Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 15 of 19 1 2 13 14 15 16 17 18 19
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 6,274
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 6,274
OT,

Just debating the point - I actually don't agree that emailing the person necessarily is like going and having lunch with a guy in a troubled M; there is no physical contact, and if you saw the content of the emails they aren't personal to us/between us as such.....it's more like Doc emails when he needs a kick up the proverbial to keep him on track. Plus, he doesn't only email females.....I can see the list the emails have gone to and there are guys on there too.

I think sometimes there are things that he panics about and he goes to auto mode and just reaches out for help to some of us....and we tell him what we think - generally the poor guy gets lambasted and then comes on here and discusses it.

I DO understand your concerns, and if there was anything EA like in the emails.....if they were personal to the person he was sending them to.....I don't think he would get a response from those that he emails.

Everyone has there own way with dealing with things, and I think in a way some of us are a sort of 'comfort blanket' to him AT THIS MOMENT IN TIME.

He is so near to cracking his W's inhibitions and attitudes and has come such a long way, really IMO, with Doc, thie risk of an EA arising is highly unlikely. I know I certainly wouldn't put my M at risk for such a thing.


Saffie
me 46
H 46
M in 1986
D20,D18,S16,D13
H's A 01/05 to 07/06
H recommitted to M 07/06
renewed vows 09/06
Going from strength to strength
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 5,927
D
Dr LOve Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 5,927
Originally Posted By: saffie
IMO, with Doc, thie risk of an EA arising is highly unlikely. I know I certainly wouldn't put my M at risk for such a thing.


AH heck Saffie I thought we had a future togeather.....I was all ready to swim across "the pond"

In reality I look at my friends here like my big brothers and sisters....

Ot thanks for your concerns and opinions. I like all of the diversity here. I take a little of what you say... a little of what Saffie says... A little of Mr. Bond’s advice ... ECT... and come to my own conclusion... MOST of the time when I E-mail MEN AND WOMEN that I have come to know here...it is more venting than asking or telling “a secret”.
I have come a long way. My confidence in myself has grown allot. BTW I made the honor roll and received a letter from the assistant president of the college for my 100% attendance….
My Marriage like many became boring...we took each other for granted. But as two individuals human beings...we had different ways of coping with it. Me I just figure my unhappiness was my cross to bear. My wife in her unhappiness...fueled by her low self esteem, menopause….tried to go back to a time when she thought she was happy.
I think if she really wanted to leave she would have. I think if I really didn’t love her I would have thrown her out.
Right now we both still have issues to deal with. And again we are dealing with them differently. Me I have no problem seeking help. But my wife does not want to be dependent on anybody. That is also part of her issue being out of work for so long…she is dependent on me…

BUT…. We have come a long way.
The wedding the other night was Fantastic…the car ride there (without son) was great. I have really learned to listen to my wife and take interest in what she has to say… once in a while even if I already know about something she is about to tell me.. I let her talk...I do not interrupt her...sometimes I even act surprised when she tells me things I already knew. Why? I am not deceiving her... I am just getting her comfortable talking to me.
At the wedding…. It took a little while but I did finely get her out on the dance floor...the wedding was for a young couple and young people were the ones mostly dancing...but when another “older” couple went out wife decided it was ok for us to. You see... again wife’s confidence / self esteem is so engraved she would deprive herself of a pleasure because she thought “she was too old” BTW her b-day is this Thursday... (57)…she already bought herself a present and said she does not want anything from me. I am still going to get her a card and some flowers though and told her at least we had to go out to dinner... she agreed.
But getting back to the wedding... we stayed until it was over... another first… and when we got home…..without going into details let’s just say… doc’s drought is over….
We also had another first yesterday… W made a great dinner and after we cleaned off the table she looked at the dishes and jokingly said... “Where is the maid?”... I told her I would rinse the dishes off and put them on the counter for her...she does not like the way I load the dishwasher... at first (as usual) she said “ No I’ll do them”… but thought for a moment and then said…”No I am going to let you do them”
So you see she is starting to “accept help”…..after the dishes were done…. I turned to her to give her my usual little kiss and SHE turned and put her arms around me. Not her usual thing to do…
So wife is coming along pretty good. NOW doc just needs keep working on himself. Yes my confidence is up. But I am only human... and a male at that….
I am only 52 Yo but do not feel or act any different than I did when I was 25...with the same interest and drives….

Got ta go... W stopped at cold stone creamery and picked up some Ice cream for herself, son…. AND ME

Bye
Doc


And if I claim to be a wise man, well
It surely means that I don't know
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 1,531
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 1,531
Hi Saffie and Doc and everyone else. Tomorrow is my 31st wedding anniversary. Two nights ago at dinner my husband said something about us having been fated to be together. He was my fate and I was his. I was sitting there eating spaghetti with tears in my eyes. And tonight he said that he is happy that he is married, and happy that he is married to me. We also have come a long way from the day I started posting on this board. Saffie and Doc, gee, what were you called back then, oh yes....Husband, were among the first people I met on this board. We have been friends ever since, even though we have never met. I'm glad the board is back up. But I am glad that we have been able to talk through email too, because when the board went down, I knew I could still talk to some of the people who have meant so much to me in the past 3 years.

Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 4,478
O
Member
Offline
Member
O
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 4,478
Doc,

Get W something other than a card and flowers. A stranger can pick those out. Pick out something that shows you SEE her, than you KNOW her, that you HEAR her.


Best,
Oldtimer
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 6,274
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 6,274
I think that's a really good idea OT; I know it means a lot to me when my H has put thought in to a present for me.

Lotus, wow. What a long way we have come. We just celebrated our 24th wedding anniversary and like your H I believe that H and I were fated to be together, and my H has said the same also. I feel so lucky that we have worked our way through what happened and I can't think of anyone else I would rather be with.


I cherish the friends I have made on here and those that I have email contact with. Both the boards and the email support help(ed) me keep my sanity at times when I found, (and sometimes still do find - although my issues are quite different now), life very tough.

Doc - I did get your email about the boards being down when I couldn't get on - thank you. I am so pleased the drought is over......I know it's taken a long while but it does go to show that patience CAN pay off. Just keep remembering who you are and don't revert to 'needy'. Both of you have worked at your M in your own ways- it would be nice to 'know' what your W's views about it are.....but not necessary. I expect one day she may 'tell you the lot'. It certainly sounds like she feels a whole lot safer in your M.


Saffie
me 46
H 46
M in 1986
D20,D18,S16,D13
H's A 01/05 to 07/06
H recommitted to M 07/06
renewed vows 09/06
Going from strength to strength
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 5,927
D
Dr LOve Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 5,927
Man..........Saffie don't you remember three years ago it took me almost the whole month to pick the right gift.... Now I only have 1 day....
So yesterday she said she already bought herself a "present" remember money is kinds short right now for us... she bought herself a "expensive" blood pressure measurer...She does have high blood pressure.....
So I can't buy her any clothes... that would remind her of her weight plus I don't think I really know her taste in clothing...lately wears Baggy t-shirts and pants.... I can't buy her any "pleasure" items, panties, nighties...last two times I bombed on that...I would not buy her any kitchen or house cleaning items...and jewelry is out of the picture…..BUT....
When I got home today she told me how she read "Eating a little Dark chocolate every day helps bring down your blood pressure, it has something to do with the antitoxins.... Sooooooo

I bought her a nice card.....

"Every so often,
I look at you and forget
About work, bills, errands,
And all the other stuff
That clutters our lives.

It all fades away
And I see just you -
This absolutely marvelous woman
Who I'm lucky enough
To have by my side.

And although
I may not tell you often enough
How much I love
The life we've made -
With all its ups and downs,
Twists and turns -

I do

I do becasue I love the woman
Who’s at the very heart of it all
You, my wife.
My beautiful, amazing wife.


And I bought her a bunch of Dark Chocolates


And if I claim to be a wise man, well
It surely means that I don't know
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,199
F
Member
Offline
Member
F
Joined: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,199
Hi Doc!
smile Swoon. That'd make my heart pitty-pat if my H gave me a card like that. Be sure to write a nice hand-written comment though - don't just sign it with your name. Excellent choice Doc!


I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 1,531
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 1,531
Doc, that's really nice. Tonight my husband stopped at the grocery store on the way home from work to pick up some flowers at the last minute for our anniversary, and found them all looking wilted. So he showed up with nothing. and I have to admit, though he buys me roses on occasion, and he said such nice things just last night, I still felt neglected. A thoughtful card like that would have really made me feel good! Anyway, he took me out to dinner, so I'm feeling OK about it all now. I'm sure when some new roses come into the store, I'll get some. (Note: I did try to explain that this is why there are florists.)

Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 2,694
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 2,694
Quote:
Note: I did try to explain that this is why there are florists


I would suggest we replace explain with argue in the interest of being more clear smile

You know, as in "Duh, have you ever heard of a florist?" grin


M-47,W-40,No kids
D-filed 5/27/2010
Piecing - 10/21/2010
-=Soon to be banned=-
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 5,927
D
Dr LOve Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
D
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 5,927
Thanks all..

I wanted to get it tonight becasue I leave in the morning for school and I wanted to leave the card and chocolates on the counter for her to find them in the morning.(also proves it was NOT a last minute thing).. I still might stop and get some flowers on the way home.. I have a big "hands on" test at school tomorrow and will be getting home later than usual. I know she wants to stop at her mom's before we go out to dinner......
P.S... Wife is in a GREAT mood today.......


And if I claim to be a wise man, well
It surely means that I don't know
Page 15 of 19 1 2 13 14 15 16 17 18 19

Moderated by  Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard