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Thanks Rob.

Didn't sleep well last night. THis trust thing is really getting to me. I have time to get over it before We get home but the question "Why does she REALLY want to move back into our room"

Keep me tossing and turning all night. Does she reilize that I was ready to move on?
Is she just doing this to string me on a little longer? Or does she really want to work on us? If so why all these "rules" SOOOO Many questions... Am I analizing this too much?


And if I claim to be a wise man, well
It surely means that I don't know
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Doc,
I've been following your posts for over a year.

My advice is don't worry about it. I don't think W moving back into your room is to string you along.

Where I fell apart in my reconciling is that my constant expecting the worse tainted my attitude towards my H. Those tainted emotions are difficult to hide and are easily perceived by the spouse. At this point "acting as if" everything is going great (even though you have concerns) will be the best thing for you to do to move forward in you M (if that is what you want). People follow strong leaders, especially if they are positive. Are you REALLY ready to move on (as you stated in the above post)? If so, then maybe you should seriously think about whether or not you want your W to move back into your room.

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" Are you REALLY ready to move on" Yes I was. Move on from where we were. But now things have changed. My problem with the last few posts is that I am away from home right now and have too much time to THINK about it.

Don't worry I Only hoped in the past to be where I will be come saturday. (when I get Home).. I will be positive........Mot sure if I should be honest though and tell her how my trust has been shaken and it is something I need to work on

Thanks for following along... I have been back and fourth for so long

Doc


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Perhaps instead of telling her how your trust has been shakened,which she must already know, you can try a different approach. Why don't you tell her how much you appreciate her honesty when she shares something difficult. Make her feel empowered by her good choices instead of reminding her of her bad ones ?

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Originally Posted By: artemesia
Perhaps instead of telling her how your trust has been shakened,which she must already know, you can try a different approach. Why don't you tell her how much you appreciate her honesty when she shares something difficult. Make her feel empowered by her good choices instead of reminding her of her bad ones ?


YES YOU ARE RIGHT... I have been trying to do that but I do need to work on it more. It is hard when you try to be an adult and move on when deep down inside you want to "Rub their nose in it"
YES she knows My trust was hurt thanks for reminding me PLEASE keep the advice comming.Had a Great day today... Started off at Fern Canyon http://redwoods.info/showrecord.asp?id=476

Taught son how to BBQ hot dogs… Built a dam in the creek (Boys will be boys) then went 4 wheeling at the beach. Tonight we went out for all you can eat Chinese food. (Boy is I stuffed). I called home and wife was going though “Our Room” cleaning things up.
Feeling better about the changes to come but as Saffie pointed out to me I am a little scared I guess... So much for the confidence I have built... I AM having a hard time doing homework while on vacation...


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Ya know, Doc, I think you have sex and love a little confused. I think your wife loves you. She just doesn't want sex anymore. It's not personal against you. It just is. Now, I know you don't want to accept that. And I can't say whether you have to or you don't, I just don't know. But I think you need to stop thinking that her lack of sexual desire is tied up with a lack of love. I don't think that is true. She has shown in a lot of ways that she does love you.

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Lotus,

Yes in a way you are right. AND if the Affair never happened and she just started lacking the desire I would be more understanding. BUT the fact that the last person she did have / want to have sex with was the OM after 20 years marriage to me.....
I do find that hard to accept.

Don't worry... this is progress I will soon have her at least back on MY bed.


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Doc,

It sounds a lot like you still have all that old baggage strapped to your back. Sex is the litmus test for you, she has to "prove" herself to you through sex. She has to put out for you to shut up. You are making sex with you for her ALL ABOUT THE OM, not about her and you.

I can't imagine ever wanting sex under such circumstances.


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I cant imagine being OK with the statement she is not into sex even if there was no A in the past. Having to deal myself with a lot of "baggage", all I can say is that IMO "accepting" our spouses' emotions/feelings/reactions should not mean dismiss our own for what is going on.

Still, there is progress and granted all the work you have put into this M, I am happy for you and hope it continues...
K


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Originally Posted By: oldtimer
Doc,

It sounds a lot like you still have all that old baggage strapped to your back. Sex is the litmus test for you, she has to "prove" herself to you through sex.


Sorry OT But that is the way it is........


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