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So the school board Pres is OK enabling this? doesn't the school system have a policy on fraternization? Does your L know about these conversations?


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Originally Posted By: Coach
So the school board Pres is OK enabling this? doesn't the school system have a policy on fraternization? Does your L know about these conversations?


No, Coach, he is not. The V.P., not so sure. We are a very small community and I don't think there is a policy on fraternization as all the board members, super and others socialize outside of school. And the guy is a smooth talker. He can talk his way out of a lot of sticky situations.

Yes, I have told my L about the conversations I have had with Pres and different teachers. The only thing she has said about it thus far is that they would make good witnesses. IDK. Am I missing something?


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Yes, be consistant stich with it!


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Originally Posted By: WalkingMan
Yes, be consistant stich with it!


Agree! Consistency has not been my strong point thus far. I think it's finally got through my thick skull.


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Journaling -

I have mentioned before how the mornings at home with both of us there have been very stressful. I have asked her how I can help her get the kids ready and make it easier on all of us. She cannot or will not give me an answer. So, a couple weeks ago, I decided to let her make lunches and pick out clothes and I would start breakfast, play traffic controller with getting kids in the bathrooms to brush teeth, etc. and get D7 and S3 dressed. It seems to be going better. I don't try to help with lunches. If she asks, I am happy to go in the shed and get a gallon of milk or whatever she needs. Other than that, I let her be. If she picks out clothes for D7, that's what she wears. If she hasn't, I will pick them out and help her get dressed. Same with S3. No pressure, no help where I'm not wanted.

Some mornings we are running a little late and she's rushing around doing this and that and I ask her, "What can I do to help?" Usually I get the grunt and no answer. So, while she's running around all stressed out, I'm tying shoes, practicing spelling words, multiplication tables or whatever. It helps with everyone's stress level except hers. Not to say she isn't any better, she is. She still has many moments where she blows up about nothing.

Why was this so hard for me to see? Maybe I'm going overboard the other way. All I know is the kids and I are more relaxed and we have fun. If someone is not moving fast enough, instead of telling them to come on and hurry up, I'll go and pick them up and tell them the fork-lift is carrying them to the bathroom or something off the wall like that. You can make almost anything fun if you try hard enough.

Still learning and still doing.


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Quote:
Why was this so hard for me to see?


Because you thought all the problems were yours to fix. You thought you were the one who needs to make all the changes.

Quote:
She still has many moments where she blows up about nothing.


Do you know why? It's not about nothing.


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Quote:
Do you know why? It's not about nothing.


Coach, I know you want us to think for ourselves and find the answers. I understand. I am really trying to understand the whys behind some of her behavior and also with mine.

But - please, just this once - could you just spell it out for me!? shocked crazy


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Quote:
But - please, just this once - could you just spell it out for me!?


She feels T-R-A-P-P-E-D. Your helping and being chipper just antagonises her. She's in love with another man. L-E-T H-E-R G-O. Set her free, open the cage door, take all the pressure off her. Agree with her, let her have what she feelsshe wants. How is what you are doing working for the M?

Do the Hot Potatoe.


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Quote:
Do the Hot Potatoe.


Okay, Dan Quayle. wink Drop it like it's hot.

So, one more question and it's one that has tormented me for months: How do I do this without being the one to leave? Break out the 2x4 if needed, but I'm serious. I have told her to leave, I agree it's over, all of that. She won't go. I told her to go back to sleeping on the couch. I no longer fawn over her, I listen when and if she talks to me and I validate my a@@ off. Do I file myself?


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Originally Posted By: idontunderstand

So, one more question and it's one that has tormented me for months: How do I do this without being the one to leave? Break out the 2x4 if needed, but I'm serious. I have told her to leave, I agree it's over, all of that. She won't go. I told her to go back to sleeping on the couch. I no longer fawn over her, I listen when and if she talks to me and I validate my a@@ off. Do I file myself?


Do not file unless you want to divorce her. Don't do it as a tactic.

Think about what she needs to feel safe to leave...

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