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A Message from Michele
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Re: Sad To Be Back 4 Years After The Bust [Re: steady] #2081473
09/24/10 01:27 PM
09/24/10 01:27 PM
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Ontario Canada
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BeTheMan Offline OP
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BeTheMan  Offline OP
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I suppose I should have mentioned that I ignored two calls to my cell and told her I was busy the first time she called me at work, before I actually took her call and talked with her.


50 years old.

Ontario, Canada

Loving Marriage #2 with the perfect person.


Re: Sad To Be Back 4 Years After The Bust [Re: robx] #2081474
09/24/10 01:30 PM
09/24/10 01:30 PM
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BeTheMan Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: robx
Originally Posted By: BeTheMan

...I think it's time for an "all cards on the table" talk and then move on from there in one definite direction or the other.


Quote:
...
If she knew I have a date with a 25 year old this weekend she might not be calling......


It's hard to be congruent and straight with someone else if you're not congruent with yourself. One moment you want a "all cards on the table" talk and move on from there in one "definite direction" and the next day you have a date with a 25 year old.

Which is it?




Much like my WAW, I suppose, I am keeping her as my "cushion" while I taste the single world. MMMMM.......cake.


50 years old.

Ontario, Canada

Loving Marriage #2 with the perfect person.


Re: Sad To Be Back 4 Years After The Bust [Re: BeTheMan] #2081715
09/24/10 06:12 PM
09/24/10 06:12 PM
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robx Offline
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I think this is the beginning of you moving on, which I think is a good thing overall. She told you she's not coming home back in July, those were her "cards" that you were asking for previously, maybe you just didn't want to believe it. I'm still going to stick to my original thought that there is someone else or was someone else and she's just in transition right now, looking for the next one.

As for you, a little cake eating sometimes becomes part of the equation of moving on, but it's part of the overall transformation, - go with it, have fun, no worries.

She has communicated she doesn't want to be with you,
she's moved out, said she's not coming back, didn't want to work on a marriage with you, doesn't want a life with you, etc. those were all her decisions, time for you to decide what YOU want to do with your life.


"...Well, my favorite color is light tan. My favourite animal is puppies. I like serving the Lord. Hiking, playing volleyball..."
Re: Sad To Be Back 4 Years After The Bust [Re: robx] #2081771
09/24/10 06:58 PM
09/24/10 06:58 PM
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robx Offline
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...I'm going to tweak my advice above, just a little,
maybe you need a LOT of cake eating added to your diet.

My logic on this is...
a little for you will actually be very little,
you will be hesitant because you are so used to serving your wife, trying to win her back, trying to be super nice, kiss way too much a$$ (and not sexually either) trying to buy gifts, dinners, vacations, everything - you name it, trying to change everything to gain her approval and regain her affection (which hasn't worked at all, you have to admit that) that you haven't spent a lot of time focusing on you and being "selfish" for a while.

Yes I said be selfish.

You're looking for the happy medium in your life, where you are really comfortable with who you are that you don't care if your wife accepts you or not, you just care if you accept who you are and how your life is, you don't want to be a "nice guy" all your life but you don't want to be an a$$hole either but for you since you've held yourself back all this time literally hanging on to crumbs and feeling content just to get a whiff of a fart she passes in your general direction.

I think you need to go in the opposite direction for a little while, you've been at the extreme left side of this equation forever, now you need to swing over to the far right for a while and be all about you and stop worrying about your wife and winning her back and trying to come up with some way for her love you again. You will literally end up giving yourself a heart attack or some other life threatening medical issue if you keep doing what you're doing.

Some people may read this and get shocked or pissed off or angry or think I'm trying to turn you into some caveman a$$hole but I'm not, I think for you just based on the fact that you've been at this for what seems like forever (you were here several years ago doing the same thing remember), you need to spread those wings all the way and experience life on that bleeding edge.

Once you've experienced both ends of this spectrum, you will know what your happy medium resting place will be. A little counter intuitive but I think it fits for you. Go out with that woman tomorrow, have a great time and make sure you enjoy yourself and don't worry about impressing her, just go out and enjoy YOURSELF.

We expect a full report, ttyl bro!


"...Well, my favorite color is light tan. My favourite animal is puppies. I like serving the Lord. Hiking, playing volleyball..."
Re: Sad To Be Back 4 Years After The Bust [Re: robx] #2081778
09/24/10 07:02 PM
09/24/10 07:02 PM
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Coach Offline
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Quote:
you don't want to be a "nice guy" all your life but you don't want to be an a$$hole either but for you since you've held yourself back all this time literally hanging on to crumbs and feeling content just to get a whiff of a fart she passes in your general direction.


laugh

Yeah, don't settle for cropdusting!


M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12
Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Re: Sad To Be Back 4 Years After The Bust [Re: Coach] #2081781
09/24/10 07:04 PM
09/24/10 07:04 PM
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robx Offline
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LOL!


"...Well, my favorite color is light tan. My favourite animal is puppies. I like serving the Lord. Hiking, playing volleyball..."
Re: Sad To Be Back 4 Years After The Bust [Re: robx] #2081813
09/24/10 07:37 PM
09/24/10 07:37 PM
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Steve McQueen Offline
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Originally Posted By: robx
...I'm going to tweak my advice above, just a little,
maybe you need a LOT of cake eating added to your diet.


Just for fun.25 minutes left in the week. what else can go wrong, betty crocker?

MARTHA STEWART + RACHEL RAY + PAULA DEEN = WAR!
Thursday September 23, 2010

DOMESTIC divas Martha Stewart , Rachel Ray and Paula Deen are embroiled in a bitter feud, it has been claimed.

Martha, Rachel and Paula
According to American tabloid the National Enquirer, the trio are fighting for TV ratings, sales of their magazines and cookbooks, as well as buyers for their vast array of products.

“Martha, Rachael and Paula are in a crowded market, and they’re competing for each other’s audience,” a source said.

“Each one of them wants desperately to be number one, and they’re in a dogfight that’s gotten down and dirty!

“While Martha was gracious to Rachael, she craftily proceeded to make mincemeat out of her by exploiting her weaknesses, especially getting Rachael to admit that she can’t bake.

“Martha delivered a near-steady barrage of subtle digs at Rachael, who looked really uncomfortable.

“When there were published reports that Rachael may have made racist comments about Oprah when she had too much to drink one night, Martha laughed, ‘Rachael is a drunk’.

“The nasty gossip Martha spreads has gotten back to Rachael – and Rachael dishes about Martha in return. It’s a vicious cycle between them,” said a source close to Rachael.

“Rachael has even cracked, ‘I’d love to slap Martha!

“Rachel thinks Paula s a ‘hillbilly’ who cooks with unhealthy ingredients and serves up fried, fatty foods.

“Martha can’t stand what Paula makes. She says it’s just fat-laden comfort food with no aspiration toward art in the kitchen.

“She says Paula is going to turn America into a nation of obese housewives! Martha has even laughed that Paula is a hillbilly.

“Paula harbors no personal resentment against Rachael or Martha, but she’s a competitor, and her popularity is growing.

“She definitely wants to be number one, and if that happens, it’ll crush Martha and Rachael in the process.”

Re: Sad To Be Back 4 Years After The Bust [Re: Steve McQueen] #2081883
09/24/10 09:33 PM
09/24/10 09:33 PM
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I don't know who Paula Deen is, so forgive me but I'm familiar with Martha and Rachel, if any of these 3 make a good cake, send it over to BTM, he's ready to eat some ;-)

The logic is this,
BTM has been eating crumbs and tries to be happy with that but honestly he isn't (who would be crumbs suck),
I'm hoping he go through the experience of trying to eat an entire cake, hopefully he'll find out after both experiences that all he really ever wanted was a decent piece: not too much, not too little, but enough to satisfy him without feeling shortchanged.


"...Well, my favorite color is light tan. My favourite animal is puppies. I like serving the Lord. Hiking, playing volleyball..."
Re: Sad To Be Back 4 Years After The Bust [Re: robx] #2084007
09/28/10 10:34 PM
09/28/10 10:34 PM
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BeTheMan Offline OP
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Big Update.....

Had the blind date with the 25 year old on Saturday night as part of a group company outing. It went well, but obviously issues with the age difference. It was a big step for me (first date in over 20 years with someone other than WAW) and I now know I still "got game".

I told S16 and D19 about the date. Yes, even her age. I am very open with my kids about everything. D19 (of course) told WAW. So, WAW called me today. It actually went quite well. She was upset that I did not tell her before telling kids, but I had asked a few times recently to talk. She simply works too much to find time.

During our chat I told WAW that she was the one who told me to date - and most likely because she was already dating. She claims she has not dated anyone at all. I actually believe her. No reason at all to lie at this point.

I have other prospects for dates as well. The times they are a changing....

I will tell WAW one more time, that I would still like to share my life with her, but if she can't do that I have finally started to move on with my life. Today I actually thanked her for giving me my life back.

I've been feeling confident and happy the last few days more than at any time in the last year. It's about time!


50 years old.

Ontario, Canada

Loving Marriage #2 with the perfect person.


Re: Sad To Be Back 4 Years After The Bust [Re: BeTheMan] #2084013
09/28/10 10:46 PM
09/28/10 10:46 PM
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robx Offline
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NO!

Do not tell WAW that you would still like to share your life with her.

She needs to feel that you've moved on,
only when she feels this, will the possibility of her feelings returning for you ever happen.

If you bring up that you still want to be with her,
it will come off as you dating to make her jealous and that will blow up in your face.

Continue feeling confident and happy,
do not give your wife any details about the women you are dating, just do it. If she asks just tell her that you do not think it's a good idea for you to talk to her about the women you've been seeing. You've finally realized that waiting for your wife to make up her mind was never going to work. She told you to date, she told you she wasn't coming back, you finally got the message and there is no use in crying over spilled milk, what's done is done and you know it's over for good and you're finally ok with the marriage being over and you're just sorry it took so long for you to finally get the message and understand it.

And that's it.

You don't ever tell her one more time (which becomes several times after that because you will feel that you have to repeat it so that she hears you, NO! never tell her she has a chance, she has to feel that LOST her chance) that you want to be with her, she will only feel those "feelings" for you when she "feels" that you are moving on. She can't want something she has, she can only want something she doesn't have... which is YOU.

You're doing good, keep on going in this direction,
you finally caught the ball, don't fumble it, keep moving in that direction and things will get clearer for you as you progress, you will learn the "game" for lack of a better description and you will get better at playing this game and you will finally feel the momentum of the situation switch over to your side where it should have been for a long time now. We told you to do this a long time ago, I'm glad you finally took that leap of faith and did what you had to do.


Last edited by robx; 09/28/10 10:49 PM.

"...Well, my favorite color is light tan. My favourite animal is puppies. I like serving the Lord. Hiking, playing volleyball..."
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