Donna's new outlook, finding herself #38

[mishka422]

I agree with K. Dreaming that you did all of that was symbolic of your letting go. It's not necessary to destroy your tangible history just because you need to let go of it.

I did pack everything in the house that reminded me of something sentimental, our wedding, our history into one large box and labeled it "For Marc". It's in the attic and I hadn't thought about it until I just read your post. It really did help me to get it out of my direct line of vision but maintain it for Marc.

[hoosiermama]

I've done a similar thing--didn't want to throw things away in case D14 wants them someday (and she's a packrat, she probably will!) She has a wedding picture in her bedroom, too, which I don't have to see very often.

[Reincarnated]

It wasn't with the intent to throw it away. But it was all about letting it go. I wanted to dump our history on him to deal with it, decide to keep it for the kids (or not). All this stuff is still in the same places throughout the house (not in the line of sight, but on shelves, packed away with Christmas things, in closets and files, etc.) All the obvious things (family photos, etc.) have long been put aside.

But, in the light of day, I realize that he did deal with our history when he left and took his baby pictures, his high school year book...and left the rest.

Ugh, oh well. Can't control dreams - it's a good thing I am awake, now.


Took an eHarmony quiz to determine if I was "over my ex and ready to date." It said that the memory of him is like a tattoo on my heart and that I should be in therapy so I don't hurt some innocent guy I try to date.
ALLLLlllrighty, then.....

I thought I was further along.

[oldtimer]

Various thoughts...

My H had to rescue his wedding pictures to save for the kids from the garbage can when his XW threw them out. I definitely think he did the right thing. He also rescued treasured baby toys of his kids, etc... Good thing he saw the trash that day.

I still have stuff from my wedding with XH even though we had no children, but it is definitely put away. Dunno what to think about that really, sometimes it bothers me to have old stuff around. But it seems important to preserve that for my own sake.

The stuff that was definitely XH's I returned to him -- like your XH's sweater, for instance. That is his to preserve or not.

Definitely dump the mundane reminders. New curtains, change the furniture, etc...

I really think the WASs get the better end of the deal. They leave, take a few things that are important, and the LBSs get stuck with the lifetime of stuff. Largely dumping it and starting fresh is the way to go.

If it is something you wouldn't be comfortable sharing with a new love, it's probably a problem...

If it is something that keeps the past in the present, lose it or pack it away. It's weird what these things are. Some old furniture of mine doesn't reek of the past, it is simply furniture. Other pieces, I'm better off dumping.

I guess, briefly, don't keep things in your life that bring you down. Some people need to toss, some don't and can merely pack things away. It probably depends what it is.

But no thing is worth saving that causes constant emotional stabs.

Also, there is stuff and there is stuff. The stuff that wouldn't be on your short list of things to save in a fire should probably go. For instance, in my mind Christmas ornaments aren't that important. You'll never use them all again. They would be intrusive in any future R. Let your children pick a few to make their OWN, drop the rest at an ebay shop.

That's it! Take the old stuff to an ebay shop, use the proceeds for new dreams :-)

[Reincarnated]

Dunno what to think about that really, sometimes it bothers me to have old stuff around. But it seems important to preserve that for my own sake.

That's the thing...it is put away. Not all in one place, but away. I am not tripping over things that remind me of my marriage. But it is still here. And I know it is here.

I wonder, for what purpose am I saving it?

Some of it is too personal for my kids (or probably anybody) to read - high school letters of horny teenagers make up a lot of the correspondence in one box. I think those might be better off burned.

And my dress? I think I would be sick if my D decided she wanted to use even a piece of it - like it holds bad luck. At the same time, I thought it was so beautiful and special that I wanted to put it up on a dress form in my bedroom after the wedding (ex thought that was too weird so I had it preserved). In the memories I have leading up to the wedding, there was a special one when I went shopping with my mom and when she saw me in it, we both knew it was "the one." A special moment with her, when I don't have many to remember.



And what is the underlying reason I would want my ex to take it all?

To force him to see something, again. And of course, it would do no such thing - he could very well take the whole box and simply dump it like he dumped me, without a sideways glance.

It is not with hope, anymore. My dream did not go on to see if he had any regrets. I think I just wanted him to hurt a little for all he threw away.
I left out part of the dream - I had kept copies of some of the photos and the video tape for our kids before I bundled everything up to give to him.

And then I woke up, and went back to the realization and mantra: "It doesn't matter, doesn't matter, doesn't matter."

[Reincarnated]

K asked me How I Was Doing, so....

this summer has been really good! I miss my S15 while he is working at Boy Scout Camp, but I see him for an overnight every other weekend and get the occasional FB update. D11 and I have been having a good time - vegging, shopping, going to the beach, cooking, the occasional spurt of energy that gets us out to rollerskate or bike when it's not too hot, etc. We've been traveling a lot and getting together with some of my friends. Now, we are ramping-up our appointments, tackling some projects, and (hopefully) she will try horseback riding camp next week. We are going to check it out tomorrow. I can't believe she is going into Middle School in 20 days!

I did some summer reading, got to church a few times (been away so much), got a handle on some business.

What I DIDN'T do:

my artwork
organize the kitchen and pantry
organize the clothes and paper monsters that lurk here
go through old photos
get to any meet-ups (I signed up for bookclub, hiking, art events)
get a jump-start on the school year with lesson plans and working in my rooms
revise my diet and exercise
get the dog to walk well on a leash
plant all the plants I bought in the spring
reclaim my lost family room downstairs
finish my minor house repairs
date

I think I have some time-management issues On the other hand, I feel well-rested as the new school year approaches!

[oldtimer]

"I left out part of the dream - I had kept copies of some of the photos and the video tape for our kids before I bundled everything up to give to him."

Maybe the point is, that is all you need to keep. Not a bad idea at all...

[figgeroni]

I kept some pictures but the rest I chucked...well...the wedding scrapbook is at my mom's along with our wedding picture that is matted and in a beautiful frame

i will reuse the frame and throw the picture most likely

the memories I need are the ones I still have in my head
the rest....
thrown

the sentimental things have become just memories so the things themselves can be repurposed
because
they are mine
to do with what I want
and
i will be damned if I let either one of the asshats i married keep those

offer the old jacket to your son
take a picture of the dress (or paint one or draw one) and write the memory of you mom (or better yet...draw your mom's expression...you are an artist, you know how to do that)then give the dress to an organization that can give the dress to someone who can't afford one...make a good come from the bad

you can't move forward if you are always looking behind

[Reincarnated]

Made the mistake of a sweet tea at 8pm tonight - can't friggin sleep again, and I have to get up at 7...

Saw IC today for the monthly check-in. Told her about the dream....she suggested not getting into it for at least the rest of the summer, since it is the first "great" summer that I have been having since she has known me (11/06). Then, maybe get it all into one place so the kids can go through it someday.

Also told me to not rush into gearing up for school - summer is great, and the whirlwind will be here soon enough! (I actually went into one of my two buildings today and got a quick update and surveyed the damage done by having my room moved across the building - not too terrible).
IC suggested I go back to my goal/wish list and check some of those things off. So, I am going to shoot for balance and enjoy my free schedule while I have one. After scrapping the idea of going to a concert solo, I finally said f#&* it and bought the ticket tonight - Aerosmith and Haggar on the beach tomorrow, before they are all using walkers. 40% chance of rain, but I'm waterproof, right? At least I won't bake....Then, a weekend with my BFF (last weekend we caught a movie, scrabbled and got messages - not sure of plans for this weekend yet, but would like to get into NYC again soon).
I want to keep having fun - I think I have the tendency to get too boring and serious, just plotz, and not get out there, and I want to change that.

So, hoping that this will help get the thoughts out so I can get some sleep.....night, all!!

[mishka422]

HOLY COW!!! Aerosmith and Haggar together? At least it's outside so you might not be deaf by the end of it. Have fun!!! Steven Tyler has been giving the band all sorts of grief this past year...hopefully he maintains. FYI - When they were in Atlanta last year he didn't sing Dream On. Couldn't believe it!!!