Interesting weekend. W's sister had a hayride/party on Sat. We were both invited and W had not said anything about going. BIL told me to come no matter what W decides to do. So, after getting home from an all day long fishing trip, I played with the kids for a while and made small talk with the W. She had taken the kids clothes shopping and showed me what she bought and asked what I thought of the new clothes. I said they all looked good and complemented her on the things she had bought and for finding sales on almost everything.
About 6:00, I got in the shower and then got dressed. I got out the iron and was pressing a new shirt when she came in the bedroom and asked what I was doing. I said I was going to her sister's party and then going to the wedding that we were invited to. I asked if she was going to the party and she said no. She asked if I was leaving now and I said as soon as I got ready. I went and told the kids goodbye and as I was getting my keys, W asked if I wanted anything to eat, she had made supper. I said, thanks, it smells good but I would eat later.
Had a good time at the party. W's family was friendly and I sat and ate with her mom and dad. Didn't go on the hayride but had a few beers and talked and ate. I went to the wedding and saw a lot of old friends and had a good time there, too. I got home a little before midnight and she was in bed for the first time in about a week. I fell right to sleep.
We got up Sun. and went to church. She said her mom was having a cook out. I asked what time she was leaving and she said right after church and that I was welcome to come. I did go and had fun. I probably should have said I had other plans. Anyway, it was good other than W pretty much ignoring me. I mingled with her family and joked and laughed and she was the one who looked pretty foolish sitting there like a bump on a log. The kids played with their cousins and our two little ones came to me when they needed something as they usually do.
I did hear back from the house I put a bid in on. They rejected my bid but made a counter offer for $5000 more. I really wish I could find something to rent but there is nothing in the area. This house is BIG and cheap. It would take some work but would be worth it. I need to bite the bullet and just do it. If things change in my sitch, we could sell one of the homes, hopefully. I need to look out for me and the kids.
Geez - some hubris on the account of the home sellers. How do you ask for more when no one is selling any houses across the country?
Weird how your W is acting. Decides to sleep in bed, then ignores you at her own family's gathering the following day. Don't get me wrong, I've seen it a hundred times, but my W has never gotten so close as to sleep in the same bed since we separated.
She seems to be content riding in limbo. Amazing how that works. You would think people who would go so far as to risk the dissolution of their marriage would not let anything stop them from getting away from this horrid spouse that has pushed them to that extreme.
Her going to church is still a big plus. Glad to see she is still keeping that up.
WAW Using God Me-43 W-40 M-14 S-11 S-9 D-7 EABomb 5/09 Separated 12/09
Keep up the good work IDU! Can you afford the extra $5k? I don't recall how long the house has been on the market, do you know? If it has been a long time, you could counter again with your original offer, but you don't want to let $5k spread over how many years (30?) stop you from moving on. How much extra is that per month? I'm not saying do it, but you need to consider it.
Her going to church is still a big plus. Glad to see she is still keeping that up.
I think that can only be a good thing, too. I did have to call her out on some CB during church, though. When it came time to offer one another a sign of peace, we all shook hands with the kids, people in other pews, her brother was right behind us and shook hands with me. After the melee with the kids, I stood there and looked at her. She wouldn't even make eye contact. I waited for at least 15 seconds and stuck my hand out right under her down turned face. She shook it and I said, "peace,W."
As for the house, it has been vacant for three years. The asking price is $45000. I offered $25000 and they countered with $30000. It was foreclosed on so a bank in TX holds the mortgage. It needs some work but is not in bad shape. There's no power so I don't know about the furnace, AC, etc. It is priced right even at 30000 for a 2500 sq. ft. home as long as it wouldn't take another $100000 to fix up. I don't think it would, but want the power on so I can check it out a little more. If I get it for 30 and have to spend 20 on it, that doesn't seem bad to me. Just the fact of having two mortgages for a while isn't too exciting.
When I had my divorce, I had the option to take the house. It was my dream house in an old neighborhood. It had a Garage apartment, which I considered renting out to cover some of my taxes, etc.
Formerly SGfan M:38 W:33 M:8 yrs T:10 yrs Bomb: Dec '08 Separated: 4/18/09 Divorce: 8/28/09 XW Affair began: April 08
When I had my divorce, I had the option to take the house. It was my dream house in an old neighborhood. It had a Garage apartment, which I considered renting out to cover some of my taxes, etc.
My W told me I could keep the house and she didn't want any money as a buyout. After she talked to a L, she decided maybe 50-50 wasn't best for the kids, I would have to pay her x amount because she couldn't find a place that she could afford. I said that wasn't my problem. She said it was my problem that I should be concerned where and how my kids were living. I said the kids have a place to live...You get the idea.
The fact is, I don't think I could afford to keep our house. Things are tight now with both of us here. I would like nothing better than to keep it so the kids can come to the only place they have ever known as "home".
Another part of this mess I realize I can't control.
I'm in the same boat with you IDU. I heard last night from a husband of one of W's friends that she thinks she will be able to stay in the house with the kids. These people are real estate agents and they told her that she is crazy to think that.
I might be able to stay in the house after the D if I wanted to, but the price is just too high. I can live there for $2,500/month or rent a brand new 3 br raised ranch for $1,100 from my current landlord. Not a very tough choice there.
I told W that I didn't care if she stayed in the house, as long as she could afford it based on a standard settlement. I also told her that she MAY be able to make the payments, but probably doesn't want to because she won't have any money left for anything else. She is delusional and living in fantasyland!!
We will both be starting over too.
We have to deal with so many things we can't control because of these decisions. It is unfortunate, but there is no other way.
Right now STBXH has the kids 25% of the time. I am very grateful that STBXH has acknowledged the importance of our children continuing to live in our home (which I am currently occupying), and he has expressed a willingness to work with me to make that financially possible. For example, his pension is an asset that he could keep while I keep a corresponding amount of the home equity. I also acknowledge and support his desire to find a home that he wants, largely for my children's benefit. I think that divorced couples can have fair settlements while still trying to be creative about making it work to ensure that both of their children's homes work for the children and the parents.
Anyway, good for you for being proactive. I envy you the real estate prices! Homes, even apartments in this city run $400,000-1,000,000 (including fixer uppers).
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Anyway, good for you for being proactive. I envy you the real estate prices! Homes, even apartments in this city run $400,000-1,000,000 (including fixer uppers).
Yeah, well, I live in the middle of no where. The house I'm looking at is definitely and fixer-upper. On average, homes run @ $100k. Regardless, it's a pretty good deal.
I have been following Pinhead's thread and feel like I am in much the same frame of mind. I know it's all a personal decision as how to "let go". My W won't leave the home. Period. There's no forcing her to leave. I thought if I lined up a home for myself and the kids I would have an easier time with letting her go. OTOH, I won't be the one to leave. The same reason I don't want to be the one to file. There may come a time I have to change my reasoning, but I'm not there, yet. I fully understand where and why Pin is doing what he is.
Boys had a ball game last night. They got beat really bad, it wasn't pretty. I told her before I left for work that I expected her to save me a seat. She didn't have to talk to me and didn't have to stay there after I got there but I was going to sit with my kids/family. She did save me a seat and was at least polite.
The good news: one twin scored 8 points. The bad news: that's all the points our team scored. (other team had 86 points ) A lot of really mad parents last night. Talk about running up the score!
(other team had 86 points 
) A lot of really mad parents last