I have been told to start a new thread as the old one was too long!
Anyway quick update, wife left me, stripped house, took 2 kids, renting a house close to our home I'm in.
I was not there for her, verbally abusive, stressed out, now on anti-deppressants, and not drinking at all.
We text/Talk about the kids, but thats about it, no mention of D, but no mention of getting back together?
So I have moved on, I'm exercising, lost weight, more happier, probs my meds, re-decorating house, getting out more with friends, and generally becoming a better person!
Anyway, there is a girl from work who I have always got on with, she is only 29, I'm 39, she is very very attractive, and all the guys have tried to take her out to no avail.
Yesterday we were just talking generally, and she asked what was going on with me, weight loss, my attitude, my happiness, etc, she even asked if my wife was pregnant!!!
I told her in confidence what had happened, told her it's not looking good for us, but I'm working on me, trying to be a better and "getting a life"!!
She was totally shocked, but I was even more so, when she asked as I was single would I be interested taking her for a drink sometime!!!!!
She then told me she had always found me attractive, but I was a "happily" married man, and she never let her feelings known!
I was totally taken back, she is stunning, goes to the gym 4-5 times a week, has a choice of men, and asked me out?
I said give me the weekend to think about it, I didn't want to mess her about and would tell her on Monday, she was fine about it and understood totally.
What do I do now?, I want my marriage to work, but my wife doesn't, I need to GAL, I have, but with the changes I have female attention!, if I take her out it could totally ruin any chance of my marriage ever getting back on track, but if it is over, why not move on and go for a drink?
dc, As long as your up front with this girl about the get together, going out for a drink with her is OK. One your getting your confidence back(Huge has far as being attractive) and two your W will get jealous. Like Starsky said, she will come back to you.
I'm living proof of that scenario.
People want what they can't have.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
Go for a drink, but let this girl know that at this time, you ultimately still want things to work out with your wife and family, even though you think that things don't look so good at the moment. You go out, enjoy her company and wait to see what happens next. Can you do this without leading her on and getting emotionally attached? I don't know your whole sitch, so maybe listen to those who do, but I don't think there is anything wrong with having a drink with her.
Good luck. Wish I was in your position!! I may just run off with the new girl at this point! I see you registered in '07. Has this mess been going on for that long?
The girl knew already that you were having marital problems and going through a divorce. This stuff does not go over your female co-workers heads. talk. talk. talk. guys talk about girls. girls talk about guys. Everybody knows everybody elses business and what they don't know they make up.
You got hit on. It doesnt have to lead anywhere, it doesnt mean your wife will coming running back. It doesn't mean a thing !!!!!!!!!! It's call socially interacting with other people. You know, talking, laughing, shooting the $hit. Would you be more comfortable if this occurred in a work group happy hour setting?
from your earlier postings:
Originally Posted By: DCSUK
She has told me I'm a loner, who does not interact, aggressive in the way I speak, don't do anything with her as a couple, I have mood swings, and she has had enough, I cannot argue with anything she has said, but I'm totally lost without her?
I know alot of people don't like hearing this but I also know alot of people don't have a lot of success positively interacting with their spouses. If what you are doing is not working try something different.
Learning how to interact with other people will develop your skills with how to interact with your spouse.
I'm still un-decided, I have let the girl know and she is fine about it and understands totally.
I really want to move on with my life, but in that life I want my wife besides me!!
Moving on, I had the kids loads this weekend, had a really good time, when I dropped them off, wife asked if I still wanted them for 3 nights a week, I said yes instantly and we have agreed nights, not sure if this is any progress but I get to see the kids more!!
I picked my son up yesterday morning for football, and she came to the door while I was waiting for him, and chatted, she even made a joke and laughed!!
When I dropped him off, she came out to meet him, she doesn't usually come out at all, I rarely see her!!, but before she could say anything to me I drove off.
So thats 3 times in 2 days she has come out, made conversation twice and didn't get the chance to make it on the third.
Then last night she sent a couple of texts about the kids, basically confirming what we had already agreed, I just answered in 1 word answers, am I looking for something thats not there!, she is initiating some contact, not a lot, but something!
The kids are happy to spend more time with me, could this have any effect on her, could this soften her to me?
Not sure, nothing I can do, just going to carry on with what I'm doing, at least we are not arguing, and I see the kids more!
I feel pretty good about myself at the moment, I feel better than I have in years, lost weight, working out, getting asked on dates, and seeing loads of my kids, without missing my wife, things are going well for me.!!
totally unattractive, be a man, make a decision, none of this sitting on fence crap.
You probably did this a lot with your wife during your marriage, she would ask you if you wanted to do this, that or the other thing and you would say "I don't know..." or "maybe we should think about it some more..." or even "whatever you like I'm fine with it"
Women don't like that.
Women like Men who can make decisions, who can be decisive, who can lead, show the way, etc.
Your female co-worker is asking you out for a drink, go have a drink, it's not rocket science.
You go out, interact with her, get used to what being an attractive man is all about, go out in a public setting, with another woman, get used to talking to her, get used to listening to whatever she has to say, ask her questions and let her talk to you, let her explain her life to you, women love to talk to people who engage them in this way, show some interest but don't be a puppy dog.
You don't get it but your wife probably didn't get this type of interaction from you, it's probably why she wants it from someone else.
We're not telling you to go out and have sex with this co-worker, not telling you to hump the first skirt you come in contact with, not telling you to grab her and make her sit on your lap and stain your trousers, it's a drink, in a public setting. It's good for you to get used to doing this, like Steve said, "social interaction", you don't have these skills obviously and you need them. You admitted yourself, your wife comes out, tries to talk a little and you run away like a scared little girl.
Where in DB does it say run away from your spouse if she tries to talk to you?
Yeah, I get it, be busy, have places to be, yes that's what it says, part of the whole GAL thing. But if someone wants to say Hi and pump out a few sentences, it's ok, you're allowed to listen a bit, heck you might even enjoy the interaction.
This isn't just about following a list of items on your db to-do list and getting your spouse back, it's learning how to be a human being again, a successful one at that. Learning how to interact with people, being strong and confident, displaying confident body language, this isn't just about losing weight and putting on cologne and SHAZAM! your marriage is back. There's a lot more going on behind the scenes, time for you to get more informed on this process or you'll still be here several months from now asking what else you should be doing.
