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A Message from Michele
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Re: WAW, help!! [Re: Rob1971] #2083968
09/28/10 09:35 PM
09/28/10 09:35 PM
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Coach Offline
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Quote:
I'm a little bit shocked..



Never forget what works.


M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12
Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Re: WAW, help!! [Re: Rob1971] #2083994
09/28/10 10:15 PM
09/28/10 10:15 PM
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robx Offline
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Originally Posted By: Rob1971
Ok,

I read her the riot act last night, it degenerated into a massive argument, then into an R talk about how she didn't know if she could live without me and might be willing to try again. She just rang me from the office today telling me how much she loves me over and over again and that she wants to try and make our marriage work..... I'm a little bit shocked..


Holy $hit, I wish I could see the look on your face right now ;-)

Now don't go turning into "Mr.Melty man" or getting all sensitive and lovey dovey, maybe you should be testing her right now to make sure she isn't playing you, it can happen - just another one of those dang tests ;-)

Another thing, she cheated on you.
If you take her back so easily after she hugs and kisses you and tells you she loves you over & over again, it just tells her that she can make these kinds of mistakes and you will just take her back easily. You need to make her work for this, for you. You aren't easy, you have high standards, she broke your trust, she needs to earn back that trust, you can't give it to her easily, in fact if you do, then earning your trust means nothing to her and more importantly to you.

Last edited by robx; 09/28/10 10:19 PM.

"...Well, my favorite color is light tan. My favourite animal is puppies. I like serving the Lord. Hiking, playing volleyball..."
Re: WAW, help!! [Re: Coach] #2083997
09/28/10 10:19 PM
09/28/10 10:19 PM
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Originally Posted By: Coach
Quote:
I'm a little bit shocked..



Never forget what works.


Yup!


"...Well, my favorite color is light tan. My favourite animal is puppies. I like serving the Lord. Hiking, playing volleyball..."
Re: WAW, help!! [Re: robx] #2084181
09/29/10 11:33 AM
09/29/10 11:33 AM
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Listen to Robx here. I got this twice from my W, the first time I screwed it up, went Melty Man, and it lasted a week. Second time I didn't go melty man and we've been no kidding working/committed to our M for a couple of months now.

Take it slow. Think about boundaries. Tell her you need to think about it for a day, then take a couple of days. Make her pursue...make her wonder if its too late. Make sure she is committed and willing to meet your needs. She's been pursuing her own selfish needs for a while now.

We all know you will want to dive back in with a huge grin on your face. The huge grin is fine, but keep it to yourself now.

You can do this. Keep doing what works


M39 W41
Two children
WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09
Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10
No longer piecing...Nov 10
Separation Jan 11
EA ends again Feb 11
Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
Re: WAW, help!! [Re: gutwrenching] #2084776
09/30/10 12:24 PM
09/30/10 12:24 PM
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Rob1971 Offline OP
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Damn it. I've either made a big mistake or misinterpreted the whole thing.I did Mr Meltyman so today she is telling me..

Don't think i want things to go back how they were, i'm doing this (trying again) beacuase it's the right thing to do,not because i've fallen back in love.

We might be happily married 6 months down the road or trying to separate again, I'm going into this with extreme caution..

I'm worried that we will start having sex again and become romantic with each other again and it will all fall apart"

We discussed the things that we wanted to change about each other, me being less passive aggresive and less afraid of what to say to her. I spoke about a more balanced childcare role, the idea of a separate apartment for her has been put on ice.. she also promised that her "indescretion" would never happen again..

Part of me says that this is amazing progress and I should be very happy, part of me says she's going into this half heartedly, knowing it's doomed to fail..

Also what is the protocol, when living under the same roof, I don't want to be available for her all the time, but do I ask her out with me, bearing in mind i've been invited to a few parties on my own. I need to be GAL'ing! but don't want her to feel that I'm the one being half hearted..

Re: WAW, help!! [Re: Rob1971] #2084839
09/30/10 02:22 PM
09/30/10 02:22 PM
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robx Offline
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Originally Posted By: Rob1971
Damn it. I've either made a big mistake or misinterpreted the whole thing.I did Mr Meltyman so today she is telling me..

Don't think i want things to go back how they were, i'm doing this (trying again) beacuase it's the right thing to do,not because i've fallen back in love.

We might be happily married 6 months down the road or trying to separate again, I'm going into this with extreme caution..

I'm worried that we will start having sex again and become romantic with each other again and it will all fall apart"

We discussed the things that we wanted to change about each other, me being less passive aggresive and less afraid of what to say to her. I spoke about a more balanced childcare role, the idea of a separate apartment for her has been put on ice.. she also promised that her "indescretion" would never happen again..

Part of me says that this is amazing progress and I should be very happy, part of me says she's going into this half heartedly, knowing it's doomed to fail..

Also what is the protocol, when living under the same roof, I don't want to be available for her all the time, but do I ask her out with me, bearing in mind i've been invited to a few parties on my own. I need to be GAL'ing! but don't want her to feel that I'm the one being half hearted..


Didn't we say DON'T TURN INTO MR.MELTY MAN?!


"...Well, my favorite color is light tan. My favourite animal is puppies. I like serving the Lord. Hiking, playing volleyball..."
Re: WAW, help!! [Re: robx] #2084841
09/30/10 02:24 PM
09/30/10 02:24 PM
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Originally Posted By: robx

Now don't go turning into "Mr.Melty man" or getting all sensitive and lovey dovey, maybe you should be testing her right now to make sure she isn't playing you, it can happen - just another one of those dang tests ;-)


I just checked, I wanted to make sure it was your thread and not someone else's (there are so many), I DID TELL YOU NOT TO TURN INTO "Mr.Melty man"!!!!

If english is a second language to you, let me know what language you prefer and I will use google translate to communicate with you using your preferred language.

However, google will not translate english into dumbass ;-)


"...Well, my favorite color is light tan. My favourite animal is puppies. I like serving the Lord. Hiking, playing volleyball..."
Re: WAW, help!! [Re: robx] #2084843
09/30/10 02:27 PM
09/30/10 02:27 PM
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Quote:
I need to be GAL'ing! but don't want her to feel that I'm the one being half hearted..


Not to mention ^^^^this is not a feeling. Happy, sad, angry, depressed, joyful, calmness, fear, and so on are feelings.

You don't want her to think this. She can think that or something else anyway, and why would you even want her to think you are 100% available if she is not?

Something to ponder? Why do you want to be available to somebody who is not available to you?


M-47,W-40,No kids
D-filed 5/27/2010
Piecing - 10/21/2010
-=Soon to be banned=-
Re: WAW, help!! [Re: robx] #2084847
09/30/10 02:32 PM
09/30/10 02:32 PM
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Originally Posted By: robx
Originally Posted By: robx

Now don't go turning into "Mr.Melty man" or getting all sensitive and lovey dovey, maybe you should be testing her right now to make sure she isn't playing you, it can happen - just another one of those dang tests ;-)


I just checked, I wanted to make sure it was your thread and not someone else's (there are so many), I DID TELL YOU NOT TO TURN INTO "Mr.Melty man"!!!!

If english is a second language to you, let me know what language you prefer and I will use google translate to communicate with you using your preferred language.

However, google will not translate english into dumbass ;-)


men don't seek a "mental" connection with other men's wives. they seek a genital connection.

M:46 W:36
M 11y D8 D5
Bomb Drop: Father's Day, 6/20/10
http://bit.ly/bh1dwp
http://bit.ly/aTEpXG
Re: WAW, help!! [Re: pinhead] #2084853
09/30/10 02:40 PM
09/30/10 02:40 PM
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Posts: 72
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Rob1971 Offline OP
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Thanks guys!!!! Is there anyway of backpedalling on this without sounding like an ass...?

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