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good for you Doc. True love and compassion. Put away the hurt and your best foot forward... it's wonderful. I know it's so difficult because we're the ones appearing to put in so much of the work, but she is trying in her own way.... good luck to you!!!!

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Dr LOve Offline OP
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Thanks artemesia
,

I must have checked this site 20 times today...
Today went good. When wife woke up I did ask her how she was doing and she said she was tired. She can’t figure out why she gets a good night sleep but is still tired in the morning. (She does need to lose some weight).
Today she went out and bought some hiking shoes and a new walking stick. She plans to do some hiking with son and her GF next week. Even though she had good shoes already I figure if it inspires her then great. (Little does she know that when son and I were on our trip and doing some hiking... he said he likes hiking with me because we just hike. He said “Mom always has to stop and read EVERYTHING in the signs”)
But that was all I said about last night. I am going to wait until tomorrow or Tuesday to maybe say something like..."Well how is sleeping with your Husband going? Wasn’t that bad after all was it?"
I AM NOT going to push things but Thursday is our Anniversary...21 years...all I have planned is a card AND maybe a little Cuddling?


And if I claim to be a wise man, well
It surely means that I don't know
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Quote:
When wife woke up I did ask her how she was doing and she said she was tired. She can’t figure out why she gets a good night sleep but is still tired in the morning. (She does need to lose some weight).


Doc, that and your report of her snoring are classic symptoms of Sleep Apnea. If these are or become chronic, she might need to see her physician about it.


Me: 49
WAW: 47
S11, S7
Years Married/Together: 17/18
Bomb: 6/15/07
Separation: 7/6/07
D: 4/3/09

Real love is a decision.
Marriage is a commitment.
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Dr LOve Offline OP
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WOW Nocode,

Potential Health Risks

Heart Disease (3 times more likely)
Strokes (4 times more likely)
Hypertension
Diabetes
Decreased Sex Drive
Depression
Headaches
Weight Gain
Unnecessary Fatigue


5 out of 9.. How do I go about talking to her about this?


And if I claim to be a wise man, well
It surely means that I don't know
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Dr LOve Offline OP
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I don't want anybody to get me wrong and my W health is inportant to me. But should I wait a little until our current sitch settles a little before I talk to her about this?

Update on Doc letting go of the past. I did a search on my computer and DELETED every E-mail and word doc. I ever wrote to W about our sitch.

Getting ready for night 2
later
Doc


And if I claim to be a wise man, well
It surely means that I don't know
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Doc,

If she frequently experiences sleepiness or fatigue during the daytime, despite giving herself enough hours for sleep at night, then I would hope she would want to do something about that on her own. Listen to her and observe her, and eventually you will see a pattern of tiredness. You can then begin to gently coax her to see her doctor.

If nothing else, a lack of sound, true sleep seriously affects one's quality of life.

I know. I have Sleep Apnia, and have been managing it since 2003. The health risks are no joke.

One other thing to be wary of is if you notice her ceasing breathing while she's asleep. That is when Sleep Apnea becomes dangerous. It starves the brain of oxygen when it is supposed to be repairing itself. Over time this can lead to the more dire consequences you stated above.

Fortunately she has moved back into the MBR with you where you will have a better opportunity to listen to/observe her. So there's another good thing about her moving back -- if she does turn out to have Apnea, this move could potentially save her life.

You might be surprised how many people suffer from Sleep Apnea, including people you know, work with or socialize with. It's a lot more common than one would think.


Me: 49
WAW: 47
S11, S7
Years Married/Together: 17/18
Bomb: 6/15/07
Separation: 7/6/07
D: 4/3/09

Real love is a decision.
Marriage is a commitment.
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Good point NCB,
My mother has it. It is most common in people who carry excess weight, although you don't have to be heavy in order to have it. Now she is doing much better- her blood pressure went down and she feels so much better.

Maybe the next time your wife talks about her sleep and not feeling rested (maybe try to bring it up without being pushy) you could say that you recently read something about it, or a friend of yours mentioned it to you, and that perhaps she should consider having that checked. Leave it as that- plant the seed in her mind and see if she runs with it on her own. She may be rationalizing right now that her lack of energy is due to her weight......

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Dr LOve Offline OP
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Great Advise Arte,

Next time she says she is tired or about her headaces I will bring it up.

Night 2 and no snoring this time..(Or I slept through it) I did catch myself listening for her breathing a few times.

Stange that the "feeling" of being locked out of W life seems to be disapearing. Before we seemed to be making progress but every night when she disapeared into "her room" to sleep it made me feel like we were back to step one.
Well I need to get ready for school. After a week off it is going to take a little getting used to agian. But some how with wife back on our room things are differant..like I regained part of my life.
I also find it hard to read here others stiches that are where I was..Like I NEVER want to be there agian and reading their posts brings it all back. One other thing.. some of the letters I deleted were from retro..those brought back GOOD memories


And if I claim to be a wise man, well
It surely means that I don't know
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Originally Posted By: Dr LOve

But that was all I said about last night. I am going to wait until tomorrow or Tuesday to maybe say something like..."Well how is sleeping with your Husband going? Wasn’t that bad after all was it?"


Personal opinion, but I would not say this to W. Sounds a bit condescending. I would just mention that you really like having her back in the bedroom. How much more comfortable having her next to you feels.

Also, her moving back to the bedroom after the time away might be a great way to bring up concerns of the sleep apnea. With the adjusting to someone else in the bed again, you are more likely to sleep lightly and wake up to subtle noises. That and her mentioning being tired after enough hours is a good way to bring up the subject.

Glad all is going well you.


M39
W37
M14
K 10 8
Bomb 7/07
S 4/08
D 6/09

1st
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Dr LOve Offline OP
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"Personal opinion, but I would not say this to W. Sounds a bit condescending. I would just mention that you really like having her back in the bedroom. How much more comfortable having her next to you feels."


This is why I love this place....Yes you are right...I am a person that sometimes does things "in the spur of the moment" and sometimes I write down thoughts here that "at the moment" sounded good. I do this on purpose becasue of people like you giving me great feedback. (Thanks) but also when I read them the next day sometimes they do not sound so great to me either,

With that said I am not mentioning anything yet...

It is really sad that when things like this happen (affairs) that little jokes and teasing take on new meanings. And something that may have been said 5 years ago jokingly when we were fooling around… “Ya well you should have married your old BF” Now can’t be said… Another example is I WAS thinking about telling W “I have a confession to make. I have been sleeping with this beautiful woman now for two days and it feels really nice. Don’t worry we have not had sex but I am afraid it is only a matter of time”
BUT then again bringing up “sleeping with someone” NOW has a new meaning.
I will admit I am holding back and I know this is what I need to do. But it is kind of like getting a new car and having to drive SLOW for the first 500 miles…….braking it in...


And if I claim to be a wise man, well
It surely means that I don't know
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