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What women find attractive. #2057224
08/16/10 03:35 PM
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Quote:
Coach, stupid question but how did you go about this quest to learn what women find attractive?


CONFIDENCE

This by and far is the key. Women want to feel safe. A man that is confident projects that magnetism. A confident man is busy taking care of his home, career, body, cars, spirit, finances, mind and kids. When a woman sees her man handling his business and taking care of things it's attractive. Women nag when things aren't being taken care of, it's her way of letting you know what is on her mind. The problem is if you are a "nice guy" or pleaser you don't want to burden your wife with your problems because it might upset her. This makes her feel unsettled (not safe) because you are not being honest with her and you are avoiding her feelings. How can she feel safe if you can't stand up to her feelings?

One thing that was a huge 180 for me was how I reacted to my wife's worrying. I used to try and fix it, explain to her why she shouldn't feel that way and then tell her what I would do. (Women do you understand why men have this desire to fix things for you?) So the solution now is to really listen to her, try to understand her POV and then ask a probing open-ended question: "How can I help/support you with that?" It was eye-opening to me to find out alot of times that I wasn't expected to do anything except listen.

How to build confidence- get busy, take action, do something and talk about it.

Physical- strength training (it works wonders on the young men I coach), look good, dress like a man, walk tall, join a team

Mental- keep learning, read, take a class

Emotional - love yourself, know yourself, accept yourself, forgive yourself, let go of fear, be a good partner, become intimate

Spiritual - understand your light and dark sides, challenge your view of God, embrace quiet, pray, be grateful

What else is attractive? Make goals and plans then share them with your spouse (intomesee). Have a sense of humor and know when to use it. Build excitement into your life. Don't be to predictable. Be responsible for yourself. You define your legacy.

When you become responsible for yourself you have the confidence to "set them free." Your happiness and your life is all about you handling it the best for you. When you let someone else dictate how your life will be run then you are a victim and that isn't attractive. The DB techniques are all about doing healthy things for yourself. You are in control of your thoughts, feelings and actions. So when your world is collapsing around you, how attractive is it to be in control and moving forward? That's the calm, assertive energy you want to give off. It's powerful.

Like to here more thoughts on what is attractive. I think the men here would like to her from the women and vice-versa.

You can handle it. Strength and Honor.

Cheers
Coach


M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12
Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Re: What women find attractive. [Re: Coach] #2057236
08/16/10 03:54 PM
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What about men?? wink


Accept that there is only one thing you can change in life and that is you

Me:26 H:26
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Re: What women find attractive. [Re: Coach] #2057243
08/16/10 03:57 PM
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Thanks Coach, very good and uplifting.

Re: What women find attractive. [Re: dsh4320] #2057251
08/16/10 04:07 PM
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What men find attractive:

1. Looks. You don't have to be a supermodel, but in reasonably good shape for your age, nicely dressed and groomed. We're all visual creatures, so sorry if that offends anyone.

2. Confidence/flirtiness. If a woman has that zing to her, it makes up a lot in the looks department. Confidence in a woman is very attractive.

3. Humor. A lot of men are actually quite shy around women, so a good sense of humor can do wonders to break the ice, as well as resolve potential conflicts.

4. Openness. Men don't understand women very well. So be open and direct about yourself. Mystery is fine to some degree, and there should always be some mystery to a women.


men don't seek a "mental" connection with other men's wives. they seek a genital connection.

M:46 W:36
M 11y D8 D5
Bomb Drop: Father's Day, 6/20/10
http://bit.ly/bh1dwp
http://bit.ly/aTEpXG
Re: What women find attractive. [Re: ris] #2057253
08/16/10 04:08 PM
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Originally Posted By: ris
What about men?? wink


I'd like to know this too.

I think this whole paragraph would apply to men - but maybe the men can comment on if they agree or not.

Quote:
What else is attractive? Make goals and plans then share them with your spouse (intomesee). Have a sense of humor and know when to use it. Build excitement into your life. Don't be to predictable. Be responsible for yourself. You define your legacy.

When you become responsible for yourself you have the confidence to "set them free." Your happiness and your life is all about you handling it the best for you. When you let someone else dictate how your life will be run then you are a victim and that isn't attractive. The DB techniques are all about doing healthy things for yourself. You are in control of your thoughts, feelings and actions. So when your world is collapsing around you, how attractive is it to be in control and moving forward? That's the calm, assertive energy you want to give off. It's powerful.


Me 32 H 32
Ds 3.5 and 1.5
M 5 years, T 14 years
EA/Bomb: 7/1/10
PA revealed: 9/14/10
Legally separated: 10/01/10
Re: What women find attractive. [Re: MM78] #2057257
08/16/10 04:11 PM
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I was going to add that respect is attractive but after thinking about it what I really mean by that is summed up here:

Quote:
One thing that was a huge 180 for me was how I reacted to my wife's worrying. I used to try and fix it, explain to her why she shouldn't feel that way and then tell her what I would do. (Women do you understand why men have this desire to fix things for you?) So the solution now is to really listen to her, try to understand her POV and then ask a probing open-ended question: "How can I help/support you with that?" It was eye-opening to me to find out alot of times that I wasn't expected to do anything except listen.


If I approach him with a problem and he either writes it off or thinks there is a quick fix it feels like he doesn't respect me enough (or LISTEN) to really understand what I am saying. My fears and worries are not silly and I can't just 'not think about them' <-his solution.


Me 32 H 32
Ds 3.5 and 1.5
M 5 years, T 14 years
EA/Bomb: 7/1/10
PA revealed: 9/14/10
Legally separated: 10/01/10
Re: What women find attractive. [Re: Coach] #2057266
08/16/10 04:25 PM
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Coach,

Question for you. In your sitch, did you find your W not being attracted to you anymore? Did you have to work on your confidence and "manhood" so to speak?

You have a TON of posts so I was wondering if you could share this without me having to go look through them.

Re: What women find attractive. [Re: MM78] #2057267
08/16/10 04:27 PM
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I really like reading posts like this, just like the other thread, LBS Script & Flying on Instruments. I re- read those, try to memorize them. Always helpful in getting me on the right track, particularly when I feel Ive not stayed on tracking DBing.


Me 44
H 39
Met in 1998
Married in 2004
D 5, twins
Bomb - May 16th, 2010

"Don't let Tomorrow or Yesterday get in the way of Today"
Re: What women find attractive. [Re: Coach] #2057280
08/16/10 04:47 PM
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Quote:
What else is attractive? Make goals and plans then share them with your spouse (intomesee). Have a sense of humor and know when to use it. Build excitement into your life. Don't be to predictable. Be responsible for yourself. You define your legacy.

agreed. this is part of the 'taking charge' part. when you take charge or make plans, you are leading and this is what will set you apart from the "boys".

Quote:
When you become responsible for yourself you have the confidence to "set them free." Your happiness and your life is all about you handling it the best for you. When you let someone else dictate how your life will be run then you are a victim and that isn't attractive. The DB techniques are all about doing healthy things for yourself. You are in control of your thoughts, feelings and actions. So when your world is collapsing around you, how attractive is it to be in control and moving forward? That's the calm, assertive energy you want to give off. It's powerful.

do you think this part applies to both men and women?

i think it does. a woman who is in control when your world is collapsing around you? heck ya.

thanks PH for the list of things that make a woman attractive. very good list.

Re: What women find attractive. [Re: MM78] #2057285
08/16/10 04:50 PM
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Quote:
One thing that was a huge 180 for me was how I reacted to my wife's worrying. I used to try and fix it, explain to her why she shouldn't feel that way and then tell her what I would do. (Women do you understand why men have this desire to fix things for you?) So the solution now is to really listen to her, try to understand her POV and then ask a probing open-ended question: "How can I help/support you with that?" It was eye-opening to me to find out alot of times that I wasn't expected to do anything except listen.


I think that this applies to both sides, because this is something my exbf used to do and it annoyed me no end, I didn't want his solutions, I just wanted him to listen, understand the weight of my problem and comfort me. Now I realize that I sometimes do that to my H myself.


Accept that there is only one thing you can change in life and that is you

Me:26 H:26
My thread
Re: What women find attractive. [Re: pinhead] #2057291
08/16/10 04:58 PM
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Originally Posted By: pinhead

2. Confidence/flirtiness. If a woman has that zing to her, it makes up a lot in the looks department. Confidence in a woman is very attractive.


Great list PH, thank you! Could you please explain this one more, confidence in particular. Does that mean having a good opinion about yourself or beyond that?

Also, I wanted to ask a question about confidence vs. openness. Sometimes they seem to go opposite ends, like if you're insecure about something. Being open will reveal the lack of confidence, but trying to be confident will prevent you from being open.


Accept that there is only one thing you can change in life and that is you

Me:26 H:26
My thread
Re: What women find attractive. [Re: Coach] #2057307
08/16/10 05:12 PM
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Originally Posted By: Coach

Like to here more thoughts on what is attractive. I think the men here would like to her from the women and vice-versa.

Great post Coach - thanks for starting this. One item I find very attractive in my H is some perceptiveness. Not to the point where I expect him to read my mind. More his proactiveness to learn what helps me open up and share what's on my mind.

For example, there have been many times where I've really, really need to say something difficult to my H but I'm scared to - for whatever reason - scared he'll take offense, scared he'll dismiss my concern. So usually, I just bottled it up because I just didn't know how to start. Once though, my H looked at me and said: 'You've got that look on your face again; the one you get when you want to say something but can't - it's ok, talk to me.' That did it. The tears came, and then I finally blurted it out. The other thing he did that helped was simply to touch me, just gently on the arm or shoulder - and for just a moment. Same reaction in me. Tears then blurt.

It was like my H made a concerted effort on his own, to get to know what made me 'tick'. It made me feel very special, connected and accepted, and I therefore found it very attractive in him.


I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
Re: What women find attractive. [Re: ris] #2057320
08/16/10 05:20 PM
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I know this is going to sound old fashioned, but something that I think is very attractive in men (I suppose in women possibly as well) is high morals, being honorable, keeping promises, not lying.
Whenever I wonder what, besides being in love and the connection between us, made me decide to marry my H, I always think of these qualities, that he's a man of integrity and I admire it greatly.


Accept that there is only one thing you can change in life and that is you

Me:26 H:26
My thread
Re: What women find attractive. [Re: pinhead] #2057346
08/16/10 05:51 PM
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Originally Posted By: pinhead
What men find attractive:

1. Looks. You don't have to be a supermodel, but in reasonably good shape for your age, nicely dressed and groomed. We're all visual creatures, so sorry if that offends anyone.



W been doing #1 ever since I got the 'bomb', she'd done very little of this in the last 5 years since the girls were born. Understandable as full time sahm with twins, but NOW she decides to do this, and want's nothing to do with me, very frustrating and hurtful.


Me 44
H 39
Met in 1998
Married in 2004
D 5, twins
Bomb - May 16th, 2010

"Don't let Tomorrow or Yesterday get in the way of Today"
Re: What women find attractive. [Re: lostnhurt] #2057357
08/16/10 06:00 PM
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Quote:
Understandable as full time sahm with twins, but NOW she decides to do this, and want's nothing to do with me, very frustrating and hurtful.

let's take the focus off her and back on to YOU.
what are YOU working on to make YOU an attractive man?

Re: What women find attractive. [Re: DumpedforMIL] #2057372
08/16/10 06:12 PM
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This is my list of how to attract a female.

1) Start off by living a healthy lifestyle. Make healthy choices when eating. Drink plenty of water. Get good sleep. Exercise regularly. Take care of your body. Alcohol in moderation. Set a goal to reach, and then maintain, your ideal weight.

2) Make good grooming and hygiene a ritual. Accentuate the differences between the sexes.

3) Dress with style - fit, compliment, cohesive, unique, personal touch

4) Attitude (state of mind) – Happy (smile), Cool (Open and relaxed body language), Calm (slow), Confident (eye contact), humorous, seductive (ozz sex), Depth (mysterious, surprise ), Sincere , Interesting, Engaging

5) Awareness/Flirting ( 93% of communication is non verbal (body language) – study and enjoy what you find attractive and your body will naturally follow your thoughts. It is the ladies job to catch and hold a mans eye, several times if needed. This signals it is OK for him to approach. It is the mans job to approach the woman.

6) Social proof - Enjoy interacting with everyone, especially attractive members of the opposite sex. Maintain your personal boundaries with everyone.


"What is best for my kids is best for me"

Persevere = happily being patient over a long period of time
Re: What women find attractive. [Re: FindingMyVoice] #2057377
08/16/10 06:21 PM
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Quote:
It was like my H made a concerted effort on his own, to get to know what made me 'tick'. It made me feel very special, connected and accepted, and I therefore found it very attractive in him.


Make them feel important, you are aware of them, you see their wants and anticipate them. You "see" them. Creates the emotional connection.


M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12
Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Re: What women find attractive. [Re: DumpedforMIL] #2057383
08/16/10 06:27 PM
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Originally Posted By: DumpedforMIL
Quote:
Understandable as full time sahm with twins, but NOW she decides to do this, and want's nothing to do with me, very frustrating and hurtful.

let's take the focus off her and back on to YOU.
what are YOU working on to make YOU an attractive man?



Well, I've done the same for my physical appearance. Since I work from home I would generally shower and throw on a t-shirt and shorts. I've since lost 28lbs, back to my weight when we first met. I did the hair cut, gel in the hair which loses a lot of the grey I picked up in the last 5 years. Always have some smell good on, etc. I got a TON of compliments at the trade show about how good I looked.

I still need to work on 'within', like the topic of this thread, confidence - the physical part was easy


Me 44
H 39
Met in 1998
Married in 2004
D 5, twins
Bomb - May 16th, 2010

"Don't let Tomorrow or Yesterday get in the way of Today"
Re: What women find attractive. [Re: lostnhurt] #2057387
08/16/10 06:35 PM
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Quote:
I still need to work on 'within', like the topic of this thread, confidence - the physical part was easy

it's a great start.
but i think the confidence is really preventing you from really shining.

it's like when bears smell fear. it doesn't matter if you hide your fears, it will still show. you have to truly believe that you are fearless .. and then the bear will back down.

changes to your outer appearance is a great start. now if we get that confidence shining through, you will be unstoppable and people are really going to notice.

and like pinhead said .. confidence makes up where one may be lacking in the looks department. i'm not saying this is your case, but confidence adds that je ne sais quoi .. smile

Re: What women find attractive. [Re: DumpedforMIL] #2057422
08/16/10 07:34 PM
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Originally Posted By: DumpedforMIL
Quote:
I still need to work on 'within', like the topic of this thread, confidence - the physical part was easy


it's a great start.
but i think the confidence is really preventing you from really shining.



yes, it is. I know she can sense a lot of my 'fears'. This has just hit me to the core, never expected it. Even people we know that are aware of what is happening, are completely shocked, just because we'd always been so inseparable, had such a strong connection and relationship.


Me 44
H 39
Met in 1998
Married in 2004
D 5, twins
Bomb - May 16th, 2010

"Don't let Tomorrow or Yesterday get in the way of Today"
Re: What women find attractive. [Re: lostnhurt] #2057429
08/16/10 07:44 PM
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Quote:
yes, it is. I know she can sense a lot of my 'fears'. This has just hit me to the core, never expected it.

so you got hit hard. you dropped to the ground. what do you do now?
you have two choices: you either lay on the ground and say oh poor me. or you get up and dust yourself off as quickly as you can and keep going.

hint: the longer you stay lying on the ground, the more unattractive you look and ruins all the work you did on your appearance.

ok, so what is your plan on becoming fearless?

overcoming your fears will catapult you ahead of your WAS on the detachment curve.

Re: What women find attractive. [Re: DumpedforMIL] #2057465
08/16/10 08:28 PM
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Originally Posted By: DumpedforMIL
Quote:
yes, it is. I know she can sense a lot of my 'fears'. This has just hit me to the core, never expected it.


ok, so what is your plan on becoming fearless?



Thats a great question, I don't know. How do I become fearless? Im the type of person thats afraid of roller coasters, afraid of heights, used to be scared to death to fly, but Ive done so much the last 7 years I've gotten over that (flying).

I know this has been talked about before, getting rid of the 'fear'. Now I need to figure out I can get past that. Im no poster child when it comes to DBing, but Ive certainly worked on it, but never really thought about how to lose that fear I have .....

In fact, now that I think about this, Ive let 'fear' run my life for almost all my life. The more I think about, a lot of my reactions to things, and I mean just in general, daily life I have done out of fear ....

Last edited by lostnhurt; 08/16/10 08:32 PM.

Me 44
H 39
Met in 1998
Married in 2004
D 5, twins
Bomb - May 16th, 2010

"Don't let Tomorrow or Yesterday get in the way of Today"
Re: What women find attractive. [Re: lostnhurt] #2057469
08/16/10 08:35 PM
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lostnhurt, i realize that we may be hijacking this great thread. post your plans on becoming fearless on your thread and we will pick up from there.

to get back on topic ..

i think coach summarized the basics of what makes a man attractive.

strip away all that unrealistic bs of "tall, dark, and handsome". when you get down to it, confidence (not cocky), integrity, honesty, a sense of humor, and the ability to lead .. will win a woman's heart any day.

it is what's on the inside that counts.

Re: What women find attractive. [Re: DumpedforMIL] #2057484
08/16/10 08:51 PM
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Sorry coach, didn't mean to hijack.


Me 44
H 39
Met in 1998
Married in 2004
D 5, twins
Bomb - May 16th, 2010

"Don't let Tomorrow or Yesterday get in the way of Today"
Re: What women find attractive. [Re: lostnhurt] #2057921
08/17/10 02:46 PM
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Quote:
Increased female attraction to men in relationships
A 2009 study by Melissa Burkley and Jessica Parker of Oklahoma State University found that 59% of women stated they were interested in pursuing a relationship when presented with a (unknown to the women) hypothetical "ideal" single man.[10] However, when instead told that the man was already in a romantic relationship, 90% of the women stated they were interested in pursuing a romantic relationship.


Why is that attractive?


M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12
Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Re: What women find attractive. [Re: Coach] #2057924
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It's either the forbidden fruit theory, or the idea that if someone else finds the man attractive, he must be attractive.


men don't seek a "mental" connection with other men's wives. they seek a genital connection.

M:46 W:36
M 11y D8 D5
Bomb Drop: Father's Day, 6/20/10
http://bit.ly/bh1dwp
http://bit.ly/aTEpXG
Re: What women find attractive. [Re: Coach] #2057926
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Quote:
Why is that attractive?


Two reasons: Kitty Kats Kompete, and he's not totally available.

Now here's the thing: that unavailable thing will get you dates but... when it is real, turn women into desperate, needy charicatures of themselves that either drive you away, or they have to run away to save themselves, so where's the balance?


M-47,W-40,No kids
D-filed 5/27/2010
Piecing - 10/21/2010
-=Soon to be banned=-
Re: What women find attractive. [Re: TimeHeals] #2057931
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i would be part of the 10% who isn't interested if he's in a relationship. i have no interests in being the "OW" in someone else's relationship. smile

my guess is that women want to know that they have the ability to lure a man away from another woman. if he's not attached, then that'd be too easy.

Re: What women find attractive. [Re: DumpedforMIL] #2057933
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Attraction doesn't necessarily correlate with action.


men don't seek a "mental" connection with other men's wives. they seek a genital connection.

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Re: What women find attractive. [Re: pinhead] #2057935
08/17/10 03:00 PM
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Quote:
However, when instead told that the man was already in a romantic relationship, 90% of the women stated they were interested in pursuing a romantic relationship.

pursuing to me .. means action.

Re: What women find attractive. [Re: DumpedforMIL] #2057940
08/17/10 03:10 PM
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It's a study though, so it's easy to "say" you'd be interested in pursuing. Otherwise, we can classify 90% of the women in the survey as tramps willing to destroy an existing relationship for their own "needs."


men don't seek a "mental" connection with other men's wives. they seek a genital connection.

M:46 W:36
M 11y D8 D5
Bomb Drop: Father's Day, 6/20/10
http://bit.ly/bh1dwp
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Re: What women find attractive. [Re: pinhead] #2057942
08/17/10 03:14 PM
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Otherwise, we can classify 90% of the women in the survey as tramps willing to destroy an existing relationship for their own "needs."


They didn't say he was married (although, there are women to go after married men too). Dating... well, all's fair in love and war.

Kitty cats compete.

The challenge adds to the excitment factor. It's just not boring.

Last edited by TimeHeals; 08/17/10 03:15 PM.

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Re: What women find attractive. [Re: pinhead] #2057943
08/17/10 03:14 PM
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even so .. i'm not interested in men who are already involved in a romantic relationship.

i do think it's more of an ego thing or just the thrill of the chase or to know that "i still got it". but once that feeling goes away, you move on to the next?

Last edited by DumpedforMIL; 08/17/10 03:15 PM.
Re: What women find attractive. [Re: DumpedforMIL] #2057944
08/17/10 03:16 PM
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Quote:
even so .. i'm not interested in men who are already involved in a romantic relationship


You are too busy chasing your WAH, and he hasn't been too available, has he?

Most people don't chase 2 or more people at a time (OK, there is Tiger Woods, and I suppose many others).


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Re: What women find attractive. [Re: TimeHeals] #2057950
08/17/10 03:22 PM
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You are too busy chasing your WAH, and he hasn't been too available, has he?

is that a dig on me, th?

Re: What women find attractive. [Re: DumpedforMIL] #2057951
08/17/10 03:23 PM
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I was struck by the term FEAR earlier.
I believe Puppy had this great acronym.

False
Evidence
About
Reality

Another interesting thing I noticed about fear in MY working on myself, is that unlike NOW where we are trying to work TOWARD something (our M, our S, our family, our core selves, etc), fear in your life is a motivation AWAY FROM.

i.e. Your actions are ruled by AWAY from fear (any direction) as opposed to TOWARD "something" (specific direction)

I found that interesting.

Just gotta find the solution to it.

Obviously correcting the "False evidence" is key but I need to find out how to do that without over analyzing everything.


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Re: What women find attractive. [Re: DumpedforMIL] #2057952
08/17/10 03:24 PM
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Quote:
is that a dig on me, th?


Nope. Just pointing out that you are preoccupied with another thing, and you are probably not sitting in the same position as a single woman who is answering the survey.

Now, if you answered this same way as single and unencumbered emotionally, then I'd say, well you are the in the 10%. As things stand..., I wouldn't think of you as single myself.

Last edited by TimeHeals; 08/17/10 03:27 PM.

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Re: What women find attractive. [Re: TimeHeals] #2057960
08/17/10 03:35 PM
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Just pointing out that you are preoccupied with another thing, and you are probably not sitting in the same position as a single woman who is answering the survey.

i consider myself single now. and even as a single woman, i am not interested in a man who is already in a romantic relationship. for me, it's a personal issue. i understand why people do it but just not my thing.

Re: What women find attractive. [Re: DumpedforMIL] #2057965
08/17/10 03:40 PM
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Quote:
consider myself single now


So the door is closed on reconcilliation? You have moved on?

I haven't kept up with your thread lately.


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Re: What women find attractive. [Re: TimeHeals] #2057973
08/17/10 03:48 PM
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Quote:
So the door is closed on reconcilliation? You have moved on?

I haven't kept up with your thread lately.

my last post pretty much sums up where i am at mentally.

but i have been asked if i was single, and i answer with a 'yes, i am'. i haven't worn my ring in three months now.

however, i follow the vets advice here. both allen a and puppy have said that i wasn't ready for dating yet. and i'm not. so single but not interested. smile

Re: What women find attractive. [Re: CD Bear] #2057981
08/17/10 03:56 PM
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Quote:
Another interesting thing I noticed about fear in MY working on myself, is that unlike NOW where we are trying to work TOWARD something (our M, our S, our family, our core selves, etc), fear in your life is a motivation AWAY FROM.

interesting.

sometimes fear is tied with self-confidence. when you have fear, you lack self-confidence. so it's best to minimize your fears.

fear causes you to do strange (and sometimes stupid) things.

side note: oh yeah .. whoever coined the term "melty man" .. good one. smile what's the opposite of "melty man"?

Re: What women find attractive. [Re: DumpedforMIL] #2057986
08/17/10 03:58 PM
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From where I sit "CD BEAR"

And, DfM, I was following your sitch as we were both going through hell simultaneously. When mine turned into a fire I lost touch with you.

Forgive me for bad memory but weren't you up in Canada around me someplace? That rings a bell somehow.

Sorry to hear where the sitch is now but it's awesome that you have the right attitude about moving forward with your life.

Last edited by CD Bear; 08/17/10 04:04 PM.

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Re: What women find attractive. [Re: CD Bear] #2058099
08/17/10 06:32 PM
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We live in a very complicated world compared to our ancestors of 1.5 million years ago. Some things change but what women find attractive in men, has not changed much. On a primal level, women are attracted to men for their superior survival and replication genes. Women want to insure offspring will have the best chance at survival. For it is through replication and survival that society can move forward.

Self Confidence – I feel this is one of the most important qualities to posses in life. Women are masters at reading body language. If you are not self confident your body language, will radiate your inner insecurities. You will not make a good first impression unless you are walking tall and negotiating social situations with confidence and poise.

Senses of humor – Ladies want to be around guys who are fun and adventurous. Being funny will leave a big impression on her. It also demonstrates you are comfortable with who you are and you are not afraid of a little self effacing humor.

Intelligence – Women find it very attractive when a man is an expert or knowledgeable in a particular field. Women enjoy talking about sociological and world issues and you will be ahead of the game if you can speak eloquently about a broad range of topics. Emotional intelligence is of particular importance. You must understand and be able to calibrate to someone’s emotional state in-order to communicate effectively.

Status – I believe women are hard wired through evolution; to be attracted to leaders and men in positions of power. These men would rank high because of the superior resources and ability to survive. Think back to high school, the quarterback and team captains usually had the pick of the females. These lads were early leaders and perceived to be of higher social value.

Style – Most guys fail here miserably. Guys have you ever thought about how meticulous women are about their appearance? They will go shopping for three hours for the perfect outfit and shoes. They will then spend 2.5 hours getting ready for a night out. So that is a total of 5.5 hours of preparation for one night out. Compare that to your 20 minute of preparation and I think you get the point. You should have at least a couple nice outfits that are clean and fit you well. You should stay up-to-date with the current styles by reading fashion magazines like GQ, Details and the like.

Exciting – Life tends to get monotonous at times. Women are drawn towards men who charismatic and exciting. Every person is unique and exciting. Find out what is unique about yourself and share your experiences with people. Surprise your lady! Tell her you are taking her away for the weekend but don’t tell her where. Of course, she will need some general packing instructions but the mystery will score big points for you. You are a man, be impulsive!!! Lastly, don’t be predictable.



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Re: What women find attractive. [Re: CD Bear] #2058124
08/17/10 07:02 PM
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And, DfM, I was following your sitch as we were both going through hell simultaneously. When mine turned into a fire I lost touch with you.

it's funny. i look at the view count on my thread and it's quite high. i think it's nice that people read it. i try to write as eloquently as i can. i'm prone to a few grammatical errors every once in a while. smile

Quote:
Forgive me for bad memory but weren't you up in Canada around me someplace? That rings a bell somehow.

i try to keep certain things about me private. i don't talk about where i am geographically. all i can say is i'm in north america on the east coast. smile but calgary is a beautiful city. you're lucky you're so close to banff.

Quote:
Sorry to hear where the sitch is now but it's awesome that you have the right attitude about moving forward with your life.

at some point, you kinda have to move forward.

and i must say, i love this thread. although coach keeps posting things about what makes a great man. not enough info on what makes a great woman. i understand that guys are very visual but that's so subjective. what one guy thinks is attractive may not be attractive for someone else. and what about substance, intelligence, ..

i think you attract what you are. if you set the bar low for yourself, you will get exactly that. in other words, dress like a slob, have no manners and no goals, don't like to lead, and have no self-confidence? well .. that's what you'll attract.

Re: What women find attractive. [Re: Coach] #2058127
08/17/10 07:06 PM
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Thanks, Coach.
Really appreciate it.

THAT ^^^^^^^^^^is my target, THAT is much closer to where I was when I met W. Need to get back there sooner than later. The hard part is I "feel" she still sees me as the "recent, blob" I became in the last year of the M. So despite feeling good, when I meet with her I sense she is looking through me and seeing the weak me and then I come off that way. Vicious circle.

I appreciate the insight. I "know" this stuff. just gotta BE this way again. Where is that damn button to turn it back on again?


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Re: What women find attractive. [Re: DumpedforMIL] #2058139
08/17/10 07:24 PM
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Originally Posted By: DfM

i love this thread. although coach keeps posting things about what makes a great man. not enough info on what makes a great woman. i understand that guys are very visual but that's so subjective. What one guy thinks is attractive may not be attractive for someone else. and what about substance, intelligence, ..

Well, though we are visual, the subjective value of the "substance" does affect our 'vision'. Intelligence, character, sense of humor, confidence (same chracteristics women look for) are a form of "beer goggles". And, when the substance values fade or fail, the goggles fail as well.

I really don't think we're THAT different. I think that we just prioritize based on evolution. Women tend to "feel" more so they look for the confidence that makes them "feel" safe and secure. Men tend to "see" more so we notice that first. But having our initial attention is pretty fleeting without the substance. IMO. Or my case, anyway.

Originally Posted By: DfM

i think you attract what you are. if you set the bar low for yourself, you will get exactly that. in other words, dress like a slob, have no manners and no goals, don't like to lead, and have no self-confidence? well .. that's what you'll attract.

I also think there is something to be said for "where" you are as well. A point in life; a certain requirement based on your position in life and/or priorities. these things shift a little and when two peoples "timelines" line up, we are susceptible to be attracted to that, as well.

You go on the alt at all?


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Re: What women find attractive. [Re: CD Bear] #2058159
08/17/10 07:46 PM
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Quote:
You go on the alt at all?

not really.
i have one friend on alt. and that's it.
i'm just not popular. haha.
the alt world is not really my thing.

Re: What women find attractive. [Re: DumpedforMIL] #2058167
08/17/10 07:52 PM
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Oh. I'm not a big FB person, either.

I just like the option of directly chatting with a DB'er without having to be on the public board. And sometimes it's also nice to change the subject from the sitch to whatever and yet know the other person has a common experience with "this stuff"


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Re: What women find attractive. [Re: CD Bear] #2058184
08/17/10 08:02 PM
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my GAL work doesn't involve FB.
so i hardly use it .. even for general chatter.
in fact, i no longer use any form of IM.

Re: What women find attractive. [Re: DumpedforMIL] #2058185
08/17/10 08:03 PM
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I use FB, but can't do much with DB on it since my wife is also on it, and would see.


men don't seek a "mental" connection with other men's wives. they seek a genital connection.

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Re: What women find attractive. [Re: pinhead] #2058219
08/17/10 08:48 PM
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Quote:
Coach John Wooden's dad taught him to:

Never whine,

Never complain

Never make excuses





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Re: What women find attractive. [Re: Coach] #2058249
08/17/10 10:00 PM
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Hey to Coach & many others
You guys offer great advice and seem to make us laugh even through the crap were all going through!! Whish could buy a round of drinks. Well off to class
Later.





Re: What women find attractive. [Re: Espr444] #2058497
08/18/10 01:08 PM
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Great movie on last night, The Quiet Man, John Wayne and Maureen O'Hara. Really showed some great DB principles, dealing with CB, and being attractive. How agreeing with your woman is attractive and then doing something about it.

"Impetous."


M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12
Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Re: What women find attractive. [Re: Coach] #2058503
08/18/10 01:18 PM
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Quote:
William Ernest Henley. 1849–1903

7. Invictus

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance 5
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade, 10
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate: 15
I am the captain of my soul.


M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12
Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Re: What women find attractive. [Re: Coach] #2059381
08/19/10 03:51 PM
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"ILYBINILWY"

"I don't feel the way I am supposed to about you."

"Maybe you should start dating?"

"Why do you even like me?"

"I feel like you are my brother not my husband."

"You are a nice guy and everything but......"

The WAS is going out without you all dressed up, listening to new music, texting away, on FB, has inside jokes with her friends .................


What does it mean?

She's not attracted to you anymore.


Your wife not only wants a provider (steady, dependable man) but a man who is exciting (confident).


Use FB to your advantage, post what you are doing and with who. Put pictures of you up out having fun. Add lots of new friends. Comment to people she doesn't know (your new friends). Make yourself exciting because you are busy, in demand and fun to be with. Leverage up your GAL activities.


M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12
Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Re: What women find attractive. [Re: Coach] #2059386
08/19/10 03:53 PM
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My wife is always asking who the women are on my FB page. How I know them, etc. Coach speaks wisely...


men don't seek a "mental" connection with other men's wives. they seek a genital connection.

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Re: What women find attractive. [Re: Coach] #2059390
08/19/10 03:54 PM
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what about the line "you'll never change"?

Re: What women find attractive. [Re: DumpedforMIL] #2059410
08/19/10 04:06 PM
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Have you ever heard about people conecting with a challenge? My W has tried to change me into her perfect ",mate" for 7 years. For the most part I am still who I am, can people change their habits? yes. Can people change how they handle situations? yes. But again we are who we are, did you change to be someone else than what first attracted you to your spouse? I believe that is what the point of all this is. To find yourself again, be confident like when you were dating. When the W and I first started dating, I was full of myself, not cocky or arrogant, just self confident beyond belief. That is my goal to get to that point again, not for the W but for me.

Re: What women find attractive. [Re: dsh4320] #2059437
08/19/10 04:19 PM
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i should have said that "people don't change" should be added to coach's list of lines to indicate she's no longer attracted.

i agree that we can't become someone we are not. but we can go back to who we were when we first started dating our spouses. i'm working on that too.

on the outside, i feel attractive today.
on the inside, i feel pretty lousy. i'm sure it radiates outward. i hope it's short lived.

you could have the perfect hair, make up, and clothes.
but you have to feel good from the inside.

Re: What women find attractive. [Re: dsh4320] #2059439
08/19/10 04:22 PM
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Originally Posted By: dsh4320
Have you ever heard about people conecting with a challenge? My W has tried to change me into her perfect ",mate" for 7 years. For the most part I am still who I am, can people change their habits? yes. Can people change how they handle situations? yes. But again we are who we are, did you change to be someone else than what first attracted you to your spouse? I believe that is what the point of all this is. To find yourself again, be confident like when you were dating. When the W and I first started dating, I was full of myself, not cocky or arrogant, just self confident beyond belief. That is my goal to get to that point again, not for the W but for me.


That is what they want to see in us again. Robx had a great post in my original thread:

What kind of man are you?
Over the years have your attractive masculine qualities washed away to leave behind a tired older man who is just a parent and not really an attractive mate for your wife?


men don't seek a "mental" connection with other men's wives. they seek a genital connection.

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Re: What women find attractive. [Re: pinhead] #2059445
08/19/10 04:32 PM
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So true Pin, it takes time for it all to sink in.

Re: What women find attractive. [Re: dsh4320] #2059551
08/19/10 06:34 PM
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Let her go, set her free, make it about her, agree with her.


Quote:
On with the story:
King Arthur, while hunting in a forest one day, is accosted by a powerful knight who threatens to kill him. The king dissuades the knight but only by committing himself to a quest. If, within a year’s time, he finds the answer to a particular question, they both part their ways in peace. If he does not, he must surrender himself to the knight for execution.
The question he had to find the answer to was this: What do women most desire? Although the knight obviously knew the answer, he had touched upon a mystery that has plagued men for ages.
In chivalry, a promise is a promise. King Arthur immediately sets out to find the answer to this question, with his nephew, Sir Gawain, helping him. For the rest of the year they went separately around the countryside collecting people’s opinions and writing them down. Most of the answers seemed frivolous. King Arthur feared the worst.
When the year was almost complete, he came across a horrible looking women on the road who recognized him immediately.
“Good King,” she called to him. “My name is Ragnall, and I know the answer that you seek. Grant me what I wish and I will tell it to you.”
At this point, King Arthur welcomed any suggestions, but needed to know what she wanted first, to be sure it was in his power to give.
“Only this,” she told him, “I would marry your good nephew, Sir Gawain.”
King Arthur was taken back by this request. The woman was far uglier than any creature he had ever seen. He would pity any man having to marry her. That the fellow should be his favorite nephew, himself of royal blood, seemed out of the question.
“Good lady,” he said, “how can I make the commitment for someone else? No man can do that.”
“I have heard of Sir Gawain. His love for you is such, he would refuse you nothing. It would not be the first marriage of convenience in the realm. All you need do is ask.”
King Arthur returned to his castle and told Sir Gawain what happened. Without hesitation, nd without being asked, Gawain offered to marry the woman on the king’s behalf.
On the appointed day, King Arthur rode through the forest to where his adversary was waiting. Before arriving, the woman confronted him.
“Well? Has your nephew agreed?”
The king nodded sullenly.
“Now tell me the answer,” he prompted, “what is it that women most desire?”
“The answer us simple,” she said, smiling repulsively. “That you never thought of it shows how blind you are. What women want most is the same as men want, sovereignty over their own lives.”
When the king heard this, he knew that her answer was correct. Women want what all people want, freedom to direct their lives as they choose, without others blocking their course or deciding for them. The concepts of freedom and equality applied to all people, not just men of nobility.
King Arthur gave this answer to his adversary, who was dismayed that he had found it. The two men parted ways in peace.
King Arthur brought Ragnall to his castle and introduced her to Sir Gawain, who greeted her with all courtesy and favor. Word of their upcoming marriage rapidly became the stuff of gossip and scandal at court. Nevertheless, the wedding day finally arrived with much ceremony was in place.
The celebration, although lavishly ornate, was marred by a heaviness of regret. Ragnall seemed pleased despite the snickering. Sir Gawain remained willingly composed in the performance of his duty. The now enlightened King Arthur, watching the nuptials, realized how “arranged marriages” had often joined attractive ladies and damsels to horrible men in much the same way.
That night, the newlyweds retired to Sir Gawain’s lodgings. Dame Ragnall sensed Gawain’s reluctance to join her in bed, and asked him directly if he would treat her as a husband should. He said he would. When he turned toward her, however, the woman who waited for him looked quite different. She was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
Dame Ragnall explained that a curse had been placed on her years earlier, that replaced her natural beauty with profound ugliness for one half of every day.
Gawain was thrilled by the transformation, but Ragnall quickly him with a difficult choice:
“My lord, it is for you to decide what portion of the day I am beautiful and what portion I am not. During the day, my appearance reflects upon your reputation. At night, upon your privacy and the expression of our love. Which do you choose, my husband? Beauty by day, in public? Or by night?”
Sir Gawain pondered this dilemma. Either way struck him as a blessing and curse. Being the courteous knight that he was, however, he could respond in only one fashion:
“Dear lady, the decision must be yours not mine.”
With that, Ragnall smiled brightly.
“Without knowing it, my husband, you have broken the curse entirely. The conditions were set that I had to marry the most chivalrous knight of the realm, and that he would grant me sovereignty over my own life. This you have done. I shall look as you see me from now on.”
With that, the young couple lived happily together in mutual marital bliss.



M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12
Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Re: What women find attractive. [Re: Coach] #2059564
08/19/10 06:44 PM
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Quote:
With that, the young couple lived happily together in mutual marital bliss.


Until, she started complaining he always leaves the toilet seat up, and spends too much time at the Knights of the Round Table, and his job keeps him away too much and he doesn't contribute enough to the family unit, and it seems like his horse means more to him than her .... and the whole fairy tale went to pot.

Re: What women find attractive. [Re: Coach] #2059568
08/19/10 06:46 PM
08/19/10 06:46 PM
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Originally Posted By: Coach
Let her go, set her free, make it about her, agree with her.


Quote:
On with the story:
King Arthur, while hunting in a forest one day, is accosted by a powerful knight who threatens to kill him. The king dissuades the knight but only by committing himself to a quest. If, within a year’s time, he finds the answer to a particular question, they both part their ways in peace. If he does not, he must surrender himself to the knight for execution.
The question he had to find the answer to was this: What do women most desire? Although the knight obviously knew the answer, he had touched upon a mystery that has plagued men for ages.
In chivalry, a promise is a promise. King Arthur immediately sets out to find the answer to this question, with his nephew, Sir Gawain, helping him. For the rest of the year they went separately around the countryside collecting people’s opinions and writing them down. Most of the answers seemed frivolous. King Arthur feared the worst.
When the year was almost complete, he came across a horrible looking women on the road who recognized him immediately.
“Good King,” she called to him. “My name is Ragnall, and I know the answer that you seek. Grant me what I wish and I will tell it to you.”
At this point, King Arthur welcomed any suggestions, but needed to know what she wanted first, to be sure it was in his power to give.
“Only this,” she told him, “I would marry your good nephew, Sir Gawain.”
King Arthur was taken back by this request. The woman was far uglier than any creature he had ever seen. He would pity any man having to marry her. That the fellow should be his favorite nephew, himself of royal blood, seemed out of the question.
“Good lady,” he said, “how can I make the commitment for someone else? No man can do that.”
“I have heard of Sir Gawain. His love for you is such, he would refuse you nothing. It would not be the first marriage of convenience in the realm. All you need do is ask.”
King Arthur returned to his castle and told Sir Gawain what happened. Without hesitation, nd without being asked, Gawain offered to marry the woman on the king’s behalf.
On the appointed day, King Arthur rode through the forest to where his adversary was waiting. Before arriving, the woman confronted him.
“Well? Has your nephew agreed?”
The king nodded sullenly.
“Now tell me the answer,” he prompted, “what is it that women most desire?”
“The answer us simple,” she said, smiling repulsively. “That you never thought of it shows how blind you are. What women want most is the same as men want, sovereignty over their own lives.”
When the king heard this, he knew that her answer was correct. Women want what all people want, freedom to direct their lives as they choose, without others blocking their course or deciding for them. The concepts of freedom and equality applied to all people, not just men of nobility.
King Arthur gave this answer to his adversary, who was dismayed that he had found it. The two men parted ways in peace.
King Arthur brought Ragnall to his castle and introduced her to Sir Gawain, who greeted her with all courtesy and favor. Word of their upcoming marriage rapidly became the stuff of gossip and scandal at court. Nevertheless, the wedding day finally arrived with much ceremony was in place.
The celebration, although lavishly ornate, was marred by a heaviness of regret. Ragnall seemed pleased despite the snickering. Sir Gawain remained willingly composed in the performance of his duty. The now enlightened King Arthur, watching the nuptials, realized how “arranged marriages” had often joined attractive ladies and damsels to horrible men in much the same way.
That night, the newlyweds retired to Sir Gawain’s lodgings. Dame Ragnall sensed Gawain’s reluctance to join her in bed, and asked him directly if he would treat her as a husband should. He said he would. When he turned toward her, however, the woman who waited for him looked quite different. She was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
Dame Ragnall explained that a curse had been placed on her years earlier, that replaced her natural beauty with profound ugliness for one half of every day.
Gawain was thrilled by the transformation, but Ragnall quickly him with a difficult choice:
“My lord, it is for you to decide what portion of the day I am beautiful and what portion I am not. During the day, my appearance reflects upon your reputation. At night, upon your privacy and the expression of our love. Which do you choose, my husband? Beauty by day, in public? Or by night?”
Sir Gawain pondered this dilemma. Either way struck him as a blessing and curse. Being the courteous knight that he was, however, he could respond in only one fashion:
“Dear lady, the decision must be yours not mine.”
With that, Ragnall smiled brightly.
“Without knowing it, my husband, you have broken the curse entirely. The conditions were set that I had to marry the most chivalrous knight of the realm, and that he would grant me sovereignty over my own life. This you have done. I shall look as you see me from now on.”
With that, the young couple lived happily together in mutual marital bliss.



What a great story!

Last edited by FaithnAK; 08/19/10 06:46 PM.
Re: What women find attractive. [Re: Steve McQueen] #2059571
08/19/10 06:49 PM
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Originally Posted By: Steve McQueen
Quote:
With that, the young couple lived happily together in mutual marital bliss.


Until, she started complaining he always leaves the toilet seat up, and spends too much time at the Knights of St. Lukes, and his job keeps him away too much and he doesn't contribute enough to the family unit, and it seems like his horse means more to him than her .... and the whole fairy tale went to pot.



"Searching for the Holy Grail my @$$ you are out drinking with that Gallahad and the other boys. You better not be rescuing damsels from dragons while I sit here in this dump which you never help clean. I show you what fire-breathing looks like......"

to be continued............


M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12
Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Re: What women find attractive. [Re: Coach] #2060012
08/20/10 03:04 PM
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Gucci just posted this and it is a pillar of attraction for women:

Quote:
Learn to read what is on the mind of the woman you love. Mindreading only hurts when you don't read it correctly. It HELPS when you know HOW to read their mind. They WANT you to know without having to tell you.


This is probably the second biggest thing behind confidence that woman find attractive.

"Knowing what they want without having to tell you." Woman have emotional intuition that men lack, they share it with their friends all the time. They want their man to "see" into them and know what they want. As much as woman want to be in control of their own lives sometimes they want you to step in and handle things without being asked. That's when they feel things for you (attraction) because they know that they matter to you, you see them, and you are supporting them.

Keys to mind reading-
What does she nag you about?

How does she finish this sentence, "Can't you see that ___________ ?

How does she love on you?

Have you ever heard, "I wish you would just__________________."

Remember questions are statements, "Do you think the bedroom needs a makeover?"


Learn to really listen, learn to be aware, learn to be in tune.

Once you see it you will notice it all around you. It has helped my business, I deal with women clients a lot.



M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12
Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Re: What women find attractive. [Re: Coach] #2060028
08/20/10 03:24 PM
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Originally Posted By: Coach


Learn to really listen, learn to be aware, learn to be in tune.

Once you see it you will notice it all around you. It has helped my business, I deal with women clients a lot.


Joe Buck?

"Whatever you hear about Midnight Cowboy is true."

Re: What women find attractive. [Re: Steve McQueen] #2060038
08/20/10 03:36 PM
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Originally Posted By: Steve McQueen
Originally Posted By: Coach


Learn to really listen, learn to be aware, learn to be in tune.

Once you see it you will notice it all around you. It has helped my business, I deal with women clients a lot.


Joe Buck?

"Whatever you hear about Midnight Cowboy is true."


I can't confirm nor deny. cool


M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12
Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Re: What women find attractive. [Re: Coach] #2060241
08/20/10 08:13 PM
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Another key to mind-reading is being very aware of tone, body language and facial expressions...

I know when a woman needs a hug...she won't "verbally" ask for it.....but when I offer, she gladly accepts....I can do this without saying a word....


"What is best for my kids is best for me"

Persevere = happily being patient over a long period of time
Re: What women find attractive. [Re: Ready2Change] #2061118
08/22/10 09:06 PM
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this was in the Sunday paper today:


Quote:
Q:I adopted Moo-Moo as a kitten, and we've always been very attached. Now my boyfriend, who really likes cats, has moved in. He has tried really hard to be nice, but still Moo-Moo urinated on his pillow. This morning was the last straw: Moo-Moo wouldn't let him in the bathroom. Would getting another cat help Moo-Moo over his jealousy?



C.H.

A: I'm sorry Moo-Moo is having a cow over your boyfriend. Moo-Moo has enjoyed a lifetime of having you all to himself. More than anything else, cats detest change, and this is a biggie.

In being solicitous of Moo-Moo, your boyfriend may be offending your unsure cat.Instead, he should ignore Moo-Moo, letting the cat make friendly gestures if he is so inclined.

It wouldn't hurt if your boyfriend took charge of feeding Moo-Moo, particularly if special treats are involved. But don't overdo it: You don't want your cat to overeat. Your boyfriend also could try engaging Moo-Moo with a fishing-pole-type toy with feathers.



Be a cat whisperer. Don't chase a bad cat, cat's do respond to "mystery fruitcake" because they are territorial and love to hunt.


M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12
Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Re: What women find attractive. [Re: Coach] #2061197
08/23/10 01:15 AM
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Originally Posted By: Coach
Quote:
I want him to answer his own question for himself.


The dark night of the soul.


SAINT JOHN OF THE CROSS

STANZAS OF THE SOUL

1. On a dark night, Kindled in love with yearnings--oh, happy chance!-- I went forth without being observed, My house being now at rest.

2. In darkness and secure, By the secret ladder, disguised--oh, happy chance!-- In darkness and in concealment, My house being now at rest.

3. In the happy night, In secret, when none saw me, Nor I beheld aught, Without light or guide, save that which burned in my heart.

4. This light guided me More surely than the light of noonday To the place where he (well I knew who!) was awaiting me-- A place where none appeared.

5. Oh, night that guided me, Oh, night more lovely than the dawn, Oh, night that joined Beloved with lover, Lover transformed in the Beloved!

6. Upon my flowery breast, Kept wholly for himself alone, There he stayed sleeping, and I caressed him, And the fanning of the cedars made a breeze.

7. The breeze blew from the turret As I parted his locks; With his gentle hand he wounded my neck And caused all my senses to be suspended.

8. I remained, lost in oblivion; My face I reclined on the Beloved. All ceased and I abandoned myself, Leaving my cares forgotten among the lilies.

Re: What women find attractive. [Re: Steve McQueen] #2061581
08/23/10 05:48 PM
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Quote:
All ceased and I abandoned myself, Leaving my cares forgotten among the lilies.


Let it go.

You will be fine.

You are loved.

You are capable of so much more than you can fathom.


M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12
Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Re: What women find attractive. [Re: Coach] #2061709
08/23/10 08:16 PM
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Steve McQueen

Quote:
The idea is to be so attractive that someone who has become bored with the mundane sees nothing but excitment and falls head over heels in love with you. You lead, you flirt, you engage in conversation that does not allow them to regurgitate the negativity of their day but want to tell you about their goals and dreams. Then you make them feel like that is the only thing that matters in the world. You make them laugh. Do this no matter who you are with, your walk away wife, your loving wife, someone that takes an interest in you, your colleagues, and your clients. It is as simple as making someone feel that when they are around you they are important.

It is hard to find "chemistry" with someone who cannot break the silence and allows themselves to be uncomfortable. It's hard to want to develop "chemistry" when the other person does not want to know everything about you and challenges you to let them know more.


This can be done without pursuing. This can be done all while letting them go. As a matter of fact this is catnip in the cat toy. It's the green cherries in the mystery fruitcake. It's the hot in hottentot.


M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12
Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Re: What women find attractive. [Re: Coach] #2061719
08/23/10 08:28 PM
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It's that mystery candy center at the middle of the old Good Humor ice cream bars!!! grin


"Still at the end of every hard-earned day, people find some reason to believe" -- Bruce Springsteen






Re: What women find attractive. [Re: Puppy Dog Tails] #2061746
08/23/10 09:09 PM
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where did that piece come from? (ie. which thread .. i'd like to read more about it)

Re: What women find attractive. [Re: Coach] #2061756
08/23/10 09:22 PM
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Originally Posted By: Coach
Steve McQueen

Quote:
The idea is to be so attractive that someone who has become bored with the mundane sees nothing but excitment and falls head over heels in love with you. You lead, you flirt, you engage in conversation that does not allow them to regurgitate the negativity of their day but want to tell you about their goals and dreams. Then you make them feel like that is the only thing that matters in the world. You make them laugh. Do this no matter who you are with, your walk away wife, your loving wife, someone that takes an interest in you, your colleagues, and your clients. It is as simple as making someone feel that when they are around you they are important.

It is hard to find "chemistry" with someone who cannot break the silence and allows themselves to be uncomfortable. It's hard to want to develop "chemistry" when the other person does not want to know everything about you and challenges you to let them know more.


This can be done without pursuing. This can be done all while letting them go. As a matter of fact this is catnip in the cat toy. It's the green cherries in the mystery fruitcake. It's the hot in hottentot.



I haven't been doing this. I've mostly been trying to avoid contact with her.


The show must go on.

Me43 W44 S11 D9 M14 Together23
W blow-up 1/3/10 EA/PA? 5/10 DBomb 6/5/10 Filed 6/10/10 Separated 8/28/10
Re: What women find attractive. [Re: DanF] #2062994
08/25/10 02:50 PM
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Originally Posted By: Coach
A strong, confident man would be happy someone else improved themselves. Your W has lost weight, improved her health and is improving her self-esteem and self-confidence. But instead you are jealous and angry because you are stuck.

Your W would never tell you that she is moving on. She knows you can't handle it. She's tired of that. It's unattractive and boring.


"What is best for my kids is best for me"

Persevere = happily being patient over a long period of time
Re: What women find attractive. [Re: Coach] #2063042
08/25/10 03:39 PM
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Originally Posted By: Coach
This can be done without pursuing. This can be done all while letting them go. As a matter of fact this is catnip in the cat toy. It's the green cherries in the mystery fruitcake. It's the hot in hottentot.



How does one go about letting them go and yet flirt with them, make them want you, when they don't want anything to do with you? Doesn't letting them go *require* that you back off and let them come to you? Is that what I'm missing, that you wait till they come to you, then ease into the flirting, attraction building. I think I have finally let go, although it's only been about 4 days but I still have hope that maybe she will see what she destroying and consider one final try.

I get the cat thing - I'm not fond of cats really but they seem to LOVE me.

Re: What women find attractive. [Re: Ready2Change] #2063049
08/25/10 03:45 PM
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Quote:
Then you make them feel like that is the only thing that matters in the world. It is as simple as making someone feel that when they are around you they are important.


All people love this. Try it out. Practice on strangers. Really focus on them, bring the best out in them, and you get rewarded.

A book that I am re-visiting, What Got You Here, Won't get You There by Marshall Goldsmith, had this great story in it.

Quote:
A British acquaintance told me about a aging executive who could always be seen with the most beautiful women. It wasn't his looks or animal magnetism. He was short, jowly, overweight, bald and well into his seventies. But when my acquaintance asked one woman why she was so enthralled with this man, she answered,"He never takes his eyes off of me. Even if the Queen walked in, he wouldn't be distracted. He would still be devoting his full attention to me. That's hard to resist."



Hard to resist = catnip


I would recommend the book for anyone in business, leadership role or wants to see DB techniques used in other relationships.



M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12
Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Re: What women find attractive. [Re: dad1b1g] #2063051
08/25/10 03:45 PM
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If you come right out and start complimenting women from the start, they know you want you something from them.

A compliment is sometimes best when you are saying good bye or at the end of a convo. It gives time for the W to think about it, with out you being in front of her.

Remember the compliment has to be specific. wink


Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12
Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life!
“Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
Re: What women find attractive. [Re: dad1b1g] #2063069
08/25/10 04:00 PM
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Quote:
Is that what I'm missing, that you wait till they come to you, then ease into the flirting, attraction building.


Right, be wise on what attracts a woman, then she comes to you. Then create some tension slowly.

If you get the cat thing then think thru it. How effective is it to call or chase a cat? The cat is aware of you, you have to peak the cat's interest enough to get it to pursue you. Cat's love to hunt.


M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12
Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Re: What women find attractive. [Re: Coach] #2063101
08/25/10 04:29 PM
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Coach, there's a p*ssy joke in there somewhere, but I ain't goin' there. laugh smirk

Puppy


"Still at the end of every hard-earned day, people find some reason to believe" -- Bruce Springsteen






Re: What women find attractive. [Re: Puppy Dog Tails] #2063111
08/25/10 04:37 PM
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I have a house with a W, 2 Ds, and now 2 female kittens...


men don't seek a "mental" connection with other men's wives. they seek a genital connection.

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Re: What women find attractive. [Re: pinhead] #2063250
08/25/10 07:35 PM
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King Arthur cont....


Quote:
The first lesson in this story is that Arthur should not have sought out the wisdom of the wise or priests, because this particular question had nothing to do with spiritual wisdom, but pertained more so to a woman's nature. The princess wasn't truly qualified to answer the question because she would have probably had everything handed to her since her birth and wouldn't comprehend the true meaning of the word "want."

Arthur probably didn't go to the witch at first, not based solely on the fact of cost (He didn't even ask the cost yet) but because he, neglecting the fact that she IS a woman, didn't think that a woman of her stature would have the answer to a question so pertinent, for she lacked the looks and finer qualities associated with regular women for whom society sometimes associate looks or appearance with quality. How would a woman of her stature know what "REGULAR" women want?

The witch, however, did have the knowledge of what she or "Women" wanted, because she in fact WAS in charge of her own life. She had the choice of being whatever or whomever she wanted. The witch was perceived as ugly by others but they all respected her and knew that she would have the answer for a reason; she was a powerful woman who was strong within herself. She did not have to prove to anyone who she was because she already knew who she was. She was "it," so to speak. Thus the exorbitant costs she required.

She wanted Lancelot, who stood out from the crowd, as her booty because she knew that she deserved him and would not settle for less than the best. As the "Most noble of the knights" He had already proven himself an "Alpha Male" which had already triggered her attraction switch knowing within that she was also a quality female.

Retaining her looks through the wedding ceremony was probably a test to see how much of a man he was and he passed with flying colors. It didn't matter to him how anyone else felt or what they thought, Lancelot lived for and answered only to himself. He was willing to do what was right for his people, again showing leadership qualities and selflessness by taking the initiative and being a leader for his king, continuing to trigger attraction in her.

On their wedding night the witch offered Lancelot part of what she "COULD BE" not so much as a reward only, but possibly as a continuing test. She rewarded him and partially submitted to his authority by giving him part of what she knew he, as a man, would want while posing yet another test of when he would want it; is this about pride (the way other people see you) or is it about you (what you want)?

By accepting her gift and graciously granting her the authority back, to make the decision as to when he would receive it, he gave her the security of letting her know that he believed that she was capable of making her own decisions and that he was going to stand by her either way continuing to trip her attraction triggers thereby causing her to want to please him, turning her into what he wanted her to be, naturally.



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Re: What women find attractive. [Re: Coach] #2063260
08/25/10 07:45 PM
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In my quest of learning what attracts women, today I found out that a man's shoes are the number one piece of clothing women look at to determine a mens sense of stlye.

Come to think of it, I had a W aproach me a few months ago b/c of the boots I was wearing. True story.

Last edited by gr8 day 2B alive; 08/25/10 07:45 PM.

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“Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
Re: What women find attractive. [Re: gr8 day 2B alive] #2063263
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Originally Posted By: gr8 day 2B alive
In my quest of learning what attracts women, today I found out that a man's shoes are the number one piece of clothing women look at to determine a mens sense of stlye.

Come to think of it, I had a W aproach me a few months ago b/c of the boots I was wearing. True story.


I've heard this as well.


"Still at the end of every hard-earned day, people find some reason to believe" -- Bruce Springsteen






Re: What women find attractive. [Re: Puppy Dog Tails] #2063268
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Yep, and conversely, noticing and complimenting a woman's shoes is supposed to be flattering. But that would involve me knowing the differences in women's shoes...


men don't seek a "mental" connection with other men's wives. they seek a genital connection.

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Re: What women find attractive. [Re: Puppy Dog Tails] #2063276
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Likely true. Makes absolutely no sense to me whatsoever.
Style or fashion sense?

Fashion is fleeting.

Style indicated through shoe choice?

True or not, I don't get it at all.

Sure like to see that graph.


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Re: What women find attractive. [Re: CD Bear] #2063279
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This thread's name, "What women find attractive", reminds me of that Mel Gibson movie "What Women Want". Somehow..., that movie feels different when I think about it lately smile smile smile


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Re: What women find attractive. [Re: TimeHeals] #2063286
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Given recent events, I'm pretty sure what they DON'T want is Mel Gibson.
Regardless of how stylish his shoes are?

Thinking about his closet now.

Do all his shoes say "Anti-semetic, drunken, abusive has-been?"

What does he wear so I don't buy them.....


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Re: What women find attractive. [Re: pinhead] #2063290
08/25/10 08:13 PM
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Originally Posted By: pinhead
Yep, and conversely, noticing and complimenting a woman's shoes is supposed to be flattering. But that would involve me knowing the differences in women's shoes...


I usually go with "Hmmm, killer shoes!" cool

- Puppy, who LOVES killer shoes on a woman with nice legs and feet laugh (Pearl'll tell you)


"Still at the end of every hard-earned day, people find some reason to believe" -- Bruce Springsteen






Re: What women find attractive. [Re: CD Bear] #2063297
08/25/10 08:16 PM
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Quote:
Do all his shoes say "Anti-semetic, drunken, abusive has-been?"


I am pretty sure they sell things like that down on Melrose Blvd in Hollywood in stores like "Poseur". Some nice Doc Martin combat boots complete with swastikas?

LOL.

"The kids on Melrose strut their stuff.
Is Absolute Zero cool enough?"--Roger Waters.


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Re: What women find attractive. [Re: pinhead] #2063298
08/25/10 08:19 PM
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Originally Posted By: pinhead
Yep, and conversely, noticing and complimenting a woman's shoes is supposed to be flattering. But that would involve me knowing the differences in women's shoes...


Easy, you never compliment the article of clothing. You compliment the person.

"You have great style/taste in shoes."

"I have always admired how you can put a outfit together."

"You sure can make a pair of shoes look sexy."

"Only you could make a black dress look that stunning."

You need to brush up your flirting chops.


M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12
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Re: What women find attractive. [Re: Puppy Dog Tails] #2063301
08/25/10 08:20 PM
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Quote:
Puppy, who LOVES killer shoes on a woman with nice legs and feet (Pearl'll tell you)


Puppy DOWN! grin


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Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Re: What women find attractive. [Re: Coach] #2063307
08/25/10 08:24 PM
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Oooh, Coach.
Originally Posted By: Coach
you never compliment the article of clothing. You compliment the person.

"You have great style/taste in shoes."

"I have always admired how you can put a outfit together."

"You sure can make a pair of shoes look sexy."

"Only you could make a black dress look that stunning."


Tremendous distinction!!

THANKS!!

Puppy? 'Sticky'?


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Re: What women find attractive. [Re: Coach] #2063308
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I usually say,

"Those shoes look great on you" as if on Grace Kelly they would look like clogs


men don't seek a "mental" connection with other men's wives. they seek a genital connection.

M:46 W:36
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Re: What women find attractive. [Re: CD Bear] #2063310
08/25/10 08:30 PM
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Originally Posted By: CD Bear
Oooh, Coach.
Originally Posted By: Coach
you never compliment the article of clothing. You compliment the person.

"You have great style/taste in shoes."

"I have always admired how you can put a outfit together."

"You sure can make a pair of shoes look sexy."

"Only you could make a black dress look that stunning."


Tremendous distinction!!

THANKS!!

Puppy? 'Sticky'?


Deffffffinitely.


That's why he's DA COACH!!!


"Still at the end of every hard-earned day, people find some reason to believe" -- Bruce Springsteen






Re: What women find attractive. [Re: Coach] #2063314
08/25/10 08:33 PM
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Originally Posted By: Coach

"You have great style/taste in shoes."

"I have always admired how you can put a outfit together."

"You sure can make a pair of shoes look sexy."

"Only you could make a black dress look that stunning."

You mean to tell me there's men out there that actually say things like this to their wives? I think the best I've had is a couple of "You really look good today's" in the last few months. Oh...what it would be like to be called sexy or stunning again...


I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
Re: What women find attractive. [Re: Puppy Dog Tails] #2063316
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Oh, R2C? Special delivery.........


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Re: What women find attractive. [Re: FindingMyVoice] #2063317
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Originally Posted By: FindingMyVoice
Originally Posted By: Coach

"You have great style/taste in shoes."

"I have always admired how you can put a outfit together."

"You sure can make a pair of shoes look sexy."

"Only you could make a black dress look that stunning."

You mean to tell me there's men out there that actually say things like this to their wives? I think the best I've had is a couple of "You really look good today's" in the last few months. Oh...what it would be like to be called sexy or stunning again...


I like "amazing."

"Wow, you look amazing in that."

or

"Man, that looks amazing on you."


"Still at the end of every hard-earned day, people find some reason to believe" -- Bruce Springsteen






Re: What women find attractive. [Re: CD Bear] #2063319
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Originally Posted By: CD Bear
Oh, R2C? Special delivery.........


No need to send up the R2C light for this one. I think he sorts for Coach's posts daily when he's looking for what to sticky, and rightfully so. He'll be by soon enough, young citizen. cool


"Still at the end of every hard-earned day, people find some reason to believe" -- Bruce Springsteen






Re: What women find attractive. [Re: Puppy Dog Tails] #2063320
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Originally Posted By: Puppy Dog Tails


I like "amazing."

"Wow, you look amazing in that."

or

"Man, that looks amazing on you."

smile That would be amazing to hear. Wish you guys could have a chat with my H.


I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
Re: What women find attractive. [Re: FindingMyVoice] #2063321
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If my W would end the A, I've found myself noticing all kinds of thigs now she should hear.

Instead, I say it to everyone else.

Amazing what a well-placed "bomb" will do.


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Re: What women find attractive. [Re: Puppy Dog Tails] #2063324
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Originally Posted By: Puppy
He'll be by soon enough, young citizen.

Then I better get back to class.

Don't want to get caught out here in the hall "smoking"


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Re: What women find attractive. [Re: FindingMyVoice] #2063326
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Originally Posted By: FindingMyVoice
Originally Posted By: Puppy Dog Tails


I like "amazing."

"Wow, you look amazing in that."

or

"Man, that looks amazing on you."

smile That would be amazing to hear.


frown

Everyone deserves admiration and validation, FMV. Send your H over here, and me and Coach'll kick the crap outta him. Coach, I'm right behind you!! eek


"Still at the end of every hard-earned day, people find some reason to believe" -- Bruce Springsteen






Re: What women find attractive. [Re: Puppy Dog Tails] #2063330
08/25/10 08:44 PM
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Originally Posted By: Puppy Dog Tails

Everyone deserves admiration and validation, FMV. Send your H over here, and me and Coach'll kick the crap outta him. Coach, I'm right behind you!! eek

laugh grin smile You guys are the best. But I guess of course if one wants to ever hear they're sexy, or look amazing, they have to start looking the part. Maybe that's the problem. I don't know how to swing that one with my job and lifestyle.


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Re: What women find attractive. [Re: CD Bear] #2063332
08/25/10 08:47 PM
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Shoes: On my feet all day. Used to wear trainers (tennis shoes) with nice shirt and slacks. Friend got me to change to Merrell leather jungle mocs. Made a tremendous difference in how I look and how I am perceived. If they made the Merrell "Veer" in a width that would fit me, I would wear it in a heartbeat.

Compliments: Agree on complimenting the person not the article. Had to back off on my wife. She thought they sounded "fake" and "needy". I stopped for two weeks. Later, when I told her she looked lovely, she realized how much she missed it. I still compliment her less than before. It's good to have her "want and wait" for it a little.

SpinFree, so many 180s, it created a GAL tornado


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Re: What women find attractive. [Re: Coach] #2063335
08/25/10 08:51 PM
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Originally Posted By: Coach
Quote:
Increased female attraction to men in relationships
A 2009 study by Melissa Burkley and Jessica Parker of Oklahoma State University found that 59% of women stated they were interested in pursuing a relationship when presented with a (unknown to the women) hypothetical "ideal" single man.[10] However, when instead told that the man was already in a romantic relationship, 90% of the women stated they were interested in pursuing a romantic relationship.


Why is that attractive?


I know this was 'asked and answered', but I just read the whole thread today so I missed responding earlier! wink

I look at it a different way. Maybe my perspective is off on what the others surveyed intended.

However, I know for me, I am attracted to a monogamous man. Not that I would ever act on it, of course not! But if we are talking about a 'hypothetical' man, as it said, a man who is in a committed relationship is sexy because it is awesome, as a woman, to see a man who truly loves his wife and isn't afraid to let the world know.

Kind of how people will say men interacting with their little kids are attractive. It isn't that I want THAT particular guy, but seeing him able to get down on the kids' level and interact without worrying if he looks 'cool'/whatever at the moment is appealing.

Go to any local bar and you can hear plenty of guys dissing their wives/gfs. But when I hear a man praising his wife even when she isn't around, my ears perk up. I find that appealing...

Of course, the catch-22 is, the monogamous, committed, affectionate guy is attractive because of his honor and commitment. But then that very commitment makes him unavailable, off-limits. Guess that's where the phrase, "Does he have a brother?" came about! grin


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Re: What women find attractive. [Re: SpinFree] #2063336
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Originally Posted By: SpinFree
Later, when I told her she looked lovely, she realized how much she missed it.

Lovely? You told your wife she looked lovely?. Oh my god that's so sweet... what I wouldn't give to hear something like that from my H. My heart is aching...

Glad to hear you're making a connection, Spin, nice work. Your W is a lucky gal.


I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
Re: What women find attractive. [Re: FindingMyVoice] #2063347
08/25/10 09:03 PM
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Originally Posted By: FindingMyVoice
Originally Posted By: Coach

"You have great style/taste in shoes."

"I have always admired how you can put a outfit together."

"You sure can make a pair of shoes look sexy."

"Only you could make a black dress look that stunning."

You mean to tell me there's men out there that actually say things like this to their wives?
Yes!
Greek


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Re: What women find attractive. [Re: Greek] #2063359
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Originally Posted By: Greek
Originally Posted By: FindingMyVoice
Originally Posted By: Coach

"You have great style/taste in shoes."

"I have always admired how you can put a outfit together."

"You sure can make a pair of shoes look sexy."

"Only you could make a black dress look that stunning."

You mean to tell me there's men out there that actually say things like this to their wives?
Yes!
Greek


Again, this points to what I said about women finding men in relationships attractive. Who wouldn't want to date a guy like Coach? Or Puppy? However the key is, someone LIKE them. Cause they are already taken. smile


Me-35

Together: 18 yrs
M-12.5 yrs
S-8
D-4
D'd: Feb. 2010

The LORD your God is with you,
he is mighty to save. --Zeph. 3:17
Re: What women find attractive. [Re: BobbiJo] #2063370
08/25/10 09:23 PM
08/25/10 09:23 PM
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Ready2Change Offline
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From Benjamin buttons:
"....the MOST beautiful...."

"Wow! I like this...you always find such cool clothes"


"What is best for my kids is best for me"

Persevere = happily being patient over a long period of time
Re: What women find attractive. [Re: Greek] #2063400
08/25/10 10:22 PM
08/25/10 10:22 PM
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FindingMyVoice Offline
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Originally Posted By: FindingMyVoice

You mean to tell me there's men out there that actually say things like this to their wives?
Originally Posted By: Greek
Yes!
Greek

Well. I gotta say. That makes me sad. Oh! Well no, I mean Happy for you Greek - sorry - truly I am. Just sad for my sitch. I always figured that never hearing compliments like that was kind of normal once you got married. Between that and a few other things going on...makes me wonder why I'm still trying so hard.


I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
Re: What women find attractive. [Re: FindingMyVoice] #2063404
08/25/10 10:28 PM
08/25/10 10:28 PM
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ris Offline
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Words of Affirmation! Maybe your H doesn't realize (just as some men earlier in this thread) how important they are to you?


Accept that there is only one thing you can change in life and that is you

Me:26 H:26
My thread
Re: What women find attractive. [Re: FindingMyVoice] #2063406
08/25/10 10:28 PM
08/25/10 10:28 PM
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FMV, what you need to remember is that Coach and Puppy (and some others I'm sure) are HERE and already been through "the enligtening process" so it's now part of them. they SEE the need for it. May nothave recognized it as much or at all before they got here.

I wouldn't dicount the effect of "enlightening". And your H hasn't "seen" that light yet. May never. But.....


M47
W29
D2
T6
M4
LYBNIL 04/10
Bomb 05/10
Exposure 07/14/10
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Re: What women find attractive. [Re: ris] #2063409
08/25/10 10:35 PM
08/25/10 10:35 PM
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Originally Posted By: ris
Words of Affirmation! Maybe your H doesn't realize (just as some men earlier in this thread) how important they are to you?

Thanks ris, but yah. He does. I've told him; I've written him a letter about it; we've even both taken the LL test. He knows. He just doesn't want to tell me. frown


I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
Re: What women find attractive. [Re: CD Bear] #2063411
08/25/10 10:36 PM
08/25/10 10:36 PM
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Originally Posted By: CD Bear
FMV, what you need to remember is that Coach and Puppy (and some others I'm sure) are HERE and already been through "the enligtening process" so it's now part of them. they SEE the need for it. May nothave recognized it as much or at all before they got here.

I know CD. Thanks. Anyways this is bumming me out. Gotta go. Take care. FMV.


I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
Re: What women find attractive. [Re: FindingMyVoice] #2063446
08/25/10 11:22 PM
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ris Offline
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I'm sorry to hear that FMV! frown


Accept that there is only one thing you can change in life and that is you

Me:26 H:26
My thread
Re: What women find attractive. [Re: CD Bear] #2063530
08/26/10 01:54 AM
08/26/10 01:54 AM
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Originally Posted By: CD Bear
FMV, what you need to remember is that Coach and Puppy (and some others I'm sure) are HERE and already been through "the enligtening process" so it's now part of them. they SEE the need for it. May nothave recognized it as much or at all before they got here.

I wouldn't dicount the effect of "enlightening". And your H hasn't "seen" that light yet. May never. But.....
This is correct. In our case, it took a bold move to help my H 'hear' what I'd been trying to communicate (ineffectively) to him for many years.
Greek


Me45 H46
T25 M22
S21 & 19
D13
Separated and filed 8/08
Moved home 11/08



Happily ever after is one day at a time.
Re: What women find attractive. [Re: Puppy Dog Tails] #2063543
08/26/10 02:13 AM
08/26/10 02:13 AM
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Originally Posted By: Puppy Dog Tails
Originally Posted By: gr8 day 2B alive
In my quest of learning what attracts women, today I found out that a man's shoes are the number one piece of clothing women look at to determine a mens sense of stlye.

Come to think of it, I had a W aproach me a few months ago b/c of the boots I was wearing. True story.
I've heard this as well.
I've heard it as well many times, both noticed by women and in the business/corporate world. Often overlooked/not given a thought by many men: worn out, scuffed, unpolished, etc. It's a sign of either laziness or paying attention to every detail.


Gardener

"My soul, be satisfied with flowers,
With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them
In the one garden you may call your own."
Cyrano deBergerac


Re: What women find attractive. [Re: Greek] #2063560
08/26/10 02:29 AM
08/26/10 02:29 AM
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Originally Posted By: Greek
This is correct. In our case, it took a bold move to help my H 'hear' what I'd been trying to communicate (ineffectively) to him for many years.
Greek

Hi Greek, if it's not too personal, might I ask what that bold move was? If it's too personal though, by all means, I understand.


I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
Re: What women find attractive. [Re: FindingMyVoice] #2063582
08/26/10 02:47 AM
08/26/10 02:47 AM
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Originally Posted By: FindingMyVoice
Originally Posted By: Greek
This is correct. In our case, it took a bold move to help my H 'hear' what I'd been trying to communicate (ineffectively) to him for many years.
Greek

Hi Greek, if it's not too personal, might I ask what that bold move was? If it's too personal though, by all means, I understand.


I left and filed. Then my DH (dear husband) heard me.
Greek


Me45 H46
T25 M22
S21 & 19
D13
Separated and filed 8/08
Moved home 11/08



Happily ever after is one day at a time.
Re: What women find attractive. [Re: Greek] #2063602
08/26/10 03:25 AM
08/26/10 03:25 AM
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gr8 day 2B alive Offline
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Just getting back from GAL and noticing all the banter brought about by mentioning a pair of shoes!


The belt was number two on the list!.....................


Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12
Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life!
“Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
Re: What women find attractive. [Re: Greek] #2063615
08/26/10 03:45 AM
08/26/10 03:45 AM
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Then I have to try to find the original thread and read it.


M47
W29
D2
T6
M4
LYBNIL 04/10
Bomb 05/10
Exposure 07/14/10
Prev threads
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Re: What women find attractive. [Re: CD Bear] #2063805
08/26/10 02:00 PM
08/26/10 02:00 PM
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Coach Offline OP
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Attractive

When you support what is important to your woman.

That's why agreeing works and letting them go works.


M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12
Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Re: What women find attractive. [Re: Coach] #2064187
08/26/10 09:14 PM
08/26/10 09:14 PM
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this needs to be bumped up. read the first post. over and over and over again.

Re: What women find attractive. [Re: DumpedforMIL] #2066256
08/30/10 01:59 PM
08/30/10 01:59 PM
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Coach Offline OP
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How to build confidence -

Do something.

Take action.

Achieve your goals.

You get to write your life story.

Be wise.


M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12
Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Re: What women find attractive. [Re: Coach] #2085306
10/06/10 02:30 PM
10/06/10 02:30 PM
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DumpedforMIL Offline
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bump.

newbies should read this as well. first post and some interesting gems in between.

Re: What women find attractive. [Re: DumpedforMIL] #2133682
02/21/11 06:40 PM
02/21/11 06:40 PM
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^

Re: What women find attractive. [Re: DumpedforMIL] #2133687
02/21/11 06:51 PM
02/21/11 06:51 PM
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Philly Burbs
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Thanks Dumped.

great thread for the newbies.

do you have the one one boundaries?
I recall that being a wealth of knowledge too.
gr8


Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12
Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life!
“Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
Re: What women find attractive. [Re: gr8 day 2B alive] #2133691
02/21/11 06:54 PM
02/21/11 06:54 PM
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i will do some digging. do you remember who created that post? i did come across a thread about how to lovingly detach??

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