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Originally Posted By: Denver_2010
Hang in there Pickle.


She told me some of the stuff in the D proposal.
No alimony for starters.
She still wants the roommates thing till D17 graduates.
I told I couldn't be her exH DH roommate.
I said I could only stick around till the house sells.
I told her since she initiates D and she's in the EA, she should move out.
She said I could buy her out (like I have the money for that)
I told I'll get my own atty when I get served.
She started bargaining: Kids need what she does etc.
I just listened.
She doesn't want to break up the kids home, just my M.
Should I be an MLC stander or just dump the house and split custody?
What I'd really like to do is......


Me 53 XW 50
M 18 Years +2
S14 D19
Bomb 10-24-10
Served 1-27-11
Mediate 4-21-11
Civil D Final 6-2-11
No church anullment
"A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
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Originally Posted By: Pickle
Should I be an MLC stander or just dump the house and split custody?
What I'd really like to do is......


Whatever you do Pickle do for you.

No regrets.

Not out of emotion.

I am guessing what you would really like to do is split.

Normal reaction. Matter of fact statistics with divorces would bear out you would have a lot of company in that decision.

No one can tell what to do.

Don't let someone else make choices for you.

Choose for you.

Hang in there buddy.


My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
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I am deeply torn over putting S12 through this.

I am thinking about taking the full 20 days to respond, so she has time to think about breaking up the household and childrens' lives.

Then stipulate in a counter proposal either of the following.

1. Stay until house sells. Or.
2. Stay until D17 graduates (S12 will be in 8th grade). Or.
3. Stay until S12 is older than that.

All three would be subject to no dating and no seeing the OM. (no control over email and texting anyway)

The problem with no seperation is she would not get a chance to realize that I am not the source of her misery, and there'll be no "missing" me, not to assume she would anyway.

The problem with seperation is all to do with the children. They are innocent bystanders and I should do what is best for them. Also, so far DBing has not worked under the same roof.

Does that sound crazy anybody? Feedack?


Me 53 XW 50
M 18 Years +2
S14 D19
Bomb 10-24-10
Served 1-27-11
Mediate 4-21-11
Civil D Final 6-2-11
No church anullment
"A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
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No Pickle, its not crazy. I perfectly understand, because, like you, I feel that DB'ing is nto working while we are together. In Bradleys post (have you read that? I think is in MLC) he said that the WAS should experience the LBS detachment for it to work.

I myself have found that I am happier and more comfortable when my H is not around. He went out of town for two days this week and I felt so free, I thought I was finally totally detached, but now I am depressed again, seeing his morose face, experiencing his aloofness. I am fantasizing living by myself with D12 more and more. I cannot even think of reconciliation scenarios - it seems so remote, so impossible.

But seeing D12 and him together breaks my heart. She loves him so much, and he does love her too, a lot.

Even if we are married, it is a roomate condition. Same with you, Pickle. What difference does a pece of paper make? Maybe the financials at least can be ironed out.

Do you honestly think though that she will honor the "no OM" if you are roomates?







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Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18
Bomb: 6/26/10
EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ???
11/5/11 Retrouvaille
Finally piecing....
Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go
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Quote:
All three would be subject to no dating and no seeing the OM. (no control over email and texting anyway)



So once she divorces you then you want to set a boundary?

Has what you have been doing working?

Do some research on what women find attractive. Be that man.


M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12
Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Coach #2122803 01/24/11 01:20 AM
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I feel exactly as Angel61.
I'm so much happier when W is not around.
But what about my son? What is best for him?

Like she said it's just a piece of paper.
We're Catholic, so in my view D doesn't mean anything more than civil and legal stuff. Unless she get's an annulment, we'll still be married in the eyes of God and the church.

As far as bounderies go, I had no levereage before, because of the depth of her MLC tunnel and concern for my kids. So I tried the waiting game, to DB, LRT etc. Now I'll have a little leverage. I know she doesn't want to lose the home, but I also have to be willing to sacrifice it in order to set the boundery. But again what is best for the kids? Should I leave it up to a judge and accumulate legal debts in a fight I could easily lose.

These are questions I'll bring up to my atty. I'd so love to be rid of her for a while, but the kids have to come first. Should I swallow my pride for a couple of years - no not if she dates. My prediction is that we'll remain under the same roof until it sells.


Me 53 XW 50
M 18 Years +2
S14 D19
Bomb 10-24-10
Served 1-27-11
Mediate 4-21-11
Civil D Final 6-2-11
No church anullment
"A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
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Originally Posted By: angel61

Do you honestly think though that she will honor the "no OM" if you are roomates?


What will it hurt to ask?

If she says no, we'll just sell the house, divide the property, settle custody and part company.

That's the worst case in my view.


Me 53 XW 50
M 18 Years +2
S14 D19
Bomb 10-24-10
Served 1-27-11
Mediate 4-21-11
Civil D Final 6-2-11
No church anullment
"A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
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Originally Posted By: angel61
In Bradleys post (have you read that? I think is in MLC) he said that the WAS should experience the LBS detachment for it to work.


I did not locate the post. Maybe you could link it.

WAS does not appear to give two Sh!ts about my detachment.


Me 53 XW 50
M 18 Years +2
S14 D19
Bomb 10-24-10
Served 1-27-11
Mediate 4-21-11
Civil D Final 6-2-11
No church anullment
"A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
Coach #2122812 01/24/11 01:42 AM
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Originally Posted By: Coach

So once she divorces you then you want to set a boundary?

Has what you have been doing working?

Do some research on what women find attractive. Be that man.


Setting a boundery regarding OM backfired before. It made me look like an a$$ and she fled to the OM.
Once there is D, I can "expose" EA and she loses the lovely home she took pride in decorating.

I'm getting served, so nothing has been working so far as I can tell since reading DR.

Women do find me attractive. I only know of one woman who doesn't. I have no esteem issues.


Me 53 XW 50
M 18 Years +2
S14 D19
Bomb 10-24-10
Served 1-27-11
Mediate 4-21-11
Civil D Final 6-2-11
No church anullment
"A man is not finished when he is defeated, he is finished when he quits."
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Originally Posted By: InAPickle


WAS does not appear to give two Sh!ts about my detachment.



Your WAW is going to have to experience life without you to figure it out IMO Pickle. That can only happen if she is out of your house and on her own. Will that work? Who knows. But what you are doing now is not working.


M 43
X 38
T 13
W moves out of home 11/2010
Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012
I request divorce 5/2012
W moves home 6/2012
Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015
I leave 3/2016
process of divorce
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