yea, I hope this is not the case either. I am watching.. I was pretty quick to suspect the EA and got the records to prove it happened. Then I confronted. Then the crazy crap the last few weeks and her turnaround on Halloween, after I went out with my friend, told her to get out and I was moving on.. she came to me and told me she doesnt want a divorce and now is trying to work it out.. although her committment affection level is lower than I would like, she says she needs time to ease into it.. I am not sure if that is normal or if she is holding back because she feels loss from the EA...
it bends the mind.
It's not normal and it's bull$hit, she didn't need time to ease into her affair and I'm sure if given the chance, she wouldn't need to ease into her committment affection level.
This isn't how women act when they're really into the men they want to be with.
At least you're being honest with us, now you have to be honest with yourself, this isn't good enough for you, you're settling for this behavior and you shouldn't have to settle for anything especially when dealing with a spouse who was having an affair.
Tell her that you're not sure about her anymore and you have to think about things and start going out with your friend again.
Hold up. The reason she sought out another man is because she lost her attraction, at least to some extent, to Pensa. She may know intellectually that it makes more sense to work on her relationship than to have an affair, but that doesn't mean that she's ready to fully reconnect emotionally with Pensa, especially since he is expressing reservations to her by not even sleeping in the same bed.
Hey, if my wife decided that she wanted to work on our R right now my affection level would not be very high either until some trust and respect was rebuilt.
She didn't? She didn't go through that attraction phase or 'friendship' phase , she just picked the guy out and jumped him?
: )
You're assuming the attraction phase and friendship phase took a long time to facilitate.
When a woman really wants to be in a relationship with a man, she makes it easy, she doesn't make it difficult. You ever notice people who are in affairs, always "busy" when the affair is new, always "working late", always have a "business thing to attend", always "going out with friends, drinking too much, staying over night", always "too busy to do something" with their spouse and family, always making excuses so that they can make time to be with their affair partner. She does whatever she can to make time for the other man, to be with him, the affair is like a drug, she needs it and she needs it now and makes excuses to get it as often as possible - there is no easing into it.
Jack, you and I will always have two different opinions for dealing with people who cheat on their spouses ;-)
Hold up. The reason she sought out another man is because she lost her attraction, at least to some extent, to Pensa. She may know intellectually that it makes more sense to work on her relationship than to have an affair, but that doesn't mean that she's ready to fully reconnect emotionally with Pensa, especially since he is expressing reservations to her by not even sleeping in the same bed.
Hey, if my wife decided that she wanted to work on our R right now my affection level would not be very high either until some trust and respect was rebuilt.
Agree with MP. The DECISION to work on the marriage can be (and should be) immediately, but the ATTRACTION is going to take time to re-establish.
She didn't? She didn't go through that attraction phase or 'friendship' phase , she just picked the guy out and jumped him?
: )
You're assuming the attraction phase and friendship phase took a long time to facilitate.
When a woman really wants to be in a relationship with a man, she makes it easy, she doesn't make it difficult. You ever notice people who are in affairs, always "busy" when the affair is new, always "working late", always have a "business thing to attend", always "going out with friends, drinking too much, staying over night", always "too busy to do something" with their spouse and family, always making excuses so that they can make time to be with their affair partner. She does whatever she can to make time for the other man, to be with him, the affair is like a drug, she needs it and she needs it now and makes excuses to get it as often as possible - there is no easing into it.
Jack, you and I will always have two different opinions for dealing with people who cheat on their spouses ;-)
Rob
I agree with you most of the time, but the romance level of an affair and reconnecting with the father of your children just isn't the same. The decision to work on your marriage is not based on hormones. The decision to have an affair is.
Hold up. The reason she sought out another man is because she lost her attraction, at least to some extent, to Pensa. She may know intellectually that it makes more sense to work on her relationship than to have an affair, but that doesn't mean that she's ready to fully reconnect emotionally with Pensa, especially since he is expressing reservations to her by not even sleeping in the same bed.
Hey, if my wife decided that she wanted to work on our R right now my affection level would not be very high either until some trust and respect was rebuilt.
interesting to see how some people still use logic when dealing with emotion ;-)
Logic and Emotion are two different things, you can't use male logic when dealing with female emotion, you need to learn a different "logic" when dealing with female emotion and create that environment where those feelings are generated.
Quote:
...She may know intellectually that it makes more sense to work on her relationship than to have an affair, but that doesn't mean that she's ready to fully reconnect emotionally with Pensa
Would you really want a woman to stay with you and be with you if she was only in it because "intellectually" she knew it made more sense to be with you instead of the other man?
I hope not, that type of logic is easily trumped by emotion, rationalizations for the type of behavior that enables affairs and cheating are always made in an environment where a woman only stays with a man because it's the right thing to do "intellectually".
you can't use male logic when dealing with female emotion, you need to learn a different "logic" when dealing with female emotion and create that environment where those feelings are generated.
Be a Cat Whisperer.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
