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Glad to hear you are still writing, CL.

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I had my second swim lessons yesterday. He taught me how to kick my legs in the Breast stroke (like a frog). I also went out to the margins of the deep end to try Treading water without the belt. The instructor is pleased with my progress in the past week. I like how I feel after swimming.

My W and I practiced our routines last night. I keep trying to incorporate what the teacher recommends. The focus this past week has been on being more expressive with the hands. I'm supposted to keep flexing my hands to improve flexibility. I keep stretching myself to be more expressive--to match my body with how I feel inside.

A poetry author I'm reading talks about poetry as "bringing the strangeness in our lives home." I appreciate that perspective, as I try to make sense of the strangeness I've experienced since I've been on these boards.

I let my W percolate her travel ideas. I understand her restlessness. She's now talking about Peru in the winter. I think as long as I keep her busy, she'll be fine. She and I took the dog for a walk in the county park, and had a good time.

CL


CL 53 W 54
M 20 yrs.
03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL
10-14' Piecing

"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."

----Tao Te Ching
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Your wife is dreaming about Peru and you are happy walking in the county park. Hopefully you will find a compromise!

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I had a fitness assessment the other day at the fitness center. I'm in excellent shape aerobically as far as heart rate. I'm Low Average with flexibility, Below Average with strength, Average with body fat and weight. I could lose 5-10 lb.. The area to work on is strength.

I don't want to lift weights. Yoga and Pilates probably help with this, as they involve resistance with the floor. I feel stronger after swimming, so hope that the addition of swimming into the routine will build tone and strength throughout the body. I'm also hoping if I feel and am stronger, I will carry and think of myself differently--more balance between body and mind.

My W is being nice to me lately (past weeks). We've been spending a lot of time together, and get along most of the time.

CL


CL 53 W 54
M 20 yrs.
03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL
10-14' Piecing

"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."

----Tao Te Ching
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CL,

If you don't want to lift weights, push-ups and other isometric resistance exercises can help with strength. Just doing cardio isn't going to help (my wife is a certified personal trainer).

Toning your body -- esp. your upper body -- with weighlifting does wonders for the self-esteem, too!

Puppy

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My W had some type of dental procedure on her gums yesterday, and is having some discomfort. She didn't feel well enough to go dancing. I had a free evening, and wasn't sure how to spend the time. I did go to a restaurant to pick-up a carry out for her, and the grocery store to pick up some soft items.

She told me I could go dancing on my own if I wanted, but I thought that would not be a good choice. I put on some music and practiced some dance steps. This turned out to be a poor choice, as she described it as thoughtless, since she couldn't dance.

She's upset with me today because she wanted me to spend time with her. I wasn't sure how to spend the time. I spent some of the time tending to my dog, who chewed open some plastic Blue Ice that freezes. The container said it was non-toxic., so I crossed my fingers. I'll try to make it up to her tonight. Hopefully, she will be up to at least leaving the home.

I wil work on not taking her criticism literally, and try to adapt to her situatiion.

CL


CL 53 W 54
M 20 yrs.
03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL
10-14' Piecing

"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."

----Tao Te Ching
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 1,778
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I made a point of calling my W this morning, who had an appointment with an eye specialist. It appears the tear in her eye is healing. I told her I was looking forward to evening activity if she's up to it. I offered to pick up any items she needed from the store on my way home from work. When I get home, I'll try to keep the conversation constructive, and towards planning activity. If she has anything constructive to share, I'll listen, but won't spend much time listening to her complain about the failures of last night. I can't fix the past. She apparently wanted me to spend some time with her, but failed to communicate it. We seem to stumble over these miscommunications, for some reason.

CL


CL 53 W 54
M 20 yrs.
03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL
10-14' Piecing

"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."

----Tao Te Ching
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I would say she had you taking care of her in her mind that evening since she told you how bad she was feeling. She even sent you on an errand to pick up some things to comfort her, but then you weren't around to do it.

Just my take,

Burt

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CL, You seem to still be walking on eggshells around you wife and she senses it. You can't decide on what to do because it appears you don't want to upset her and yet she gets upset anyway.

Start leading let her know what the plan is. "I am going to pickup Chinese on the way home for dinner. What would you like? Then I am heading to the grocery, is there anything you need? I can imagine you don't feel well after your dentist visit today. How can I help you?" Now if she needs or wants something it's up to her to bring it up. You were thoughtful of her and a man with a plan.


Quote:
This turned out to be a poor choice, as she described it as thoughtless, since she couldn't dance.


Do you see how disrespectful that little dig is? Women can't love a man they don't respect. You have been thinking about her all day and then she calls you thoughtless. It also shows she wants to know what you are thinking - intomesee.

"I understand how you could see it that way. I actually was thinking about you, that is why I didn't go dancing without you. I decided to spend my time with you."


Quote:
and try to adapt to her situatiion.


That's not what she wants. She wants a man that is confident not placating her.


M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12
Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
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Quote:
If she has anything constructive to share, I'll listen, but won't spend much time listening to her complain about the failures of last night.


A woman needs a man that can listen to her. That creates emotional connection when you can withstand her feelings. She can sense that you think you failed - not attractive - so I would bet she will test you on last night again. Validate her but don't let her tell you what you think, feel or believe. That why you call her out on the "thoughtless" comment, she's mindreading because she wants to know what you are thinking.

It's OK for her to feel anything she wants. You aren't responsible for her feelings.

Don't let last night be a big deal. It wasn't a failure. It was just unhealthy dialouge that can be improved.


M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12
Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
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