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I guess my other thread was locked.

I am starting the protection phase as has been advised me countless times on my other thread. Then why I am I more afraid than ever?

- lawyer files and injunction tomorrow so that custody remains the same until a hearing.
...H has been bullying and pressuring to take S6 to his house more often, have gf there with them, etc. I do not want this, never have. My state prefers 50/50 physical custody and this is where our legal separation is set at. But H and I have never followed this to the letter, H only comes over two - three nights per week to put S down to bed and takes him one overnight. He's been verbally and emotionally abusive and is taking prescription meds illegally. For this, and because of S6's age, I want to protect him and keep him in a stable and safe home.

I do not, have not ever wanted a war. But trying to work it out with an abusive bully has made me a doormat, not to mention killed my soul. So I have decided to fight in court. For boundaries sake, we are also filing motions for:
-parenting classes
-drug testing
-alerting the FAA that he is flying on presciption meds that they don't allow
-anger management classes
and the big one will be full custody for me based on his abusiveness.

---because of OW, verbal and emotional abuse, etc...going complete NC is my goal - but may take time to sort out the mediary for child exchanges. Besides that, I will not ...
- talk to him on the phone
- talk to him in person, especially alone
- spend "family time" with the three of us.
- take him off the bank account

I may ultimately file for D as well. This M prob aint going to happen, so I am taking charge of it happening in my way on my time line. Also, if there is going to be any hope of a M, he needs boundaries and consequences. He laughs at me, but he won't laugh at the court.

PLease keep me in your prayers and/or drop me any words of support - as he will be notified tomorrow and served thursday.

I am TERRIFIED of his anger. So, I will have my parents act as intermediary for child exchange this week.


Me: 42
Him: 43

Two divorcees in a relationship
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HOORAY! You can do this. You will not be his doormat any more. You have tried everything. YOu can look in the mirror and know you gave it 100%, you have tried all the DB recommended actions plus all the "outlaw" actions that others have recommended on these forums. It hasn't worked. You state all the reasons above why it hasn't worked, so when you are having a tough time with, read what you wrote. Those are the reasons you are in protection mode.

You can do this!


M39 W41
Two children
WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09
Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10
No longer piecing...Nov 10
Separation Jan 11
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Protection Phase is frightening. I began mine this week as well. I can only imagine how is is magnified with a young child and a drug addicted H.

Facing your fear gives you strength. Remember that. Your H is not facing his fears. He is hiding from them with drugs and OW. You will be stronger for this.

Good thoughts are coming your way from me!


H32 Me32
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Hope,
Don't stop fighting for what you believe in. I can see you are protecting yourself, and you believe in that. You will be in my prayers for strength and courage.


HopelessIn Love

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Well the prayers are helping my PMA at least - the paperwork got held up at the law offices (should have guessed that, eh?) so I have a few more days of calm before the nuclear holocaust...

That said, I'm avoiding him well. ONly conversed by email so far. Monday he was hostile/tense after our parent/teacher meeting at S's kindergarten - tried to engage me, had to drive off.

He's here with S but I'm hiding in my bedroom. Considering getting a lock on my bedroom door for when he's visiting as in the past when I've tried to get away from him and locked the bedroom door-handle lock, he's picked it and burst in!

Meanwhile, I have to continue to work on a document for the court detailing his abusive behavior - painful, but very good way to build inner strength and conviction for protection!


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Did you call the police when he was violent with you before? The court usually needs official documentation like that. Even if you didn't press charges, having called is at least something.


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For what it's worth, I totally think you're doing the right things, Hope. I wish I knew something to tell you to m

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When he was physical wiht my son, I went to the police dept and talked with an officer for 1 1/2 hours. He suggested I do not file a report. I did not. I have called the police but always retracted it. I did not want to "do that to my husband." I still struggle with these same feelings now as I face going to court for custody.

Freckle - thanks. He has not been served yet. I am working on the supporting documentation for my request.

Last edited by Hope4Luv; 10/07/10 06:36 PM.

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Hi hun, so pleased to hear you are taking some action to protect yourself agaisnt H, Im now back on the board so will be able to keep up with things, huge hugs hope you and littleun are well?


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Once lost but now found and happily married again!
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Met with a legal advocate at the Local ABused Women's Center. She gave me some pointers on what to expect in the legal process. I never belonged on DB - my M is an abusive relationship. I feel like I"m living in an alternate reality - how did I get here?


Me: 42
Him: 43

Two divorcees in a relationship
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