CALL 303-444-7004 to get started right away!

 

 


A Divorce Busting® Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.


A Divorce Busting Telephone Coach
can help you save your marriage singlehandedly!
CALL 303-444-7004
or see Coaching Packages online at the Divorce Busting Store

A Message from Michele
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 5 of 5 1 2 3 4 5
Re: Looking for advice, WAW [Re: looking2keepmywf] #2082232
09/25/10 04:30 PM
09/25/10 04:30 PM
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 30
CO
L
looking2keepmywf Offline OP
Member
looking2keepmywf  Offline OP
Member
L
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 30
CO
Things just get more interesting all the time.

Today on her way out the door, she told me that when she told her parents about what's been going on that they were 'idiots and assholes, that she can't trust them anymore and she doesn't even want to claim them as her parents'. She also said 'well they sure love you though'. This all came about as she said she didn't know if she could trust her Mom to watch our son over fall break. I will be out of town for a week on business (that I didn't have a say in), and she will be with our D's looking at colleges.

All this points to her furthering her dependence on the EA OM. I am almost sure she will be there again tonight and tomorrow night. She won't be home until Monday.

Part of me wants to just kick her out of the house, put the house for sale, and really accelerate this whole process. I certainly as losing my respect for her daily it seems, and honestly don't know if I would ever want her back after all of this stuff she's been pulling.

I have never been of the belief that she is going through an MLC, but am reading up on it more. She seems to be so convinced that she is right, and is doing the right things that she is alienating more and more people - obviously me, now her parents. I know that she has totally blown off a lot of her friends that we knew as a family, and spends all her time now with her 'new friends' that she's met from work. They seem to be the most important thing to her now. She does still keep a reasonable job of taking care of my S when she has to/needs to. And, she still is in good with my SD's, but I think as time goes by that they will be affected too - especially our 15 y/o.

OK enough about her. For me - I have a good weekend planned. Today, I'm hanging out with my S. I'm hoping to take him to the driving range to hit some golf balls. He's never done this (he's only 6), but I just got a new driver and I want to hit some balls, and I thought he might want to also.

Tonight, we are going over to his best friend's house, and we have lots of fun planned there. Tomorrow, I'm getting a sitter and going to the football game with my F-in-law. I hope to learn more about 'what happened' a few nights ago too. Then, I'm with my son all the way through Monday night.

It's a challenge for me to take care of him by myself, but one that's well worth it as I will be doing that more and more. I am encouraged that at least for now that my relationship with the in-laws is still intact. I haven't contacted them, but from what the WAW says, they still like me. I will likely need their help and support.

I'm trying to remind myself every day that 'today is going to be a good day'.


Me: 46
WAW: 43
M: 8.5 yrs, T: 9.5 yrs
Best friends b4 marriage: 2 yrs
EA/PA: 8/10
Told me she doesn't love me anymore: 9/2/10
Kids: 2 stepdaughters: 17,15, Son: 6
Re: Looking for advice, WAW [Re: looking2keepmywf] #2082238
09/25/10 04:45 PM
09/25/10 04:45 PM
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 2,246
P
pinhead Offline
Member
pinhead  Offline
Member
P
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 2,246
I think it's great that you're managing to keep a good relationship with the inlaws; they'll always be your son's grandparents, no matter how things turn out.

Your wife is still living with you while carrying on an EA? Why?


men don't seek a "mental" connection with other men's wives. they seek a genital connection.

M:46 W:36
M 11y D8 D5
Bomb Drop: Father's Day, 6/20/10
http://bit.ly/bh1dwp
http://bit.ly/aTEpXG
Re: Looking for advice, WAW [Re: pinhead] #2082246
09/25/10 05:05 PM
09/25/10 05:05 PM
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 30
CO
L
looking2keepmywf Offline OP
Member
looking2keepmywf  Offline OP
Member
L
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 30
CO
Well, after years of me supporting her spending habits, and running race habits, and allowing her to have a 'fun' job - she needs to get a 'real' job which will allow her to support herself. She has a good degree, and has had good jobs, but not since our S was born.

It's making it extremely difficult to deal with it - with her supposedly living here...


Me: 46
WAW: 43
M: 8.5 yrs, T: 9.5 yrs
Best friends b4 marriage: 2 yrs
EA/PA: 8/10
Told me she doesn't love me anymore: 9/2/10
Kids: 2 stepdaughters: 17,15, Son: 6
Re: Looking for advice, WAW [Re: looking2keepmywf] #2082277
09/25/10 06:29 PM
09/25/10 06:29 PM
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 2,246
P
pinhead Offline
Member
pinhead  Offline
Member
P
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 2,246
I don't know how I'd feel if my wife were having a PA, but I know what I'd do:

1. Pack up all her stuff.
2. Put it on the front porch.
3. Tell her that she either ends the PA or GTFO. And she'd have 5 min to decide.


men don't seek a "mental" connection with other men's wives. they seek a genital connection.

M:46 W:36
M 11y D8 D5
Bomb Drop: Father's Day, 6/20/10
http://bit.ly/bh1dwp
http://bit.ly/aTEpXG
Re: Looking for advice, WAW [Re: pinhead] #2082296
09/25/10 07:52 PM
09/25/10 07:52 PM
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 1
Northeast
P
PJ. Offline
New Member
PJ.  Offline
New Member
P
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 1
Northeast
Reading this scares the [censored] out of me! As I could see how this same situation could happen to me.....ugh. With that said if my wife was seeing another man while living in our home, I would kick her the F-OUT. I feel like if you let that go on there is no way she would ever be able to respect you again and more importantly will you be able to respect yourself when its all said and done? For me I know it would be the hardest thing in the world to do but I would have to tell her to leave. I feel for you Man I dont ever want to go through what your dealing with. Stay strong

Re: Looking for advice, WAW [Re: PJ.] #2082456
09/26/10 04:28 AM
09/26/10 04:28 AM
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 30
CO
L
looking2keepmywf Offline OP
Member
looking2keepmywf  Offline OP
Member
L
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 30
CO
Not that it's a huge difference, but I have no proof of any A, and if I do, it's only an EA, not a PA...


Me: 46
WAW: 43
M: 8.5 yrs, T: 9.5 yrs
Best friends b4 marriage: 2 yrs
EA/PA: 8/10
Told me she doesn't love me anymore: 9/2/10
Kids: 2 stepdaughters: 17,15, Son: 6
Re: Looking for advice, WAW [Re: looking2keepmywf] #2082939
09/27/10 02:09 PM
09/27/10 02:09 PM
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 5,299
C
Coach Offline
Member
Coach  Offline
Member
C
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 5,299
Quote:
Not that it's a huge difference, but I have no proof of any A, and if I do, it's only an EA, not a PA...


It's why she can't stand her parents, you or her family. It's a big deal. Someone connecting with your wife emotionally is a big deal. You need some solid intel. DB with a EA/PA is different than without. Know the game before you start playing.


M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12
Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Re: Looking for advice, WAW [Re: Coach] #2083275
09/27/10 08:18 PM
09/27/10 08:18 PM
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 30
CO
L
looking2keepmywf Offline OP
Member
looking2keepmywf  Offline OP
Member
L
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 30
CO
Thanks Coach. Her sitch with her parents has improved. It's hard for me to gauge exactly the situation with her friend. She has told me many times that he's just a friend, but it sure seems to be more than that to me. I used to be her friend for many years before we got married. So, I know exactly how I was with her (of course I was pursuing her), but know that we did some kissing, hugging, as friends.

How should I get more intel - without pursuing? I don't have access to nearly as much as before. She changed the PW on two of her cc's, and her phone account. I have been thinking about asking her why she changed these - especially if she has nothing to hide?

I have also been mulling over asking her again about him specifically, and also exactly where she stayed the past few nights. If she stayed at his house with him, my thought was to tell her she has exactly 7 days to get her stuff and get out.

I do not plan on being in an open marriage, and will not allow her to live here if she's seeing someone else.

I plan on catching up on the DR book to see how the rules have changed. If anyone can save me time and give me guidance, I am all ears.


Me: 46
WAW: 43
M: 8.5 yrs, T: 9.5 yrs
Best friends b4 marriage: 2 yrs
EA/PA: 8/10
Told me she doesn't love me anymore: 9/2/10
Kids: 2 stepdaughters: 17,15, Son: 6
Re: Looking for advice, WAW [Re: looking2keepmywf] #2083285
09/27/10 08:24 PM
09/27/10 08:24 PM
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 2,246
P
pinhead Offline
Member
pinhead  Offline
Member
P
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 2,246
This:

Wife, I won't live in an open marriage. Your relationship with Mr. XYZ is inappropriate. To be reassured that this relationship is nothing more than friends (don't openly snicker), I'll need you to be 100% transparent with me: email, txt messages, cc statements, everything. You have five minutes to decide, otherwise I'll pack up your stuff right now and you can stay at the Motel 6.


men don't seek a "mental" connection with other men's wives. they seek a genital connection.

M:46 W:36
M 11y D8 D5
Bomb Drop: Father's Day, 6/20/10
http://bit.ly/bh1dwp
http://bit.ly/aTEpXG
Page 5 of 5 1 2 3 4 5

Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

Save Your Marriage! Schedule Online

Schedule a phone consultation with a Divorce Busting® Coach! Call: 800-664-2435 or 303-444-7004