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Day (night) 3

All is well... W did snore again last night... But apparently I am not snoring or grinding my teeth. (A past issue with her) becasue every morning so far she is still in OUR bed.
I have been thinking (I know it is dangerous) but maybe this year I need to do a 180 on our anniversary and NOT do anything.

Some good news... Well W was talking to one of her GF about me going to school and what I was taking. The GF later was talking to her husband about me and my classes... the GF's husband who has worked for P.G & E (pacific gas and electric) told her how they now subcontract their I.T work.(computer stuff) out. When he got to work the next day he was talking to the head of the I.T department about me and he said as soon as I graduate and am ready to bring my application straight to him. In other words I would not have to go through the normal process of personnel.

So I guess this is another reason I need to complete my schooling... to be honest it is hard. I mean going to work when you get off work you can forget about the day and have a beer. With school. You go to school all day and then come home and have homework. This week is really busy at school with two tests AND I have a project that involves writhing a computer assembly manual. I have to write a paper on how to build a computer and then at the end of this Mod. I am supposed to bring in someone. (Wife) and she is going to build a computer off of my written instructions.
Well its 4 am here and I need to get some last minute SCHOOL work done before I am off to school again. Today wife and son are going hiking with W’s GF
Later
Doc


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Morning Everyone..

W is still on OUR bedroom.. grin

She went hiking with son yesterday while I was in school. She had a great time. She seems more relaxed these days. I have been doing my best to act "as if" about her returning to our room. But for the last two morning I have returned to giving her a goodbye kiss on the cheek before I leave.(she is sleeping).
I have been trying to stay on my side of the bed. WAY on my side of the bed.. but last night durring her sleep (I guess) W actualy rolled over next to me.


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Originally Posted By: Dr LOve

I have been doing my best to act "as if" about her returning to our room. But for the last two morning I have returned to giving her a goodbye kiss on the cheek before I leave.(she is sleeping).


I need to preface my comment with a disclaimer that my advice may be way off base since my situation ended up in D, not reconciliation. Couldn't be my fault though, LOL.

Isn't the "As If" attitude primarily for those situations where the WAS is doing crazy things or trying to instigate an argument? Doc, I would think act of moving back into the bedroom should be responded to favorably. And the new sleeping arrangement (while you want to move slowly on the heavy physical action stuff) is a perfect oppurtunity for snuggling or spooning. Maybe some physical closeness without any pressure to go further will help move things along. Does she respond negatively if you put your arm around her? Baby steps. Enjoy the closeness without focusing on the act of sex. You should get an idea from her body language if it is a go / no go.

Originally Posted By: Dr LOve

I have been trying to stay on my side of the bed. WAY on my side of the bed.. but last night durring her sleep (I guess) W actualy rolled over next to me.


That's a good sign. Reciprocate.


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Originally Posted By: Dr LOve
I have been doing my best to act "as if" about her returning to our room. But for the last two morning I have returned to giving her a goodbye kiss on the cheek before I leave.(she is sleeping).


My understanding of "As If" is acting in a way that promotes a desired outcome, even when our feelings are otherwise. In my situation, I Act As If I'm a H, even though I'm having my doubts and mistrust.

Your situation is ripe with potential. Do your part to move things along (positive leadership). Make it safe for her to be more intimate.

CL


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Hope & CL,

Maybe I need to clarify what I mean by “As if”… Ok my natural instinct would be to “Jump her bones”...if ya know what I mean.
So my just letting her get used to being back …and acting "as IF" well it’s kind of likes a stray cat… The cat shows up and does not trust you. If you were to try to pick it up it would run away… So ya need to assimilate the cat to your presents… You put out some water and food and walk away… The cat eats and drinks but keeps an eye out for you… Then after a little while when you put the food and water out you stand there... the cat will eat and drink but still keep looking at you to see what you are going to do... later when the cat is comfortable that you are not going to hurt it. It lets you pet it but still will not let you pick it up the after it is comfortable with your petting…..It lets you pick it up… THEN you can’t get rid of the cat if you tried…..

Well I put out the food, I have now began to stand there……I am getting ready to “pet” W

Things take time….. We have NOT slept together for almost 3 years…. Some marriages have not even lasted that long


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Happy anniversary to ME confused


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Doc,
That clears it up--good example and approach.

CL


CL 53 W 54
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03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL
10-14' Piecing

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----Tao Te Ching
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Talked to W twice on the phone today. No mention of our Annv. From her. I was thinking about stopping after school and picking up some Roses band just giving them to her..telling her Happy A and giving her a kiss and then.... Maybe "as if" Or....


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Good luck to you Doc.


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Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

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Thanks Mr. Bond,

But... It may be a little pre mature... On the ride home in traffic I started thinking.(I know it's dangerous) but in the last 21 years... I have given W a present and card every year EVEN the year if the Affair. For the first 5 years of our marriage wife did the same not nothing ever since. I AM NOT going to get her the flowers. SHE knows what day it is. When I got home from school NOTHING...its ok I am not acting hurt or mad I will admit I am dis appointed. BUT I have my "as if" hat on. The day is still here Maybe she might say something later... YES I know moving back to our room was a big thing...Kind of.... But don't ANY of you think that she should have said SOMETHING? Again I feel like she moved back just to appease me and NOT truly work on our marriage.
Do not get me wrong... This post may sound like I am mad but I am not….just a little disappointed.

I need to go work on MIL house for a while and then it is back home to study for three tests tomorrow.
When I return I WILL log back on to see what any of you have to say... So PLEASE give me the 2X4s if you think I need them but really HOW HARD IS IT TO SAY “Happy Anniversary”?


And if I claim to be a wise man, well
It surely means that I don't know
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