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Originally Posted By: Crushed2Death
She said, Oh fine.. I'll go sleep somewhere with the kids then.. smile
I said, If you'd like help packing, I will gladly assist you.
Her response, don't need help thank you. Why would u say that anyways? Are u trying to kick me out?

Should I even bother with discussions like this even though they are not R related? I'm gonna check into those books DB/DR.


"Yes, I would like you to move out as soon as possible."

Starting this month,
tally up the bills,
mortgage, taxes, utilities, you name it and let her know how much she is required to start paying if she continues to live there. Also tally up the time you spend babysitting while she's out bar hopping and living the single life.

She may start to argue, may attempt to make you feel guilty, don't fall for it. You just tell her plain and simple, you made the decision to cheat on me and you want to end the marriage, I'm fine with that, however, you can't continue living here as if we're still married, I plan on getting a roommate to replace you but while you're still here and haven't found an apartment yet, these are the expenses a roommate is expected to pay. I will also no longer be your baby sitter, you will be required to spend the same amount of time that I currently spend with the kids, I won't watch the children 5 nights a week for you. If you have a problem with any of this, too bad, it's just one of the many consequences of cheating on your husband.

And that's that.

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Originally Posted By: Crushed2Death
She said, Oh fine.. I'll go sleep somewhere with the kids then.. smile
I said, If you'd like help packing, I will gladly assist you.
Her response, don't need help thank you. Why would u say that anyways? Are u trying to kick me out?

Should I even bother with discussions like this even though they are not R related? I'm gonna check into those books DB/DR.


See John28's thread for an answer to that.

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Exactly what robx said.
no variance. TCB


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I think I made a mistake, I sent this text to W

I have decided that you are right. Our marriage is over. I no longer want to be with someone, who doesn't want to be with me, and treats me the way you do. I cannot allow you to continue to disrespect me and this family, with the things you are doing. You are free to do as you please with whomever you please, but you should at least have the decency to leave our home while you do so. It's insulting to our children.

You are right, we both want different things, and I realize now it's not fair for me to discount the way you feel and pressure you into staying in order for me to feel better. I want someone who loves me and acknowledges the many good things I have to offer, someone who respects the sanctity of marriage, and is willing the give all they have and be committed to our family.

I am deeply sorry that you have chosen to leave our marriage, but I am not interested in a friendship with you. I hope you will understand one day. Based on all that has occurred, it would be a great diservice to myself to reward your actions and lack of effort with my friendship. I wish you well in all you do, but it's clear you have no respect for me and likely never did.


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Her response:

Goodbye.. I'm going to miss you, ;,(


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Don't budge.
Don't apologise.
Don't rescue her.
Don't make contact unless it's about the kids or household finances.
Let her miss you for real.
Take care of yourself and your kids.
She's testing you.


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Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
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Your response was good. Very good. YOu set clear boundaries and let her know your position.

I still never understand how or why the WAS' want to be "friends." It's like a slap in the face/insulting. Truly.

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Quote:
Goodbye.. I'm going to miss you, ;,(


Give her the opportunity to miss you.

Like Coach said, don't budge, be confident.

It feels likeyour doing the wrong thing but it's exactly what needs to be done.


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Originally Posted By: Crushed2Death
I think I made a mistake, I sent this text to W

I have decided that you are right. Our marriage is over. I no longer want to be with someone, who doesn't want to be with me, and treats me the way you do. I cannot allow you to continue to disrespect me and this family, with the things you are doing. You are free to do as you please with whomever you please, but you should at least have the decency to leave our home while you do so. It's insulting to our children.

You are right, we both want different things, and I realize now it's not fair for me to discount the way you feel and pressure you into staying in order for me to feel better. I want someone who loves me and acknowledges the many good things I have to offer, someone who respects the sanctity of marriage, and is willing the give all they have and be committed to our family.

I am deeply sorry that you have chosen to leave our marriage, but I am not interested in a friendship with you. I hope you will understand one day. Based on all that has occurred, it would be a great diservice to myself to reward your actions and lack of effort with my friendship. I wish you well in all you do, but it's clear you have no respect for me and likely never did.


I think you pretty much nailed it.

Now detach, move on, live a great life without her.
This is her loss not yours, if she doesn't realize this well then you know what kind of spouse you had anyways so you didn't lose anything.

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Originally Posted By: Crushed2Death
I think I made a mistake, I sent this text to W

I have decided that you are right. Our marriage is over. I no longer want to be with someone, who doesn't want to be with me, and treats me the way you do. I cannot allow you to continue to disrespect me and this family, with the things you are doing. You are free to do as you please with whomever you please, but you should at least have the decency to leave our home while you do so. It's insulting to our children.

You are right, we both want different things, and I realize now it's not fair for me to discount the way you feel and pressure you into staying in order for me to feel better. I want someone who loves me and acknowledges the many good things I have to offer, someone who respects the sanctity of marriage, and is willing the give all they have and be committed to our family.

I am deeply sorry that you have chosen to leave our marriage, but I am not interested in a friendship with you. I hope you will understand one day. Based on all that has occurred, it would be a great diservice to myself to reward your actions and lack of effort with my friendship. I wish you well in all you do, but it's clear you have no respect for me and likely never did.


It's not a mistake. You did very well.

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