WAW The cold & cruel truth!

[Blessed2BeADad]

Lol yea I guess... She'd try if she could

[Blessed2BeADad]

Hey MrBond, what is your suggestion to respond to her text regarding being friends?

[robx]

I should note, I'm a little concerned as to how to respond as I don't want her to turn vicious since the divorce is still pending. I fear if she becomes angry, she will get ugly too. But I do need to establish a boundary here. No Friends... All or nothing I think is wise

UGGG!!!!

You are a little concerned?

Why?

Didn't she cheat on you?

Why do you attribute so much value to her when she attributes so little to you?

Maybe that's a question you should ask yourself.

As for the friends bit, seriously, if you want to be friends and you are happy to just be friends and you won't be trying to talk relationship talk with her and try to convince her to remain married to you, be friends with her. If you can't just be friends with her (and I'm guessing this is the case), then end it all. Be civil with her as far parenting your kids but you don't have to be friends with her.

I suspect her being friends with you is her way of dealing with the guilt of breaking your heart and cheating on you, mind you I could be wrong, no one knows, let us know if you get a good look on the inside of her head and you can tell us for sure ;-)

I personally have higher standards for the friends I keep, none of them have used or abused me, cheated on me, etc.

[TimeHeals]

Hey MrBond, what is your suggestion to respond to her text regarding being friends?

What does she look like? I have some male friends you could set her up with if you two are going to be buddies.

[MrBond]

I wouldn't acknowledge anything she says right now. It falls under NO R TALKS. You'll find out that right now, no matter what you say or how you act, you will be the bad guy in your W's eyes.

If you want to save your M, then you're going to have to detach. Again, pick up DB and DR. It'll help you with that.

Don't pressure your W to going to C or Retrouvaille, or anything because she doesn't want it. Your job is to slowly change her attitude about that. Come up with a plan. If she pushes you into talking about the R, then politely tell her that you don't want to discuss things at this time.

Take the control back.

[MrBond]

Both of you have been pretty emotionally abusive of each other in your R history. She cheated on you and you kept wanting kids when she didn't. It does seem like when she felt you weren't listening to her, she went elsewhere. I mean she was the first one to threaten divorce so it's not like it was unexpected.

Have the two of you ever brought out all the issues on the table in the past?

[Lotus]

My guess is that she has a boyfriend and she's busy fantasizing that he wants to marry a woman with 4 kids. Chances are good he will run in the other direction when he figures out what she has in mind. Your best bet is to proceed toward divorce with the smallest settlement possible for her. When he sees the price tag on the free love he's been getting he may break up with her. It's only when he rejects her that you have a chance.

[Blessed2BeADad]

She just suggested that on the days she has the kids, she'd like me to sleep somewhere else... Lol. I work 3rd shift, I told her I will be sleeping in my home, what she does is totally up to her. No R talk right, is that ok. Also I can't keep having her push me around... Screw that right? She should be doing the work and making the sacrifice... Sleeping on the couch... Not me right? Is how I see it... Is this acceptable? Seems fair based on what I'm getting from u guys

[Blessed2BeADad]

She said, Oh fine.. I'll go sleep somewhere with the kids then..
I said, If you'd like help packing, I will gladly assist you.
Her response, don't need help thank you. Why would u say that anyways? Are u trying to kick me out?

Should I even bother with discussions like this even though they are not R related? I'm gonna check into those books DB/DR.

[MrBond]

That's a good start. Be sure though that you stick up for the kids and not have them be dragged anywhere just because your W is having a hissy fit. You can tell her firmly that where she goes is no consequence, however you will not have the children taken wherever she wishes.

You wanted the kids, now start standing up for them.