better than 3 years ago. I still have a long way to go...intamacy is still NOT a top priority in W book. Me....27/7

school wise... I have the rest of this week.. two weeks off for X-mas then just three more weeks and I have to get a real job...

health wise.... the doctor switch my meds for my prostrate sitch.some kind of hormone stuff. The good news...... It also helps pevent male baldness..
The not so good new... I might grow boobs.... Well at least I will have some to play with......
later
Dr. Love


And if I claim to be a wise man, well
It surely means that I don't know
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Dr LOve Offline OP
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Hey All

It’s been a long time.. First let me tell ya that I GRADUATE in two weeks January 17th. Ya cap and gown and the works...
Guess now I need to start looking for a job…..
As most of you know I have come a long way. Things are mostly great right now. There is that Elephant in the room that “we don’t talk about and I feel that until we do acknowledge it will NOT go away in my mind.
As they say in the song… “Every rose has its thorns
Though it's been a while now
I can still feel so much pain
like a knife that cuts you the wound heals
but the scar, that scar remains
This is a NEW year and I want to start out with a clean slate…My wife says things and sometimes things just happen that trigger old memories that hurt. Some of these memories trigger thoughts that If I said them as statements I may make would sound like a “smart a$$” statement if said when they occurred.
What I am planning on doing is getting them OUT OF MY SYSTEM. I want to sit down with my wife and just tell her how some things make me feel. How when certain things are said what thoughts pop out in my mind.
I am NOT asking her to respond to these statements I just what her to know what demons I am dealing with. I know it in MY issue I need to overcome but I do believe that if things are going to work out we need to be open to each other. WE need to try to understand what the other is dealing with in our lives.
Just like if she or I had cancer or some illness. I would want to let her know how I feel and I would want t her to let me know how she feels.
I think once I get these thoughts/feelings out in the open...AND NOT dwell on them it will be a releife for me and I can move on.
Any thoughts? Will this make me look weak?


And if I claim to be a wise man, well
It surely means that I don't know
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Hi Doc. Congratulations on the new degree! I look forward to hearing about your next job.

Hmm. I have reservations about this elephant in the room conversation. Have you and W had any conversations about her affair before? I'm just wondering if there really is an elephant in the room, or if you don't have an obsession. Not saying you need medication! Just wondering if a conversation will really cure it, or if it will reinforce it. At some point, you have to get over it.

I can see discussing it once. But if you have discussed it, and you haven't put it to bed, then I think it is your problem, not hers. If you haven't discussed it yet, then I think you should let her know that you know it's an uncomfortable subject for her, and you only want to discuss it once. And you would appreciate her help in you getting over it. And after the discussion, that's it. Never again. somehow I have this vision of you on your deathbed at 90 years old still wanting to go punch that guy's lights out!

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Originally Posted By: Lotus
I can see discussing it once. But if you have discussed it, and you haven't put it to bed, then I think it is your problem, not hers. If you haven't discussed it yet, then I think you should let her know that you know it's an uncomfortable subject for her, and you only want to discuss it once. And you would appreciate her help in you getting over it. And after the discussion, that's it. Never again. somehow I have this vision of you on your deathbed at 90 years old still wanting to go punch that guy's lights out!


Thanks Lotus,

NO we have not discussed it except for the day I found out ..what almost 3 years ago? That day she told me she was “in love” with him and was not sure if they had any future together. THAT day she told me that If I ever contacted him “It was over” between us.
A LOT has happened since then...And things are pretty good BUT I have this feeling we are about at the same point when this all started.
AND I believe if we would have spoken about our feeling way back then… That it would not have happened.
YES I agree and thanks for the “intro” to the conversation. I was not planning on asking her to explain anything or try to justify what happened. I just wanted to get it out of my system and into the open what I am trying to deal with.
Once It is out… unless she wants to bring it up again that is it… the only thing wrong with your “90 yo death bed scenario would be that the guy is 10 years older than me so that would make him 100

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OK. But you admit, you have come a long way since then. So how could the two of you be in the same place? I'm thinking the two of you are not in that place. And she is not in that place. But there you are --- stuck; because you keep yourself stuck by playing that memory over and over again in your mind. It is an old broken record and you need to throw it away!

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Dr LOve Offline OP
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Hey I made it....No tsunami damage here


And if I claim to be a wise man, well
It surely means that I don't know
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Glad to hear it!

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