Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 21 of 27 1 2 19 20 21 22 23 26 27
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,710
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,710
Excellent advice from everyone. Just hope TMW will listen this time. This has to be rock bottom. No way out but UP!!!

Donna - this guy is TMW's boyfriend. Not her husband. She came here because of a failed marriage like the rest of us but somehow ended up with this loser who gives NOTHING but has taken every last ounce of her dignity away. This has been going on for 5 years. I stand corrected - this guy is NOT TMW's boyfriend - he is the boyfriend of the girl who got all the text messages. He uses TMW because she won't throw him out.

How many more excuses to end this?

Barb

Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 2,322
T
Member
OP Offline
Member
T
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 2,322
thank you sun for clearing that

he just left with a load of stuff in his truck

my head says it's time, i've done more than enough, this was just the latest in a string of events - when there shouldn't have been a a string let alone an event.
my heart can't just turn off, that is the part that is hurting.


Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,710
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,710
Unfortunately TMW, you have to go through the pain to get to the other side. You have to experience the hurt and boy - he has really hurt you. We all know this pain. It is awful. But you are wise to keep going to your C to find out why you let him do this to you repeatedly. And experienced this heart wrenching pain over and over. Surely you lost feeling for him each time he did this. Surely you knew it was time long, long ago. But if you don't get to the bottom of this and really grieve your loss and move past it - you might be inclined to let him come back again when the new girl finally figures out she has a loser on her hands and kicks him out. He will try to come back to you. Your C should help you prepare for this event.

I am blunt for a reason. Not because I don't care - because I hope it is my words that will get through to you and that you will remember. If I didn't care - I would not write.

I'm sorry for your pain. I truly hope you can move to a better place (in your heart) soon.

Barb

Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 18,882
Likes: 299
K
kml Offline
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 18,882
Likes: 299
TMW -

The REAL love of your life is out there waiting for you, and the sooner you let go of this loser, the sooner you will find him!

There are too many fish in the sea, and you are worth SOOOOOOO much more than this!

Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 2,322
T
Member
OP Offline
Member
T
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 2,322
He's moving the last of his stuff, not sure if it will be all done tonight or not.
At least I know I have done, said, written, emailed, text, etc everything I could have possibly done to try and make it work.
Despite everything, I honestly never thought I'd really be watching him move everything out.

Things are not good. That "friend" from several months back posted messages on Facebook about me/him/us. We faught about that. He is/was going to go away this weekend with another friend.

Many people are starting to truely think there may be some sort of drug use or SOMETHING. There was an obvious change in his behavior and attitude about a year ago and things have spiraled since then.

I'm to the dark place. I haven't been emotional with him. Monotone.
I just can't do it anymore.


I know many of you are very happy about this and my brain understands why.
I just have to say I have no idea what is going to happen in an hour, a day, a week, etc.
Maybe someday he'll realize the great thing he is walking away from and taking the easy way out from and he'll finally wake up, grow up and if or when that miracle would ever happen - maybe he'll try to come back.

But by then, I may just be over it, over him and I won't want to. Who knows. That's all I'm saying.

Thank you everyone for your advice, understanding and support through everything.


Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,710
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,710
TMW: Good for you for getting rid of him. Good for you for posting here despite the way you know everyone feels.

No one expects you to recover over night. You will have feelings to deal with for a long time. But grieve - get it all out. Go to your C and talk about it some more and see if you can get past the self esteem issues that allowed you to keep him despite the way he treated you.

And you only have to live through one day at a time right now. But let yourself heal. That way you will be ready for the right person to come into your life. And they will! Because you are beautiful and intelligent, young and capable of loving them and being loved in return in the way you deserve from a mature, intelligent, respectable man. This is all that anyone wished for you.

Hang in there!

Barb

Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 2,322
T
Member
OP Offline
Member
T
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 2,322
Thank you.

I just keep repeating myself. I know, in my head, I did everything I could (say, write, text, email, etc). This wasn't me necessarily kicking him out, getting rid of him. It was his choice.
I told him either you are going to stay and you want this relationship to be the priority and we're going to work on it
OR
You don't, we're over...you leave.

I told him (still monotone, no emotion) when he mentioned he didn't think i'd give him such a short time to get out - i told him, this was your choice not to work on it. i told him he is a coward and a quitter.


Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,710
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,710
Bravo TMW!!!!!

Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 2,322
T
Member
OP Offline
Member
T
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 2,322
my mom's dog passed away. my dog brother.

i know people say god doesn't give you more than you can handle

how much hurt can a heart take...in a weekend, in a week, in a month, in a year, in a decade...in a lifetime


Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,710
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,710
So sorry to hear of the loss of your dog. I remember when I was a little younger than you - I said the same thing. Went to my C and took a stress test. Scored the highest anyone had ever scored for most things in one year. Child suffered irreversible brain damage, was in a coma for weeks, in hospital most of the year. Grandmother died. Had to move house. Husband lost job. And there was more. Much more.

Please keep it in perspective. When I felt as you do - I always found someone who had it worse than me. And sometimes it was hard to do but I did. This is not the end of the world so don't make it that way.

I recovered from all that happened in 1984 and moved on. Then my husband suddenly ran off with a married co-worker. And my Mother got cancer and died within 3 months. My divorce was final that same week. But I grieved it all and moved on.

My friends call me "Positive Barb" because I make lemonade from the lemons. And you can too!

Barb

Page 21 of 27 1 2 19 20 21 22 23 26 27

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard