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THANKS EVERYONE

my last finals are thrusday and then a week off.....


And if I claim to be a wise man, well
It surely means that I don't know
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Good luck with your test Doc!

JAK


You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
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Hey Doc... Hope you are well, haven't been on here in ages...

Looks like you ARE doing good, and that's wonderful.

"mr. Student"...

Love and blessings,

T


me: 37
H: 44
Married for 18 years this june
S7
S3
porn issues, and much more... since 7/06

Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
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Dr LOve Offline OP
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Ok ya all ready?

Grab some Ice tea (or a beer) and sit back…….


WOW school was really tuff this last mod. Had toooo many hard classes together. Each class has three chapters from the book we go over during the week and then we get tested on those chapters. LAN wiring was not a problem. I am a very mechanical guy. ANYTHNG I take apart I can get back together. BUT… Network II and XP were hard. I found if I concentrated on one class to pass the weekly tests the other was hurt. I actually failed a test in my network class. The problem was that the instructor told us that we need to study the homework questions more. Well until then I was getting B’s on my tests so I figured I would concentrate on the homework questions…. BIG mistake… the test only had about 3 questions from the homework.
I felt like I was going to a BBQ with baking utensils. The instructor would not let me take a makeup test. However I always did any extra credit he gave the class and with my 100 % attendance I ended up getting a B in the class. Oh ya I made the honor roll…. The “presidents honors” 3.85-4.0 GPA AND the 100% attendance honors list.
Ok I already told ya all about my jeeps radiator blowing up on the way home from school, then my truck started acting up when I started driving it… Well both of those have been fixed.

Are ya still with me here??????????????
Ok now for what I came here for…. Things have been really good between W and I. we are really getting along great. She still does not have a job and I know this really bothers her but part of the problem here is that she has not gone out and looked for one. She has joined a Yoga class. This did cost a little money (that we really do not have) but if it helps her out with her feelings of self worth then I am for it. She has also seen a doctor about head aces. The doctor told her it was from stress.
I am getting better every day about not taking things personally. But it is hard. IT’s hard because of the affair.
W has told that it was her with the problems and that it was NOT me, she told me that sex was something she could take or leave. Was not important to her. And then she goes and has sex with her EX BF.
Well to me that is kind of like cooking someone dinner they tell you not to take it personally but they are not hungry. Then you catch them eating some fast food right after…

But anyway let me tell you about last night. Kind of just like last time...one thing lead to another and laugh
Right before bed W and I were talking really about nothing really when she said she needs to paint her toe nails because all the women at Yoga have theirs painted. (W has never painted her toe nails before) anyway I jumped at the opportunity and asked her if I could do it for her. She laughed and said “ya right” I told her no I really would like to do it for her. She said “we’ll see” anyway since I have no school this week when she came to bed I was still awake. She was concerned because normally I am in the shower and out of the house before she gets up. W and son both take showers in the morning. She asked me “what time are you getting up” I said (ya I know open mouth insert foot, And I only have one) “ I am already up” W said “ I don’t want to hear any of your weird painting toe nails sex comments” I told her I will be up before her in the morning. …..she told me that she does not need sex but if I wanted to she would let me have it...well that was a hard one… my animal instinct said “go for it” but my Husbandly instinct and my respect for woman..As in not just using them took over and I just turned over. She asked me if I was mad and I told her no I was just thinking. And I was….She has made “weird sex” comments concerning me before. How am I a “weird sex addict” wanting to have sex with my wife when her MARRIED Ex BF met with her in a hotel room and they proceeded to dress up and take pictures of themselves and HE had pink hair coloring both on his head and “other places”. So I told her “I don’t want to get you mad but how come I have weird sex thoughts when others that paint their pubic hair pink are ok? She said “I never have painted my pubic hair pink” I said “not you but others” she said “that never happened and don’t make me mad” I said ok we don’t need to talk about it now. She then told me that women her age just don’t need sex as much as men. “It’s a guy thing” I told her “is that why some guys cheat on their wives? Because their wives don’t need sex?” she said probably… she then told me that it’s not that she hates sex...although in our past… it was something that she “just wanted to get over with…. But now it’s different. It feels good but she just does not need it” I asked her “is it like going to curves (her gym) you really don’t want to go there but after you are there you feel good”? she said “YES that is exactly it” so we talked a little bit more and then she got the hic-ups… we both started laughing and she asked me to pat her back to see if I could make them go away…. Well I patter her back for a while and then she said…” maybe we should have sex…. It will take my mind off the hic ups and maybe they will go away…. I asked “are you serious? She said yes….. well ………………1:30 am came around and she said that was great,,,(and the hic ups went away) I told her she better get some sleep since she needed to get up at 6:00am.. We kissed one more time and then I told her “you know we didn’t have to have sex to get rid of the hic ups… you could have just drank a big glass if water” she laughed, hit me and said good night.
This morning wife is not doing so well with the little sleep she had…but do you want to know the weird thing? The sex was ok… but what I really liked most about last night was the talk we had. AND I did bring up the “affair” just a little... and she did not shut down on me. I did back off for now and I did tell her we need to talk more lately but still...we ventured onto this “un spoken” territory. Yes I know some of you are thinking that I have to let go but I still think that it does need to at least be talked about to find out what happened and what we both learned from it so it will not happen again. But that is for another day

Later


And if I claim to be a wise man, well
It surely means that I don't know
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OMG!!! Holy Moses!! Good for you Doc...Im still sitting here in shock though.

Its about time! All I can say is that she is lucky to have you.

(((hugs)))


me: 37
H: 44
Married for 18 years this june
S7
S3
porn issues, and much more... since 7/06

Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
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Still more progress, Doc. On all fronts.

But as for bringing up the A and what is the best course, I think it takes a little of both. I understand your need to want to find out more about what happened, for your own peace of mind, but I also understand if some folks would indeed suggest you let it go. So perhaps the middle road you're taking is the best course. As long as your W is still open to your seeking answers, which is as long as you manage to keep replenishing her "love tank", then I myself see no harm in keeping the dialog open in this area. At the same time you must also keep squarely in mind this question: Is asking this dialog taking me closer or farther away from my real goals with W?

I think you have proven after all this time to truly understand this last principle, more-so than 99% of the rest of us. So keep up the good work, bro'.


Me: 49
WAW: 47
S11, S7
Years Married/Together: 17/18
Bomb: 6/15/07
Separation: 7/6/07
D: 4/3/09

Real love is a decision.
Marriage is a commitment.
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Glad things are going well for you Doc. Sounds to me like she wants it, but she wants it to be your idea.

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I agree with Lotus.
Congrats on your grades.
Buy a lottery on the 18, Pisces get a visit by Lady Luck herself...
K


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S11&D10
Bomb 5/2007-Sep 11/2007
Reconc.November 2009
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((((((((((((((Doc))))))))))))))))))))))

Everything happens in it's own time. Your W obviously has needed to get things sorted internally and now she is gradually re emerging and opening up to you. It all sounds like it is going in the right direction.....and so it should - you have worked long and hard for this.....and might I also say, the amount YOU have changed has been amazing too. You have a lot to be proud of.

I may not post much these days but I do try to read along.


Saffie
me 46
H 46
M in 1986
D20,D18,S16,D13
H's A 01/05 to 07/06
H recommitted to M 07/06
renewed vows 09/06
Going from strength to strength
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Dr LOve Offline OP
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Thanks Everyone,

I forgot to tell ya I did buy her some chocolates that day so maybe it is an aphrodisiac....

NoCode... I agree with ya buddy but maybe I need to clarify some things. I do not NEED to talk about the affair. I want to. If W were to say. "I do not want to ever talk about it again" I would be fine with that. But call me a dreamer if you want... But I believe that a husband and wife should be comfortable enough with each other to discuss anything. And it is not so much talking about the affair it's self. But being able to TALK about any "elephants in the room"...

Saffie… Yes both W and I have both grown in many ways. So many little things that if I were to try to include then in the last letter it would probably shut down the DB server.
She calls me when she is shopping to see if I need anything, when she stops go get Ice cream after picking up son from school she brings me home some…the other day she bought me some clothes. (Don’t remember the last time she has done that)
ME…. well when she mentions something that needs to be done around the house I get on it as soon as possible instead of “forgetting about it”.. I have learned the sometimes when I tell W something she was not paying attention or forgot... and when I bring it up again or she asks about something I already told her. I simply just tell she again instead of (like in the past) made a big deal about “I told you that already” or weren’t you listening to me when I told you that…. Or just I already told you that”
I find if I want my wife to treat me like her husband… I need to treat her like my wife…. NOT one of my kids…

Lotus…
“Glad things are going well for you Doc. Sounds to me like she wants it, but she wants it to be your idea.”

This Friday … I am going to ask wife is she still has that night gown she used to wear. (She wears these full P.Js now. I am going to ask her to wear them Friday night because I want to talk again…..

Take care
Doc


And if I claim to be a wise man, well
It surely means that I don't know
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