TAMF's Christmas Miracle?

[TAMF]

game on game on!!!!! who cares about the Superbowl? THIS is the game for the history books!

[WCW]

The Packers wiped out 2 teams of birds in the last 2 weeks, now they're going for bigger game! Bears are going down!

The Superbowl is only for commercials!

LOL

[TAMF]

I agree that the pack is playing well...here is to hoping that Rogers catches the flu!!!!

[TAMF]

update:

In my detachment, I have neglected to realize that my girls are not seeing thier dad. My D13 told me this morning that because dad and I are no longer "friends", they don't get to see him like they used to.

This is true. Because I don't want to see him, he is respecting that and hasn't come to the house like he used to. Considering the girls don't go to the place where he stays because it is a bachlorpad with a buddy of his - he has had limited contact with them.

This cannot happen. I will not be the cause for my girls to NOT have a healthy relationship with thier dad! This is VERY important to me. I am the one who won't let the girls go to his appartment. He agrees 100% - it isn't my H's appartment, rather he is a guest.

I told my H that my anger has subsided and he needs to come back to the house on a regular basis to see the girls. If I get uncomfortable, I will leave or go to my room.

This conversation lead to my H asking me if I was on a date last weekend. I told him very nicely that deep down I still want our marriage to work, but i need to move on with my life while he figures out his. If I want to date, I will. If and when you ever completely break it off with the ow and I am still here we can try to work on "us". I told him that I am not trying to force his hand, I am just trying to move forward with my life.

This was his text message back to me:

I don't want you to date but I do understand. I love you TAMF!
Just hang in there a bit longer if you can for me. Not sayin to not date but don't give up on me just yet. please.

My reply:

I promise not to close the door.

(this is the plain and simple truth - I don't think I would ever close the door on the POSSIBLITLY that is "us")

anyway his reply:

Thank you. I love you.

I started crying at this point. God what is he doing to me!!!????

My reply was something that we have said to each other for 20 years when one of us says, "I love you", the other responds with, "not that much!" then the other person comes back with, "too much!"

So I sent him "not that much...:-("

His reply was..."too much"

I almost threw my cell phone across the room...

[Augtan]

Oh TAMF, I have tears in my eyes reading this!! I know exactly how you feel!!! It is beyond painful to know they are right there...right at your fingertip..the old H... but not really!! I don't know how else to explain it. I won't hijack your thread and tell you all my XH has done in regards to things like this, but when you said you started crying and almost threw the phone...I know that pain well.

Hang in there, remain strong, I screwed it up when my XH started texting me stuff like that and we have backslided so much, but are making progress again. Let him come to you. Don't get in the way or stop his relationship with his D's but he can pick them up and take them somewhere else, just not around OW!! I would be very clear on that one too. It is too much for them and not fair to bring these awful woman around the kids!! Hang in there, I am praying for you!

A

[angel61]

I am crying too... in a way you are lucky, you are loved, and he knows it. I would give anything to hear those words from my H.

I am sure that love will lead him back to you.

[Albuquerque]

Hey TAMF,

I know how it stinks for the kids. But this

I told my H that my anger has subsided and he needs to come back to the house on a regular basis to see the girls.

is very very very bad IMHO. Look at the verbage that you used. You TOLD him. He NEEDS to. You cannot live his life for him. You cannot salvage his R with his D's. Yes, it stinks for the girls. I get that. But if he's too much of a pansy ass to get off his keister and figure out a way to spend time with the girls, then it's clearly not a priority for him. That is not your fault. Do you want a man that's not willing to fight for his family? Why are you the one that's going to have to bend over backwards

If I get uncomfortable, I will leave or go to my room.

in order to make this happen? Hell to the no! All this did was get you sucked back into his drama where he's telling you that for right now, he wants to continue f'ing his OW but wants you to NOT even go out on dates. He wants you to wait for a man who continues to spew out lies. He wants to proclaim love for you while abandoning his family. And you damn well better be understanding about it because he needs YOUR strength.

Sorry to be ranting here but you are letting yourself slide back TAMF and that is NO good. Don't use your D's as an excuse to get sucked back in. The biggest priority in your D's life is to have a mother who is well grounded and mentally healthy. You've already seen that can't happen with the way your H is right now. You CONTINUE to get into R talks when you KNOW you shouldn't. It never ends well. He tells you the same old crap. You tell him the same stuff he's heard a million times. And you end up feeling chitty (got this word from Eric). STOP STOP STOP. He's heard what you have to say. Stop saying it. He's not DOING this to you. You continue to ALLOW it to happen. Change the situation. Change your actions. Then it will stop. He does not deserve to know what is going on in your life. He chose to leave. STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP.

I'm trying to be subtle here but hopefully my point is coming across

Love ya girlfriend...

[forward]

TAMF, I agree w/Alb.

In some ways I don't feel like one to give advice, but you may want to rethink letting your kids go to his apartment. It's a reality check on his part. Your current situation allows him to "split" his life quite nicely.

Dropping off a noisy happy 2-year-old into a love cave was quite fun for me.

[Augtan]

Wow ALB, I know you meant that for TAMF, but I needed to hear it just as much!! Thanks! Perfect and so true.

You need to let him come to you regarding seeing the girls. I sent my XH an email telling him I was not going to facilitate a relationship between him and the kids, that it was totally up to him if he wants to be in their life or not. If he wants to come see them, he can and I will support that, but it is on him and he needs to make all the arrangements and such. I am done filling him in unless he asks, no pictures, videos, updates, etc.

If your H wanted to see the kids he would, he is too busy with the OW to care! I know that is harsh, but true, of course he loves you, but you have made it very clear that he can't have both and he is stringing you along so that he can. I did the same thing when I was where you are and mine picked the OW, I even moved our kids away and he cared less, was too wrapped up in OW to care.

He is now paying the consequences and is sorry, but it was his choice! And isn't sorry enough to come home and make it work. Don't let him split his life so easily, he can see the girls on your terms, when it works for you and them, and he can pick them up and take them somewhere neutral, not his apartment, not your house, not with OW, somewhere fun for them. You are in control, period, make him well aware of that, don't back down, you are strong!! Make it about you and the girls and not at all about him!!

A

[angel61]

Alb, that was an eye opener. Its so easy to get caught up in the emotion of the moment, that is true.

My H picked us when I set my boundaries with him last month, but who is to know that next time he will pick us again?

A, my thought processes echoes what you did. I told H that if he chooses D, he has no control over us and I could go where I wat to, far away if need be, to live my own life and move forward. Some people say that this is bitterness, not forgiving, and punishing. But sometimes, it may be the best course for the LBS, and makes the WAS see that they cannot have their cake and eat it too.