I have witnessed here, on other sites and IRL people doing things counter to DB that were more effective than DB principles.
Why did the DB book get re-written as DR? The truth was more true?
So only MWD can change her mind? And people should just blindly follow along?
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Maybe you haven't read both books. You can compare the differences, they mostly have to do with timing. In DR, she addresses the concerns of depression, MLC and Infidelity.
Coach-- This site is for those who want to use Michele's materials effectively to bring more love into theirmarriages. It's free solution detecting of the steps that are in those materials. It's to help folks use their coaching more effectively, or for those who can't afford coaching. It has been Michele's gift. You know that. It isn't a hidden, secret fact.
There's nothing blind about it. Everyone is free to go the places that espouse their views. This is the site for DB.
In all my time here, timing hasn't been discussed. I am sure the site would love to here when to do what - when.
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This is the site for DB.
And DB advocates doing what works.
I brought more love into my marriage using techniques that weren't all DB tenets. Guess they aren't true(unless doing what works is db). I got that advice from posters here.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I'm really happy you have a good marriage, not matter what it took for you to do so. A lot of the advice by that same group has been detrimental to marriages, and there have been a lot of complaints. We promote what we know to have had the best success. Everyone should go where the materials and advice works for them.
The timing in DR is a modification that Michele made to mention that it can just take some folks much longer than a month to fully reconcile when there are extensive factors involved (eg, long-term infidelity, MLC, depression, etc.). Then she expounded on those extensive factors. You might like the book.
A lot of the advice by that same group has been detrimental to marriages
That advice had numerous dbmods (2008) ??????
sgtxok was the big one on newcomers back then.
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Everyone should go where the materials and advice works for them.
I agree.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Then explain how to set a boundary with a spouse who is sleeping someone else spending their time, energy, love, affection, spending family money and resources, the kids know something is wrong and you can't think?
I would love someone to address this from the "official" DB world. It's very common here. It's an issue for men and women.
How do you keep your self-respect and add love to your marriage?
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
There are lots of things that would be nice if they got addressed on these boards Coach. That is just one of many that would be nice to see an answer to.
Working through it when you want to save your marriage is on pages 214-216 in DR:
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"If you are considering trying to save your marriage when your partner is unwilling to end the affair you can count on receiving lots of advice from people who know about the situation. The will undoubtedly tell you to stop being a doormat and go on with your life. You need to be the one who calls the shots on this one. This is, after all your life. You need to decide how you want to handle it. Trust your instincts. Don't let anyone else tell you what to do. If you're not ready to give up on your marriage, keep fighting."
There is the backoff--stop pursuit of the LRT that may be helfpul. This doesn't mean going completely dark, the level varies with each .
"You need to find out what need your spouse is fulfilling by spending time with this person so that you can do a better job fulfilling that need yourself. You need to make some changes. Don't tell your spouse tha tyou are going to change or that things will be different, just start acting differently."
And then of course, take care of yourself, do the things that make you happy, because that is more attractive, and you deserve to be happy.
Coach, no one said it was easy. And you already knew the answer. Individual recommendations go on individual threads.
