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can I ask a question? ok I will anyway...

what will be different in a couple of months that has not been different in the last 5 years?


Me 54
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Can I also ask a question?

"Why are you leaving the door open when clearly it was shut by him?"

Barb

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nnp - well, that is why there has to be a change NOW.
Seeing his stuff outside was apparently the wake up call that let him know how serious and at the end I am/was.
i don't want to spend more days, weeks, months or years putting an ounce more energy into a deadend relationship (he needs to convince me that this isn't because it is looking that way). There is potential somewhere deep down within him - and he needs to pull it out of his a$$ just about yesterday.

I can assure everyone here of this - I'm not going back, acting like everything is fine, going back to old ways. No. Hell no. No way in hell. There is a lot on him right now and if he doesn't start climbing the ladder quickly, he's going to backing up that moving truck even faster.

Barb(sun) - he didn't really shut the door. i put his stuff out (with the deep down thought/intention of an ultimatum). he moved stuff out of the attic into other areas of the house, but didn't actually leave and when probed (i just used that word for a laugh, but really) - that's when he said he wanted to stay....


so, like i said, who knows, in the midst of this storm. don't know what is going to be left after it's over. but storms don't last forever, they start clearing......


Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
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IF he wanted to change and step up to the plate, he would have DONE that by now!!!!!!!!!!! He just doesn't have anyplace else to go.

Let me ask you this - how much is he paying you in rent?

Look, the key to a situation like this is to PUT DOWN IN WRITING, somewhere that you can pull it out and look at it, exactly what the RIGHT guy would be doing in this situation? The RIGHT guy would be finding a relationship counselor himself. The RIGHT guy would be paying his share of expenses, even if he had to work two jobs to do it. The RIGHT guy would be fixing up your house. The RIGHT guy would leave when ypu asked him to - then woo you again.

HE IS NOT THE RIGHT GUY! And no amount of wishing and hoping and thinking he has "potential" is gonna make him so.

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you're in my thoughts TMW


Me 54
DS19 and DS17
Married 06/1989
Divorced 01/2011
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I saw this on facebook today. It most certainly applies to me and you too, TMW.

Quote:
He lied to you a thousand times.
He hurt you twice as much as that
& you're gonna tell me you still love him?
For what, breaking your heart?


Me 54
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I guess I'll update.
Nothing you want to hear. He's still there. Said he wants to work on things, etc. Last week I tried - I sent texts saying hello. I made dinner all but 1 night - he made dinner. When he came home I asked about his day.
He text me a couple of times telling me he'd be late through the week.
Friday argument cause he was out chatting it up with the neighbors, after we went and rented a movie.
Saturday our parents came over to help with some stuff around the house/yard. Later he went over by the neighbors, our parents left, he stayed out with the neighbors till 2am. When he came in we argued a bit.
Sunday nothing, except he got upset cause I wouldn't have relations - I told him - not when there is no affection, no talking, etc. I will not feel used!

Yesterday I was talking to the woman I came out of 29 years ago - she tells me that she thinks I should see a specialist or something about a chemical imbalance because I look like I'm retaining water like a pregnant (my toes, fingers are not swollen. I have not gained any more weight, I also haven't lost any). (She knows I've already talked to my dr, they've checked my thyroid, checked for diabetes, etc). Also she mentions that I might be depressed and that BF called her and says I have no energy and such.
(she knows everything going on, she knows I've talked to a counselor who concured that with the situation, it's understandable to be down but I don't seem to be clinically depressed.)

I'm debating what, if any, response to give. last night BF confirmed he did in fact initiate the call to the woman whom I came out of. When I asked why he couldn't talk to me about these concerns, he gave the lame excuse that he didn't want to make me more upset.

I've had a gamet of thoughts. Everything from calling the woman who gave birth to him and telling her to move him out. Calling my father and letting him get into an uproar about this. I've even considered committing myself - just to prove a point.



I don't know. I just needed to vent somewhere. I'm hurt, frustrated, angry.
I'm upset that instead of sticking up for me - telling him that I put all my energy into this stupid, deadend, useless relationship; that if he talked to me, made effort in the relationship, appreciated me and actually loved me and showed it ... I wouldn't be depressed about the situation I've been in....instead of any of that - she agreed that I'm fat & depressed.


Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
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There is nothing that any of us can say anymore. You have been doing this same dance for over 5 years now. It is easy to end a relationship like this but for some unknown reason you refuse to let it die. It will not ever get better. Stop looking for hints of a spark there and kick the bugger out!

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

You are your own worst enemy. If you want to have any kind of happy life - you have to change things NOW!

Barb

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I just want to disappear right now. I'm sick of dealing with this, with all of this.
I'm angry and I want to get revenge and hurt him/them; I want to play the game (ie call my mom or his mom at that and tell them to tell him to move out). and a the same time I want to ignore them all.

I want to fast forward past all this crap


Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
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just got some really really good advice i want to share.

When you are alone go into a closet where its quiet and you can concentrate. Take some time out for yourself. Spend some time talking to God from your heart. Stop, listen and wait for him to lead you. Dont focus on him or your Mom.


Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
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