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Bradley is


bradley11

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Quote:
Setting a boundery regarding OM backfired before. It made me look like an a$$ and she fled to the OM


Define boundary for me. Why does looking like an A$$ bother you? You have no esteem issues. Where is you W fleeing to now? Who is she running from with all her might? Why?

Quote:
Women do find me attractive. I only know of one woman who doesn't.


Do you think these women would find you atrractice after you talk to them about how your wife treats you and your response? There is a reason your wife isn't attracted to you. Look at your behavior, what have you been doing while she is having an affair right in front of you? Do you think she would act the same way?

You can lead or be the victim. You get to decide. Don't believe the concept that this has to take a long time to turn around. Time and patience are two different things. Your wife really wants you to stand up to and for her. A predator is attacking your family, think thru what your wife really needs from her man.


M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12
Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
dbmod #2122909 01/24/11 12:43 PM
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Well I couldn't hold in any longer.

After getting in bed last night I got back up and went to confront W.
It was bothering me that she spoke with kids privately to break the news to them. It bothered me that they were only getting her side of all this. She said she did tell them it was only her who wanted the D and did not want to be M anymore, but of course left out anything about OM.

I said next time she talks to them about the sitch, I want to present.

Then things escalated: "you can speak with them anytime etc."
I said, "Tell them everything." I want them to know the real reason household will be broken up, not just some innocent crap about her wanting out. So I insist I want them to know "everything". She said I just want to hurt them. I said no I want them to know the real reason their home is going to be sold from under them.

It will hurt them to a degree, and I do not want to be the messanger that they'll prefer to "shoot." But for my own sanity they must understand why I cannot tag along as a roommate in her world. It's really pissing me off that she's "getting away" with this wake of destruction.

Is that wrong of me? any suggestions?


Me 53 XW 50
M 18 Years +2
S14 D19
Bomb 10-24-10
Served 1-27-11
Mediate 4-21-11
Civil D Final 6-2-11
No church anullment
"A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
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Originally Posted By: Pickle
WAS does not appear to give two Sh!ts about my detachment.


Detachment is for YOU not for your W.

She will FEEL it when it is complete.


My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
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"Detachment is for YOU not for your W."

Grit, I am growing more detached from W by the minute.

Coach, it's too late. I honestly DO NOT WANT what W has become, understand? I no longer want to attract her. If you read the entire threads Insight I thru IV (100'S of posts), you will see I DB'd for 3 months since bomb and tried hard to draw out the person I married, but she no longer exists. If it wasn't for my kids WAW would have been cutbside already.

[--edited by dbmod: advertising]

Last edited by dbmod; 01/25/11 10:49 PM.

Me 53 XW 50
M 18 Years +2
S14 D19
Bomb 10-24-10
Served 1-27-11
Mediate 4-21-11
Civil D Final 6-2-11
No church anullment
"A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
Coach #2123030 01/24/11 08:10 PM
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Originally Posted By: Coach
Define boundary for me. Why does looking like an A$$ bother you? You have no esteem issues. Where is you W fleeing to now? Who is she running from with all her might? Why?

You can lead or be the victim. You get to decide. Don't believe the concept that this has to take a long time to turn around. Time and patience are two different things. Your wife really wants you to stand up to and for her. A predator is attacking your family, think thru what your wife really needs from her man.


In the beginning the hard line stand was just pushing her further and furthere away, just like pursuing pushes away. I made the mistake of thinking the EA would fizzle as I tried to be her friend and re-connect. But it did not work. LRT did not work either.

What she needs at this point in her MLC is to confront the consequences of her choices. She needs a crisis that will call into question her fantasy. The only thing that scares the hell out of her is exposure of her infidility to kids. That's all I can think of for now.

Last night I looked at her and said, "I don't know you. Who are you? Who the hell are you? You're not the person I married.

You know what she said with sneer? "That's for sure!


Me 53 XW 50
M 18 Years +2
S14 D19
Bomb 10-24-10
Served 1-27-11
Mediate 4-21-11
Civil D Final 6-2-11
No church anullment
"A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
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Originally Posted By: InAPickle
Originally Posted By: angel61

Do you honestly think though that she will honor the "no OM" if you are roomates?


What will it hurt to ask?

If she says no, we'll just sell the house, divide the property, settle custody and part company.

That's the worst case in my view.


She will also have to respond to my counter proposal in writing. If she says she must continue to pursue the relationsip with OM, I'll have it writing to explain why Daddy cannot live with Mommy while she gives to another man what is strictly reserved for her husband.


Me 53 XW 50
M 18 Years +2
S14 D19
Bomb 10-24-10
Served 1-27-11
Mediate 4-21-11
Civil D Final 6-2-11
No church anullment
"A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
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Quote:
It's really pissing me off that she's "getting away" with this wake of destruction.


She's not getting away with anything.


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
sandi2 #2123084 01/25/11 12:23 AM
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[quote=sandi2] She's not getting away with anything.
[/iquote]

I'm gonna make sure about that.


Me 53 XW 50
M 18 Years +2
S14 D19
Bomb 10-24-10
Served 1-27-11
Mediate 4-21-11
Civil D Final 6-2-11
No church anullment
"A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
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Originally Posted By: InAPickle
I made the mistake of thinking the EA would fizzle as I tried to be her friend and re-connect. But it did not work. LRT did not work either.


Have you given it enough time Pickle? Remember, Time and Patience my friend.

Originally Posted By: InAPickle
What she needs at this point in her MLC is to confront the consequences of her choices. She needs a crisis that will call into question her fantasy.


Maybe. Probably. But you do not need to sink to her level in accomplishing this. Nor do you need to give up on your M and family. How much do you want it? I know that it is easier said than done, but don't let your anger guide you.


M 43
X 38
T 13
W moves out of home 11/2010
Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012
I request divorce 5/2012
W moves home 6/2012
Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015
I leave 3/2016
process of divorce
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