Slowly, it gets closer to resolution. Frustratingly slowly, but closer. Another suspended court appearance. The Mouthpiece thinks she's "close" to reaching a deal with the Other Side. I hope so. I'm tired of having to listen to STBX.
She's recently latched onto the idea of bifurcation and has asked the court for it -- and she'll get it. The burden-of-proof is on the Respondent to show why the court shouldn't terminate a marriage that is "obviously" and "irredeemably" unsalvageable.
The Mouthpiece thinks it's emotional; I think it's strategic -- once she gets a legal divorce without resolution of the financial matters, the incentive structure for addressing those financial matters will change in her favor because the termination of married status removes an important motivation for negotiation.
I think it's strategic because STBX is still revising, rewriting, revisiting, redefining, renaming, rewhatevering.
Now The Story is -- get this -- I left her.
That was a puzzler. But apparently what she "really" wanted, this time last year, was to work on putting the marriage back together. She didn't say anything about that at the time. She didn't take any action toward that end at the time. She didn't let the presumptive desire to do so get in the way of her desire for Signore Schmuckatelli.
Shorter STBX: She didn't want me to mind-read, except when she did; she didn't want to have affairs, except when she did.
Hey. If that's The Story that gets her through the day, that's swell. I read the notes and generally don't respond unless there's a specific, child-related reason to do so.
Unfortunately I had to have a personal interaction with her after a parent-teaching conference. I turned to walk away from the parking lot afterward, when she called out from her car, Hey, can I ask you a question?
"Sorry, can't. Late."
It won't take long.
"Really behind schedule now."
One minute. Come on!
"*Sigh* Fine. What?"
I've just been thinking a lot about the last year, and I was wondering what you think it would've taken to reconcile.
"There's no point in discussing that. Anything else?"
No, seriously, I want to know.
Sheesh. So I said the first thing that came to mind -- that it would be a lot of work to rebuild trust.
Well what does that mean?
At this point irritated, I said, "I don't know -- you know -- figure it out. Take your 'Girl's Weekends' with your singleton friends in Vegas. That kind of thing would be pretty intolerable."
Hoo-boy. You'd think I slapped her and then stole her lollipop. I truly am free! I never would have stood for that! Who are you, God?!? Am I your prisoner?!? I am so happy to know that! Now I know it never would have happened! That is so completely unreasonable! Typical!
Don't do the crime if you can't do the time, STBX.
So I kept my eye on the sparrow, rubbed my head, and said, "Alrighty then, good to know, glad that's settled."
It's sort of sad. STBX is still trying to construct a narrative that explains it all. I just wish she'd get remarried and become someone else's problem. That'll be fun to watch.
It's sort of sad. STBX is still trying to construct a narrative that explains it all. I just wish she'd get remarried and become someone else's problem. That'll be fun to watch.
Gaah! How annoying but you know what, you sound like you are in a great place and she is still not dealing with it in a way. Hahaha. You get the last laugh!
I've just been thinking a lot about the last year, and I was wondering what you think it would've taken to reconcile.
OMG It's got three treble hooks on each end!
"There's no point in discussing that. Anything else?"
Good spit the bait out, now RUN!
No, seriously, I want to know.
No swim this way, you won't look good stuffed up on the wall.
Sheesh. So I said the first thing that came to mind -- that it would be a lot of work to rebuild trust.
If you keep your mouth closed you can't swallow the hook!!!!
Well what does that mean?
It means you are in a cheesless tunnel - dead end one way street.
At this point irritated, I said, "I don't know -- you know -- figure it out. Take your 'Girl's Weekends' with your singleton friends in Vegas. That kind of thing would be pretty intolerable."
Just had to do it, didn't ya?
Hoo-boy. You'd think I slapped her and then stole her lollipop. I truly am free! I never would have stood for that! Who are you, God?!? Am I your prisoner?!? I am so happy to know that! Now I know it never would have happened! That is so completely unreasonable! Typical!
Hook set and yanked onto the boat. She's over her limit on SPs for a lifetime. .
never wrestle with a pig... you know the rest.
Quote:
So I kept my eye on the sparrow,
What did the little birdie tell you?
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
August/September was a bit dicey; the going had got pretty narrow there for a while.
And the sparrow told me this:
STBX is STBX. So she has defined this divorce in zero-sum terms. Very well. Cold War. She's the USSR; I'm the US. Doesn't mean we can't come to terms on things. Doesn't mean we can't cooperate where there are mutual interests (i.e., Themselves). But that's all it means.
And the sparrow said this:
If, from time-to-time, glimpses of the "old" STBX appear, take them for what they are -- random bytes of data hiding in some long-forgotten sector of the hard drive of her life she hasn't yet had a chance to over-write. They are ghosts. They don't signify. ----------------
Privately, I find it very weird. Whenever she -- inadvertently, I suppose -- expresses even a hint of kindness or reveals even a bit of..."vulnerability" is probably the wrong word, but it'll do...vulnerability, she instantly shifts back into Hyper-STBX mode as if to compensate. As if even she has to hide from her own reality. Sad, when you think about it.
She asked, for example, that I commit to a custody calendar for next March, because "I am going on vacation."
I remembered what the sparrow told me: Doesn't signify. I replied, "I neither need nor care to know what you intend to do with your time; 'available' and 'unavailable' are more than adequate."
She replied, What does that mean? You're never going to want to hear anything about me ever again? So I'm not even a human being to you?
Doesn't signify. "All it means is that scheduling doesn't require anything more than an indication of which periods of time a parent is unavailable."
She replied, You're unf***ing believable. I was so right to leave you. You're going to just throw away 22 years that we've known each other, just so you can make a point. Do you think people feel sorry for you or something? They're just happy for me because they can see what a loser you are. It's laughable.
She replied, You're unf***ing believable. I was so right to leave you. You're going to just throw away 22 years that we've known each other, just so you can make a point. Do you think people feel sorry for you or something? They're just happy for me because they can see what a loser you are. It's laughable.
Ha She's gotta mouth that would make Sailor's blush. Classy lady.
I'd have been unable to resist a wise-crack at that: "Boy, do you have a mouth on you! <wink> Well, it's to nice of a day to wallow in the much, so C'ya"
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
She asked, for example, that I commit to a custody calendar for next March
"Give me the dates and I'll see what I can do." This chick isn't going to listen to anything you say just whether or not you can accomodate her.
What was the upshot of the movie War Games?
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
And the sparrow said this: As if even she has to hide from her own reality. Sad, when you think about it.
It is sad.
Originally Posted By: SmileysPerson
She replied, You're unf***ing believable. I was so right to leave you. You're going to just throw away 22 years that we've known each other, just so you can make a point. Do you think people feel sorry for you or something? They're just happy for me because they can see what a loser you are. It's laughable.
She sounds very bitter and you sound like you are in a much better place than she is. She is still extremely angry and it doesn't seem taht will be changing anytime soon. Too bad, so sad for her.
She's gotta mouth that would make Sailor's blush. Classy lady. 