I'm coming in too late on this one, but everything that all our beautiful friends here have said is spot on. I'm glad to see that you had already come to that conclusion on your own though! That proves that you have healed in so many ways and continue to do so. WONDERFUL!
Figg - I have to tell you that I cried so hard reading your post. Those quotes are marvelous.
I agree - Invictus was a powerfully moving movie
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
here is my ring story (and yes...it was even funny at the time...more so now)
So, my sociopathic 2nd ex-husband (because I do marriage well..eyeroll) gave me a cheapish little ring for an engagement ring...
I am not a real jewelry wearer and expensive things make me nervous...even so, it was pretty, I thought but semi-fake (well...very fake)
anyway
when it was revealed that he had a torrid affair with the then youngster (like 18ish young)I took my engagement ring and wedding ring off and set it by the bed
he came over at some point and took the engagement ring and GAVE IT TO THE YOUNGSTER!!!!
she ran into me and flashed her fake ring that was my fake ring and said
look what your husband gave me? it was yours but it's mine now
or something to that affect....
little did she know that it was a fake ring and turned my finger green...she was welcome to it
long may it turn her finger green!!!!!!
Donna...I did not know you had birdcages and butterflies around your house but it does seem very fitting for you!!!! Wen I was a little tyke, my grnadmother kept canaries and I would always let them out of the cage...it hurt my heart that they were stuck in there
I'm back at work - so lucky to have something I love. Teaching is just a great fit for me.
But I woke up in the middle of the night and can't fall back to sleep. The morning is going to be rough.
And I am surprised how thoughts....unwelcome thoughts, seem to percolate to the surface during these times of staring up into the ceiling. Just about what was, what is.
I put back all the weight I had lost with the heartbreak diet. A double-chin is showing up in photos of me. I have always been a little surprised at the image that faces me in photos - very few match my inner perception of how I look, if that makes sense. Now, it is really disquieting. My daughter pointed out that I remind her of a neighbor who is very overweight and....not attractive. It hurt. It wasn't said to be mean, but I am carrying that scar for a while, I can tell you that.
Thoughts of x and his gf crop up from time to time. He had the kids over to his house for a little while today, so they could do a special project - my kids and her 4 each made a personalized stepping stone for the walkway up to their house. I guess things are going well over there. This will not be one of those affairs that falls apart in the light of day, so it seems. And I guess I should be happy for him, that he is happy. He said once that he had to find a way to be happy so he could be the best father he could be. And he is a good dad, given the circumstances.
I think I am in a bit of a rut. I am just a homebody by nature, I guess. But that makes it hard to get out and meet people, doesn't it? It feels against the grain to going looking for friendships/relationships. I want to sit at home and read, not worry about how I look. I think it is just laziness. The complacency that was my marriage was comfortable. I tend to go back to those behaviors, but there is no man in my bed at the end of the day. I didn't think I had to work in my marriage, which is a big contributor to why it failed. And if I don't get used to the idea that effort is going to be needed, I won't have a future relationship, either.
I have a choice. I can just accept things as they are, and be alone. It is certainly less work/easier. I don't answer to anyone. There have been more weekends than I care to admit when I didn't have the kids and I just let my inner-hermit take over. It is hard enough to have the energy I need to just survive daily. Exercise? Getting out? Calling friends and doing the other needed things to keep up relationships? Ugh...too many times, I can't be bothered. I'm just feeling like a schlump right now. I'm not excited about anything, no motivation to do much.
Donna.. I have put back on the weight I lost and then some (but I blame the baby for that!!!)
I am a homebody too but I love people watching...not interacting with them but watching them
I used to love to go and find places to just watch them and what about going to book readings for new authors
(My friend from college just wrote a wonderful book called THe Quickening and no it has nothing to do with the highlander...but she went on a book tour all over)
any art crawls or anything out your way???
or you know maybe you don't need to find a partner
I was completely happy by myself and had decided that I was going to be alone (well with my kids but alone) and so I was planning on traveling and buying a passport and bam there was Cori
This was a better weekend - kids away, but college friend called and asked if I wanted to go see a musical down in NYC. I said yes before I even heard which one. It was really good. I love going down on the train (its about an hour), the feeling of being around so many people, and Grand Central is a really amazing space. The musical was fantastic - Fela!, about a musician/activist from Nigeria, produced by Jay Z and Will Smith. Makes me realize that there is a lot of world history and stories that were not part of my formal education...
Late night out, then back to CT. We slept late, then got up and went on a driving adventure. Thanks to GPS, we didn't end up where we were going, but that was just fine. At the end of the day, we were able to go see our own Gypsy in her first acting performance. She stole the show, really - the only actor who was individually applauded after her dramatic (and funny!) scene.
I spent a quiet day on my own, today. I have to go pick up the kids....
The week flies by, with work, the kids' activities and homework, chores. I was so happy for Fri - I was so excited for the kids to come home from their dinner with their father. I invited them both to the local Irish Festival, where the Red Hot Chili PIPERS were playing (not peppers - this is a rock-bagpipe band). Son was too tired, but D11 went with me. It was great. We didn't stay too late - hard for a kid after getting up early and school all day (I had taken a nap). But another mark towards me getting my life moving. Then spent the weekend around the house - D had a playdate for most of Saturday with a new friend here at our house. I straightened and cleared paperwork from the coffee table, kitchen island and dining room (it breeds, I swear). One of the decisions that I made is to hire a professional organizer. I found someone who is inexpensive, and just making that decision has lifted a huge weight off of my shoulders. It has always been a challenge, but now that I am single, it is even more so - no help, no one giving me crap about what a mess it is (hence, lighting a fire under my a$$). I guess I had always seen myself as a kind of an absent-minded professor-type - well, about time I got myself together! For me, and to be a better example and influence on my son. I can't believe all the growing up I've been doing over the last few years.... I have a different mindset, now. The problem is that there is so much to be done, it seems overwhelming. I start, then after an hour, I find myself literally spinning in circles, trying to figure out where to put something that is in my hands. The reason it is in a pile, is because there is no home for it! Don't get me wrong - my house is not like what you would see on Hoarders, but there is a box or 2 of stashed papers in each room, and a few more in the closets. I think it will actually pay for itself in the long-run - I have had a few late fees, and I still have to finalize last year's taxes to get my refund (yes, I am way overdue).
I need to find a handyman, too. A bunch of little projects is starting to get backlogged. I had that contractor who did the major work on the house that had been neglected when the D was final, but he contracts things out - I need someone who can do minor plumbing, electric, along with just fixing stuff, without having to outsource it. The flip side is that there is definitely a bottom to my wallet, so I have to be careful - I still owe bills to the town for the sewer, and the company who fixed my AC this summer.
I have ventured back onto eHarmony. Not sure if anything will come of it - I think it was just boredom, and me trying it one last time before I cancel the subscription. I'm just not sure how dating will ever fit into my schedule while I am working full-time, with 2 kids.
X emailed tonight and asked for the duplicate photos that I have. It was part of the D agreement, but I was too raw to do it right away. Guess I can, now.
Had a gross-out thought-flash of his gf making scrapbook pages of my kids youngest childhood. Blech. Well, whatever.
