All of the thoughts here have been so uplifting - thank you so much.
Before I met my husband 29 years ago, I was praying that God would give me direction, and bring someone into my life. God answered with bringing H into my life.
Since H left in Nov, I've asked for God to reconcile my marriage, to work in my H's heart, and that through all of this God will be glorified.
We didn't have the perfect marriage, but I've told myself from the bomb drop that I will stand for this M. But I worry if I'm doing the DBing correctly - dark or dim? I'm working on detaching, but I'm still caught off guard sometimes. Being alone can still be difficult for me.
The last several weeks I've been struggling with turning this all over to God. I've thought several times that I have, only to doubt myself. Since I still worry and stress about the S/M, does that mean I haven't truly given it up to him? Yesterday He brought me flat on the floor, asking and begging Him to take this cup from me. Then I heard on the radio that I should praise Him as I wait for answers.
I've just started doing evening devotions with my elderly mother, who is in a nursing home. I felt God placed last night's devotion in my hands to speak to me, as it dealt with patience and persistence. It encouraged family members to never give up on one another, but to instead bear our mutual burdens. We are to address our problems in love, and continue our efforts even if positive results are not immediately evident. God will bless our efforts in due time.
May God bless everyone who has found themselves here.
The last several weeks I've been struggling with turning this all over to God. I've thought several times that I have, only to doubt myself. Since I still worry and stress about the S/M, does that mean I haven't truly given it up to him? Yesterday He brought me flat on the floor, asking and begging Him to take this cup from me. Then I heard on the radio that I should praise Him as I wait for answers.
May God bless everyone who has found themselves here.
Nic,
I think the thing that helps me leave it in God's hands is I BELIEVE that God will fulfill his promises to us. I have stated that I feel God is telling me my marriage will be reconciled and HE is asking me to be patient. As I stated in a previous post, I was sexually abused by my step-father for 10 years, and I never lost my faith during that time. 10 years is a looooooong time, so currently this is a drop in the bucket compared to that. If I have to wait 1,2 or even 5 years, nothing could compare to those 10 years. Until I feel God is telling me different I believe God will prevail over satan in my sitch. I know this has brought me much peace and hope. I know it is hard to hand it over to God. Trust me, it was hard, but once I really believed I had no control and only God was in control, it was easier to lay my marriage at God's feet. I am at so much peace and joy about this, it shines through. When I am in public people tell me how happy I look and I seem to be glowing. I just tell them God is in control and I am praising His name for the peace and joy. Why should I even let the crazy MLC bother me? God will take care of it. I do still pray several times a day for my H and the OW. I believe that prayer is the tool that God gives us to defeat satan. For example, H spent the weekend here at the house for his time with D16. When they were gone all day on Saturday, I wanted so bad to go and get on H computer and snoop. Instead, I prayed, and prayed that satan would leave my home, nothing I could snoop about would change the sitch. I finally felt peace come over me and I didn't think about his computer again. This MLC stuff is crazy, and I really do believe it is satan messing with their brains. I am one of the lucky ones because H isn't mean to me at all. I will say during my prayer time God and I have had some serious discussions about my walk with HIM and my short comings in the marriage. We had a good marriage, but I am not perfect and God helped me to focus on me and what I needed to change about myself.
Just some personal observations from the weekend. We did have a good weekend. We wend to Mass as a family and rented movies last night. This morning I worked our church chicken dinner and H and D16 came to eat with me when my shift was over. Now, I should say D16 sat between us at both these events and I have no expectations. Then we came home and vegged out until H had to leave to take photos and D16 and I went to a superbowl party. I invited H to come to the party when he was done, but didn't expect him to show, but he did! I believe that God is working on him.
Blessings to all!
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
Lorie, I love reading your posts. They inspire me so.
I spent 2 days away, traveling, and felt so happy. I missed H but appreciated the time away so I could relax and not think of what his mood is like, etc.
I am so thankful that I have time to pray, and ask the Lord to guide me and H and OW as well.
I know He will listen to my prayers and I am really feeling confident now that H and I will be together always.
Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18 Bomb: 6/26/10 EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ??? 11/5/11 Retrouvaille Finally piecing.... Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go
A women's luncheon at church Saturday was very uplifting. I then visited a friend in the hospital, and stopped into to the church chapel. I randomly opened a Bible, and the page was Matthew 19 - about how a man should not divorce his wife. S was in town, so he went with me to do evening devotions with my elderly mother. I'd forgotten my Bible, and asked for one at the nurses station. The nurse really had to search through the desk, and was surprised she kept looking. She said "I knew I had one in here somewhere." New testament only, but that worked out fine. Bible reading for the lesson on Feb 12 - Matthew 19.
I am doing good. Have had an up and down week. My H's great aunt died and my MIL asked that I still come pay my respects and spend time with the family. At the viewing on Tuesday night H and I played a dance where when I moved he moved in the opposite direction. I leave this up to the MLC because we had a good weekend experience, he is withdrawing again. So, I just kept my distance and spent time with MIL and family, who by the way support me 100%. On Wed. when I got to the service I walked right up and sat with MIL, FIL, and H. What was so great is the preacher said so many things my H needed to hear and used some of the scripture that I had actually been praying on about my marriage. H was a pallbearer and asked if he could ride with me to the cemetery. Of course I said yes. When I was driving him back to his car, he made a comment about how a preacher always has to ask others to come be saved. I quietly said a prayer and stated, "You know, I am sure there were people who needed to hear it." H didn't say a word after that. Then we go to his cousin's house to eat lunch with the family. I am just doing my thing, helping getting food out and such. Then when it is time to eat, H promptly sits down at the table right next to me! CRAZY! I know!! I had an appointment to go to so I was the first to leave and as I was saying my goodbye H comes into the living room like I was going to hug him too, but I didn't! He stopped me and asked if I was going to the game to see D16 dance on Thur night. I wanted to look at him like he was crazy and say DUH! But, I sweetly said, yes, and that I would be cooking dinner before the game and if he would like to come for dinner he was welcomed, otherwise I would see him at the game. Then I turned and left. He texted me later about some news he had heard and said he would come for dinner. These are all signs to me that God is working on H.
Thursday, H came for dinner and even complemented me on the meal. We went to the game, separate cars, but we sat next to one another, but it was a bit strained feeling and then I realized he was texting with OW. So, I just prayed and visited with my friends whom we sat with. Since then, I have not heard from him at all. Neither has D16. A friend who lives in the same city as OW called and told me she saw them together on Fri. She said as soon as H saw her he lead OW in a different direction. I told my friend that God put her there to make him think about me all weekend while he is with OW! LOL!
I have been a little down with Vday coming, but thankfully with lots of prayer and good advice from friends I am focusing on my D16 for the day. Today was hard at Mass this morning. I went to see our priest on Thur morning as asked that he include a prayer for all marriages and especially hurting marriages into the prayers for the faithful. Today, Fr.'s homily was all about marriage, including the hurting ones. He stated there are many in our parish family who have hurting marriages. He then stated, "Are you praying for them or talking about them? You should be praying, because marriage is a lifetime vocation and those hurting need your prayer to the restoration of their marriages." I of course was crying by the end of the homily where he included a special prayer for all marriages and solid and hurting. Again, confirmation to me, God is faithful and keeps his promises. No matter how long it takes, I am going to keep praying for my H to find his way back to God. Because then, when H finds his way to God he will find peace and the rest of his life will fall into place perfectly.
Keep praying for your H/W/exH/exW, because God does hear our prayers.
Blessings to all and remember that Jesus is the only Valentine you can rely on right now.
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
I just want to tell everyone that I hope they had a good Valentine's Day. I know it is a hard day for all of us. I woke up in a great mood, and baked a chocolate cake for my D16. Then I received flowers from my sweet sister who was worried how I would handle this day. I went to meet a girlfriend for lunch and then came home for a nap. My D16 sends me a text telling me H left her and me a Valentine's Day cards at school. I was shocked, it was not a mushy card, but a sweet one with a Starbuck's gift card in it. H just signed it "Enjoy, C" and I just praised God. I didn't get him anything, because I felt God leading me to leave it alone and God would handle everything. God is working on H's heart. I texted him later in the evening, while he was out with OW and said thank you for the card. I didn't expect to hear from him, because he usually ignores me when he is with her, but he sent a "You're Welcome" text. Go figure! Again, I don't know how long this is going to take, but I am allowing God to take the lead in all matters handling my H, and I am just DBing for myself. God has shown me in so many ways that He is working on H, and I just need to let go and let God! I just have to keep praising God.
Blessings to you all!
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
I know, Lorie. Yesterday H and I had a long convo. Long story short, I turned a corner recently and realized that even if I keep on saying I am letting go, I am actually not, with my conditions to H (that if we D'ed, I will relocate with our D.
Yesterday I told him that I loved him so much that I could no longer bear to see him suffering, and that I wanted to let him go. The only thing holding me back is my mothers heart, as I could not bear to see D12 hurt as well.
I credit my H with his understanding in that sense. He and I decided in the end, without me pressuring him, that we would wait 2 more years. We also started discussing possibilities, options once the two years are up - which I am sure made him feel that I have accepted the situation. I still told him though that hope cannot be taken away from me, and that I still do not want the divorce, if he does, then its will only be his, I will remain faithful to the covenant I made.
He actually said that he only wanted to be free, did not necessarily want to get married. That he felt that he no longer loved me and could not remain within the marriage because of it. I did not try to convince him otherwise, although I do think that there is still some feeling there. It does not matter anyway because I want it to be a new R when it comes....
Incredibly, after he felt that I was heartfelt in my wanting him to be happy, the old H immediately started to show. He looked at me when I talked to him, started initiating conversations. We became more lighthearted, and he even admitted that he still felt a physical attraction to me. When we went to mass, he was very much present in spirit as we sat down together as a family.
The Gospel was about divorce and adultery. I could not look at him at the mass, and I felt him tense up a little, but I noticed that he prayed a lot after communion. The sermon was about choices, which we also had talked about earlier. I am amazed by how God reinforces the things we say. I know my H is still a God fearing person and this is God's way of talking to him. I keep on praying that God will open his heart to me again.
Keep on praying.....and Thank you for reminding us that Jesus is our Valentine....
Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18 Bomb: 6/26/10 EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ??? 11/5/11 Retrouvaille Finally piecing.... Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go
I know how hard it is to let go and let God, but I believe with my whole heart, that if I don't let God be in total control, this journey will take much longer. Remember as you pray for your spouse, pray for God to make you the wife and mother God wants you to be. Your H has a great base of faith, here in DB land we talk about making our own changes. Let God heal you and change you so your H can see the new you and Jesus through you.
Right now, I am praying for God to break the devil's grasp on my H and OW. I don't believe I could have any kind of conversation with H as long as he is with OW. I really don't want to either, because I know that would not be H really talking but the devil.
Be kind to yourself, trust God, His time is not our time. Recognize the crazy behavior of MLC and forgive your H, for yourself, not him. Show H unconditional love and the next 2 years could offer HUGE changes in your sitch. Trust and believe that God will heal and restore your marriage. As long as you are standing, act as if this is going to happen. You know where they talk about GAL and having that little smile on your face as if you know something H doesn't? Guess what, I have that smile all the time, because I know God is on my side, and H doesn't.
God is in control!
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
Sounds like you are in a promising place, as far as your sitch. I debated about texting H a Happy Valentines, and decided against as I thought it might be seen as pursuing. Now I'm kicking myself for not following through; but nothing from him either, even when I texted him about son. Guess that's just the bad sitch we are in.
On the happier side, I got flowers at school from D, S and future SIL. I took them home to use as the centerpiece for dinner. About ten of us ate and spent the evening together. That made for an easier evening, and the table looked awesome.
I have to contact H later today, so guess I could throw in a belated HVD, but maybe that is worse.
I have to contact H later today, so guess I could throw in a belated HVD, but maybe that is worse.
No! Don't do this! It is pursuing! If you really believe that God is going to restore your marriage, then let God do the work, not you! Let go and let God! Keep that as your mantra! It is mine, as well as, "Through God, all things are possible." Just keep a detached relationship with H now, and just pray for him. I know it is not easy, but it will be better for you in the long run. Trust God!
Lorie W47 H48 D16 M20 H gone 11/9/10 lives w/OW
When you forgive,you heal. When you let go,you grow. When you cry to God, you surrender. When you love unconditionally, you show others Christ's love.
