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Originally Posted By: Coach
Quote:
I want him to answer his own question for himself.


The dark night of the soul.


SAINT JOHN OF THE CROSS

STANZAS OF THE SOUL

1. On a dark night, Kindled in love with yearnings--oh, happy chance!-- I went forth without being observed, My house being now at rest.

2. In darkness and secure, By the secret ladder, disguised--oh, happy chance!-- In darkness and in concealment, My house being now at rest.

3. In the happy night, In secret, when none saw me, Nor I beheld aught, Without light or guide, save that which burned in my heart.

4. This light guided me More surely than the light of noonday To the place where he (well I knew who!) was awaiting me-- A place where none appeared.

5. Oh, night that guided me, Oh, night more lovely than the dawn, Oh, night that joined Beloved with lover, Lover transformed in the Beloved!

6. Upon my flowery breast, Kept wholly for himself alone, There he stayed sleeping, and I caressed him, And the fanning of the cedars made a breeze.

7. The breeze blew from the turret As I parted his locks; With his gentle hand he wounded my neck And caused all my senses to be suspended.

8. I remained, lost in oblivion; My face I reclined on the Beloved. All ceased and I abandoned myself, Leaving my cares forgotten among the lilies.

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Quote:
All ceased and I abandoned myself, Leaving my cares forgotten among the lilies.


Let it go.

You will be fine.

You are loved.

You are capable of so much more than you can fathom.


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Steve McQueen

Quote:
The idea is to be so attractive that someone who has become bored with the mundane sees nothing but excitment and falls head over heels in love with you. You lead, you flirt, you engage in conversation that does not allow them to regurgitate the negativity of their day but want to tell you about their goals and dreams. Then you make them feel like that is the only thing that matters in the world. You make them laugh. Do this no matter who you are with, your walk away wife, your loving wife, someone that takes an interest in you, your colleagues, and your clients. It is as simple as making someone feel that when they are around you they are important.

It is hard to find "chemistry" with someone who cannot break the silence and allows themselves to be uncomfortable. It's hard to want to develop "chemistry" when the other person does not want to know everything about you and challenges you to let them know more.


This can be done without pursuing. This can be done all while letting them go. As a matter of fact this is catnip in the cat toy. It's the green cherries in the mystery fruitcake. It's the hot in hottentot.


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It's that mystery candy center at the middle of the old Good Humor ice cream bars!!! grin

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where did that piece come from? (ie. which thread .. i'd like to read more about it)

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Originally Posted By: Coach
Steve McQueen

Quote:
The idea is to be so attractive that someone who has become bored with the mundane sees nothing but excitment and falls head over heels in love with you. You lead, you flirt, you engage in conversation that does not allow them to regurgitate the negativity of their day but want to tell you about their goals and dreams. Then you make them feel like that is the only thing that matters in the world. You make them laugh. Do this no matter who you are with, your walk away wife, your loving wife, someone that takes an interest in you, your colleagues, and your clients. It is as simple as making someone feel that when they are around you they are important.

It is hard to find "chemistry" with someone who cannot break the silence and allows themselves to be uncomfortable. It's hard to want to develop "chemistry" when the other person does not want to know everything about you and challenges you to let them know more.


This can be done without pursuing. This can be done all while letting them go. As a matter of fact this is catnip in the cat toy. It's the green cherries in the mystery fruitcake. It's the hot in hottentot.



I haven't been doing this. I've mostly been trying to avoid contact with her.

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Originally Posted By: Coach
A strong, confident man would be happy someone else improved themselves. Your W has lost weight, improved her health and is improving her self-esteem and self-confidence. But instead you are jealous and angry because you are stuck.

Your W would never tell you that she is moving on. She knows you can't handle it. She's tired of that. It's unattractive and boring.


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
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Originally Posted By: Coach
This can be done without pursuing. This can be done all while letting them go. As a matter of fact this is catnip in the cat toy. It's the green cherries in the mystery fruitcake. It's the hot in hottentot.



How does one go about letting them go and yet flirt with them, make them want you, when they don't want anything to do with you? Doesn't letting them go *require* that you back off and let them come to you? Is that what I'm missing, that you wait till they come to you, then ease into the flirting, attraction building. I think I have finally let go, although it's only been about 4 days but I still have hope that maybe she will see what she destroying and consider one final try.

I get the cat thing - I'm not fond of cats really but they seem to LOVE me.

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Quote:
Then you make them feel like that is the only thing that matters in the world. It is as simple as making someone feel that when they are around you they are important.


All people love this. Try it out. Practice on strangers. Really focus on them, bring the best out in them, and you get rewarded.

A book that I am re-visiting, What Got You Here, Won't get You There by Marshall Goldsmith, had this great story in it.

Quote:
A British acquaintance told me about a aging executive who could always be seen with the most beautiful women. It wasn't his looks or animal magnetism. He was short, jowly, overweight, bald and well into his seventies. But when my acquaintance asked one woman why she was so enthralled with this man, she answered,"He never takes his eyes off of me. Even if the Queen walked in, he wouldn't be distracted. He would still be devoting his full attention to me. That's hard to resist."



Hard to resist = catnip


I would recommend the book for anyone in business, leadership role or wants to see DB techniques used in other relationships.



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If you come right out and start complimenting women from the start, they know you want you something from them.

A compliment is sometimes best when you are saying good bye or at the end of a convo. It gives time for the W to think about it, with out you being in front of her.

Remember the compliment has to be specific. wink


Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12
Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life!
“Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
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