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There is plenty you can do to influence your wife. It's not angry, immoral, being an A$$ or wrong. A predator is attacking your wife and family. Do you like sharing your wife with another man? Is what you are doing lining up with your core values? There is a reason you are angry. Make sure your actions line up with your values, decide on a healthy & productive plan and then act. (BTW anger is a good sign from your wife, it means she is still interested in you.) Look around here on DB, do you seen any man with his wife in a affair getting anywhere? To quote my Greek FIL, "There is a hole in the soup."
Sure hope those books you ordered showed up.
Unfortuanately, W seems to have no problem with the predator. Yes I love sharing my W with an OM - PUHLEASE, Do you have to even ask?
My core values have changed with the D. When I thought there was still a chance I was willing to "wait" and DB to see if that would work and endure the EA becuse he's 500 miles away.
My core values have always been for the sake of the kids and the home, to give DBing a chance. All for the kids, setting aside my pride and anger.
But with the D looming, everyting's changed. My only hope now is to shake the foundations of her fantasy world if that's even possible, all the while doing what is best for the kids - within the bounderies on NOT SHARING W WITH PREDATOR.
Me 53 XW 50 M 18 Years +2 S14 D19 Bomb 10-24-10 Served 1-27-11 Mediate 4-21-11 Civil D Final 6-2-11 No church anullment "A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
Unfortuanately, W seems to have no problem with the predator.
I bet she has a problem with how you have been behaving towards a threat to her and your family. She wants a man that will protect her and her family, this is hardwired in humans.
My core values have changed with the D.
WTF does that mean?
My core values have always been for the sake of the kids and the home, to give DBing a chance.
DB is a tool. Make sure you use the right tool for the job, it makes all the difference.
Yes I love sharing my W with an OM - PUHLEASE, Do you have to even ask?
I ask because your actions show me that you are OK with it. Your wife thinks the same thing. Do you think what you have been doing is bringing more love into the relationship or pushing her away? If you think it is bringing more love please explain why? Why would being passive push her away?
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Coach is trying to help Pickle, and what he is suggesting worked well for him.
He is right about the proper tools, got to know what the job is to know what tools to bring to bear on it.
You think your wife is in an MLC, check out the resource threads at the top of the MLC forum, if pieces fit, post there, the stance is more in line with what your are thinking. But don't make the situation fit because you want it too.
Learning to play ELO's Evil Woman is a bit...passive aggresive.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Don't think you have botched your situation. Even after D DB'ing might still work. I always think that there is a reason for all that happens, that God won't give us what we can handle. Although I find myself praying and thinking that maybe He is miscalculating my strength..... At least she is the evil one, not you. (((( Hugs)))))
Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18 Bomb: 6/26/10 EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ??? 11/5/11 Retrouvaille Finally piecing.... Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go